Eventide
by it'sEmmynotEmma
Summary: What if Jasper Hale was the one destined to be with Bella Swan instead of Edward Cullen? What if Bella was blind in her right eye, was heavily scarred, and had Panic Disorder? What would Bella do when she found out the truth about the Cullens and Hales, and would Jasper fight to be with Bella despite his blood lust?
1. chapter one

Chapter One

I was three when it happened. I couldn't remember what had happened, that well.

I knew that there was glass that had gone everywhere, screaming, a lot of screaming, and it was supposed to be hotter than normal. Renee, my mother, had the air conditioner blasting in order to make sure that I would not get overheated. The same old overprotective trait that my mother always had, and would always have, had been sunken into her from being a young mother.

They say I was wearing a classic denim overall outfit, with a flower printed shirt underneath it. Renee was listening to some odd station that she had decided to have as background noise before it happened. She was always a picky person, at least when it came to music.

I didn't have to truly remember what had happened; I had the scars to prove it. I didn't have just inner scars that would forever remain in my heart; I had gruesome scars that stretched out across my arms, along with a long and vivid scar that ran from my hairline all the way down to my chin. The only break happened to be at my right eye, it was milky brown. I had never known what the right side of me ever looked like when it came to looking to the side.

Renee still peered at me with guilty eyes. I knew that she wished that she could go back in time, but that wouldn't have stopped the alcoholic that had been under the influence from hitting her when we were heading through the middle with his truck. He ended up going into prison, a couple years, not that much but at least it was something, to an extent.

I could be walking down the sidewalk and I could pass by him, and the funny thing is I wouldn't remember him. Maybe he would remember me, see the damage that he had done to me when he would glance at me. Maybe he learnt his lesson in prison; maybe he would stop and apologize to me. Or maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't look at me at all. He'd just continue on his way.

It should have bothered me, most of the time it didn't. Then it would creep in, my disorder, and then I'd have to start all over again. I would have more dosages upped when it came to my medications, Renee would travel to the closest CVS pharmacy to pick up my medications once they had filled again.

Now though I was sitting in the backseat of her car, my breathing under control, she always drove a little slower than the speed limit to make sure that it wouldn't start any panic attacks subconsciously, as the window blew into my face. It was seventy degrees in Phoenix, and the wind felt welcoming, the sun did not blare down on me thanks to the sunglasses I wore.

Renee was wearing a random t-shirt and some Capri pants, along with some flip flops. She thrived in the sun, as did I. I could tell though that she was straining with the want to turn the car around and head back home, though I reassured her countless times that I had decided to do this.

I was heading to the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State, where a tiny town sat nestled in one of the many forests that surrounded the state named Forks. My father, Charlie Swan, lived there. Only he didn't just live there, he was the Police Chief. He loved his job, though I knew it would stress him sometimes.

I wasn't looking forward to the weather; it rained most of the year. It was cold, it was damp, and it was a nightmarish weather pattern that I wished never existed. I had spent countless years going up to the state and dreading having to wear as many layers as possible during the one month of the summer custody agreement Renee and Charlie had decided on.

I lasted until I was fourteen when it came to going up and spending that one month of the year with Charlie. The last three summers Charlie vacationed in California for two weeks. I could tell thought that he would often look as though he was melting, living where he did though for as long as he did made him not care for the hot weather that much.

"Are you certain that you want to go, Bells?" Renee's voice spilled into the car, and I nodded my head. "Yes, I'm certain. I want to go."

A part of me actually wanted to go, I didn't know why, honestly. I had fought tooth and nail to convince myself that this was the right thing to do. It must have been the part of me that wanted to get away from Renee, the part of me that tired of her babying me even though I was seventeen.

I wasn't going because I desperately wished to go to Forks.

As if.

I just needed to get away for the time being, especially considering the fact that Renee had remarried a man named Phil in September. He was a little younger than I wished he could be, but he was an all around decent guy. I had yet to have something happen where I had demanded Renee rethink her opinion on Phil.

"I wish that Phil could be here too, he really wanted to come and see you off. I'm happy that he likes you, and you like him. It means a lot to me that the both of you have been so wonderful since the marriage," Renee admitted, and I knew that it was one hundred percent the truth.

Phil was good for her, he traveled for minor league. I didn't have any opinion on him, which suited him fine. He did have tendencies where he would surprise me by asking me if I had taken my medication, just to make sure.

I was bewildered, Renee's boyfriends in the past never lasted long enough for them to sincerely ask me if I was taking my medication—mainly because they didn't want to be Renee due to her having a damaged daughter.

Not that Renee would allow the relationship to continue, if anyone ever thought to disrespect me they were kicked to the curb. Then she would go into her room and cry, mostly at night, when she thought that I wouldn't hear her.

"Bella, we're here."

I blinked out of my stupor and noted that we were at the airport. I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out, Renee followed after me once she checked to make sure that she had her keys (she was very forgetful) and that everything was locked. She smiled in success before she turned and wrapped her arm around mine, despite the annoyed look I gave her.

"Oh come on, Bella, let me have this last moment with you," Renee pleaded, when I didn't move away from her she took that she was successful in this too.

I merely fixed the strap on my duffle bag (which had a pitiful amount of clothes suited for Forks. We had gone to many stores to get me a good amount of clothes that would be better suited for Forks than Phoenix), before we entered the airport.

It was busy and I prolonged the moment where I would take off my sunglasses. Eventually I did, and tucked my sunglasses into my leather purse that was a cross body style. I kept my eyes forward, knowing that to the right side of me I would have onlookers, but maybe the oil blackness was a blessing.

I dismissed the notion, knowing that I wasn't someone that really needed to go into the melodrama. It took me a while to get out of it.

We stopped at my terminal, there were people sitting in the plastic chairs and others were looking at the ceiling to floor windows that overlooked the landing strip. Some of the people were parents with their children, their children asking them which plane was theirs and who was in the blinking light towers all the way in the distance. The parents were either eagerly telling their children the inner workings on how an airport worked or were very straight to the point.

I remembered Renee patiently telling me about how airports worked, she was nervous but she tried not to show it. I had wondered why she had been nervous but it didn't last long. Renee was and always would be a nervous person, and that was just how she worked. I didn't question it.

"Are you really sure you want to go? You could come with us, or I could stay back…" Renee drifted off; I could tell though that her eyes had lost their shine at the thought of staying behind and watching over me. I was a very normal teenager; at least I thought that I was despite the looks department, but I also knew that I wasn't someone that needed to be left alone.

"No, you don't need to stay behind, Mom. Everything is going to be okay, Dad will be there. I'm not going to be all alone," I reassured her, knowing that she didn't want me to call him Charlie. I didn't want her anymore upset, so I appeased her.

Renee slumped, knowing that she had tried but it seemed as though I would still be going to Forks. "All right, just call me or email me when you get settled in. I'll have to call Charlie to get you to talk to me, if I have to."

I felt tiredness wash through me, knowing that what she said couldn't be further than the truth. I was tired of conversing with her; I never was a talkative person. I believed that I had gotten that from Charlie.

"I promise I will, Mom. You have nothing to worry about. Love you." I had let her know and now she would be counting down the hours, or maybe the seconds depending on what mood Renee was in, before I would land and then she'd calculate when I would arrive at the house.

"I love you too, Bella."

I glanced up at the departure sign to see what time I would be leaving, knowing that I only had a few more minutes until they would let the passengers on the plane. I soaked in the sunlight that was shimmering around me, I soaked in the loud conversations that were stirring around me, and I soaked in the knowledge that I would be trading all of this for the damp and coldness of Forks.

At least I would be going to Charlie. He was a good father, he really was, and he just was a lot like me. We didn't like expressing our feelings that much. We could sit and eat a whole meal together and not feel pressured to talk to each other, though at first we might try to start conversations.

When it was time for me to leave Renee wrapped her arms around me and held me tight in her arms, so that she could have one last moment with her only child, me, Bella Swan.

I managed to pry myself off of her and she nodded her head before I went to get on my plane. It happened to be a four hour flight from Phoenix to Seattle, and then I would have an hour long flight in a small plane to Port Angeles. Finally, I would have an hour long drive down to Forks with Charlie.

A part of me groaned at the thought of having to sit an hour long with Charlie, but another part of me knew that I would be safe with him. It was one of the benefits of having a cop for a father, especially since his cruiser helped with my mental help. That was just me though.

It didn't surprise me when it came to the sight of it raining in Seattle, or Port Angeles, since it was Washington State that we were talking about. I knew that I wasn't going to take it as an omen; I had no reason to do so.

Now, I stood in the airport in Port Angeles. The irritating tapping on the windows made me think of someone that was tapping harshly against an aquarium tank. I was the fish within the aquarium tank, I didn't want there to be that incessant tapping, but I had to deal with it. That was what came with the rain.

I shifted in my sleeveless white eyelet lace, with my purple Parka on so that it would conceal some of my scars. I wore comfortable jeans and some tennis shoes. My dark brown hair was tucked back behind my ears and my brown eyes began the motion of flickering around, though I could only see through my left one.

"Bella, there you are!"

I snapped my head in the direction of where Charlie was. He was happy to see me here but obviously he didn't know how to approach the fact that I had decided to spend the rest of my junior year, along with my whole senior year here. Still he wore one of his trademark button-up shirts that had a light weight sweater under it, a pair of casual jeans and random shoes he had decided to throw on.

His brown eyes had warmth towards me, his mustache was twitched up and his black hair was surprisingly fuller than I remembered it being. He reached me and took my duffle bag without hesitation before he went to put his hand around my back, paused, but I looked up at him.

"It's nice to see you, Dad. I'm not opposed to touching…today at least," I admitted, allowing him to place his hand against my back so that he could direct me towards where the front sliding doors of the airport were.

I went to grab my sunglasses but as we walked out I wasn't welcomed with the sunlight like I had in Phoenix. I instead flipped my hood up over my head, the fur lining blocking a little more of my left side view.

"So how's Renee? Is she doing well?" Charlie asked me when we had gotten into the cruiser and I put my things in the floorboard in front of me. I preferred them closer to me than in the back.

"She's happy, Phil is a decent guy," I replied, earning a nod from Charlie. He never said anything about how he felt about Phil, though everyone was surprised when he decided to come to the wedding in September. Unlike some thought, Charlie and Renee had a good friendship with each other, it took a while for it to happen but in the end they became friends again.

"Good, good," Charlie mumbled before he began to the drive back down to Forks. He was quiet the rest of the way, and so was I. He stopped at a gas station once to get something to drink and had asked me if I wanted something, I told him I was all right but when he came out with my favorite soda in the plastic convience store bag I felt warmth wash through me at the little gesture he made for me.

"Thanks, Dad," I mumbled before I took a sip of my soda, earning a gruff, "You're welcome, Bells."

I peered out at the scenery that was around us, all I could see for miles was green. I liked green, it was a nice color, it reminded me of the cacti back in Arizona and other such things but I was overwhelmed with the moss and leaves that were coating the brown barks of the trees.

I felt alienated from all of this; it had been years since I had seen all of this. Everything looked the same but I didn't know if I should expect any change.

Charlie had the radio on, not that high, but it still allowed music to reverberate throughout the cruiser. I let my eyes close and lean against the car door, knowing that to some it might be odd that I hadn't taken off my purple Parka but I just liked having the hood up. I was warm and comfy; I was the opposite of what I would feel like if I was outside at the moment.

Eventually we arrived to Forks, and I peered at the small numbered population that was on the sign. Phoenix was bigger than Seattle; I couldn't imagine what I would do when I was in a town where there were only a couple hundreds of people. I wasn't accustomed to such a small town.

I knew that they had long memories, and that I had gotten a get well soon card when I had been in the hospital after the car wreck. I hadn't cared to keep it anymore but Charlie kept it. As far as I knew he still had the card.

"I think that you're going to like it here, Bella," Charlie spoke, breaking the silence between us. I turned so that I was looking at him, noting that he was tapping his fingers against the leather steering wheel. I could tell that he was waiting for me to roll my eyes and scoff at him.

"Let's just leave it up to interpretation, Dad," I responded to him before I watched people walk throughout the center of the town to the different family owned stores. Some of the people paused and turned to wave at Charlie, while others paused when they saw that I was in the passenger seat.

Yes, it seemed as though today was the day that Charlie's beloved daughter would come back to stay, well at least until after graduation. I was already counting down the days in my mind. I was ready to be without the hold of my parents, though I had to admit that I felt safer with Charlie than with Renee.

Eventually we pulled up to the house that Charlie and Renee had bought shortly after they had gotten married. It was a small, two bedroom house. There was nothing remarkable about it; it had worn out paneling from the weather beating down all the time on it. There could be some repainting on the front door, along with other things. Still though, this was supposed to be the house where I was to be raised up in.

We headed up the front steps to the worn out porch of the house, and Charlie cleared his throat behind me. I moved out of the way and he sat down my bag before he unlocked the front door. He allowed me to enter first, and then he came in—shut the door and locked it behind him.

"I'll…um…show you your room…" Charlie cleared his throat again before he headed up the wooden stairs, I followed behind him silently. I glanced around, noting that everything looked the exact same. It wasn't musty though, so that was good. He still took care of the house enough that it didn't smell like an old mausoleum or a really stuffy thrift store.

We stopped outside of my bedroom and I glanced in. I was welcomed with the same west bedroom that overlooked the front yard, the same light blue walls along with the same peaked ceiling. Yellowed lace curtains covered the window, though the curtains were drawn back so that I could look out to the front yard.

A secondhand computer with a modem phone line was stapled on the floor to the closest phone jack so that I could converse with Renee. If I didn't answer her within a time limit she would end up calling Charlie and demand that he would hand the phone to me. I'd get a scolding and then I'd tell her what had happened, which right now wasn't anything to begin with.

The crib that sat on the west wall had been transitioned to a full size bed with a simple white iron bed frame, along with a purple covet and matching pillows. The sheets underneath the bed covet were flower printed; they were lilacs. It was girlish and although a part of me repulsed all the girlishness I admired the determination that Charlie had when it came to choosing purple because it was a favorite color of mine.

"Thanks…Dad," I managed to mumble to him, he nodded his head as he entered and sat my bag onto my bed. He went to kiss me on the forehead but paused, as though he was rethinking on kissing me on the forehead.

Something struck me though, and I reached out to take his hand before I pulled him closer to me. I leant against him and just soaked in the scent that made up Charlie Swan. It was completely impulsive and I knew that any other time I would want him to go away, which I would have him go away after this, but the knowledge that Charlie loved me this much to try and make me feel at home meant the world to me.

I wasn't the happiest girl on the planet, I wasn't a very social person, I was often sarcastic, and I was a plain looking girl. Not really anymore, I was a very long time ago, but I wasn't the best looking girl in the world. My scars and my eye kind of either had people embrace me or they would push themselves away from me.

Unpacking my things, I put my clothes into my closet and made sure that they would be organized on weather patterns. I knew that this would be something that I would have to do up here. Down in Phoenix I didn't really think about it, Renee often organized my bedroom closet.

It was actually something that she was picky about. She would make sure that the colors were from brightest to darkest. That didn't mean that the colors were organized together though, she was odd in that manner. She just made a system that worked for her, and I would end up working through that system.

Now though I had something that was a lot more organized.

I sighed and sat down on my bed before I plopped back. I knew that it was Sunday, so that meant that tomorrow I would end up having to go to Forks High School. The school population was three hundred and fifty seven (now fifty eight) total, while in Phoenix my junior class more than seven hundred.

Groaning, I moved onto my side so that I could look at the window. The rain continued to fall harshly, and I moaned at the knowledge that I could still be in Phoenix where it would be warm. I could be sun bathing, instead I had decided to come up here so that I could be a good daughter to my parents.

I doubted that I would find anything that would make me as happy as I was in Phoenix when I was here.

 _ **Twilight doesn't belong to me**_


	2. chapter two

Chapter Two

Somehow I actually managed to get to sleep, despite the fact that it was raining. I guessed it was because of the fact that it wasn't a downpour. I knew that would have been a nightmare to even attempt sleeping. So with nature on my side for once, I woke up without yawning. It used to be a feat to actually wake without yawning when I was younger and stayed up here during the summer.

Today was January 19th, my first day at Forks High. I didn't know if I should go ahead and flip the blankets over me again so that I could go asleep or try to actually be as positive as I could be.

Again, being overall positive was not a forte of mine.

I woke up, put on my fuzzy white house robe and went into the bathroom that Charlie and I shared. I flinched at the sight of my messy dark hair, the lines that were etched underneath my eyes from the countless times that my medication would cause insomnia (a lot more than they should!), and my scar that was on my face.

Brushing out my hair, I began to wash my face while subconsciously making sure that I would dab my scar instead of full on scrubbing. The last time I had done that without being fully awake made my scar throb, along with making it more pronounced so it was red and irritated.

I put on some concealer so my scar wasn't that noticeable (or at least I tried, I was certain that it was still pink enough the concealer wouldn't be able to actually do its job).

Heading down the stairs, I heard the sound of Charlie grumbling in the kitchen, while I rolled my eyes. I passed by the mantel that had all of my school photos throughout the years in their frames, a black and white picture of Charlie and Renee at their wedding, and finally the clearer definition than I wanted it to be: the after delivery picture of my birth where Renee was holding me in her arms and Charlie had a proud look on his face while I had the scrunched up baby face.

Entering the small kitchen, I found Charlie looking helplessly through the bright yellow cabinets. "Where is it? I swore I bought it!"

I frowned and sat down in one of the three kitchen chairs, which didn't match, and rested my arm against the square oak table. The dark paneled walls only made the yellow cabinets brighter despite the fact that they desperately needed a paint job. The white linoleum floor needed to be mopped again.

"Good morning, Dad."

Charlie jumped in surprise, hit his head on the cabinet door, and then turned around so that he could see me. He was already wearing his uniform, but his gun belt was sitting in the living room near the front door. As far as I knew he never used his gun, but I didn't know if he actually did and he didn't tell me or Renee.

"Good morning, Bells. Sorry about that, I was looking for your favorite cereal. I know that I'm not…used to this new living situation…but…" Charlie blushed as he looked flustered and I gave him a small smile before I stood up and went over to the cabinet to look inside it.

"It's okay, Dad. I'm not that crazy about cereal to begin with. I'll just have a granola bar," I assured him, before I reached in and grabbed a granola bar. Charlie nodded his head before he shut the cabinet behind him.

He shifted his feet and looked uncomfortable at the knowledge that he didn't know what else to do. I grabbed a glass of milk before sitting down at the little square oak kitchen table, noting that Charlie kept looking out the window.

If things were different I would be alone right now, Charlie would already be at the police station. Only, things weren't different. I didn't have a driver's license, but I did have a permit. I didn't drive, that was one of the things that I absolutely could not do. The trauma and disorder made it impossible for me to drive without feeling anxious enough to pull over to the side and need to do breathing exercises.

So the only option I had was for Charlie to drive me to school, which both helped my anxiety but also ruined my image.

Did I even have an image?

That wasn't the point, for a seventeen-year-old girl to have her father drive her to school in his police cruiser probably wasn't the best way to make first impressions to the student body.

My hunger soon dissipated with those thoughts, so I finished off my granola bar and chugged my milk down. Rushing upstairs, I slipped on a light weight blue v-neck long sleeve sweater that I had found at a thrift shop in Phoenix, some jeans that I had bought a couple months back, and some brown moccasins. I brushed my teeth, checking and making sure that I didn't have any remnants of the granola bar.

Grabbing my same leather purse I had worn yesterday, my signature Parka, and my purple backpack that Charlie had bought me when he learnt that I would be moving up here, I hurried down the stairs and was about to touch the wooden flooring but slipped and grabbed onto the banister at the last moment.

Charlie quietly chuckled, before I shot him an irritated glare. I managed to upright myself before I headed out of the house and he followed behind me. I hopped into the passenger seat and allowed my things to fall into the floorboard in front of me. Charlie was locking the front door and soon came down so that he could get into the driver's side of the cruiser; once he did he pulled out of the gravel driveway and began to head in the direction of the high school.

I peered out at the scenery that was around me, finding the same thing as I did when we entered this dreary town: green. It was slowly starting to get on my nerves, seeing these green coated trees was not going to be the highlight of my drive to and from school. I was certain of that.

"Ah, um, Bells?" I turned my head towards Charlie, to notice that he was looking as though he was battling with saying something but it must have been something in my eyes or just my face that made him decide to say something.

"I am new at this parenting business, as we both can see that, but if anyone at school bothers you let me know. You shouldn't feel degraded for how you look," Charlie managed to say, allowing me to know how much I meant to him once again.

Of course I couldn't help but reach my hand up to touch that side of my face, only to pause and let my hand fall back down.

Insecurity latched itself down onto me once again, as though a rattlesnake decided to sink its venom into my veins. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, trying to remind myself that this was going to be all right.

My hands began to quiver, and my eyes began to water at the remembrance of the other children crying when I would go to preschool. The kids that were saying that I was the bride of Frankenstein; they were the ones that had this part of me submerged deep within me.

I hadn't even known that I was sobbing until I felt the car lurch forward, and I opened my eyes to see that an old model car had managed to fender bend us. Charlie was soon getting out, before the driver of the car could actually be contemplating the thought of having a hit and run from the actual Police Chief.

Suddenly I didn't want to go to school; at first I was juggling what it to feel about it, but Charlie reminding me that kids could be cruel no matter the age had struck me hard. Getting fender bended while in his cruiser didn't help either when it came to the emotions department.

I slumped down in my seat, happy that I couldn't look to the side because I was certain that there were some of the town's residents next to me on the other side of the cruiser door. The last thing I needed was to have to roll my window down and listen to them ask me if I should go to the hospital. If they were decent and kind people they wouldn't ask questions about my face.

Eventually Charlie managed to work things out with the driver. He started to head in my direction again before a woman came up to Charlie, she was telling him something before she pointed at me. He listened with patience before he nodded his head, pat her on the shoulder, and then got into the cruiser.

"Why was she pointing at me?" I mumbled, causing Charlie to sigh and look at me, "I'm taking you to the clinic. We need to make sure that your medications have been transferred from Phoenix to here too. I'm certain that you're going to like the doctor, he's a wonderful man. His name is Dr. Cullen."

Dr. Cullen? So that was his name? Pride radiated from Charlie when it came to him talking about Dr. Cullen. I turned to him, "Tell me about him…please."

Charlie nodded, "Dr. Cullen, has been working here for the past two years, he moved down here from Alaska. He's really young, in his early thirties. When he first came here women were flocking to the clinic to get him to check on broken limbs or the common flu so that they could get time with him, but Dr. Cullen is married."

"So he's good looking…" I noted, earning a slight smile from Charlie at the sight of me taking in all that he was saying with interest.

"Mrs. Cullen is very beautiful, and Mr. Cullen is extremely handsome to the female population of Forks. She works at home, she's an interior designer," Charlie supplied to me before he continued; "they have five kids that they've adopted, though they aren't kids by any means, they're juniors and seniors at your school. I can't remember all their names, but they aren't related to each other. Except for two, the twins that are Mrs. Cullen's niece and nephew, but I can't remember their names either."

I absorbed what he had told me, and didn't say anything else. I had always had a love and hate relationship with doctors. Some of them believed me when I told them that I had Panic Disorder, others didn't. Some tried their hardest to make sure that I wouldn't worry with the disorder, while others just handed me medications and told me to call if anything happened.

Biting the corner of my lip, I turned to look at Charlie. He was peering straight ahead, making sure that he would pay attention to the road. He glanced at the review mirrors and then paused when he saw that I was looking at him. He frowned, "what's wrong, Bells? Did that fender bender shake you up more than you're letting me know?"

Charlie wasn't the most observant man in the world, but when it came to me I could honestly say that he was. I meant the world to him. Renee meant the world to him. Renee walked out on him, but I didn't shun him out of my life or tell him that I never wished that he was my father.

"I—is h-he a g-good doctor?" I managed to stutter out, hating the rare moments that I stuttered. Frustration was building up within me, at the fact that I was already having a crying session this morning and now I was stuttering. I wasn't having a good day at all…I thought that at least it would be tolerable but now….

"Without a doubt, don't worry, Bella. You're in safe hands with Dr. Cullen. He's the best doctor this town has ever had," Charlie reassured me as we reached the road where the clinic was on.

My heart rattled in my chest as Charlie pulled up to the front of the clinic, parking in the spot that was directly looking into it. I gulped and allowed my fingers to intertwine together before I wondered if I should even go and see him. Meeting new doctors always made me beyond terrified, I never knew how they would feel about my condition and if they were going to take me seriously.

As though he could sense it, I saw the front door open and a handsome man come out to welcome Charlie and me to the clinic. My eyes widened as I saw a tall man with ice hued skin, so clear and pale, and eyes that were the warmest golden I had ever seen. His hair was slicked back but it was nicely layered and was the same hue as his eyes. His features were perfect, and he was toned.

Charlie turned to me, "I take that you think he's handsome. Wipe your mouth though, sweetheart, you're drooling." I shot him an annoyed look as I wiped away the drool that actually existed, blushing some at the knowledge that I was speechless at the sight of this beautiful man that was going to be my doctor.

Charlie got out of the cruiser and reached forward to shake hands with Dr. Cullen. He was telling him something, and Dr. Cullen listened intently to what he was saying before he nodded his head. Charlie turned to look at me and waved his hand, as though to motion me to come out of the cruiser.

I took a deep breath before I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the cruiser. I paid attention to getting out, knowing that the last thing that I needed was to trip going up the curb so that he could catch me. I was already a mess; I didn't need to have Dr. Cullen make a cot for me to come to whenever I tripped (even if he was the most beautiful man I had seen).

I kept my head down and went up to Dr. Cullen. "Hello, Dr. Cullen…" I mumbled, earning a small laugh from Dr. Cullen, one that was light and airy before he spoke, "Hello, Bella, you can call me Carlisle if you wish."

It didn't surprise me what his name was, he looked just like his name. I did look up though and allowed him to look at me, to see the scar that was etched down the right side of my face and the misty blind eye.

"Come, let's go inside, it's impolite to be standing out here in the cold," Carlisle spoke as he ushered us into the clinic. I entered with Charlie in front of me and Carlisle behind me. He didn't look at me in disgust; he looked at me as though there was nothing wrong with me.

Carlisle waved at the nurses at the station, where a few of them were sighing while one of the middle aged women smacked them with her patient files. She arched her eyebrow at them and they pouted before they got back to work.

Carlisle led us into his private office so that we could just be the ones he was focused on. He shut the door behind him and walked around the desk so that he could sit down and look at us. The office didn't have anything special to it; it looked like any other clinical office for a doctor. We were welcomed with the white theme and sterile shimmers that were on the office desk and the linoleum floor.

"I would like to thank you, Charlie, for sending me her medical records. I won't have to contact her hospitals down in Phoenix unless I need to. I see that you were in a car wreck with your mother when you were three, Bella. You ended up becoming blind in your right eye, heavily scarred, and diagnosed with Panic Disorder," Carlisle softly spoke, as though he was making sure that I wouldn't feel degraded or that I should feel frightened by him.

I was actually surprised that Charlie had told him that he could call me Bella; Charlie must have made sure that I would feel as comfortable as possible when I would come here to Forks. I wouldn't be called Isabella; I didn't have to feel as though I had to correct **_everyone_**.

Carlisle glanced over the records that he had gotten before he looked up again and turned to me, "I'm going to run a normal checkup on you, and then we're going to discuss your medications. I hope that is all right with you, of course."

I nodded my head, "I'm fine with it. I'm used to it."

For a split second I swore I saw sadness dug deep within those honey hued irises, but it could have just been the lighting in the office. It was gone the next second, and he got up before he ushered us out of his office and to a hospital cot in a room that was a few doors down from his office.

Charlie stayed in the hallway, but the door was cracked in case I decided that I needed him in the room with me. As Carlisle checked my heart, I knew that it was beating a little more with his presence than normal. He merely mentally noted the beat, and then went on to check my eyes.

"Phoenix is a lot different than Forks, I'm certain that this will be a big change for you. I've moved a lot in my life, I'm certain that your father told you that my family and I moved from Alaska two years ago?" Carlisle stopped shining the light in my eye, to track my pupil dilation.

"Yes, he did. And yeah, Phoenix is a lot different than Forks. I like hot weather, nothing cold and damp," I admitted as my eyes couldn't stop looking at Carlisle. There was something hypnotic in his eyes; they just held so much warmth to them that I never been greeted with. It might also have to do with his eyes.

Carlisle changed to checking my reflexes, barely tapping against my knees with his medical instrument. They jumped up without meaning to and Carlisle nodded his head before he pulled over his rolling stool to sit down on.

"Some pharmaceutical companies send out medical cards so that you can write down your different medications and the dosages that you have to take. Did you ever get one, if not, do you want one? I've had patients in the past that say that the medical cards help a lot for organization and memory," Carlisle clasped his hands together before putting them in his lap.

"I have one," I admitted as I picked up my purse and dug through my wallet before I fished it out. I handed it to him and he nodded his head, before he looked back up at me, "do you have enough for now? Or do you need some refilled?"

Charlie decided to come in this moment, and he sat down in one of the spare chairs that were in the room for parents and other third parties. He began to tell him the insurance that the police force was on, and Carlisle listened to him before writing down things. Looking back up, Carlisle turned to look at me, "do you need a school excuse? I can write one up for you."

Carlisle was already heading over to the little countertop of the medical cabinet off to the side so that he could get a piece of paper to write the excuse. "That would be nice, Carlisle. I'm going to take Bella back to the house and head off to work. I think that this all that she can handle for today."

Carlisle finished writing the excuse and handed it to Charlie, but Charlie ended up coming up to me and handing it to me. I put it in my purse before hopping up from the cot. I let my eyes wander over Carlisle once again, "thanks, Carlisle…and for looking at me…and not seeing my disorder more or my scars."

Carlisle gave me the warmest smile so far and I almost blinked in shock at the sweetness that dripped from him. "Of course, Bella, you can always come to me if you have any problems."

Carlisle went out of the examination room and I drifted off after him, Charlie was standing next to him. Charlie was telling him about the different cops that were at the police station and how they were doing.

We had entered the lobby of the clinic only for a beautiful woman to enter through the front doors with the same golden eyes as Carlisle. She had soft motherly features, with curly brown hair that fell at her shoulders. She was wearing a stylish ivory sweater, some nice navy blue dress pants, and silver high heels.

She had a lunch bag in her right hand and a beautiful black Coach purse was hooked on her shoulder. "Good morning, girls! Good morning, honey!" the woman spoke, her voice soft as angels choiring, while Carlisle spoke as though he was one of those sultry voice actors.

The woman went up and kissed Carlisle on the cheek before she turned to look at me and Charlie, "you must be Bella, I'm Esme Cullen. You can call me Esme. We're really happy that you're here."

Again, another beautiful creature stood in front of me and the last thing that seemed to be on her mind was to stare directly at my scar on my face. Charlie spoke, "Sorry about that, Esme. Bella's had a rough morning, some idiot decided to fender bend me. She was supposed to go to school today but…."

"Of course, I understand. I just came by to stop and give Carlisle his lunch. I take it that you're going to the station now? I can drive Bella home if you want…unless that would be too much for today…" Esme turned to look at me, patience blossoming out of her as she waited for my answer.

"M-maybe n-next t-time," I managed to stutter out, which only made Esme nod her head without any emotion that revealed that she was extremely upset with what my decision was. She seemed a little disappointed but the fact that I had allowed her to know that there could be a next time she was a little more appeased.

"I'll call you when I get home from work today, and we can work that out," Charlie replied before he put his hand on the back of my shoulders. "That is if you're okay with that, Bella."

I let my gaze settle on my dad, knowing that Charlie could only do so much when it came to taking me to and from school. He could have days where he would have to work later or earlier and had no chance to take me to school. He could have days where he got sick and I would have to stay home.

I then let my eyes wander to the Cullens, seeing that there was so much warmth and acceptance in their eyes already. It was so surprising to see that much acceptance towards me, I hadn't ever met a pair of people so eager to help out. I had yet to have someone jump in and say that they could drive me home, but Esme Cullen happened to be the first person who had.

"I'm okay with that."

I was okay with that.

 _ **twilight does not belong to me**_


	3. chapter three

**twilight doesn't belong to me**

Chapter Three

Even though Charlie got home later than I thought he kept his promise to the Cullens.

It was apparent that he really did want try and work something out when it came to me, especially when it came down to the business of driving me to school and other places. I didn't know what it was that Charlie had worked out with when it came to Esme and Carlisle until Charlie sat me down in the living and slowly began to tell me how things were going to be.

"Esme has offered to drive you to school tomorrow, because I know that you seemed comfortable with them. Her daughter, Alice, is going to drive you home from school," Charlie informed me, as I absorbed what he had told me. I felt nervous but happy that Esme would be the one to drive me to school, but I had yet to meet any of her adoptive children, along with her niece and nephew.

That night I slept a little worse than wear, due to the fact that I was anticipating Esme. I was happy that she had gone out of her way to drive me to school, I enjoyed that she had offered to take me home yesterday but had no problem whatsoever when it came to the aspect of driving me to school.

Charlie came into my bedroom early in the morning to kiss me on the head, before he left for work. I could sense his presence and his trademark scent when he would come near me. It comforted me that he loved me so, and though we weren't good with expressing our feelings most of the time there were rare moments when we would let our emotions peek through.

I woke up and looked through my closet before I found a beige turtle neck sweater, a regular pair of jeans that I had bought at the mall, and some brown chunky boots. I also found one of my other bulky coats to put on. I quickly put on my clothes, brushed my teeth and hair, and grabbed my purse and backpack before I went downstairs to eat my granola bar.

I ate faster than I usually did, due to nerves, a mixture of excitement and nervousness. I was never good with the unknown. I often wanted to be informed of anything and everything; it helped obviously with my whole mental health.

I was washing my hands when I heard knocking on the front door. Taking a deep breath, I gathered my things and opened the front door to see Esme Cullen in front of me. Her hair still fell in its perfect ringlet style; she wore a sweet blush pink sweater and some designer jeans. Her feet were nestled in nice but stylish brown leather boots and a necklace with different rhinestones for all her children, along with her and her husband, displayed itself around her neck.

"Good morning, Bella. Are you ready to go?" Esme studied me, as though to make sure that I was ready to go, before I nodded my head.

She smiled and I walked out before shutting the front door. I pulled out my house key from my coat and locked the door behind me before we went down the porch and I was greeted with the sight of her deep metallic silver Volvo XC90, it was a beautiful SUV that displayed the fact she was just like any other mother (a rich one but that didn't matter).

She had the car unlocked so there was no awkward waiting for the driver to unlock the car with their key, and I hopped into the passenger seat. It was fresh, clean, and looked as though it was brand new. She turned on the radio and the heat, so that I would be warm and could listen to music.

I didn't say anything and she didn't pressure me to say anything as she pulled out of the driveway and began our journey to the high school. I leant back into the leather seat and forced myself not to look at what speed Esme was driving at, it was a bad habit for me to try and conquer.

"Tell me about your kids…if you don't mind," I randomly spoke up, making Esme smile as she glanced at me before letting her eyes focus on the road in front of her again. She must have known that I didn't like prolonged looks in the car from the person that was driving.

"Well, the eldest two are my sister's children, Rosalie and Jasper Hale. They were adopted by me and Carlisle when they were eight. They are very reserved, but once you get to truly know them they are two of the best people that you will ever meet," Esme began, "the other eighteen is my son, Emmett Cullen. He's very funny, though don't let it get to his head, he sometimes tells the cheesy jokes."

I smiled at the thought of Emmett; I always thought that people that were naturally funny and happy were people that I should be around. I needed someone who could make me laugh, have tears running down my eyes and my stomach hurt from how hard I was laughing.

"Then there is Edward, he's very gentlemanly like Jasper is. He's a little more social than Jasper, and he plays the piano. He even composes his own music, I'm very proud of him. Alice of course will be so excited to be your friend; she's very forward in fashion. She's quirky to say the least, she will make sure that you will feel welcomed and that you should feel confident," Esme finished telling me, there was pride that was brimming in her eyes that let me know she adored her children to the moon and back. It made my heart fuzzy with happiness, at the obvious love and acceptance that Esme had towards her five children.

I knew that my parents were proud of me. The way that Esme held pride in her about people made you want to make Esme proud.

I didn't say anything for the rest of the ride to school, the soft music that played on the station didn't sound familiar. It didn't sound like any classical music I had heard before; though the person that was playing the piano was talented…maybe Esme had a CD made of Edward's compositions.

The high school was off the highway and as we pulled into the campus I noted that the high school was more like a collection of matching houses. It was completely different from the loam of the two story behemoth of a building that made up my high school back home.

Esme pulled into a parking spot that was for visitors, in front of what I assumed the school office was. I let my eyes wander away from the building in front of me and towards the woman that sat next to me. Her gentle golden eyes held nothing more than patience and compassion.

"I hope you don't mind but I told Alice to be calmer than usual, like I said she's a very social person. I don't want her to scare you off or anything," Esme reminded me, and I nodded my head to let her know I understood her.

She pulled something out of her purse and handed it to me; I glanced down and noted that it was a scrap piece of paper with what looked to be her phone number written in perfect handwriting on it. I tucked it in my coat, ardor washing through me at this little scrap piece of paper.

"Have a nice first day of school, Bella. If you need to call me don't hesitate," Esme whispered before she leant forward and kissed me on the forehead. I unbuckled and went to get out of the car, only for me to turn around and hug her. Hot tears began to trickle in my tear ducts but I wiped them away, once I had pulled away from Esme and hopped out of the car before she could hold me.

Esme waved goodbye to me after I got everything out of the car, I watched her head back into traffic before I turned and made my way towards the entrance doors to the school office.

The school office was mundane, with padded folding chairs, orange flecked commercial carpet, and potted plants. The plants seemed to stretch out into every crevice that there was in the office, as though there wasn't enough greenery outside. It just assured me that I was no where near Arizona.

The room was cut in half with a counter, where a woman sat behind it. She had been typing on her school computer but had looked up once I entered. She was a large, red haired woman wearing glasses but she had an inviting look upon her face as though she wanted to make me feel as comfortable as possible.

"Good morning, dear," the woman spoke, and I slowly made my way towards her. The closer I got the more detailed my scars became noticeable to her. She let her eyes linger on my right eye, not too long, but enough for me to notice. She let her eyes wander back to me, "you must be Isabella Swan, Chief Swan's daughter."

"B-Bella, I like to be called Bella, but yes, I'm his daughter," I responded, earning a nod from her before she rolled her office chair to the back counter of the office. She looked through the different metal baskets that held papers in them, finally fishing out some papers to hand to me.

"Here is a map of the school, I can highlight the routes from each class you have to the next. And here is a slip I need your teachers to sign for you to bring back at the end of the day. You have fifth hour lunch."

The woman handed me the papers, and despite the fact that I assured her I didn't need the routes highlighted she still did it anyway. She must have thought that she was doing her good deed of the day, if it meant highlighting a piece of paper so that a half blind girl could know her way around the school.

I rolled my eyes as I made my way towards building 3, my eyes set forward and my hands clasped on the straps of my backpack. I made sure that my focus was directly in front of me and not on the students that were looking at me too long, or asking quite loudly in a failed attempt of whispering what had happened to me.

Two girls were in front of me, heading into the building. It was apparent that they hadn't noticed me yet; they were too busy talking to each other to notice that someone was behind them. I didn't know if I should take it as a blessing, since I was certain that they would notice me once we were in the classroom.

Taking off my coat and sitting it on the coat hanger that was near the classroom door, I made my way towards Mr. Mason. He was looking down at his study plan for today, but when he looked up he paused. "You must be Isabella," he finally spoke, earning a nod from me as I handed the slip to him, "I like to be called Bella though."

He signed it but stopped me, "the only available seats are closer to the back. Are you fine with that? Or do you need me to make sure that there's a chair up here for you?"

"I'm fine, it's just one eye," I responded to him, knowing that it was true. If I sat on the right side of the classroom then it wouldn't be bad. So I made my way towards the back of the classroom and sat down in the right corner of the classroom.

Class was started within a few minutes and I absorbed myself into the lesson, my eye catching on the fact that we were going to focus on the literature works of Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer, and Faulkner. I had already gone over this back in Phoenix, so I was already prepared for this class.

As soon as first hour was over, I started to head in the direction of where building 6 was only for me to hear the sound of footsteps hurrying towards me. I took faster steps; I was not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. It was my first day and I just wanted to get through it before I would make any friends.

Only, I wasn't welcomed with that pleasure, a boy stumbled up to me and gave me a large smile. "Hi, you must be Isabella Swan!"

I sighed and turned to him. "Bella, it's Bella."

Eric blinked a few times, noting the state of me. He studied my eye, and then my scar, a little longer than I wanted. I decided that this was enough, so I started walking again. He jogged to come up to me, "Hey—"

Spinning on my heel, I made sure that I was looking at him, "look, I'm new here. It's my first day here; I just want to go through my classes. It's nice that you probably want to walk me to my classes but I'm fine."

Eric sighed and had his gangly shoulders slump. The boy with skin problems and oil black hair had obviously wanted to be an over helpful person, and for the longest time I had allowed others to walk me around school to show me my classes. I didn't want to do that here, I would be okay without Eric.

"Oh, sorry, I don't want to sound annoying. Maybe I'll see you later?" Eric probed to me, but he didn't receive a true assurance from me that I would see him later. I shrugged, "maybe," before I ventured to my next building—which happened to be building 6.

It was Government with Jefferson.

There weren't any students that were eager to help me when I entered Government.

A few of them craned their heads to the side, only to have affirmation that I really was Chief Swan's daughter, and yes I was the famous girl that had been in a car wreck in Arizona. The very wreck that had made me blind in one eye, and made me heavily scarred was true.

Mr. Jefferson made sure that I sat in the front, no ifs and buts, so I was on fully display for him. It must have been because he was writing on the board the whole hour, making sure that everyone would write down what he had written. He did look surprised when he saw that I wasn't the last person that finished writing their notes, so he was appeased that I wouldn't be making the class hang back due to my right eye.

Fourth hour was probably the worst class that I had been greeted with so far. Mr. Varner was everything that I hated in a teacher. He made me stand in front of the classroom and introduce myself. He even decided that some students should ask me questions about myself, which ended up with me assuring them that I did indeed get my scars from the car wreck and yes I was blind in my right eye.

I blushed some, in humiliation, at the knowledge that I was being poked and prodded when it was the last thing that I wanted.

Spanish was fine; there wasn't really anything to report. I didn't have to introduce myself in front of the class. I did trip on thin air though, but I swore that at the last minute I saw a high heel sticking out from under a desk. I pushed it off to the side, knowing that if I made a big deal about it no one would let me walk around by myself.

When the bell rang for lunch, a girl that had been in my Trig and Spanish classes named Jessica decided that she should walk with me to the cafeteria. She had eagerly asked me things about Arizona. She seemed like she really, really wanted to ask me more personal questions but realized that doing so might make me decide not to be her friend anymore.

"People were saying that Mrs. Cullen drove you to school this morning," Jessica started up, her eyebrow arched up as she waited for my response. She was respectful enough that she stood on my left side to make sure that I wouldn't have to readjust us so that she would have to be on my left side.

I smiled, "Esme is really nice, she offered to drive me to school today. Her daughter, Alice, is going to drive me home. I can't drive; I do have a permit…"

Jessica's eyes widened, "wait, you seriously are letting the Cullens drive you to and from school? What does your dad feel about this?"

We were outside of the cafeteria, under the overhead, while others were walking into the cafeteria without stopping. Jessica, tiny and short and wild dark haired Jessica, was staring at me as though I had told her that I had become best friends with the school's residential ghost.

"Charlie loves me. He wouldn't leave me alone with anyone who would harm me," I assured her, which in return made her bite her lip before she looked over her shoulder as though she was expecting for the Cullens and Hales to arrive right behind her. It would have been funny though to see her jump in fright at their sudden appearance.

"Well…all right. Anyway, let's get inside so we can get something to eat. I'm starving! Then you meet the rest of the crew," Jessica decided, entering the cafeteria with me following after her.

The last thing I expected was the velocity of the noises that radiated in this large room. Screeching and giggles, and trays falling reverberated and I couldn't help but close my eyes, along with taking deep breaths. I had to remind myself that just because it was loud around me didn't mean that I would have anything bad happen to me.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"I'm all right, Jessica. Go ahead and get something to eat. I'll be there in a minute," I assured her with my eyes still closed. I leant back against the wall and made sure that my heart was still decreasing from its risen beating.

"I really do hope you're okay."

My eyes peeled open, revealing a beautiful dark golden eyed girl in front of me. She was short, a pixie like girl, thin in the extreme with deep and dark cropped short hair that pointed in every direction.

For some odd reason I felt like I knew who she must be, "Alice? Are you Esme's daughter?"

Alice laughed, sounding like mischievous fairies laughing, before she gave me a warm smile, "yes, I'm Alice, and yes I'm Esme's daughter. I saw you over here and Carlisle gave a vague overview of you…."

"So you know about…." I didn't continue, but she nodded her head, "yes. You are very brave; I haven't met anyone with Panic Disorder. I don't know what I would do if I had it."

"It's tiring, stressful," I admitted as I slumped, only for her to reach out and take my hand in hers. I almost yanked my hand out of hers from the sheer coldness that came from her hand. She went to pull her hand away but I kept my hand in hers, finding that the cold helped me in a way.

She pulled me from the wall and began to direct me towards where Jessica and her friends were. I turned to her, "why can't I sit with you and your siblings?"

Alice looked like she was fighting the urge to flinch; it was almost as though someone was yelling something in her head since nothing verbal was being said. She turned her head and I followed her eyesight to the direction of where the other Cullens and the Hale twins were.

The other girl, Rosalie Hale, was tall and beautiful figured. Golden wavy hair fell down her back and she reminded me of the Sports Illustrated women on the front page. She had no expression whatsoever on her face, though I swore that her eyes were peering into my soul. She was looking to see if there was anything there that she should be weary of. It didn't help either that those eyes were just the same color as her sister's despite the fact that they weren't blood related.

In fact all of them were golden eyed. The 'boy' that was sitting next to the girl looked as though he was a lot older than a teenager. He was big, with the weight lifter vibe and had dark, curly hair. He surprised me when he lifted one of his hands and waved at me, earning a small smile from me.

I had a feeling that this was Emmett Cullen; it just screamed to me that he was the big and goofy boy that was more of a teddy bear than a grizzly bear. Even though I was certain if someone that he loved was in danger he had no problem whatsoever in becoming a grizzly bear.

Sitting next to Emmett was a lanky and least bulky brother. He had untidy, bronze-colored hair and deep golden eyes that were narrowed on me. If I was being completely honest if his face, which looked as though it was hand sculpted to show what a true angel looked (honestly all of them looked like that! Even Esme and Carlisle were inhumanely beautiful), wasn't concentrated in an apparent frustration I would have thought that he was straining because he was constipated.

"Why is your brother looking at me like that?" I couldn't help but ask, causing Alice to perk up and look over her shoulder to see that Edward had straightened up and was paying attention to his food. I swore I saw a smirk appear on her face, just the tinnier uplift of her right side of her mouth.

Emmett on the other hand was laughing, making Rosalie lean over and touch his arm as though to tell him to stop drawing attention to them.

The only one that wasn't looking at me with strangeness was a boy that sat at the very end of the table—opposite of where Rosalie sat, and who looked at me with golden eyes that I swore were changing every few seconds. He was taller, leaner, but still muscular with honey blond messy curls.

I felt drawn towards him, as though he could understand my pain, for in the moment that I looked at him, I swore that I felt nothing more than calm and normal. I had gotten used to having multiple emotions take place, the stress of the environment was still in the back of my mind when I was talking to Alice but with him it was as though he had ripped it away from me.

"Jasper has pretty eyes," I found myself saying, before I blinked and looked away. A scarlet blush appeared on my face. I looked at Alice, seeing that her eyes had widened for a second before they settled once more.

"I'm certain that he'd appreciate hearing that," Alice teased me as she led me to Jessica and the others. I could tell that there was something that was on Alice's mind, especially when I acknowledged Jasper without her having to say anything about him. What was it that made her stiffen up like that, or for Jasper to look at me as though he shared my emotions?

Alice told me that she'd be waiting for me after Gym (I didn't remember telling her that Gym was my last hour), to take me home. I turned back around, surprised when I saw a lunch tray was in front of me.

Jessica turned to look at me, "we just wanted to truly welcome you to Forks. I went up and got you a tray of food. I hope that you don't have any allergies."

I cursed myself as tears began to build up in my eyes. I managed to stutter out, "I-it's fine. T-thank you." I flinched at the fact that I had actually stuttered to them, and how they were patient with me.

Even Eric was still here, smiling at me, as though I hadn't even brushed him off to begin with.

All the while, I hadn't even noticed Jasper Hale leaving the cafeteria the split second that my face turned red.


	4. chapter four

Chapter Four

I was certain that I didn't have any classes with either Alice or Edward, but when I entered my sixth hour Biology I turned out to be wrong. The only empty spot for me to sit at happened to be next to Edward Cullen.

He was staring forward, though his fingers were tapping against the table in front of him with irritation. I didn't know what he was irritated at, but I liked Alice and I liked Esme and Carlisle. Edward just needed to deal with whatever was linked to me when it came to that irritation. I was determined to keep Alice as a friend, along with their parents.

Mr. Banner signed my slip of paper, "the only seat available happens to be next to Edward Cullen. He's an excellent student, so you won't have any problems with him. If you do have problems with him let me know."

I nodded my head as I took the slip of paper from him and made my way towards my new table. I opened my backpack and sat my things onto the surface of the table before I let my backpack fall onto the floor. I sat my purse in front of me, a little ways in front of me, so that I wouldn't have it blocking any space I needed to work on and hopped up onto my metal stool.

I kept my eyes forward, thankful that he was sitting on the side of me that I could see. Edward looked forward, he had his notebook open along with his textbook to the page that we were supposed to be on but he didn't seem as though he was going to even write anything down.

"Esme says you play the piano, and you compose your own music. She was playing some compositions of yours this morning in the car. You're quite talented," I spoke to him, making sure that my voice wasn't loud enough to distract Mr. Banner as he studied his plans that he had for today.

I began to write down notes that Mr. Banner began to put onto the board, my attention focused on the board in front of me, though sometimes I would look over at Edward and find that he was still concentrated on something. He looked troubled, his eyebrows were furled and his eyes were full of frustration, anger, and _hate_.

Eventually though class ended and I got my things together before I heard a sigh behind me, I turned to look and found that Edward was holding out his hand so that he could help me hop off of the stool. I smiled warmly at him, "she also says that you are a gentleman. Thank you, Edward, but I can manage on my own."

I hopped off of the stool and began to gather my things together, putting my things in their proper places. Edward stayed, observing me, and I allowed him to. He didn't look at me like others were looking at me. He was just watching me, simple watching, there was no reason that it was mean or obvious.

I decided to humor Edward, "I can't see at all in my right eye, there is no fuzziness around me. It's completely black." Edward blinked, looking at me as though he was confused, "I wasn't…."

"I'll see you later, Edward. I have to head to Gym," I told him before I began to walk out of the classroom. Edward appeared next to me, almost making me clutch my chest to make sure that my heart was still beating. I hadn't expected for him to appear so sudden. It was like he wasn't gone at all!

"I can at least walk to you to Gym," Edward admitted, but I shook my head. "That's fine, but I'm good. I'll see you later though."

Edward gave one last calculating stare towards me, before he nodded his head. He headed in the opposite direction that I was going in, in moments we were on opposite sides of the school campus. I didn't know what class he was having next, but I knew that I was about to enter my personal hell.

The Gym teacher, Coach Clapp, seemed to share the same opinion when I came into the gymnasium with a notebook up against the right side of my face so that if anyone threw anything it could be bounced off of the notebook. The last thing I needed was for a full face collision with a ball.

He sighed and shook his head, "what am I supposed to do with you? You can't see through one eye. This class is basically hand-eye coordination. You and I both know that you're dead meat out there."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I can play one match of something and then be on my own the rest of the class? That way I can get my teamwork section done and then the rest of the time I can dribble a basketball or something?"

Coach Clapp actually considered this before he shook his head, "sorry, but at least today you don't have to actually exercise. You can just watch. I'll give you your uniform tomorrow, when you need it."

I did as Coach Clapp instructed, I sat down on the wooden bleachers and watched as the girls and boys were playing volleyball. Coach Clapp had the whole population of the class around him, telling them that they weren't attempting to hit me on the bleachers. I was being talked about as though I was special cargo, but when they heard my surname most of them straightened up.

It was times like this that having a Chief of Police as your father in a town this small helped a lot more than you thought it would.

When Gym was over, I hopped up from my spot on the bleachers and made my way towards the doors. I almost jumped out of my skin when someone grabbed my right arm to tell me something. I screamed, louder than I should have, as my heart raced in my chest. I took deep breaths and turned so that I could look at the person that had touched my arm.

Mike Newton stood in front of me, his eyes as large as they could be. He was baby faced, and had pale blond gelled spikes. He looked completely terrified, and it didn't help that some of the seniors that shared this elective came to see if I needed any help when it came to getting rid of Mike.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry Bella! I hope you can forgive me! I forgot that it was your right eye!" Mike brought his hands up and covered his face, as though he was expecting that I would slap him hard across the face. Instead I brought my hand up and kept it pressed against my chest.

Mike, having now decided that he couldn't deal with what he had done, hurried off in fear that I would seek vengeance against him.

Some of the senior boys, ones that were taller and bulkier than I expected, were checking to make sure that I was okay. I was certain though that Emmett Cullen could beat any of them, both in body weight and just in strength.

The doors opening and the rapid sound of high heels clicking only alerted me that someone was entering the gymnasium. I turned around, finding that Alice Cullen was hurrying towards me with better balance and speed than I would ever have with those ridiculous high heels.

"I could just kill Mike Newton!" she screeched, complete anger directed towards the boy at the fact that he scared me to death.

Well not literally, but still.

She reached me and put her hands on my shoulders, her freezing hands not helping me much (that was what I had noticed, so far when a Cullen touched me all I could feel was freezing coldness, as though they were submerged in Antarctica's waters).

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice let her eyes wander over me; I hadn't even noticed that she shot a look at the boys that were surrounding us. If I had maybe I would have seen the boys wander off, instead I was watching Alice.

"I-I'm f-fine. I j-just didn't ex-expect h-him," I responded to her, flinching from the intense stuttering that I had escape from me. Alice shot me a small smile, one that let me know she wasn't going to pry anymore. She hooked her arm around mine and we headed out of the gymnasium.

She didn't say anything else, and I appreciated that. She seemed lost in her thoughts, even when I had reached the front office of the school. She unhooked her arm from mine so that I could go in there and hand the slip that had all of my teachers' signatures to her. The lady took it without question, checked over it, and then bid me a good rest of the day, allowing me to go back to Alice.

"So where's your car?" I asked her, making Alice slip out of her stupor and smile at me. She took my hand in hers and directed me towards where the parking lot was. We passed by multiple used cars, some nice trucks, and ended up in front of two parking spots that had sports cars.

Queasiness wrapped itself around me, sweat began to drip down my forehead, and I rapidly shook my head, "no, no f-fast c-cars. Please."

I turned so that I was facing away from the cars; before I began to pace back and forth in fear that I would have to get in one of the cars. I hadn't even noticed that the rest of the Cullens, along with Rosalie Hale, were heading towards us. It wasn't until I turned so that I was facing them that I saw them.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't think, I was just so excited for you to come to school," Alice spoke, trying to break me from my shield I had built up to rid myself of this fear that was clamping on me.

I swore I could barely hear, "of course he left, when we really needed him."

"Bella…" I looked up and saw that Emmett was heading towards me. Edward nodded his head, as though he thought that this was a good idea. Alice relaxed, as though we had resolved the problem. "I can ride with you and Alice to take you home, if you would like that."

I nodded my head, knowing that although I was nervous, I still knew that someone bigger and stronger than me could help protect me. I couldn't imagine what would have happened if it was just me and Alice, we were both small and weren't as strong as him. So this helped.

"T-that w-would be nice, Emmett," I responded, earning a large smile from Emmett. "Excellent, I'll get in the passenger seat, you get in the back."

"Emmett," Rosalie hissed, her eyes narrowing at him. I didn't know what was wrong with Rosalie; Esme said that Rosalie could be one of the nicest people you could meet. Yet she seemed as though she was far from it right now.

"It's fine, Rose. We're good, wait are we good, Bella?" Emmett turned to look at me again, I nodded my head. "I'm fine with sitting in the back, it helps."

Sitting in the back meant that I couldn't see the speed that the driver was at, and being in the back meant that I could lie down and relax. Renee had gotten cars with sun roofs to that I could look up at the sky, it helped make me feel peaceful with the knowledge that I could focus on something beautiful and simple.

I turned so that I was looking at Edward and Rosalie, before I got in the back of the shiny Volvo (the other car happened to be a red BMW convertible, I had a feeling that Rosalie owned this car. It just screamed her.), "bye, Edward, Rosalie. Tell Jasper I said hi, I would have liked to meet him."

Again, my face couldn't help but turn red at the thought of the mysterious boy, hating that I was so easily read. Renee always said that I was an open book; it was easy to see what my emotion was.

Right now it looked like I had just formed a crush on my new friends' brother, one who had disappeared after lunch. Of course, I couldn't be treated with the sight of Jasper Hale. A part of me became saddened.

I thought that he had felt what I felt; I thought that he could feel my pain and sorrow and how misunderstood I was. I thought that he was taking the pain and sorrow away from me so that he could keep it, or send it away.

I should know better though. That was stupid, it was cliché, and it reminded me of those stories of soulmates meeting each other. They would take one look at each other and it was love at first sight, when they looked at each other they felt _complete_ because they could fight these burdens together.

Shaking my head to rid myself of these drifting thoughts, I slipped into the back seats of the Volvo before the door was shut behind me. I lay back after I sat my things down in the floorboard. I peered up, noting that they did have a sunroof. It was extremely tinted, but I could still see through it so that meant that I wouldn't have a nervous breakdown on the road.

I let my eyes close and focus on the smoothness of the ride. It didn't take long for Emmett to speak though, "so it's true? She really is…"

"Now's not the time to talk about it, Emmett. She's still awake. But yes, she is and yes it's true. We will talk about it more when we get back to the house."

I knew that they were talking about me; they couldn't have been talking about anyone else. After all, it wouldn't have mattered if I were awake. They would have been talking about whoever they were talking about, but it was apparent that the person they were talking about had to be me.

I kept my eyes closed, not caring to open them and turn my head to see that the two siblings were looking at me the moment I opened my eyes. I only opened my eyes when the car came to a complete stop. I sat upright and looked out of the tinted window, finding that we were at Charlie's house.

Gathering my things together, I went to get out of the Volvo but paused. I turned my head to gaze at both Emmett and Alice. "Is Jasper okay?"

I didn't know why I had asked this, but something nagged me to ask them this. Emmett didn't say anything, but Alice nodded her head. "He'll be fine, Bella. Don't worry about him."

The only thing I could do was nod my head, before I went to get out of the car. I waved goodbye to them when I got out of the car and shut the car door. The car went down the street and once they turned the corner I wondered what it was that had made Jasper Hale rush out of the cafeteria—fast enough that I hadn't even noticed until after I had gotten up to throw away my leftover food, only to find that he was missing from his group of family members.

I shook my head to rid myself of these questions, pulled out my house key, and then went into my house. I shut the front door closed behind me, locked it, and then dragged myself upstairs. I threw my things onto my bed, groaned, and then plopped down onto my bed.

It was only a few minutes later that I decided to check and see if Renee had sent me a new email. I had told her to send me a weekly email to tell me what had happened throughout the week on whatever day she chose to do so but I didn't know if she had remembered.

As it would turn out, she hadn't forgotten. I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that I didn't have to write a whole page long of an email. I didn't know if I would talk about the Cullens and the Hales to Renee. She might think that I should be wearier. She always was like this when it came to me having new friends.

I had assured Charlie that I would make dinner some nights, and if I were able to I would have driven down to Thriftway to get some groceries. Of course, I couldn't do that with just a permit. I would have to wait for this weekend when I could go to the grocery store with Charlie, that way we could pick out meals to make.

I didn't know how long I was in my bedroom, looking through my textbooks to see if there was anything that I didn't know or couldn't remember when it came to the subjects that we were going over at the moment. I didn't find anything that confused me, or anything that I didn't already know.

I had barely sat down on my bed and begun rereading Wuthering Heights when I heard the sound of honking in the driveway. I stood up and headed over to my window, discovering Charlie getting out of his cruiser and making his way up the gravel. He stopped when he saw me looking through the window and waved, which in return made me wave to let him know that I saw him.

Heading down the stairs, I hovered at the last few steps of the stairs, as Charlie came through the front door. He hung his hat up on the coat rack, and then pulled off his coat to put on it on the coat rack. He unhooked his gun belt and made sure that the gun was on safety before sitting it off to the side.

"Hey, Bells. Let me go get changed into something more comfortable and then we can order some food." Charlie headed up the stairs and I moved out of the way before I went into the kitchen. I opened one of the cabinet drawers and pulled out one of the takeout menus.

We had leftovers when it came to the takeout food, but until we went to get groceries this weekend we would be eating from the five restaurants that were in town. One of them happened to be the traditional random Mexican restaurant that had been stapled down into this town.

I was in the mood for Mexican and waited for Charlie to come downstairs so that he could look through the takeout meals on the menu. It didn't take long for him to come in and look at the menus, "yeah, I could go for some Mexican."

Handing me the landline home phone, I dialed the number for the restaurant before filling out our pickup meal. Charlie wanted an extra bowl of salsa and I wanted some cheese sauce. I had gotten me two beef enchiladas, some beans, and rice. Charlie ordered the supreme meal despite the fact that he had a big lunch.

An hour later we were sitting at the kitchen table eating our food, and I wanted to tell Charlie about the oddness that was coated in the Cullens. I wanted to talk to him about _Jasper Hale_ and wonder if there was something more when it came to the senior. Only, I was afraid what Charlie would do.

Would Charlie be upset that I had become so attached to the boy at only one glance? Would Charlie feel insulted when he would learn that Jasper had left after looking at me? Would he feel as though Jasper thought that I was hideous so he left in order to avoid looking at me?

I stopped eating at those inward questions, my heart aching at the thought of Jasper looking at me and deciding that he didn't want to sit around, much less be in my presence because of my eye or my face. I never had the luxury of having a boyfriend, and seeing this boy, having Jasper leave without even properly waving or saying hello to me made my heart ache with sadness.

"Bella, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Charlie's voice broke through me, and I looked up to see that he was staring at me with concern laced through his eyes and his body. "Did something happen today? Did someone hurt you, or bully you?"

I shook my head, before I sat my fork down onto my plate. I didn't answer him, before I hopped up from my spot at the kitchen table. I rushed up the stairs and into my bedroom before I slammed the door shut behind me. Sliding down the door till I hit the ground in a soft thud, I brought my hands up and covered my face.

Why did my mind betray me like this? When I thought that there was nothing wrong, for the longest time today, my mind decided to betray me and bring up the fact that Jasper had left shortly after he first looked at me.

I wanted to believe that he hadn't left because of my face, after all none of his siblings ever left in my presence. Rosalie stared at me the longest, but it wasn't in an insulting manner. It was more in an alpha manner, as though she was letting me know that she would be the one to choose if I should be worthy of their presence.

Rocking back and forth, I tried to control my breathing and wipe away the tears from my face. I hadn't even known that Charlie had come upstairs to check on me, but when I heard the sound of him the only thing that I wanted was to be alone.

"Was it one of Alice's siblings? Was it Alice?" Charlie carefully asked me, but I knew that he couldn't imagine that Esme and Carlisle would raise their kids to be disrespectful and completely uncaring.

"N-no," I responded to him, my eyes finally stopped leaking tears and I reached up to wipe my eyes again. I peered forward at my bedroom window. There was no light outside anymore. It was already night, and it showed me how much time had passed by when it came to today.

"Just know that you can talk to me, Bella," Charlie told me, before I heard the sound of him getting up from the hallway floor.

I don't know how long I sat there, peering at the window, until I knew that it was time for me to at least get to sleep. I dragged myself up and grabbed some pajamas to change into. They were just a simple white t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants I must have bought two years ago. They were worn out, but they would do the trick.

Charlie didn't corner me when I popped my head out of my bedroom door. I could hear the television that was going on downstairs, so it assured me I would not be stopped. I went into our shared bathroom and took a nice bath, made sure to wash gently over the massive but thin scars that were across my arms. They were randomly positioned; I had one or two scars that were deeper than the others. There was the deep red, the kind of red that wasn't appealing. It was something that came with the territory, I guessed.

I had a few scars that were on my chest, but I think that they were there because the car had flipped, which in return made the glass shatter so hard and thick that it hit me with no problem. It happened so fast, I didn't know how Renee and I had gotten out of the car alive to begin with.

Eventually I shook my head, to get those thoughts out of my mind, before I washed myself off. I slipped on my pajamas and new underwear before putting my dirty clothes into the hamper. I threw my wet towel into the washing machine; once it was a good bit full of towels I would wash them.

That night when I fell asleep I dreamt of Jasper Hale. I reached my hand out to touch him, and at the same time he reached his hand out to touch me, but as soon as our hands were an inch away from touching Jasper would fade.

* * *

 **author's note: as always,** **Twilight** **doesn't belong to me.**

 **As you can tell, Edward can't read Bella's mind. Edward does not have blood lust towards Bella like in the cannon universe. She does smell nice, but it's just faint. She's like that with everyone, except for vampires who drink blood nonstop. Bella is Jasper's Singer, so while he was having trouble when she entered the cafeteria he also really, really wanted to comfort her. The moment that she blushed made him go away.**

 **Let me know what you think so far of the fanfiction.**

 **-EmmynotEmma**

 **PS: as someone with a rare disorder, Tuberous Sclerosis, I am basing her troubles with coping sometimes with Panic Disorder like I do with my disorder. I have a medical card, like Bella has, and it is very hard for me to find a doctor that is very well taught with T.S. because of the fact that it is very rare. One in 6,000 newborns are diagnosed with the condition.**


	5. chapter five

Chapter Five

Jasper Hale wasn't at school the next day, or the rest of the week.

I knew he existed, but a part of me wondered if he was nothing more than an optical illusion.

Only I would come up with a beautiful boy, with eyes so soft and understanding, a boy that could take my worries away, because I had yet to have a boy do that.

I was sitting with my new friends during lunch; Alice had told me she didn't want to derive me of finding other friends. It had brought a sting of pain through me, at the thought of Alice using the excuse of me needing more friends than her and her family, but I knew that she was right. I needed to find others to be friends with, not just the mysterious Cullens and Hales that wandered through the halls of Forks High.

Alice had her arm hooked around mine as we began to make our way towards the cars. I didn't fear the Volvo anymore, because of the fact that I had yet to get in a car wreck and Alice had either Edward or Emmett sit in the passenger seat so it wouldn't just be me and Alice.

Edward volunteered to be the one that would come with us today. His hand was hooked in Alice's, every now and then I could see that he would run his thumb against her hand or she would squeeze his hand in assurance. It was apparent that they were together, just like Emmett and Rosalie were.

To anyone else they would have thought that it was still taboo, and in a way yes it was, but they weren't truly related. They weren't blood related, and people fell in love effortlessly with others. There should be nothing wrong with the fact that Edward and Alice felt comfort in each other, along with Rosalie and Emmett.

"Good news, Bella," Alice spoke, her angelic voice wisping through the air, and catching my attention. I craned my head to the side to listen to her; though Edward looked as though he was listening he didn't make it as obvious as I did when it came to the action.

"Jasper is coming back; he'll be here on Monday. He was feeling a little down with the weather, so he's had to stay home. But he'll be back next week, so you get to properly introduce yourself to him." Alice turned to look at me, her flawless ice colored skin only brought out her eyes and black hair even more.

A blush appeared on my face, enough that I looked away, and then looked back up to see that Alice and Edward were smirking. They knew that I had been looking forward to when Jasper would come back, and the fact that he didn't feel good made me feel better due to the fact that it wasn't my face that made Jasper leave.

I hadn't even realized I said that, and not just thought that, because I was soon greeted with Alice and Edward staring at me in shock. "Jasper isn't like that, Bella. Jasper doesn't…we don't…oh Bella…"

Alice wrapped her arms around me and held me in her arms. "Jasper would never look at you like that. Jasper just doesn't feel well; you have nothing to worry about. I know he'd kill me if I said this but he thought that you were beautiful."

I blinked a few times before I pulled away from her, my eyes showing nothing more than caution towards what my friend had said. "No, he wouldn't. No, he couldn't. No, he can't. I'm not beautiful, Alice. Just look at me."

Alice frowned at me, shaking her head at the fact that I passionately denied the aspect of me being beautiful. "Trust me, it might not be today or tomorrow but sometime in the future you will look at yourself and know that you are beautiful."

I didn't say anything else, just absorbed what she had said, while we headed towards the silver Volvo again. Rosalie and Emmett were already at the BMW; Emmett always wanted Rosalie and him to stick around to make sure that I would get in the Volvo. Rosalie listened to her boyfriend, knowing that it would mean a lot to Emmett if he could watch over me.

When we reached them Rosalie opened the driver's car door and slipped into the convertible. Emmett rolled his eyes at the action that his girlfriend had done before he turned and looked at me, "hey there, pretty lady! Did Eddie boy and Alice tell you the good news?"

"Don't call me Eddie boy, Emmett," Edward muttered, irritation leaking from his golden eyes at the sibling nickname that he had received from his older brother. Emmett chuckled, "oh, don't be so serious, Eddie. You know I love to mess with you, isn't that right, Alice?"

"I'm not saying that you're right, Emmett. If I do then it will just go to your head," Alice responded, making Emmett gasp at her and bring his hand up to his chest as though he had been insulted. "Me, Emmett Cullen, letting things get to my head? Oh, au contraire, mademoiselle, I believe you have been—"

"That's enough, Emmett." Rosalie's window was rolled down, so it was easy for her voice to come through. She rolled her eyes, but there was amusement that was laced in her butterscotch eyes.

I had never been welcomed with another sibling, so the sight of siblings messing with each other made me happy. Having a sibling was a foreign concept for only children. It was probably even weirder for those that didn't have cousins either, since they wouldn't grow up with any family members their age.

"Aw, we were just having fun, Rose," Emmett grumbled as he folded his arms against his chest. Rosalie allowed Emmett bent down to give her a smooch on her cheekbone. She smacked him on the arm and he chuckled before he went to get into the passenger seat.

With Emmett now getting in the convertible, I got into the back seat of the Volvo. Edward on the other hand tried to grab the car keys from Alice, "come on, it's my car. I should be able to drive at least once."

Alice laughed as she shook her head, "you and your sacred attachment to this car, a concept that I can't understand. But no, darling, I believe that Esme said that I should drive Bella home….not _you_."

Edward tried to grab the car keys from Alice but she giggled and danced out of the way, wriggling her finger to and fro, "I don't think so, love. Better luck next time."

Alice rushed to the driver's side of the car and opened it before she jumped into the driver's seat. Edward rolled his eyes and got into the passenger's seat, shaking his head fondly towards the spunky girl.

"I want what you two have," I admitted, as Alice started the car. Alice smiled at me through the review mirror, "you will have it one day, I am certain of it, Bella. You are worthy of love like Edward and mine's."

I felt my heart become lighter at that. Alice had so much faith in me, so much confidence that I would find me a boy that would love me as much as Edward displayed his love for her.

"Thank you, Alice. That means a lot to me."

Alice reached her hand out and squeezed my hand before she placed her hand on the steering wheel again. My heart skipped a beat or two in uneasiness the few seconds that she had taken her hand away, but it was soon put back on her steering wheel.

The rest of the ride to Charlie's house was spent having random conversations, but when we reached the house I couldn't help but turn to look at them when I got out of the car. Edward rolled the window down so that they could hear the news, but both stiffened as though they knew what it was that I was going to tell them.

"Mike Newton is going to have a trip to La Push down at the reservation in two weeks. Do you want to go? I don't know if I really want to go, it's new territory and I don't know how the natives are going to feel about me," I told them, my face starting revealed the doubtfulness that they would welcome me with open arms.

"Bella, we don't really go down there. We won't be mad about if you decide that you want to go with them," Alice shot a look at Edward, and he sighed but nodded his head. "Just be careful though, you are quite clumsy and we don't need to hear that you sprained an ankle on some rocks."

"I told them that I'd think about it this weekend, anyway, have a good weekend." I waved goodbye to them and headed up the gravel driveway so that I could go up the porch steps. Alice and Edward waited until I had unlocked the front door and entered before they drove away.

Charlie came home on time and he smiled big when he saw that I was in a good mood. He had been concerned since earlier this week but he could tell that I had recovered from my episode on Tuesday.

"Mike Newton invited me and some other friends down to La Push in two weeks…I don't know if I want to go though…" I admitted to him, sitting down on the couch. Charlie was excited but he was hesitating after a moment, he came over and sat down to talk to me.

"Do you remember the Blacks, Bella?"

I shook my head at this question, and Charlie patted my hand before he explained, "Billy is a good friend of mine, been friends with him for decades. Anyway, I would go fishing with him and you were never interested in doing so. You put your foot down, and that was that, there was no discussion or trying to convince you to go…

"You would hang out with Rachel and Rebecca; they are a year older than you. Then there's Jacob, he always followed his dad around. Jacob is probably going to be there with his friends, at the beach, but he's a really eager kid. He'd be really excited to meet you, to see if you remember him.

"You do **_not_** have to go down there if you don't feel comfortable doing so. I will invite Billy and Jacob up here in about three weeks for dinner. Does that sound good?" Charlie probed to me, and I nodded my head.

"Thanks for understanding, Dad," I whispered to him as I leant on his arm, he wrapped his arms around me and held me there for a while. I let him do so; I never thought that I would be lucky enough to have a strong bond with Charlie now.

It felt weird in a way; I had a strange relationship with my own mother, especially with my new step-dad.

We sat in the living room, we were eating some random takeout that we had ordered earlier in the week. I couldn't remember all the different foods that we had collected but I knew that I was ready to finish them off. I especially knew that I needed to get healthier meals for Charlie and me. We both didn't have the best health in the world, so that meant we needed to eat better.

Charlie had flipped the television to some random movie that was playing on a channel. He was excited though, it was some eighties movie and he was telling me about him watching the movie when he was at the police academy and how they had to hide it because they weren't allowed those kind of luxuries.

This made Charlie give anecdotes about the time that he had spent at the academy, and how he had written the cheesiest letters to Renee when he had been away. They had married when they were eighteen, and Renee had me when she was twenty.

She was always against me marrying young, though a part of me didn't want to a bigger part of me really wanted to find someone to get married to. It would assure me that I _could_ get married. That some man out there had looked at me and decided that he wanted me to be his wife.

Eventually it got late enough that I needed to go to bed. I kissed Charlie on the cheek and gave him a hug before I stood up and dragged myself up the stairs. I was already waiting the moment that I would fall asleep, even though I would dream the same dream over and over again of never being able to fully touch Jasper.

I was determined to say hello to Jasper, and to hear how he talked. Rosalie had a commanding, strong female voice. It reminded me of a woman that knew her worth and no man would ever tell her she wasn't worth any time of day. I had to admire that but also be intimidated by Rosalie.

The next morning I woke a little later than I normally did, but got dressed and washed my face along with cleaning my teeth. I brushed out my bird's nest hair, before I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Charlie had written some things onto the grocery list last night when we were pulling out leftovers, he was currently sleeping in.

Looking through the cabinets and the fridge, I finished off writing the grocery list before tucking it into my jean pocket. I sat down on the couch and read some of Wuthering Heights. I had always adored classic literature, British literature to be exact. There was something about British authors that drew me to them.

Charlie came down an hour later, stretching enough that I could hear the cracks of his spine. It wasn't a flinch worthy crack. It just was him stretching and needing some pressure in his back taken out.

"Maybe we should do yoga, Dad." I glanced up from the novel, finding that Charlie was giving me an odd look, before he shook his head. "No thank you, one of the ladies at work does yoga. She's always trying to have us go up to Port Angeles and take a class with her."

"Renee did yoga for a while, when I mean for a while I mean for about a week. She decided that it just didn't suit her in the end. I think she only took it because one of the yoga instructors was handsome and she was trying to get his number," I announced, making Charlie roll his eyes at the antics of Renee.

"Renee has always been something," Charlie told me, "that's what made me fall in love with her in the first place."

I didn't say anything, merely looked back down at my book. I continued reading, allowing Charlie to go into the kitchen and get him something to eat for a late breakfast. I had already eaten, I had another granola bar but I had planned on making a bigger lunch this afternoon so that would makeup for the small breakfast.

Thirty minutes later, we arrived at Thriftway; there was a decent amount of people here on a Saturday, though not enough that would cause my anxiety to flair up. Charlie and I got out of the cruiser and headed into the store, after Charlie made sure to lock the cruiser. Only an idiot would try to steal a cop car, they were just asking for trouble and to be tazed.

"Are you like your mother when it comes to grocery shopping? She always took forever to find something that was on the grocery list, and sometimes she would get things that weren't on the grocery list that didn't even make sense to get," Charlie groaned, remembering nineteen years ago he had gone through his first year of marriage. He must have been dragged to the grocery store.

"No, Dad. I don't like being in public, you know that. I get the things that we need and then we're out," I assured him, going to the first aisle that held things that we needed. I glanced down at the grocery list before I went over to grab the item. I almost dropped the item when I saw Jessica heading into the aisle with her own grocery list in her hand.

She saw me and beamed in excitement. "Bella, it's funny seeing you here! Well not really, it is the grocery store, but us shopping at the same time with each other! Talk about a coincidence, am I right?"

I really, really wasn't in the mood for her loud mouth. I knew that was rude to say that, but it was true. I must have gotten used to the Cullens and Rosalie when it came to their calm composure. I had forgotten that Jessica was a very loud person, and she liked to be the center of attention.

"Hi, Mr. Swan, it's nice to see you," Jessica greeted Charlie, before she rolled the cart towards us. I was tempted to roll my cart away from her, as though I was slowly getting away. My hands touched the cart and Charlie glanced at me in the corner of his eye, as though letting me know that it was rude to do that exact thing.

"I was wondering, have you decided yet if you're going to the beach with us? It would be really fun to be hanging out with you outside of school," Jessica wondered but I looked down at the floor.

I was always known for doing this. It really sucked. I would have friends in the past that would make plans and ask me if I wanted to go but I never went through with them. My social anxiety would flair up and eventually they would stop asking me if I wanted to go places with them.

"I-I'm n-not g-going," I managed to mutter, she heard it though and she seemed to understand, which surprised me. "You've only been here a week, I should have told Mike not to be so eager to get you to come to social settings. I'll let him know that you can't come. And don't be ashamed, Bella, we won't stop being friends with you just because you don't like hanging with us outside of school."

I looked back up and nodded my head, "thank you, Jessica. Would you like to walk around the store with us, when you're getting your groceries?"

"Only if Mr. Swan lets me," Jessica responded before she looked up at Charlie. He nodded his head, "I'm fine with it. Besides I've been wondering how your parents are doing. I haven't seen them in a while."

We spent the time at the grocery store walking around it with Jessica Stanley next to us. She fell into easy conversation with Charlie, she was eager to talk about her parents and just how she liked being my friend. She knew not to talk about the Cullens or the Hales, mainly because of the fact that there wasn't anything for her to report on. They drove me to and from school, which was all.

An hour later we were finished with getting our groceries and I couldn't help but sigh in relief inwardly when Jessica waved goodbye to us, before she headed in the direction of where her car was. Charlie hadn't noticed. He was busy putting things onto the conveyer belt, so I felt relief in that too.

The only thing that annoyed me was that cashier was staring blanety without any shame in his eyes. He looked as though he was a freshman and had pimples that were riddled across his skin. I looked away, finding that Charlie noticed too that the cashier was being rude.

"Look at me, not her," Charlie commanded, making the boy tear his eyes away from me so that he could look at Charlie. "I don't appreciate having people like you looking at my daughter like she's a freak. It's rude and it's uncalled for. You better be lucky that I don't know your last name or else I would tell your parents about the behavior that you're displaying this very moment."

The cashier gulped and quickly scanned the items, looking at the computer this time and not looking back up again. Charlie had done his job and the boy had no intent of looking up until he would give the receipt to Charlie.

There was no one behind us, which made me feel better. I didn't have more people looking at me, waiting for the moment that I would turn to get something off of the belt for Charlie in order to properly look at me. I had people do that in the past, some asking questions that were too personal. Some asked too many questions to begin with. All they wanted to do was pry and see what my reaction would be when it came to their verbal ambush.

We were in the cruiser before long; I looked down at my hands for the duration of the ride. I could tell that Charlie wanted to say something but hadn't found the words to do so. Or maybe he knew that I didn't want to hear what he had to say, or he knew that Renee probably told me the same reassurances so there would be no point in saying them to begin with.

I was putting the groceries away, paying attention on where to put them, when Charlie finally decided to say something, "how often does it happen in Phoenix?"

I paused what I was doing, and didn't answer him for a moment, my hand was stretched out from when I had put the canned vegetables into the cabinet. "More than you can imagine," I whispered to him.

"I thought that things would be different here. I was wrong," I admitted, knowing that this was the last of the discussion that I was going to have with him. I continued putting the groceries up, only stopping when Charlie went to help me. "Don't."

He put his hands up, as though to surrender to me. I hadn't meant to be sharp and to the point but this helped. "Just don't, Dad. Organizing helps."

"Of course, I'll be in the living room."

I put my hands onto the counter, not really doing anything, until I brought my hands up and put them on my face. I ignored the strange ridge and rose up part of my skin where the scar was. I found comfort with closing both of my eyes. The darkness helped, and I couldn't help but wish that both of my eyes had gone blind.

It would be so much easier. I wouldn't have to look at the faces of those who would find too much intrigue in me. I wouldn't feel as though I was some side attraction to a Freak Show.

No tears leaked out of my eyes, I felt too tired and drained to do that. I wasn't actually tired as in needing sleep tired. I was tired because I ached for something different; I needed something to get my mind off of this. I wanted, no I craved, to feel that inner peace that I felt the moment I looked Jasper Hale in the eye.

His eyes were so gentle.

I had never had someone look at me like that, and I **_needed_** it. I needed to see him at least once a day, at school. He could look at me and he wouldn't judge. I knew that his siblings didn't, but the way that he looked at me made me feel…oh I knew I described it all the time but it was true.

I was looking forward to meeting Jasper Hale at last.

 _ **Twilight doesn't belong to me**_


	6. chapter six

Chapter Six

One thing that woke me up on Monday was the feeling of coldness. The other thing happened to be the sudden remembrance of today being the day that I was supposed to officially meet Jasper Hale. I both desired it but feared it at the same time, for I didn't know how he was like. I did not know if he would politely say hello but inwardly wonder why he even said he would be my friend.

Maybe he would be my friend because of the fact that his siblings were, except for Rosalie, but other than that he wouldn't find anything remarkable about me. He was beautiful, gorgeous, though I was not.

I took longer than I usually did when it came to getting ready for the day; I picked out a deep green turtle neck sweater and a nicer pair of jeans. I kept my signature brown boots but had Bobby pins pulling the sides of my hair back. I put on some concealer along with some liquid eyeliner.

I ate my granola bar rapidly when I was downstairs, nervousness wrapping around me. I wasn't looking forward to one thing though, and that happened to be the fact that it was snowing. I hated snow with a passion that no one could understand, if it was too cold then it wouldn't rain. I would be greeted with cold mush that people liked to throw in each other's face.

Putting on my trademark purple Parka, I went upstairs and snatched my white mittens. They were soft and warm; I had bought them before I had come up here. There was nothing remarkable about them. They did what they were supposed to do, and that was keeping my hands warm.

The sound of honking outside resonated and I quickly grabbed my backpack and purse before hurrying outside. I glared miserably up at the sky, as I locked the front door bitterly, threw my key into my purse and rushed in the direction of where the Volvo was—it was against the curb.

Thankfully I hadn't managed to fall down and break my hipbone, though I had to quickly grab the railing of the front porch steps so that I couldn't hit the stairs in a sick thud. Having a broken leg was not what I had wanted or asked for when it came to commemorating this event.

Reaching the Volvo, I opened the back door and slipped in.

Heat circulated around me and I sighed heavenly.

I shut the door behind me and sat upright, noting that Alice was sitting in the driver's seat with excitement brimming in her eyes. She craned her head to the side and then sighed, "I was going to come and surprise you with a wonderful outfit this morning, but I decided that it would be too much."

I blushed, and Alice's eyes grew darker, before they shifted back to their normal hue. I was almost about to crane my head to the side and ask her why her eyes kept changing colors all the time. "I'm just meeting your brother, Alice. It's not like I'm meeting the president or anything."

Alice shrugged, "still, I would dress my best for any event, or nonevent. The world is your runway, own it."

"You have been watching **_The Devil Wears Prada_** too much. Please tell me that you don't force Edward to watch it with you," I groaned, trying not to imagine the sight of Edward having to sit down in front of the television while Alice recited all the script on queue.

"Not _all_ the time, Rose sometimes watches it with Alice. We stopped letting Emmett watch it since he gets too into it." I jumped almost out of my skin from the sound of Edward's voice; he turned his head so that he was looking at me. I narrowed my eyes as I brought my hand up, making sure that my heart was still breathing.

"Sorry, Bella," Edward apologized, while I kept glaring at him for a moment. I finally calmed down enough, my eyes flickering towards the direction of where the car window was. We were passing through the roads…faster than I thought.

"H-How f-fast a-are we g-going, Alice?" I stuttered out, my eyes caught on the trees that were mere blurs to me. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, only pausing briefly, before opening my eyes again.

The window wasn't showing any blurring trees anymore, and it frightened me immensely. I swore that I had just seen what looked like Alice driving at an alarming speed, which if we had hit something would have killed us on impact.

"We're going at a normal speed, Bella. Are you all right?" Alice probed to me, as I peeled my eyes away from the window and looked up at the review mirror. She was peering at me with concern and I frowned, "I-I am. I swore that you were going over a hundred…"

There was no giggle or laughter, merely Alice letting her eyes flicker from looking at me through the review mirror to looking forward again. I kept hands together and swallowed hard, trying to make my heart settle once more. It had felt so real; I couldn't have just imagined it!

"Did you—"

"Yes! I did! I did take my meds. I remembered to take them," I couldn't help but snap, my eyes drawing their attention from looking at my gloves so that I could look at Alice with my one clear eye. She frowned, "I was just making sure."

I sighed and closed my eyes tight, bringing my hands up as though I was going to yank at my hair from the tension that was radiating throughout the car. I just wanted to get out of the car! It was too hot and heavy!

"How far are we from the school?" I probed to them, forcing my hands to loosen up so that I could let my hands hold themselves together. I wasn't paying attention to them; my eyes were focused on my hands again.

"Not that far, Bella."

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, making myself clear all the troubles from my mind. I slowly felt myself relax and when I opened my eyes I saw that we were pulling into campus. I let out a sigh of relief, "I'm sorry for yelling at you, Alice. I know that you were just trying to help."

Alice gave me a sweet smile, "It's quite all right, Bella. In the heat of the moment we all say things that we wish we didn't say, or at least not in the tone that we had said it in." I nodded my head, agreeing with her.

Students were walking throughout the parking lot; some of them were on their phones calling people while others were texting people. A student or two had their skateboards and they were skateboarding around the spots that didn't have any activity, so that they could have some fun.

I pulled my hands away, making sure that I wasn't trying to mess up my gloves. It had happened in the past when I used to come up here before we had worked out the custody agreement again, the car wreck had made Charlie want us to go to court again to make sure that Renee was a proper parent to take care of me.

I would tear holes into my gloves without realization.

Alice pulled into one of the empty parking spots that were closer to the forest in the distance than the school. It was quite pretty; I was starting to find myself liking the scenery a little more. It wouldn't be my favorite place in the world; I still liked Phoenix a whole lot better than Forks. Something amazing needed to happen in order for me to want to actually stay here without feeling an obligation towards my parents.

I unbuckled my seatbelt before I picked up my hood and threw it over me so that the snow wouldn't hit my hair. I opened the car door and got out, my eyes studying the frozen over patches of black ice. I narrowed my eyes at them, they were my obstacle to where I was supposed to go and have my wonderful education.

In the corner of my eye I noticed wavy golden hair, and the next moment I was in the arms of Jasper Hale. I had somehow managed to trip onto black ice. Yet I swore that Jasper wasn't anywhere close to catching me from the catastrophe that was waiting to happen.

My mouth fell open, my eyes widened in marvel as I peered up at the most handsome man I had ever seen. His eyes were what had stunned me. They shifted so suddenly, from the prettiest butterscotch hue I had ever seen to the darkest gold that I never even knew existed. His face was so symmetrical, with the perfect features that would make Michelangelo weep. His deep blond hair fell in gentle waves around his face, curtaining him from the pale sunlight above us.

My heart thundered uneasily in my chest, as waves upon waves of emotions crashed upon me. I felt my heart beat faster and faster and I gasped, as panic overcame me. I closed my eyes and allowed the blackness to take over me.

The next thing I knew I was waking, my left eye taking in the school ceiling, though I could tell that I was lying on what seemed to be the school nurse's many cots, the sanitary wrapping that covered the cot crinkled as I groaned and put my hand to my forehead. A sharp pain hit me and I flinched, I hadn't felt this kind of a headache in a long time.

"Whoa, whoa, careful my dear, you need to save your strength. You were out for a while," the school nurse informed me, as she brought out her hands and helped me up from my lying position.

"I um…" I drifted off, as my eyes wandered over the room where the other cots were.

I couldn't see anyone for a moment, until Alice came into the room and pushed some of the curtains away. She sighed in relief before she made her way in my direction, her eyes showing nothing more than concern.

"Bella, oh Bella, you're all right! You must have been overwhelmed," Alice commented, earning a nod from me. I looked down at my hands, embarrassment flooding me for a moment. I was still recovering from the onslaught of emotions. The biggest was desire, a need to be closer to Jasper.

I had never felt desire before, but the intensity frightened me. No boy had ever made me feel this way, but one look at Jasper Hale made that emotion come out. I shivered in delight at how he looked at me, with so much adoration. I wanted Jasper to look at me like that again.

I didn't want another boy to look at me like that. It wouldn't matter; they wouldn't look at me like that.

I was certain about that.

I looked over Alice's shoulder, hoping that Jasper was behind her to make sure that I was all right.

The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "where's Jasper?"

The school nurse stiffened next to me, she must have known that I was talking about Jasper Hale. She acted as though she was doing something a second later, but I knew that she was going to eavesdrop on the conversation that was between me and Alice.

"He's in the other room; he's really concerned about you. He doesn't know if you want to see him," Alice allowed me to know, very slow and clear. She was very careful; she didn't know what I was planning to do. A second later she rushed forward as I got off of the cot.

My knees almost buckled but I ignored them, pushing off the hands that were around me. I stumbled forward and went in the direction of where the door was. I wanted Jasper to know that there was nothing he should be ashamed of. I must have just felt so much happiness towards finally meeting him, at finally seeing how handsome he was up close that it set off my disorder.

I must have passed out due to that.

"Bella, wait!" Alice called out to me, but I managed to open the door and land in the arms of Jasper. I felt him stiffen once again, but I just held him. I didn't want him to go; I didn't want him to pull away from me.

I knew that I being pathetic, the first boy that ever looked at me like Jasper did and all the sudden I felt this undeniable attraction towards him. I should be ashamed but I wasn't. I soaked in this, I felt like after all that happened to me throughout the years I should be allowed to have this.

"B-Bella?" Jasper's voice was soft, an undertone of southern laced his voice, and I took it eagerly. I felt tears begin to rise at the thought of him deciding that I wasn't worth his time of day.

"P-please don't," I whispered, I felt him stiffen again, I was certain that he was looking at Alice and then at me.

I was certain that he didn't know what to do, and all I could do was keep my arms wrapped around him. I didn't want to think that he was an illusion, and I swore as I held onto his frigid cold body that I couldn't hear a heartbeat.

"Bella?" This time I was certain that it was Alice that had asked this, but I dismissed her as I kept holding onto Jasper.

"Please don't think that I am weak…that I'm not worth your time," I confessed, I felt him reach down and run his fingers through my hair as though to comfort me. I slowly pulled my face away from his chest and peered up at him. The tears kept flowing and Jasper peered at me, a few seconds later I felt an upcoming sense of calmness appear, and the worry taken away.

It wasn't sudden, it was slow and coming but it came. I reached my hands up and rubbed the tears away. I turned to look at Alice, finding that she was looking at me with gentleness. She was waiting to see what her brother would do.

"I would never think that, Bella. From what I have heard from my siblings, you are worth anyone's time. Don't think any different. I would like to learn about you, and see this wonderful girl that I've been told about."

My eyes widened again, and he gave me a reassuring smile. I felt him loosen his arms around me and Alice came up behind me. She reached out and took my hand, "he's right, Bella. Jasper is the most understanding one out of all of us."

The whole time that Jasper was looking at me his eyes remained the same dark golden hue, almost completely black. A part of me felt unsettled at those eyes, and it fought with the calmness that was still around me. It was a struggle between them, and I turned away from him.

"I-I want to go home," I confessed, earning a nod from both the receptionist and the school nurse. "Very well, I will go and call your father—"

"No! No! Please, don't call him!" I cried, embarrassment flooding through me, as the receptionist still had her hand hovering over the office phone. I stepped forward, "please don't. Call…Esme!"

Alice perked up beside me before she nodded her head, "Esme won't mind, she said that she can always help out Charlie when it comes to Bella. She'd be happy to take Bella home, though not under these circumstances."

The receptionist sighed, "I'm sorry, but I have to call your father. I have to make sure with him that it's okay if Mrs. Cullen come and picks you up instead of him. It's a school safety, after all."

I went over to one of the padded chairs that were in the room and sat down, nerves on fire as I imagined that Charlie would be upset with me. I felt mostly embarrassment still. I was so pathetic! I had been overcome with emotion just from looking Jasper in the eye and the next moment I was passed out.

I looked down at the carpet, not looking back up, and fought against the urge to apologize again. I reached my fingers up and began to run them rapidly through my hair, flinching from the pressure I had applied. I only stopped when I felt a cool hand reach out and take mine, making all the worry go away and shame.

I slowly pulled my eyes from looking at the pale hand that was intertwined in mine, the skin so white it would put ivory to shame. I was greeted with Jasper sitting next to me patiently, and relief flooded through me. I reached my other hand up and began to wipe away the tears in my eyes that kept flowing.

"Are you sure that you want to be friends with someone like me? Just look at me Jasper, I'm a mess," I admitted, earning a chuckle from Jasper. Alice spoke, "if you haven't noticed my family, Bella, we're all messes. We're not the little perfect family that everyone likes to believe we are."

I didn't speak after that; instead I submerged myself into the gentleness that Jasper showed to me. I was selfish. I wanted nothing more than his attention focused only on me. The thought of him choosing to put his attention on anyone other than me at this moment made me irritated, it alarmed me. I never thought that I would act like this, like some spoiled brat that wanted a boy's full attention on her and no one else.

Eventually Esme appeared, coming through the front doors of the school office, her eyes glancing around until she noticed me. She hurried forward in another one of her nice sweater ensemble. A pair of really cute designer jeans was on her, and when she turned there was a cute design on the back pockets.

She crouched down and placed her hands on either side of mine, "oh, Bella, please tell me that you're all right."

"Yes, I'm all right, Esme. Thank you for coming," I responded, earning a soft laugh from her that was lightly amused. "Of course I'd be here for you."

Tears began to trickle down my eyes again at the motherly woman in front of me that loved other people's children as much as their parents. She was the woman that would without a doubt take in a child if they needed a safe place to go to. She was without a doubt the kind of woman that would put the children first and then worry about herself second.

Renee wasn't that kind of woman, she wasn't like Esme. She wasn't one who would effortlessly be motherly; she would worry about herself, and would complicate things by over thinking. She would have demanded that she would learn other options before she would do the most life saving.

Esme's golden eyes stunned me, she leant forward and kissed me on the forehead before she stood up and went in the direction of where the receptionist was. She began to fill out paperwork in order for me to be excused for the rest of the day. Beside me I still felt Jasper holding his hand in mine; he had started to rub his thumb against my wrist as though to reassure me that everything was all right.

I stood up, my eyes flickering over to Alice. She made her way towards me, holding out her hands so that I could see she was holding both my purse and my backpack. My purple Parka was in her arms too, though it was at an odd angle so it would be able to fit smugly in her arms.

"Here, Bella." Alice allowed me to take the Parka and I put it on before I turned to look at Jasper. I couldn't help but lean forward and wrap my arms around him, my heart racing in my chest. For a split second I felt him squeeze me a little too hard before he pulled away from me suddenly.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to squeeze you so hard," Jasper mumbled, before he began to make his way towards the office doors that led outside. He turned to look at me, his eyes as dark as they could be, "bye, Bella. I hope you feel better."

Then Jasper walked out of my sight, leaving me with Alice and Esme. I felt a tinge of sadness escape me from the sudden departure and the desire for him to come back. I shook my head, trying to clear it up, before I turned to see that Esme was turning a second later so that she could look at me.

Alice sat my things on a chair near me before she wrapped her arms around me. The frigidness of her skin made me snap out of my thoughts enough to hug her back. She pulled away from me and fixed my Bobby pins in my hair, which had reminded me that I had pulled at my hair in frustration.

I grabbed my purse and backpack, allowing Esme to wrap her arm around mine, lightly tugging me in the direction of where the office doors were. The snow still fell from the skyline above us, making both mine and Esme's hair become sprinkled with mush in our hair. I found no reason why I should find it beautiful, it just meant that my hair got wet and it was cold outside.

When we reached Esme's car I took a moment to pause and turn, having felt a pair of eyes on me.

As soon as I turned to see if I could find the source of the eyes it disappeared, as though I was just imagining the feeling of the eyes to begin with.

I shook my head again to rid these thoughts from my mind, throwing my backpack and purse into the floorboard of the passenger seat. I hopped in and Esme hopped in on the other side, turned on the car and allowed the heat to circulate into the car.

I wanted to ask Esme about Jasper, what he was like. I wanted to ask about what he liked and what he didn't like. I wanted to just learn more things about him, but I kept my mouth clamped shut. I wouldn't know where to start off, and I didn't know what I would do with the information.

Jasper was kind, he was sweet, but there was something about him that made me wonder about him more than just the normal things. I wanted to know why his eyes kept changing, why I didn't hear his heartbeat. I wanted to know why his throat tightened and why it looked like he wasn't breathing.

I wanted to know why when it took only one look in his eyes or just being next to him that I felt calm. I could be having a panic attack and just one look at him would make it go away, and it both frightened but intrigued me.

There was something about Jasper Hale that wasn't normal, but his family was also not as normal as they appeared to be.

What were they hiding from me? And why did I pass out when I looked at Jasper in the eye when he caught me in his arms, when a whole bunch of emotions swirled around me?

* * *

 **author's note:**

 **I just wanted you all to know that I didn't like how I wrote this chapter, before. I like this version a lot better, I feel like it sticks to Twilight more than what I had first written. Let me know if you liked this chapter more. I have also decided to give you an extra special treat, which you will find out in the next chapter.**

 **As always, Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

 **I was only in sixth grade when the first book came out.**

 **-EmmynotEmma**


	7. Jasper's Outtake of chapter six

_Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 6_

I was used to seeing others experience love, I could feel their love wrap around them smug. I had first been overcome with the emotion as a vampire when Peter had met Charolette. I allowed him to run away with the newborn, those crimson irises were connected in one stare. They were mates, and right in that instance I had been certain that they would do whatever it took to stay together.

Many years had passed, I was lost in general, and I didn't have any particular place that I was looking for. I had seen many mates throughout my many years since I had left Maria and each new vampire I met I would not be greeted with a pair of eyes that would take my breath away like it did for Peter and Charolette.

I had been in Philadelphia, and I had been wandering throughout the streets when I felt drawn towards a diner. There was this strong emotion that resonated through that diner, something that tasted like hope.

I was drawn like a fly to a flame and I entered the diner, my eyes scanning over the little half empty diner before my eyes landed on a small pixie like vampire that sat on a vinyl red barstool.

"I've been waiting for you," the short haired vampire spoke, and I couldn't help but step forward so that I could sit down on the stool next to her. I had wondered why I had felt drawn towards this creature; I did not feel any connection that had been described by mates when they first met each other.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," I found myself responding, and she smiled at me.

Fast forward another century, and now I was standing in the school parking lot. I knew that my shoes were shifting on the frozen parking lot. Rosalie was standing to my right and she was leaning against Emmett, he eagerly kept his arm wrapped around her so that he could keep her as close as possible.

They were the ones with the strongest connection towards lust. I dreaded each honeymoon that they would have; I knew that the moment that they said they were going to get married again meant that they were waiting for them to go off to the said honeymoon. I was just thankful that they went to different states and countries now, so I didn't have to feel their lustfulness.

Alice and Edward were the ones with the strongest connection towards being inseparable. There was no way that one would go somewhere that the other wouldn't follow. They had already spent so many years away from each other, they wanted nothing more than to be together forever, especially when we didn't know what had happened to Alice due to her not remembering her human life.

Esme and Carlisle were enamored by each other; they were another case of true mates. They had no moment of distrust. Their love was a rooted example of how the most faithful mates should be. They never grew angry with each other, they grew with each other and they offered to walk with each other to succeed in overcoming an obstacle than doing it separately.

Alice had said that things were changing for me at the beginning of the year, and I had been confused. Edward had chuckled, having thought it was amusing that I was looking at them as though I would have no idea what she meant. A second later though it hit me and I blinked, surprise lighting across my features.

I had been terrified, and I prayed silently that my mate would end up being a vampire. It would be so much easier for me, instead as I was sitting at our lunch table, glaring down at the lunch tray that sat in front of me, when I smelt her come through the side doors of the cafeteria.

I instantly felt my mouth fill with venom and the stiffening of my siblings. I couldn't hear anything other than the blood rush of my mate, and how she was so vulnerable at this very moment. My eyes were completely black and I closed off my breathing, sitting there and staring at the little creature that obviously was my Singer and my mate. The girl that was destined for me, she was a human!

She was curled up against the wall, that annoying loud girl named Jessica had already checked to make sure that my mate was all right but she reassured her everything was all right. Alice was already by her side before I realized it, shooting me a warning glare, before she spoke quietly to Bella.

 ** _"_** ** _I really do hope you're all right."_**

I noted in the corner of my eye that Edward was peering at his own mate with pride. They held such a strange dynamic. They didn't have to show off their love to know that they loved each other.

 ** _"_** ** _Alice? Are you Esme's daughter?"_**

I closed my eyes, soaking in the softness of my mate's voice. She was so, so full of sweetness. Her scent was overall floral; all I could smell was wildflowers. She was so intoxicating, I knew from the moment I smelt her she was the one that was meant to be with me.

Soon Bella asked the important question, on why she couldn't sit with us. I watched as Bella turned completely towards our table so that she could look at me and my siblings. Rosalie was the first one, naturally, and Rosalie happened to be the one who looked at Bella with the iciest stare as possible.

That was Rosalie Hale for you though.

I ignored her peering at my other siblings, even though she was feet away from me I could see her face as clear as day. I could see the concealer on her face, but most of all I could see the vivid scar that ran down the right side of her face. I could see the cloudy right eye that allowed me to know that she was blind.

Fate was cruel, a cruel irony, of which I knew I couldn't escape. Of course I would end up with a mate that would have scars and a blind eye.

She was still beautiful to me, she peered at Emmett next and then she peered at Edward. She wondered why Edward looked the way he did, which in return made Emmett laugh hard. Rosalie touched his arm to make him go quiet, which he did.

Emmett would do anything for his mate, though sometimes he thought that she should cheer up more.

A second later I was greeted with the first look that my mate had given me. I was hit full force with her Panic Disorder. All of her emotions hit me like a train wreck. I was swarmed with fear, panic, anxiety, depression, stress, and so many more emotions. I knew that I had felt almost all of the emotions that she had gone through. All I wanted to do was take the pain away.

I focused my whole attention on her, making sure that she would feel calm. I saw her muscles relax and she wasn't as tense as before. I was able to hear, **_"Jasper has pretty eyes,"_** before I was met with her fated blush.

In less than two seconds I was gone, I booked it out of the cafeteria. I had to get away from her, I couldn't be anywhere near Isabella Swan. I couldn't risk the chance of ripping her throat open.

"Hey, calm down, Jazz. Nothing bad is going to happen," Emmett spoke, trying to reassure me. I could tell that there was tenseness that was in the air.

Even Rosalie seemed as though she was hanging on a thin wire, but she also had anger. I knew it was directed towards Bella, though it was because of the fact that Rosalie had never made it a secret that she hated that Carlisle made her a vampire.

The only good that came out of it was Emmett, but other than that Rosalie could say that the vampire life she had been given was useless.

My eyes flickered towards the campus's main road as soon as I heard the Volvo engine. Edward's car was soon found going down that strip of road, and then heading in our direction. I felt my body tense even worse, and I stopped breathing all entirely, preparing myself to meeting Bella properly.

The Volvo was parked a good couple of parking spots away, I'd have to walk a little while to get to Bella. I was certain that Alice parked that far away so Bella's scent wouldn't hit me full on and send me into complete blood lust. The fact that I hadn't fallen into blood lust, except for that moment in the cafeteria when she blushed, still surprised me.

Soon enough the back Volvo door opened and my tiny mate came out with her purple Parka's hood up to make sure that she couldn't have any snow fall on her dark locks. Her eyes were focused on the ground as she started walking, making sure that she wouldn't trip on any of the black ice.

She had barely made five steps before I found myself wrapping my arms around her, having sensed that she was about to slip on a patch of black ice. She stared up at me, and I stared helplessly down at her. I let out all my emotions to her, all the love and adoration and patience I had for her but also the desire and blood lust in my eyes.

My talent to changing emotions around me only made things worse, I was too enraptured by this beautiful girl that in seconds she passed out. She went limp in my arms and I stared down at her in shock.

Then the panic set in, I held her against me as hard as I could without breaking her and began to jog in the direction of where the front office of the school was. I knew that the office that the school nurse had was connected to the front office. Behind me I could sense that Alice was telling our other siblings that they needed to go back to class and that she would be here for me and Bella.

To say the least when the receptionist saw me rushing through the office doors with Bella in my arms she was shocked. Alice was behind me, she was rushing forward with me. I didn't even notice that Edward was given a soft and quick kiss from Alice in reassurance that everything was going to be all right.

"Where's the school nurse? She passed out," I spoke, making the receptionist blink a few seconds, and then she snapped out of it. Thankfully the school nurse heard us and opened her door, her own eyes widening at the sight.

She wasn't as spell bound as the receptionist was, instead she ushered me in with Bella before letting me sit her down on the cot. "Let me know when she wakes, okay?"

The school nurse paused where she was, frowning, before she turned to look at me, "Mr. Hale—"

I lightened the air around the woman, enough that she was more concerned about Bella than anything else. She nodded her head, "very well. I'll write an excuse note for you. Please wait in the office."

I nodded my head, my eyes flickering towards Bella one last time. She lay limp on the cot, her eyes closed and features smooth. I could tell that there was no pain in the air around her; she looked as though she was merely sleeping. It assured me enough to walk out of the room and sit down in one of the padded chairs.

It was strange, I sensed the exact moment when she woke up. I could feel her blood rushing through her veins again, and I tightened my grip on the arms of the padded chair. I made sure to keep my attention on the arms, to make sure that I would not make any dents into it.

 ** _"_** ** _I…um…"_**

Alice headed into the nurse's office, leaving me at the padded chair. She knew that I was concerned about my mate, but she also knew that I needed to not be the one to walk in there. I could feel the eyes of the receptionist on me; she was looking at me with weariness. I could sense that she didn't know how to feel about me.

Everyone in Forks felt this type of protectiveness when it came to Bella Swan. They knew what she had gone through; they had written countless get well cards for Bella when she was in the hospital. They wanted Bella to feel the safest that she could feel. That was why they were weary about me along with my siblings, if it weren't for Carlisle and Esme I was certain that they would make sure that Bella wouldn't have a chance to be alone with any of us.

I tensed up even more when I sensed an overwhelming desire waffle out from the room behind me. I felt my mouth become wetter with venom, all I wanted at the moment was to drink every single drop of her blood. I was certain that it would be the sweetest blood that I would ever taste.

 ** _"_** ** _Where's Jasper?"_**

I shot up instantly and headed towards the door that led into the nurse's office. She was asking for me, she wanted to know where I was. Warmth washed through me, but so did fear. I didn't know if I wanted to feel these vivid emotions, especially ones that were worse for wear when it came to Bella.

The door was swung open and Bella came stumbling out before she wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me. My eyes widened but I eagerly, greedily, selfishly wrapped my arms around her. If vampires could cry I was certain that I would be having tears dripping down my cheekbones.

"B-Bella?" I probed to her, feeling shame flow through her and confusion. I wanted to hold her forever and tell her that none of this was her fault.

"P-please don't," Bella begged, Alice had told me that Bella was known for stuttering when she was overcome with emotion. I eagerly held her, wanting to let her know, again, that there wasn't anything that she should feel ashamed of.

I dismissed Alice calling out her name.

"Please don't think that I am weak…that I'm not worth your time," Bella pleaded, and without a second thought I actually reached down and ran my fingers through her hair. Her hair was so soft, and she was just so beautiful. She didn't want me to think that she was weak. She wasn't weak! She was strong, so strong!

I focused on making her calm, but not too sudden. She had already felt too overwhelmed for the day; I didn't want her to have another panic attack due to my talent that I had been bestowed with.

"I would never think that, Bella. From what I have heard from my siblings, you are worth anyone's time. Don't think any different. I would like to learn about you, and see this wonderful girl that I've been told about."

I gave her a reassuring smile, and loosened my arms from around her. Alice came up and was the one to speak this time, "he's right, Bella. Jasper is the most understanding one out of all of us."

Bella peered at me, directly into my eyes, and I had a weird feeling envelope me. She was unsettled, and it fought against the calmness I tried to keep around her. If I had an actual functioning heart I was certain that it would be beating harshly in my chest, but it lay dormant in my body, just like my other organs.

"I-I want to go home," Bella confessed, earning a nod from both the receptionist and the school nurse. "Very well, I will go and call your father—"

"No! No! Please, don't call him!" Bella cried, embarrassment flooding through her, as the receptionist still had her hand hovering over the office phone. She stepped forward, "please don't. Call…Esme!"

Alice perked up beside her before she nodded her head, "Esme won't mind, she said that she can always help out Charlie when it comes to Bella. She'd be happy to take Bella home, though not under these circumstances."

I stared at her, quietly, patiently, knowing that I couldn't enjoy her arms around me any longer. I stood off to the side. Alice shot me a look, one that let me know she felt sorry for me, and how life seemed to think that it was a cruel joke to mess with me like this.

The receptionist sighed, "I'm sorry, but I have to call your father. I have to make sure with him that it's okay if Mrs. Cullen come and picks you up instead of him. It's a school safety, after all."

Bella headed over to one of the padded chairs and sat down. My throat tightened every second, and I hadn't breathed a single bit since I had first seen her this morning. It was a good thing that I wouldn't die from deprived oxygen.

I knew that a part of me died on the inside as she reached her hands up and began to run her fingers through her hair, rapidly. I sat down next to her and reached my hand out, letting it rest on hers.

Bella sniffled as she brought her free hand up and wiped away at the tears that were falling down her cheekbones.

"Are you sure that you want to be friends with someone like me? Just look at me Jasper, I'm a mess," Bella admitted, earning a chuckle from me. Alice spoke, "if you haven't noticed my family, Bella, we're all messes. We're not the little perfect family that everyone likes to believe we are."

I both thought that it was funny, but also sad that what Alice said was true. My family was not the perfect family that everyone liked to believe we were. I was certain that if Bella knew the truth, if she knew that we were vampires she would leave us, leave _me_ , forever.

Bella snuggled down on me, and I enjoyed it immensely. I could taste in the air the emotion of selfishness. She wanted me all for herself, and I wanted her. We both desired to be together, to not be separated. I understood what it meant to have a mate now; I understood why Alice and Edward never wanted to be separated.

Eventually though Esme came through the office doors, dressed in her simple but beautiful clothes. Her eyes landed on Bella and relief sunk itself into Esme, she had already claimed Bella as another daughter of hers. She claimed that the first time that she had seen Bella she had felt in her heart that God was telling her that Bella was meant to be with us.

She crouched down and placed her hands on either side of Bella's, "oh, Bella, please tell me that you're all right."

"Yes, I'm all right, Esme. Thank you for coming," Bella responded, earning a soft laugh from her that was lightly amused. "Of course I'd be here for you."

I rubbed my thumb against her wrist, making sure that Bella would know that I was here for her. She had relaxed when I had done this, and while Esme had gone to check out

Bella stood up, her eyes flickering over to Alice. She made her way towards Bella, holding out her hands so that we could see she was holding both Bella's purse and backpack. Bella's purple Parka was in her arms too, though it was at an odd angle so it would be able to fit smugly in her arms.

"Here, Bella." Alice allowed Bella to take the Parka and she put it on before she turned to look at me. Bella couldn't help but lean forward and wrap her arms around me, her heart racing in her chest. For a split second I squeezed her a little too hard before I pulled away from me suddenly.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to squeeze you so hard," I mumbled, before I began to make my way towards the office doors that led outside. I turned to look at her, my eyes as dark as they could be, "bye, Bella. I hope you feel better."

I stepped out and walked away from the office doors, all the while knowing that I had done something that I never thought that I would do. I had managed to stay in one contained building with my human mate without slitting her throat open.

I chuckled quietly as I strolled in the direction of where the trees, knew that Carlisle would be proud of me. He and Esme said that God had a special mate in store for me. They had me go into Carlisle's office so that we could sit down together and talk about Bella when she first came here.

Carlisle had quietly told me about Bella, and how emotionally troubled she was. He told me that I needed to stand off to the side and send more calm emotions towards Bella, but Alice hid the fact that Bella was my mate until the early morning of the day that I was to meet Bella.

I had been angered, betrayed by the fact that Alice had hid this world changing event from me. Edward hid it from me too; the two of them always hid stuff from the family when it came to future events. They held more secrets from the family than they did with each other.

Hearing the sound of Bella about to come through the front doors of the office building, I sped forward until I reached the outer edge of the trees and peered out. She was heading in the direction of where Esme's car was and Esme had her arms wrapped around Bella to make sure that she was all right.

Bella didn't notice it but Esme glanced over at me, sending me a raised eyebrow as though she knew that I wasn't that sneaky. I gave a sheepish smile, though when Bella turned to look at me I sped far away. I headed in the direction of where the house, knew that I needed to sit down and wait for Carlisle to come back from the clinic so that we could talk.

I needed to know more about Bella Swan if I was going to try my hardest to be with her. I wanted a fighting chance to be with her.

* * *

 **PLEASE TELL ME THAT I DID A DECENT JOB ON WRITING IN JASPER'S PERSPECTIVE! I found it extremely** **hard** **to write in his perspective, so please tell me if I did a good job. If it is one thing that I hate is reading a fan fiction where the outtake of a chapter doesn't fit the character's personality at all.**

 **Anyway, Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

-It'sEmmynotEmma

 **PS: I have extreme anxiety, enough that I can't go out in public without thinking if I'm going to get anxious. I'm only in my early twenties, not even 25 yet and I still live with my parents. My disorder makes it hard for me to be as independent as I want, but I have been looking for a puppy that I train to become my Emotional Support Dog. If you believe in God, please pray that I will find the puppy that is meant to be for me soon!**


	8. chapter seven

Chapter Seven

I soon found myself the center of attention when it came to my fellow eleventh graders. Over night I became the newest fascination, especially when it came to the fact that I had managed to capture the whole attention of the Cullens and the Hales. It was something that none of my classmates ever tried to do, and they watched me to make sure that I was all right.

I couldn't count how many times that Jessica and Angela was asking if I wanted to go to the Girls' Choice Spring Dance. I tried to tell them countless times that dancing wasn't my thing, especially when I remembered inwardly about me being announced as the homecoming queen when I was in seventh grade. I had soon learnt that it was just a joke; they wanted to make me feel good about myself before letting me know that they had staged the whole thing.

It was really awkward when I was sitting at the kitchen table, my eyes trailing over the window that was above the sink when I heard the clearing of Charlie's throat. I turned to look at him, and he shifted his spoon in the chili that I had made for us (it was really cold that night).

"What is it, Dad?" I probed to him, letting my eyes flicker down at my chili. It was all right, it just a random recipe that I had found online. I never really ate it that much, but I wanted to try this recipe with Charlie at least once.

The spring dance wasn't until March, and everyone was already acting as though it was next week. It left a sour taste in my mouth. I detested dances and I detested proms. I could go without them. Besides I'd be saving money from the expensive dresses and the makeup I'd have to wear.

"Are you going to the dance?" Charlie grumbled, making me sigh and stir my spoon into the chili. "I don't know…you know how clumsy I am. And you know how much I hate social interactions."

"Why don't you go with Alice?" Charlie questioned, making me shake my head. "Why not, isn't that what girls do? They go to dances together…"

"Usually as last resorts or to express their independent women views, but Alice is going with Edward. Rosalie is going with Emmett…." I drifted off, stopping when I realized that only one person was left.

The only good thing about Charlie being friends with Carlisle and Esme was the fact that he wasn't weirded out by the romantic dynamic the whole family had. He soon came to realize that as long as they weren't blood related then there should be no reason why they should be shunned from society because of who they loved.

"What about the twin? Is he going with anyone?" Charlie continued to press me; I almost groaned and dropped my head onto the table. If it weren't for the bowl of chili that sat in front of me I would have.

"His name is Jasper, Dad, and no. Alice told me that he's not really into dances to begin with…" I finally had someone to share my misery of social events like homecoming and prom and the spring dance with.

What was the point of having a dance that celebrated the season? I saw no point in going to a winter dance or a spring dance.

"Well—"

"Dad, please! Just stop, I don't want to go to the dance. I'd rather stay home in my pajamas and read or listen to music," I protested, my voice almost becoming whinny in order to make sure that he would stop.

I was only able to confirm this when I went to school the next day and Mike came skipping up to me. At least now he went up to my left side. Ever since the whole fiasco that happened in the gymnasium Mike made sure that he wouldn't face the wrath of the Cullens and the Hales for accidentally scaring me.

"Hi, Bella, I was wondering if you could ask me something?" Mike strolled with me, as I gripped my textbooks and spiral notebooks in my arms. "No, Mike. I'm not interested in going to the dance."

Mike sighed and frowned, "why? Are you going with Jasper Hale or something and you're just saying no to spare stringing me along?"

I paused where I was. I knew that my face was beginning to flush harder than I ever thought it could and I was certain that Mike had a smug look on his face at the fact he thought that he had gotten it right.

"Wh-what if I am?" I looked up and squared my shoulders, just to see what Mike would do when it came to this piece of information. Mike widened his eyes, having not expected me to actually say that I was, "ugh, um, congrats then?"

 _Not that I would ask for your approval to begin with_ —I thought to myself before I continued forward. Mike stayed by my side until he had to go in another direction all entirely. I was just happy that my stuttering hadn't deterred him from believing that I was going to the dance with Jasper Hale.

I hadn't expected to go into Trig and find myself entering a room where it was devoid of conversations. It was almost as though my classmates were waiting for me to arrive instead of the teacher. It unnerved me and I looked down at my shoes, making sure that I wasn't looking up.

I had barely gotten to my seat before Jessica decided that she should swoop in and have a conversation with me. "So Mike told me something really interesting this morning, by the way, thanks for rejecting him….I've been meaning to ask him to the dance. That's beside the point, what I'm really interested in is the fact that you told him that you're going to the dance with Jasper Hale."

I was sitting on the left side of the classroom, so I couldn't see the other students that were on my right side. I didn't know if I should be glad by this, or if I should feel even more unsettled because I could tell that whole side of the classroom was staring me down to learn the truth.

"Ah….um…" I wasn't filled with panic this time; I just didn't know what to say. I was confused; I knew that I had gotten myself into a tricky situation. I wasn't interested in going to the dance but now I smiled at the thought of dancing around the gymnasium with Jasper.

I would be wearing a long sleeve dress, of course, but I would have pretty flower hairclip on and the dress would be a stunning purple. Alice would help me with my makeup, and maybe I'd be wearing some black or silver high heels. Ones that obviously weren't going to make me break my ankle, but I would wear high heels at a silly social event like a dance for Jasper.

Apparently Jessica knew that she wasn't going to get anything out of me because when I brought myself back to reality she wasn't standing in front of me. Then again seeing Mr. Varner entering the classroom could dispel any conversations that anyone was planning on having.

I wasn't surprised when he called on me to answer a problem, even forcing me to get up from my desk so that I could go up to the whiteboard. He was standing near me, loaming over me with a sparkle in his eye that let me know he liked putting me on the spot. He knew about my Panic Disorder yet he wanted me to be displayed like this so that he could torture me.

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, as the expo marker that was in my hand began to shake, I didn't cry. I just tried to calm my breathing. Mr. Varner snickered at me; apparently he was pleased that he was making me have my anxiety rise up within me. It had been dormant so far today, I hadn't reached this level of anxiety for a couple of days and now he had to ruin this.

"I-I d-d-don't k-n-k-know," I managed to stutter out, feeling the expo marker slip from my fingers and onto the ground. In seconds I was crying, tears were cascading down my cheekbones and I reached my hands up to wipe away the tears.

I started to head towards the classroom door. I needed some fresh air. I couldn't function with all the eyes around me, everyone anticipating what I would do. I opened the classroom door and slipped out before I fell onto the ground and wrapped my arms around me.

"Bella, what happened?" I looked up, my eyes blurry but I could see through my left one the beautiful figure of Rosalie Hale in front of me. I reached my hands up and wiped away my tears, "N-nothing, Rose."

Rosalie looked as though she was fighting a war in her mind, she thought for a minute before she seemed to have come up with a decision. "It was Mr. Varner, wasn't it?"

I nodded my head, allowing her to know that her guess was true. She helped me up from the ground and told me to stay where I was. I watched as the beautiful and quiet girl rounded the corner, like a woman on a mission.

It wasn't even five minutes before Mr. Greene came around the corner with Rosalie in tow. When he reached me his eyes widened and he stopped in front of me, "I am sorry for what has happened to you, Miss Swan. I will try my best to fix this. I will not allow any teacher or student of mine to bully another person for a condition or disorder that they cannot help."

Rosalie stood next to me as Mr. Greene entered the classroom. As the door shut behind him I craned my head up to look at Rosalie, "R-Rose…"

Rosalie sighed and she looked down at her high heels before she brought her head up from looking down. She didn't look at me, she just looked to the side, and "I'm not a heartless creature, Bella," slipped from her lips.

I looked back down at my hands, letting my fingers intertwine together as I took some deep breaths again. I flinched at the sound of screaming resonating throughout the classroom; Rosalie had a small smirk appear on her warm red lipstick coated lips, as though she liked the thought of repercussions.

"Besides, you're friends with my family. The least I can do is be nice to you, be there and help you when I can," Rosalie confessed as she reached her fingers up to push her hair behind her ear.

Mr. Varner came storming out of the classroom and the entire building, shooting me one nasty look, before he hurried off in the direction of where his car was. Mr. Greene appeared next, straightening his tie.

"Thank you, Miss Hale, for bringing attention on this subject of matter. You are excused for the rest of this hour by me, and you may attend to Miss Swan if you wish or have her go to the nurse," Mr. Greene informed us, as his eyes flickered away from Rosalie and to me. He, like others, still had that confused aura in their eyes. A twinkle that let everyone know that they were still spellbound by the mystery that made up the Cullens and Hales.

"I would like to go to the nurse," I admitted, as I looked down at the ground, before hearing Rosalie telling Mr. Greene that she was going to walk me to the office. Mr. Greene entered the classroom again and shut the door behind him.

Rosalie turned and waited for me to gather my things up from the ground before we headed in the direction of where the office was. "U-um, Ros-se…"

Rosalie tilted her head a little in my direction, her beautiful mascara and makeup face held the best contour that I had ever seen on a woman (Alice came a close second but Rosalie took the cake when it came to looking the most like a model), and her expensive crimson silk blouse along with dark washed jeans and black heels made her look as though she was attending a fashion event instead of an actual normal school day in Forks, Washington of all places.

"Yes?" Rosalie reached out and grabbed my arm to keep me from almost tripping over a crack in the concrete. She righted me and peeled her perfect hands from me; her acrylic fingernails still a stunning red like her blouse.

"Do-Do you h-hate me?" I looked glumly down at my hands, paying attention to only my hands and how my fingers were beginning to pick at each other. Rosalie stopped us and took my hands so that they couldn't start peeling off skin. I had created cuts on my hands and fingers in the past for doing so.

"Bella, I don't hate you," Rosalie told me, her vivid topaz irises caught my meek brown eyes. Her eyes were focused on only my left eye, so it soaked in all that those eyes in front of me held. I could tell that there was a maelstrom of emotions that were deep within Rosalie Hale and I dared not ask about a single one.

"Thank you, Rose. You can head back to your class if you want, I know the way to the nurse." I began to move forward and Rosalie rolled her eyes as she started to walk at my pace. I tried to fight the urge to smile, but I lost easily.

We didn't talk the rest of the way to the office. There was no point to. I didn't feel this overwhelming emotion to tell Rosalie all the different things that I had effortlessly told Alice and Edward. She wasn't the friendliest person in the world, but she must have loved her family a whole lot to tell me that she would allow me in her life (just barely to begin with) in order for them to have me in theirs.

The devotion that the Cullens and Hales had as a family still stunned me, for I knew many teenagers back in Phoenix that didn't have that devotion. They wouldn't even try to fix things between their family members, when it could have been fixed with a little bit of actual verbal confirmation on whether or not what was happening, or what they were being accused of, was true.

I had opened the front door of the school office building, and turned so that I could tell Rosalie thanks again for her walking me to the office. I had barely turned when I didn't even see her standing next to me to begin with. I furled my eyebrows, my eyes flickering over the area that surrounded me but it looked as though nothing had disturbed the ground around me except for me.

The receptionist welcomed me into the office, the only thing that made things a lot easier in a way was the fact that it seemed as though Mr. Greene had called up here to inform them that I was coming. I didn't know if I should find comfort in that or if I should feel embarrassed.

I had been to the school nurse more times than even the principle could count but I still didn't like having to go more than at least three times a month.

Some months I would be lucky and only go once or twice when I was in Phoenix. The fact that I was about to reach my third time going to the school nurse in the entire two weeks that I had been here in Forks made me want to wrap myself up in a blanket like a burrito and go to sleep.

I wasn't welcomed with a blanket on the cot when I entered the nurse's office. I was almost tempted to ask her for one but I didn't. I merely draped the coat over me before I closed my eyes and snuggled onto the cot as best as I could. I knew that this little short power nap would help me.

When I woke up, I was being gently shaken by ice cold hands. My eyes fluttered open and I turned on my side so I could see that it was Alice that was standing in front of me with relief in her eyes. In the doorway I could see the blond curls that let me know that it was Jasper that had come too.

"L-Let me sleep," I groaned as I tried to wrap my coat around me better. Alice giggled, "You need something to eat! Come on, Bella."

I swore I heard the most beautiful laugh in existence resonate throughout the air, letting me know that it was Jasper that had laughed. I sat upright, blushing deeply at the smile that was on his features along with his dark irises.

"Fine," I sighed, before Alice helped me up from the cot. I fixed the coat so that I could have it actually on again, before we walked out of the nurse's office and into the main office.

I felt the cold air around me envelope me, causing me to yawn from the frigid air. It didn't help either that the two people that were on either side of me were as cold as an iceberg too.

Though that didn't mean anything subconsciously, my heart stopped for a second when I realized that I had fallen into Jasper's side. He had his arms wrapped around me, making sure that the coat had well heat instillation.

"Oh, I-I'm s-sorry, Jasper," I mumbled, as I went to pull away from him, only for him to keep his arm around me. Jasper let one of his hands cover mine, making me loosen up as I focused on him.

"Your sister helped me," I admitted a moment later, earning Alice to nod her head. "I know that she seems like she doesn't really care about anything, or anyone, but she's putting an effort in for you, Bella. I wish I could say that I was completely surprised by her action, but she _is_ my sister."

"Technically speaking, Jasper's her sister," I pointed out, making Alice open her mouth as though to retort me. Jasper on the other hand laughed again, "That's right, I am technically Rose's twin, Alice."

"You have to admit though, Jazz—"

I stiffened as we turned the corner to the cafeteria, noting that students were entering the building and that with each opening and closing of the doors my heart raced in my chest. I took some deep breaths and squeezed Jasper's hand. Immediately Jasper lightly squeezed mine back so that I would know he was there for me.

"Are there any outdoor tables or benches that I can eat at today? I don't want to be in there," I confessed, my voice meek and quivering, as my eyes scanned around the area in order to look for some picnic table or just random bench that I could sit at today when it came to eating lunch.

I sighed in relief when I saw one. I began to make my way towards the picnic table so that I could sit down and relax only to pause when I felt the soft touch of a hand still in mine. I let my eyes flicker away from the oak shelter and to the teenager that was a shelter to me, Jasper Hale.

"I'll go get you something to eat," Jasper decided, only for me to frown and open my mouth. I was prepared to tell him that I would rather his sister be the one to get me my lunch but I knew it wouldn't matter. Jasper had already let his hand drift from mine and begin to head in the direction of where the cafeteria was.

Alice wrapped her arm around mine and lightly pulled me towards where the picnic table was before sitting me down. She stayed with me, sitting across from me, but seemed to be waiting until Jasper would come back so that she could go and get her something to eat…though I had noted that neither her or her siblings ever ate anything when they were at lunch.

That made no complete sense in my opinion. How could they be able to go around and not worry about having to get something to eat? A person could not live without food; they would eventually starve themselves to death. It was common knowledge, especially when it came to the fact that their adoptive dad happened to be a doctor.

"Are you hungry, Alice?" I couldn't help but ask her, making her look away from the windows that looked into the cafeteria to me. She peered at me, but no expression seemed to catch me off guard or make me weary of her. She shook her head, "no. I had a big breakfast this morning. Esme likes to stuff us full of food in the morning, since it _is_ the most important meal of the day."

In the corner of my left eye I noted that Jasper had walked out of the cafeteria with Emmett coming up behind him. I was certain that Rosalie and Edward were together in the cafeteria. She had surprised me with her random act of kindness this morning; it was obvious that she wasn't going to surprise me again by randomly coming out and sitting down at the picnic table with me, her twin, and Alice.

Emmett beamed brightly at me when he noted that I had seen him. I brought my hand up to wave at him, in an awkward manner, but a wave nonetheless. He jogged over to me and plucked me up from the picnic table bench to give me a small, but strong hug that I swore almost killed me.

Emmett sat me down onto the bench and plopped down next to me, "how are you feeling, little lady?" I shrugged, "I've felt better, to be honest."

Jasper craned his head to the side as I looked up at him; I had been looking at Emmett's strong hand that was on the picnic table. I still couldn't believe that Emmett was this large, he looked as though he could break the picnic table into little splinters with just one little squeeze.

"W-What is it, Jasper?" I couldn't help but probe as I reached my fingers up to run my fingers through my hair. I tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, while I flushed under the soft attention I was receiving from Jasper.

His eyes darkened immediately, and my heart ceased for one second, before it began beating again. He cleared his throat, "um…here you go, and I didn't get you a lot. But you still need something to eat…"

Jasper pushed the tray of food over to me. I reached out to take the tray, pausing when my fingers brushed against his. I closed my eyes and relished the way he made me feel so cared for. I didn't have to be looking at him; just one brush of ourselves touching made me feel safe and cared for.

"Thank you, Jasper."

I opened my eyes and picked up the apple that was on the tray before taking a large bite into it. The crunch reverberated and soon I was welcomed with Emmett deciding to tell us a humorous story about him going camping with Rosalie the last time that it was sunny (I was greeted with the knowledge that the Cullens and Hales would go camping whenever there was a rare sunny day in Forks as the introduction of Emmett's story so I wouldn't be confused), and how she wouldn't talk to him for a week because of the fact that he had pushed her into the lake when they had been hiking.

Every now and then I would look at Jasper and see that he had a troubled look upon his features. His eyes were strained with a clouded emotion, and his jaw was clenched as though he was fighting against something in him that wanted him to do something that he didn't want to do.

It was apparent that Jasper struggled with himself much more than I struggled with myself.

* * *

 **Nala Moon** : _I pray that you will feel better, and that God will bring you an emotional support dog once more that will love you unconditionally. I know it won't replace your last one but I still hope you find another good dog! And thank you, anxiety is something that isn't written much and I know it's one thing to look it up if someone doesn't have anxiety but I always find that it is something that is especially emotional for someone who deals with the mental illness (I'm probably rambling and pointing out the obvious but still!). I for one have epilepsy and when writing about it I pour my heart and soul into it._

 **lyds11** _:_ _I have indeed found the puppy destined for me! It's back in my home town/city, that is six hours away and he's the cutest little thing ever! I've decided to name him Icarus, 'Ica' for short. I will be getting him on the 18th._

 **Mushroom10** : _thank you for the prayers!_

 **Shellbean:** _thank you for the advice! My hardest year was my junior year of high school, it wasn't anxiety but it was severe depression. I was contemplating unintentional suicide. I wanted to take sleeping pills to go into coma. I'm 22 now, and am not suicidal anymore. So yes, it is reassuring to find people that struggle with the same things as you. so you can talk about it (I go to therapy too!) I hope you're doing well right now!_

 **Guest:** _thank you for the review, but due to my anxiety I don't like feeling as though I have to feel pressured to post a certain amount of chapters in one update. Sometimes I will post more than one chapter in one update, but as of right now I'm just posting one chapter at a time. I will write more about Jasper's point of view, so those chapters will be posted with the chapter before it in Bella's point of view. And thank you for the rating._

 **vicky86:** _thank you for the review!_

 ** _as always: Twilight doesn't belong to me_**


	9. chapter eight

Chapter Eight

I wasn't brave. I knew that I wasn't brave, yet what I thought I was about to do was the bravest thing that I had done so far.

It was silly, to think that this was brave. Yet I knew that I needed to do this, especially before Alice and Edward took me home.

School had ended and I was heading towards the trademark silver Volvo when I spotted Jasper standing near Rosalie's convertible. Rosalie was leaning against the convertible and she ran her finger against the hood of the car. Emmett was leaning against the car next to her, his arm smug around her waist. They looked like the perfect model couple for a car magazine cover.

Jasper had been looking off to the side, having seemed to be deep in thought, until he seemed to sense me heading towards the cars. He turned, his gentle golden irises were patient as though he could wait for as long as it took for me to arrive at the cars so that I could say goodbye to him.

When we reached them, I slowly made my way towards Jasper. Alice plopped down onto the hood of the Volvo, despite the fact that Edward was rolling his eyes at his girlfriend. She seemed content with sitting Indian styled on the hood of the car, one that her boyfriend and adoptive brother loved.

I stopped in front of Jasper and kept my eyes towards the ground, despite the fact that I knew I could drown in those beautiful eyes of his. "Um…J-Jasper, c-can I t-talk to you, a-alone?"

I hadn't noticed that Emmett had wiggled his eyebrows at Jasper, or Jasper shooting an irritating glare at his brother. I was of course still looking at the ground. "Of course, Bella, let's walk a little away."

Jasper's hand was next to mine, my eyes zeroed on the ivory skin. I took his hand, the familiar coolness allowed me to know that he was really next to me. I _eagerly_ took it and Jasper looked down at our connected hands, before we started to make our way off to the side where I was certain that his siblings couldn't interrupt us.

"Yes, Bella, what did you want to talk about?" Jasper probed to me, he was as always patient. I found that was something that I adored, that I had started to come to love. **_Love_** …oh, I found myself loving things about Jasper without truly knowing him.

I loved how he listened to me in the very short moments that we were together, and how he made me feel comfort…I was certain that before long I would fall off the deep end and submerge myself in love when it came to him.

It would be so effortless. Yet, I wondered what it was that had stopped me from jumping all the way into the depths below. It must have been the fact that I didn't know what was going on; the way that he and his family acted was peculiar. It was almost as though they were faking being human.

That was absurd though, wasn't it? Of course the Cullens and the Hales were human. They were alive, weren't they? I might not see them eat, but that didn't mean that they didn't eat. I probably had just imagined the whole Jasper not having a heartbeat when I had hugged him.

"Bella, are you all right?"

I blinked away the thoughts and gave a sheepish smile at Jasper, "oh, yes. Sorry, I was lost in thought…I was going to ask you if you were all right with the thought of going to the dance with _me_."

I didn't give him time to respond to me, for I began to speak again, "I mean I don't know if you even like dances to begin with. I haven't had the best experiences with dances in the past, just look at me. I was nothing more than a joke at the dances, nothing more than a freak…a pity case."

My breath got caught in my throat when Jasper reached his free hand up and ran his fingers through my hair. My eyes widened as I peered up at Jasper, a soft wind came and gently blew at his curls. I couldn't help but close my eyes and reach my own free hand up to put over his hand. I kept our hands against my face and just absorbed myself into the feeling of his hand against my cheekbone.

"You're not a freak or a pity case, Bella. I would love to go to the dance with you," Jasper whispered to me, making my heart flutter in my chest at the softness that he spoke to me with. I never had a boy ever be like this to me and I fought the urge to have tears drip down my cheekbones in happiness at the fact that he had accepted.

Jasper seemed to have sensed this because he chuckled and wrapped his arms around me before he pulled me against him. I continued to fight the urge, and after a moment I pulled away from him. I could hear snorting behind me, along with the sound of someone making a whipping noise, allowing me to know that it was probably Emmett. Seconds later I could hear the sound of whimpering and Emmett mumbling about how Rose was being mean.

"Okay, well um, see you," I managed to say before I scurried away from him and slipped into the backseats of the Volvo. Alice slipped off of the hood and skipped into the driver's seat while Edward got into the passenger seat. They shut their doors and soon it was just us three alone.

I didn't say anything to them; instead I began to play with my fingers. I didn't have any hangnails so I wouldn't be pulling at random pieces of cuticles. The last thing that I needed was to feel that stinging pain radiate through my finger, it would last for a few seconds but it was still a pain in the butt.

"So I was thinking Bella that you and I should go shopping for dresses when it comes to the dance. Rose will come with us but only if you want her to come. She already told me that if you decided that you wanted to come to the dance that she wouldn't get in the way of you and I going dress shopping without her."

I looked up from my hands and glanced up at the review mirror, noting that Alice was peering at me through the review mirror. Her deep golden irises were waiting with calmness and I nodded my head, "that seems fine. I don't mind if Rose comes with us. I know that she's not the friendliest person in the world but I know that she helped me today and I wouldn't mind going shopping with her…"

"Excellent, I really want to go to Seattle to look for dresses but I think that it would be overwhelming for you. So I thought that—"

"Phoenix is larger than Seattle, Alice. I do admit though that I wouldn't care to go to Seattle, at least not at first," I admitted, knowing that I didn't like to interrupt people but I didn't want her to think that I was _too_ fragile.

"Of course, Bella, I was going to say that we can go to Port Angeles. I don't know if you've been up there, but if you have it's probably been a while since you've gone up. We can go in the morning and get our dresses before getting something to eat for lunch. Then we can head back here if you want."

Edward reached over and took Alice's hand in his, running his thumb against her inner wrist. She sighed, "Don't you start with me, Edward Mason Cullen. I haven't gone dress shopping for a dance in a long time. Okay, so it's been a year, but give me a break! Bella deserves to be dollied up to her heart's content, well at least mine."

Edward glanced back at me, "sorry about her, she is really eager. She always drags me to places. She has to have this season's style. If I didn't love her so much I would run in the opposite direction."

I could tell that Edward was telling the truth. I could tell that the both of them loved each other dearly. I liked to imagine that my parents had loved each other a long time ago. I knew that Charlie would never truly get over Renee; after all she was his first love. He hadn't found someone that connected to him in a romantic way.

I knew that it was silly but I wanted Charlie to find happiness one day. Most of the officers at the police station were married or at least dating. He was one of the few police officers that wasn't married or dating. He never did show his emotions but I was certain that he still longed for at least a girlfriend time to time. It was human nature after all, to want to find a romantic partner.

When we had arrived at the house I almost sighed in relief, I got out of the car and waved goodbye to them before I headed towards the front door. I heard them driving away once I entered the house. I shut the door behind me and locked it, before I headed upstairs to sit my backpack and purse down.

Turning on the computer, I groaned at how long it took for the computer to actually load. A part of me really wanted to get a laptop so that I could use something that was more updated but I knew that Charlie had put the computer into my bedroom so that I could use it. I didn't want to sound inconsiderate due to the fact that I wanted something expensive.

When it finally was uploaded, I opened up my email and read what Renee had written for me. There wasn't anything remarkable that was happening. Paul was still going around on his league baseball team; he was a pretty good baseball player. It had been one of the reasons behind Renee meeting him.

I wrote back to her, telling her about my friendship with the Cullens and Hales (I left out how they never ate or how their eyes remained those odd black or golden colors), and then my friendship with Jessica and her crew.

I was certain that Renee would be proud of me. She was insanely frightened that I would end up alone; I wouldn't have any friends while here. Thanks to her fears a large part of me believed that it would happen.

Grabbing my backpack, I spread out my textbooks and my spiral notebooks in order to work on my homework. It was leftover night and I was certain that Charlie wouldn't care that it was leftover night. It was easy, to be honest, when it came to living with someone like Charlie. He came and went but was always there for me. He never complained to me, and he rarely persisted in getting the absolute truth from me.

I was rereading a chapter in one of my numerous novels that I had brought with me when I heard the sound of the cruiser pulling up the gravel driveway. I bookmarked my page, got up, and hurried downstairs so that I could pull the leftovers out of the fridge. They would be ready for him to choose which to pick out.

Charlie hadn't noticed me. He headed up the stairs, stretching as he did so. Some of his back popped, while he stretched his arms above his head. The tension flowed from him and he yawned before he reached the second floor of the house.

I grabbed my own plate of leftovers and put them in the microwave before setting the destined heating time. I tapped my fingers against the countertops of the cabinets, my eyes flickering around the room before my eyes settled on the light that was inside the microwave, along with hearing the famous humming of the microwave working. It was something that I had imprinted into my ears since I had moved here.

Charlie came down when the microwave beeped, his eyes catching on mine when he entered. He gave a deep breath, his shoulders tightening before relaxing. He reached me and wrapped his arms around me, surprising me. He never was the one who hugged first, so this increased my surprise.

"D-Dad, what is it?" I managed to stutter out, only for Charlie to pull away and place his hands on my shoulders. "There was a car wreck this morning, a little after school started, a girl was late for school…she was speeding."

My eyes widened, "Dad, are you telling me that a girl from my school died today?"

I hadn't been alienated from this; I had been accustomed to classmates of mine in all different types of health. I had enough classmates of mine killed from drive-bys and car wrecks, accidental and premeditated shootings.

"She's not dead, she was lucky. She was unconscious for a while though, Carlisle reassured me that she's all right. She just had some bruising on her forehead, no concussion thank goodness. Still, the whole time I was petrified at the thought of you getting in a car wreck," Charlie confessed to me, I frowned before I wrapped my arms around him again—giving him a squeeze of comfort.

"I'm not going anywhere, Dad."

I knew that I couldn't say that I could promise him this, since we didn't know what the future held for us, but I wanted him to know that as of right now I wasn't going anywhere. I would rather be here than traveling with Renee and Phil.

Charlie didn't say anything in response, so I took it that we were done talking about this for now. I picked up my plate of food and went over to the table before I sat down. Charlie heated up his food before he came over and sat down across from me, we both began to eat.

My eyes flickered over random objects in the kitchen before I sighed and spoke, "I asked Jasper Hale to the Girls' Choice Spring Dance."

I peered down at my fork, pieces of food was encrusted on the metal fork. I swore I could hear the sound of Charlie coughing from hearing me voluntarily going to a dance, much less be someone to actually ask someone to a dance.

"You asked Jasper Hale to the dance?" Charlie questioned me, and I brought my head up before I nodded my head, "yes, he said yes. Alice wanted to know if I would want to go to Port Angeles with her and Rosalie to look for some dresses tomorrow…"

Charlie nodded his head, "that's fine by me. I'm glad that you're going with the Hale boy, he seems like a nice boy."

I rolled my eyes internally at the comment, before I began to eat again. We didn't say anything else during dinner, we finished eating and I scraped off the excess food from the plates before I put them into the dishwasher. I put a dishwasher cleaning packet in, closed the dishwasher door, and then started it.

Once I was upstairs, I went into my bedroom and gathered my pajamas before I went into the bathroom. I took a warm shower, feeling my muscles loosen as I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. I wasn't washing my hair tonight, but I still wanted to take a shower. I could have grabbed my shower cap but sometimes it was nice just having the water drip over my scalp and down my skin.

My eyes slowly peeled open and I turned off the water. I grabbed my towel and cleaned myself off before I squeezed the excess water from my head. I slipped on my matching pajama set, a simple cotton pajama long sleeve shirt and pants.

I knew that I needed to get some more pajamas, my pajamas were quite worn out and I could only wear them for so long before the few holes in the cotton would stretch out further than they should.

Entering my bedroom after I put my dirty laundry into the hamper and towel into the washing machine, I got onto my bed and looked through my different spiral notebooks to check and make sure that I had written down when the next tests were (thankfully they weren't for another week and a half).

I spent the rest of the night making a list of books that I wanted to buy when we would go up to Port Angeles. I was going to a bookstore; hopefully they would have a really nice one, and not some weird hippie like one that sold only healing crystal books and how to read target cards correctly.

I had wanted to buy _Jane Eyre_ , along with _Frankenstein_ , and _Vanity Fair_. I hoped that they hadn't run out of the books, I didn't know how popular Victorian novels were in Port Angeles.

The next morning I woke with my hair sprawled around me in a mess. I knew that I might have to put my hair up in a high ponytail; I had forgotten to put some straightening lotion into my hair. It was a curse living down in Phoenix and having hair like this, I was certain that I would have a fuzzy haired head.

It was earlier than I thought it was, so I must have fallen asleep earlier than I thought last night. That or my body had me wake up earlier so that I would be ready for me to go dress shopping with Alice and Rosalie.

I slipped out of my bed and shuffled into my bathroom before I brushed out my hair, washed my face, and then brushed my teeth. I went back into my bedroom and yanked out a soft plain olive green sweater, Old Navy blue jeans, and a pair of tennis shoes that I had bought from Target on clearance.

Tugging my clothes on, I took my denim jacket and my cross body signature leather purse before I went downstairs. I grabbed a granola bar and ate it while propping my hip against the kitchen counters.

I had barely finished my granola bar and thrown the wrapper away, when I had heard the sound of the car honking. I dusted off the crumbs that could have gotten on me, and headed out of the house.

Alice and Rosalie were waiting for me in Rosalie's convertible; Rosalie was apparently in the driver's seat because Alice had rolled down the passenger's window, beaming at me with a bright radiance that almost unsettled me.

I had never been a big smile person. I never cared to smile; I never cared for the kind of people that would smile all the time. I didn't see a point to smile all the time.

I also felt as though I shouldn't feel ashamed for not smiling at someone just because they smiled at me. Chances were, they were smiling at me after they had been _caught_ staring at me.

I locked the door behind me, and hurried across the lawn to the back passenger door. I opened it, hopped in, and shut the door behind me. Alice immediately turned around in her seat so that she could look me over. Rosalie on the other hand was already driving, her eyes not peering at me through the review mirror.

"Are you excited, Bella?" Alice tapped her fingers against the leather seat, her eyes lighting up with each second that I was still in the car. I nodded my head, "Y-yes, sort of, I want to go and look for some books though…"

"Of course, I know that I should see if I can find any good fashion books….what about you, Rose? Are you going to look for some new reading material?" Alice turned to her sister, Rosalie shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't read anything voluntarily," Rosalie easily responded, earning a small smile from me. I knew so many people that were like this, Renee was like this. She always tried to act like she was a bookworm but was always celebrating the moments in her book club where she would finish a book.

There had been a book that her head of the book club had chosen for them to read that I had read before. I hadn't been surprised when Renee had looked as though she was going to ask me if I could tell her what was going to happen, but she knew that I wouldn't tell her what had happened in the book.

Renee didn't go to the book club anymore. She had barely had patience to begin with; the fact that she even made it for almost three months was a miracle in itself. I would have thought that she would have quit within the first three weeks.

"Renee doesn't read much either," I admitted, "that's my mom's name incase you were wondering…"

"I wasn't," Rosalie remarked, "thank you for telling me anyway."

I could tell that she was telling me thanks just because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. I wasn't insulted with the fact that she had just said that she wasn't wondering who it was that I was talking about.

She and her siblings called Esme by her first name, none of them called Esme by the name Mom. They felt as though they didn't need to call her anything other than by her first name. So it should make sense that they shouldn't feel weird about the fact that I would call my own mother by her first name.

"So, do you have any idea what your dress is going to look like? Or what you are looking for?" Alice craned her head to the side, as she waited for me to respond to her questions. I felt as though I was in a bridal shop and that she was my consultant, wondering what kind of dress I was looking for when it came to my perfect dream wedding.

"Long sleeve," I automatically responded, flinching at the fact that I went ahead and pulled out another one of my insecurities. "I—I mean…" I didn't know what to say next, because I knew that it was obvious that I was scarred on my arms also.

"It's a good thing that we live here, then, I am certain that it would be a disaster if we tried to put you in a long sleeve down in Phoenix," Alice finally spoke, a light joking manner radiated from her. I could tell that she must have still wanted me to wear something that was a little out of my comfort zone.

I didn't say anything in response, knowing that it wouldn't make any sense to do so. Instead I turned so that I was looking through the tinted window. Alice was tuning the radio to see if she could find whatever station she wanted it to be on.

I noted in the corner of my eye that Rosalie reached her hand out and went to smack Alice on the wrist as though to tell her to not mess with her radio. Alice pouted and turned around in her seat, "what station do you like? I mean, what kind of music do you like?"

"I like Classical, along with bands like Muse," I admitted, before Alice spun around and looked through the stations. She found one that I would like and considering the fact that Rosalie didn't try to smack her wrist, it meant that it was allowed.

As Alice turned up the volume on the radio I wondered what kind of dress I would buy when it came to the dance and what Jasper was doing for today.

* * *

 _ **author's note: I am still alive, and I am still working on this fanfiction. So don't worry, I plan to actually finish the fanfiction. I have a two month old puppy though, so I'm caught up with potty training him and waking up four to five times a night making sure that he goes potty outside instead of inside.**_

 _ **So updates might not be as common as we both want them to be :( but I am still going to be updating!**_

 _ **As always, Twilight doesn't belong to me**_

 _ **-EmmynotEmma**_


	10. Jasper's Outtake of chapter eight

_Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 8_

I had gotten quite annoyed with Alice lately; she always liked to hide things away from me. I saw no point with arguing with her because I knew that I would have to argue with Edward also. The two of them together were a nightmare, for one to have a 'third eye' and for the other to read minds, well it only made things worse for me. They always did this to me.

They thought that I enjoyed surprises; they thought that I would be happy when I found out that Bella was human. I wasn't. Why should I be happy when it came to the fact that Bella was human, especially since they had hid this kind of information away from me till the last second?

I knew that something had happened, my senses had spiked when I was in one of my countless classes. I acted as though I listened to the teacher but I didn't, then again none of my siblings ever listened to their teachers either.

We were mostly just glancing around, thinking of different things that we were going to do after school was over—if Esme would call for a family meeting. She always did it at least once a week now that Bella had come into our lives.

When school was over I headed towards the parking lot, my eyes flickering over the campus. I had been analyzing everyone around me, patiently waiting for the moment that I would see my Bella coming around the corner.

I had barely lingered by Rosalie's convertible when I was hit with the intoxicating scent of my mate. I fought the urge to close my eyes and take deep breaths of the blood. My mouth still watered intensely but every time that I felt the need to lunge forward and attach my teeth to her neck I thought of what Carlisle had told me I should think of: I thought of her family, of what Chief Swan would do if he had found his daughter's corpse.

Rosalie and Emmett were leaning against Rosalie's convertible. Rosalie let her attention focus entirely on her mate and boyfriend (husband), while Emmett was looking over at Alice and Bella in the corner of his eye to make sure that they would be fine.

He was always like that with the females in the family, he had always been extremely protective of Rosalie (that was a given though), and then it would be Esme. Alice would be last though, he knew without a doubt that Alice had been by herself for the longest time so she was smart enough to be away from the coven.

When they reached us, Bella slowly made my way towards me. Alice plopped down onto the hood of the Volvo, despite the fact that Edward was rolling his eyes at her. She seemed content with sitting Indian styled on the hood of the car, one that her boyfriend (husband) and adoptive brother loved.

Bella stopped in front of me and kept her eyes towards the ground, despite the fact that I knew I could drown in those beautiful eyes of hers like she could with mine. "Um…J-Jasper, c-can I t-talk to you, a-alone?"

I noticed that Emmett had wiggled his eyebrows at Bella as though he was thinking of something suggestive, so it was obvious that I would be shooting an irritating glare at my brother. Bella wasn't looking at me, since she was still looking at the ground. If she had noticed then she would have probably thought that Emmett was being his dumb self like usual.

"Of course, Bella, let's walk a little away."

My hand was next to Bella's, my eyes zeroed on the difference in our skin tone. She took my hand (which had surprised me, I thought that I would be the one that would take her hand first), comfort washed throughout my senses at the fact that my coolness seemed to keep her grounded.

She _eagerly_ took it and I looked down at our connected hands once more (I still couldn't believe that I hadn't made her want to run away while screaming off her head—calling me a monster), before we started to make our way off to the side where Bella and I was certain that my siblings couldn't interrupt us.

"Yes, Bella, what did you want to talk about?" I probed to her; I made sure that I was patient with her. She found it was something that she adored (again the ability to sense people's emotions and be able to manipulate them helped me when it came to knowing how she felt about me), and she had started to come to love.

 ** _Love_** …oh, she found herself loving things about me without truly knowing me.

I almost wanted to stop her, and ask her why she would ever imagine herself loving me. I wasn't worthy of her love, I was certain that once she found out the truth she would think that I would be forcing her to love me on top of finding out that I was actually a vampire.

She loved how I listened to her in the very short moments that we were together, and how I made her feel comfort…I was certain that before long she would fall off the deep end and submerge herself in love when it came to me. I only knew this because of the strength of the love that she was harboring for me.

It would be so effortless. Yet, I wondered what it was that had stopped **_me_** from jumping all the way into the depths below. It must have been the fact that she didn't know what was going on; the way that she looked at me as though she somewhat knew there was something that was inhuman about me and my family.

Her emotions flickered in her mind, as though someone was looking through a film reel and was trying to find the perfect photograph that was meant to represent how she felt about the moment. There was weariness and confusion; those were the two most present emotions that she had.

"Bella, are you all right?"

She blinked away the thoughts and gave a sheepish smile at me, "oh, yes. Sorry, I was lost in thought…I was going to ask you if you were all right with the thought of going to the dance with _me_."

I didn't have time to respond to her, for Bella began to speak again, "I mean I don't know if you even like dances to begin with. I haven't had the best experiences with dances in the past, just look at me. I was nothing more than a joke at the dances, nothing more than a freak…a pity case."

Her breath got caught in my throat when I reached my free hand up and ran my fingers through her hair (it was so soft, a beautiful brown hue). Her eyes widened as she peered up at me, a soft wind came and gently blew at my curls along with her pieces of hair.

She couldn't help but close her eyes and reach her own free hand up to put over my hand. We kept our hands against her face and we just absorbed ourselves into the feeling of my hand against her cheekbone.

"You're not a freak or a pity case, Bella. I would love to go to the dance with you," I whispered to her, making her heart flutter in her chest at the softness that I spoke to her with.

It was obvious that she never had a boy ever be like this to her and she fought the urge to have tears drip down her cheekbones in happiness at the fact that I had accepted.

I sensed this because I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her before I pulled her against me. She continued to fight the urge, and after a moment she pulled away from me. I could hear snorting behind me, along with the sound of someone making a whipping noise, allowing me (and Bella) to know that it was probably Emmett.

Seconds later we could hear the sound of whimpering and Emmett mumbling about how Rose was being mean.

"Okay, well um, see you," she managed to say before she scurried away from me and slipped into the backseats of the Volvo. Alice slipped off of the hood and skipped into the driver's seat while Edward got into the passenger seat. They shut their doors and soon it was just me, Rosalie, and Emmett.

"Well _that_ was nauseating," Rosalie spoke up, making me turn my head to see that my 'twin' was looking at us with disgust. I knew that it was false disgust; she was always in the gray area with emotions. She didn't like to get attached to many things or too many people due to the fact that we had to move around a lot (thanks to the fact that we couldn't age).

"Your connection to each other is nauseating, in my opinion," I responded to her, rolling my eyes as she glared at me hotly before Emmett chuckled, "It's not my fault that I still got it."

My face blanched at the suggestive blurt that Emmett let out, while Rosalie was glaring at him this time. She growled under her breath, one that was a warning but was there nonetheless. Emmett always tried to push all of our nerves, especially when it came to Rosalie.

I dismissed him as Rosalie started to grumble at him, and slipped into the backseats of the convertible. I shut the back passenger door closed behind me while Rosalie and Emmett got into the front seats of the convertible.

Emmett reached out and took Rosalie's hand in his, he rubbed his thumb against the side of her wrist and she smiled softly in the review mirror before she drove out of the school parking lot.

Cars went past us, mere specks in the distance, once we were far away from the school. We headed towards our house, knowing that we could truly be ourselves when we were on the outskirts of Forks. Rosalie could go as fast as she pleased, which could be a nightmare considering the fact that Rosalie was the fastest driver in the family (Alice was a close second).

If I had not known her for a little more than a century I would have had unsettlement wash throughout me like a wad of laundry that was being knocked around in a washing machine. Instead I sighed and leant my head back so that I could look up at the roof of the convertible.

As I thought about the strange tinge that took over me hours ago, I couldn't help but speak, "thank you, Rose, for helping Bella earlier today. I know that you said that you'd keep your distance from her, but still."

Rosalie sighed as she looked outside her window and tapped her nicely done fingers against the leather steering wheel before she looked back at me, "You're my brother, Jasper. I have my reasons, as you know, about this whole situation but I don't want to be a stone cold bitch."

It was a known fact that in the old schools that we had gone to throughout the decades Rosalie was nothing more than a stone cold bitch. She never looked at anyone long enough when it came to people that weren't her family, and when people tried to speak to her she ignored them.

We didn't speak anymore on the way back to the house. There was no reason to do so; there was no point to do so. We didn't have anything that we had wanted to talk about. I had already thanked Rosalie for making sure that Bella was all right, after she had another meltdown outside of her class because of Mr. Varner harassing her.

When we reached the three story elegant white house with a large porch attached to the front, along with an array of flowered pots placed in perfect angles, and hanging flower pots on the porch with beautiful baby blue flowers we were officially at our current home.

There was a softness that surrounded the area, how it seemed as though it was in its own little meadow haven with the huge trees that surrounded the property but never went too into the front yard.

Rosalie pulled up the curved driveway and parked in the huge garage before she turned off the convertible. I slipped out with my backpack still slung against one of my shoulders, my eyes taking in the area around me without having to have them adjust to the different setting of the lights.

Esme's Volvo SUV was still parked off to the side, a present memory of her dedication to making sure that Bella would be all right. She was ready whenever she would be needed to drive Bella to and from places, so far it had been only two times.

Entering the kitchen that was through the garage/kitchen door, I made my way through the stunning and beautiful kitchen that had yet to be used, and headed towards the staircase so that I could go upstairs.

I honestly just wanted to be in my bedroom so that I could still soak in the memory of Bella asking me to the dance. I both wanted her to ask me but also didn't.

I knew that if I were a mere human I would have without a doubt not had any weariness, but as a vampire it was ever present.

I had barely entered the open floor planned living room to see Esme coming downstairs. She had on a soft cotton quarter length pale blue blouse, flower printed skirt and a pair of brown sandals. Her trademark family necklace with all the stones representing each family member still hung around her neck.

"Hello, Jasper how was school today?" Esme probed as she motioned for us to sit down on one of the designer sofas that were in the living room. They weren't that comfortable to begin with, just for show, since vampires didn't really need furniture to begin with.

We couldn't sleep, we could only ingest blood, and there was no food that would satisfy us. It would be like we were eating cardboard. There would be no nutrition and we would remain thirsty until we could have our hunger for blood satisfied.

For some vampires that was human blood. It reflected in their eyes easier, the vivid crimson hue that was chilling, haunting to some. For others, like me and my family, we drank animal blood so our eyes were often golden. It was something that we had always done, since that was what Carlisle had done for the many centuries he had been a vampire.

I sat down next to Esme; she turned so that she was focused completely on me. Her brown curls that settled on her shoulder blades had tinges of red throughout them, and her golden irises held nothing more than patience and compassion.

She held the uppermost of love to me, though there was a special kind of motherly love Esme held when it came to her first vampire son (one who was with Carlisle before her), Edward.

"Bella had a rough class; Mr. Varner put her on the spot to answer an equation. He set her up so that he could make fun of her. Rose took her to the nurse," I told her, Esme listened intently before she nodded her head. She brought her hand up and ran her fingers through my hair in a motherly fashion.

"I'm proud of you, Jasper. I'm proud of your sister too; we both know how difficult this is for Rose. She won't admit it but we know that she cannot stand change. I know that you thanked her for helping out, didn't you?" Esme arched one of her eyebrows up, pursing her lips as she waited for my response.

"Yes, Mom, I thanked her," I remarked, almost rolling my eyes at her. She rolled her eyes at me and wrapped her arm around me before pulling me close to her. She placed her chin on top of my head. I could tell that she was focusing on something in her mind, pure concentration and focus was wrapped around her tight.

We sat there like that for a few moments. It was nice having Esme, to have her as my mother. I couldn't remember much about my own mother, considering the fact that I had wanted to join the war so badly. I was too focused on getting out there and fighting alongside the other Confederate soldiers to really care about doing anything remotely different than preparing for the moment I'd join.

It bothered me for the longest time, I wondered if I had made a mistake when it came to deciding to join the military. I wondered if things would have been different if I had just stayed home and worked on the ranch with my parents. My father was a hardworking man; he was an all around good farmer.

There was nothing at home that I could have complained about. I was like any other young man out there in Texas during the Civil War. I wanted something bigger, I wanted to explore and I wanted to prove myself to the world. If that meant signing up to be in the military to fulfill a childhood dream of mine, then I would do so without a second doubt in my mind.

I soon felt the joyfulness that soaked into the room the moment that Emmett came into the house. Rosalie was behind him; her emotion was her being content. She had her Emmett and she could be away from the school so everything was all right for the time being, until someone would open their mouth and irritate her.

"Group hug!" Emmett roared in excitement as he rushed towards me and Esme. Esme's eyes went large, "oh no you don't, Emmett Cullen!" Emmett of course ignored this and lunged forward so that he could wrap his arms around me and Esme, squeezing us tight against him.

Esme squealed in happiness, having found that she was content with this development. Rosalie tried to escape but she was soon caught by Emmett, he yanked her to him and held her as close as could be to him. She pouted as he laid kisses on her face, her eyes narrowing at him.

I finally managed to get away from my closely packed family members, and went to go to the stairs. Emmett groaned, "Oh, come on, Jazz! It's time to celebrate, have some fun! You can only be a bachelor for so long! Even I got strapped down by this pretty little lady over here!"

I almost snorted at the comment that Emmett made about Rosalie, calling her a lady would only go to her head. Being a daughter of a father with a 'bag of dough' in the early nineteen thirties meant that everyone called the girls 'pretty little ladies', Rosalie did not fall outside of this category either.

I felt my body tense for a second as I felt one string of loath come from Rosalie. I didn't say anything and it was apparent that Emmett calling her that hadn't made her loath him. Rosalie had never felt an inch of hate or loathing towards her mate, despite the fact that he got on her nerves a lot.

I never asked Rose about her past, I never asked her to explain anything to me. I knew that it was her business and hers alone. All I knew was that she was from a rich family, and that something horrible must have happened on the night that she had been almost killed.

The way that she held herself, she was admirable but I knew that she could never truly get over what had happened. I knew somewhere in my mind that she must have been sexually attacked and whenever she would hear something that would remind her of 'him' or 'them' she would have a tiny piece of her that would bubble up from the deepest parts of herself that wanted them dead, again.

I only felt that she might have been raped because of the fact that I was surrounded by rape victims while I had this ability. It was with events that happened like this that I just wished I could take away their pain and hatred and every toxic emotion from their bodies forever but I couldn't do that.

"Jasper, are you all right?"

I blinked a few times, coming back to the present, before I gave a slight nod that let them know that I was indeed all right. "I'm fine; just have a lot on my mind at the moment. I'll be upstairs."

Only, it seemed as though going upstairs was going to never happen because I was soon greeted with Edward and Alice coming through the front door of the house. Alice was skipping, as though she was a mere pixie that was wisping through some enchanted woods. Edward just walked like a normal sullen teenager, only Alice could truly encourage him to be better…okay well Esme and Carlisle naturally were ones that could make him actually act better and not so sullenly other than Alice.

"Bella is going dress shopping with me and Rose tomorrow!" Alice sang as she brought her hands up and clapped them together. Rosalie kept her arms folded together as she peered at her sister, "I didn't sign up for this. I already have a dress picked out for the dance, anyway."

Alice rolled her eyes and gave a dismissal motion of her hand towards her sister, "trust me, you're just saying that. I already know what you want to wear and it will be at the third dress store we go into tomorrow in Port Angeles."

Rosalie sighed and let her shoulders slump, she did love shopping. No one loved shopping as much as Alice loved shopping. She often went to different furniture places with Esme or shop online to find interesting decorative pieces for houses that Esme was currently working on.

 _Edward…_

Edward snapped his head away from looking at his wife and towards me. His eyes let me know that he was listening to me.

 _Please tell me that you're going to tell Alice not to go too crazy. Bella is a very fragile person, I think we don't need anymore reminders._

Edward nodded his head, barely a nod, but noticeable by me. I had a feeling that Esme had noted it too but she must have just pushed it to the side. Everyone did this with Edward, sometimes the best private conversation one could have with him was through thoughts alone.

The first thing that I did when I got to my bedroom was fall onto my bed with a groan and reach for the television remote to bring up a random channel on the television that was installed into my room two years ago, when we had first moved here. I needed to clear my head from all that had happened today, especially if I thought too much on the dance.

* * *

 _ **Twilight doesn't belong to me**_


	11. chapter nine

Chapter Nine

I was looking forward with going to Port Angeles; it had been a long time since I had last gone. Charlie and I usually stayed in Forks for the longest time due to the fact that we were so used to staying in the town. We saw no reason to leave his house and we had his friends come over to hang out with Charlie. They would be nice to me, and they never stared at me—which I found very grateful from them.

It must have done to the fact that they were police officers, so they had seen horrible accidents. They must have seen people that were being abused in domestic cases. They must have seen children go through things that they should never go through but still had gone through them nonetheless.

I watched the scenery as we went down the main highway that went up to Port Angeles. I had gone through this highway for the longest time, ever since I was but a little girl. I knew these trees and I knew these signs. I knew this road; I had memorized these buildings, these rest stops, by the time that I had turned ten.

When we arrived in Port Angeles I saw Alice perk up, and Rosalie smiled a little bit. Her smiles weren't that prominent, I was certain that Rosalie did not smile much. That was something that she didn't do. I never saw that it was something that was wrong, there were people that didn't really smile that much.

I didn't like people smiling at me for long periods of time.

I observed all the different businesses and shops that we went past, watching as people would walk in and out of the stores. Shopping bags that had the logo of the shop were on the side of the bags in plain view as though beckoning for others that saw the logo to come into the store.

I only tore my eyes away from the shops when I found that we had arrived at the first boutique Alice wanted us to go into. I reached into my cross body purse and pulled out my shaded glasses before putting them on. I would take them off when I would try on dresses, of course, but I didn't want the ladies that were flocking around beautiful fabrics and people to see someone like me.

"Come on, let's go inside!" Alice opened the side door of the car, getting out and I groaned internally at her excitement. Rosalie rolled her beautiful golden eyes before she got out of the car; I was the last one that came out of the car. I shut the door behind me in a loud thud.

I flinched at the loudness of the slam, knowing that I hadn't meant to do it. "I'm so sorry, Rose! I didn't mean to do that!" I almost flinched again at the thought of Rosalie striking me against the face for slamming the door shut.

Instead Rosalie sighed and shook her head, "it is fine, Bella. You didn't mean to do that, don't worry." I shot her a reassuring smile and almost jumped out of my skin when Alice reached out and took my hand in hers, before she began to lightly tug me in the direction of the boutique door.

The doors swung open and I felt my eyes widen at the sight of the marble flooring, and the intricate golden chandeliers that were hanging above me on the beamed ceiling that was also slightly peaked. The walls were a stunning cream hue, and everything was light and airy.

I automatically wanted to turn on my heel and walk out of the boutique, yet Alice reached her hand out and wrapped her arm around mine. "Everything is going to be fine, Bella. I thought that we should go to three stores today. The first one is my choice, the second one will be Rosalie's choice, and the third will be your choice."

I allowed Alice to lightly tug me towards the center of the boutique. It was an average sized room, thankfully, and had an amazing array of dresses that were around me. The two women that were working today were peering at Alice and Rosalie in envy; they knew that they hadn't seen women this beautiful before in real life.

"Look around, see if you find any dresses that you like," Alice encouraged me, and I nodded my head as I went over to the area of the dress that were the long sleeves.

Alice was looking at the different dresses that were closest to her, while Rosalie merely moved her head side to side before she sat down on the fuzzy ottoman that was in the middle of the section of the room that had furniture.

I turned to look at Rosalie, who instead was staring at the different details that were in the store. "I'm not interested in any of these dresses, they scream Alice to me," Rosalie chimed in, her stunning voice sending more envy from the two women that were working, or at least are acting like they were working right now.

Alice rolled her eyes, "that's not the attitude that I want today, Rose! We're supposed to be encouraging Bella, not letting her get side tracked."

Rosalie smirked at me, as though she was sharing a humorous moment with me, before I made my way towards the rack that Alice was at. She was looking at an array of different colors, the rainbow hues flashing out to me and asking me if I liked any of them separately or together.

I allowed Alice to pluck dresses from the racks, to put them into my arms. I looked at each one before I looked back up at Alice, "I'm not wearing any short sleeves or no sleeves. My arms are too…messed up to wear them."

Alice craned her head to the side, "are you certain that you want long sleeves? I am certain that your arms aren't that bad."

I looked over my shoulder towards the two women that were by the checkout desk. They were acting as though they were staring down at the paperwork and the computers that were installed on the desk instead of looking at us. I knew, along with Alice and Rosalie that they would look at us as soon as we didn't look at them anymore.

"Will you put one dress on for me? I won't judge you, Bella," Alice probed to me but I shook my head. "Not to be too blunt, Alice, but I've only known you for a few weeks. I'm certain that if we knew each other for a couple months I would be more comfortable with the idea…"

Alice nodded her head, "let me grab those dresses from you then."

She took the dresses from me and went to hang them back onto the rack, only for Rosalie to stand up from where she was sitting at the fuzzy ottoman. She came up to me, before she looked at the dresses that Alice was hanging up.

"If it makes you feel better, I think those dresses are hideous," Rosalie told me, which in return made Alice squeak in protest as she spun on her high heels to look at Rosalie. "The audacity, you know that I am connected with the greatest fashion designers that there ever are!"

I appreciated the fact that Rosalie was trying to comfort me in her own way. I shot her a grateful smile before I went up to the sleeved dresses. Rosalie came up with me and began to shuffle through the dresses with me.

"Do you have a certain color that you're looking for?"

I almost jumped out of my skin at the sudden sound of someone talking to me. I spun on my heels to see that one of the employees was standing in front of me with a smile. She only stopped when she saw that I had glasses on, "oh, I'm sorry! I'm being very inconsiderate, you are obviously blind."

Rosalie arched her perfectly shaped eyebrow up as she folded her arms against her chest, "knowing that you're inconsiderate and apologizing for it doesn't mean that automatically makes you think that we are going to forgive you for a loose apology. I think that we need to leave, since I am not satisfied with the service I am receiving."

Alice dropped her hand from stroking the fabric of a dress as though it had burnt her hand off. She spun on her heels and grabbed the dresses before she headed straight towards the saleswomen. The both of them gulped in fear at the short, intimidating girl that was holding dresses that cost more than their whole life savings.

"We don't appreciate you insulting our **_sister_** like that, now if you can excuse us we are going to leave. And don't think that I won't put a review on this boutique online," Alice hissed at them, stretching up on her tiptoes before she dropped the dresses onto the marble flooring. She sashayed out of the boutique, while I followed nervously with Rosalie moving behind me.

I was still reeling from the fact that Rosalie had stood up for me. I was still reeling because of the fact that Alice had called me her sister. I never really thought about having siblings growing up, but I wouldn't mind it if either of them or both of them were my sisters. That wasn't in the cards for us though.

"Maybe we should head back to Forks…" Rosalie turned so that she looked at me, awaiting my verdict. I tore my attention from looking at the main road and back at the golden eyed sisters.

"I'm fine, and I'm not just saying that to sound cliché. I mean, I've been used to this kind of treatment, have been since I was three, remember? The years have helped me become stronger and have a tougher layer," I assured them though I think we all knew I was still aching on the inside.

The last part was cliché and I didn't feel as though it really was how I felt. I didn't feel like I was stronger because of all of the blunt rudeness that was directed towards me nor did I feel as though I had a tougher layer inside of me that helped me. I just felt tired, so very tired, of all of this.

"If you say so," Alice decided, earning a reassuring nod from me. She glanced over at Rosalie, who sat there pondering, before she looked back at me. She peered at me with a fixation that allowed me to know she was making sure that I wasn't just telling them to continue this shopping trip when I wanted to go home.

She turned around in the driver's seat before she started the convertible and drove us in the direction away from Forks. I let out a breath of relief internally, knowing that Rosalie was the one that was driving and she could have driven us back home because she had decided to cut this short.

"Please don't tell me that your pick isn't as ostentatious as Alice's," I begged her, making Alice pout and fold her arms against her chest in a playful manner. "The place looked nice but those women were tacky."

Rosalie sighed, "No, it's nothing like Alice's choice."

To be honest I believed Rosalie, but I also believed that since they had grown up with riches they would go to stores that were a little more expensive. It was just how they were, and a part of me became flushed with embarrassment at the knowledge that I would have us going to a plain boutique that any other middle class girl would go to.

The ride to the second store took about fifteen minutes, but when we arrived I saw that it was quite a good sized building that had stunning dresses on mannequins that were gold or silver in the display windows. The dresses reminded me of the sleek and chic dresses that would be worn on the runway but not the strange ones that Alice would probably have on the mannequins.

These dresses were skin tight; some of them were dark hued silk while others were light blue tulle. I smiled at the dresses, knowing that they were a little closer to my comfort zone. Alice on the other hand craned her head to the side, "I think that I can work with this. I've been to quite worse places than this."

"We just left one if you needed a recent example," Rosalie responded, but before Alice to comment on that the doors of the establishment were opened. The chime of the bell that hung above the door chimed and I found myself standing in a dark schemed room that reminded me of Hollywood Glitz and Glam.

One woman and one man were checking to make sure that the dresses were perfect, their black work ensemble having different accessories attached to their ensemble. They wore just black long sleeve sweaters and black jeans, while the girl had black high heels the man had just simple black dress shoes.

Music that reminded me of Victoria Secret was thumping in the background. It was the perfect runway music and I had to admit that it was catchy. Rosalie even seemed as though she was in her element.

The woman and man turned and smiled largely when they saw Rosalie enter the establishment. "Miss Hale, it's a pleasure to see you again! I see that you brought your sister with you. Alice, am I correct?"

It was the man that had asked this, he had sharp features that reminded me of a model but his handsome features were nothing compared to the Cullens and Hales. His hair was gelled back and he even had a little bit of concealer, along with extra makeup that high lighted his face.

Alice stepped forward and held her hand out for him. The man picked it up and gave a kiss on her wrist, before he pulled his hand away. I wondered how he didn't tear his lips from Alice's when it came to how freezing her hand was. It was really cold in here, so maybe he thought that the air conditioner made it worse.

"And who is this lovely creature?" it was the woman this time that tore her attention away from the sisters and looked at me. I shot her a nervous smile but she merely dismissed the obvious fact that I had my glasses on. "I love your tinted glasses, by the way, darling. Whether or not they are more than for aesthetic know that you pull them off."

"She's a family friend, her name's Bella," Rosalie supplied, earning nods from the man and woman. Alice stepped forward, "we're here to get some dresses for our school dance. We're only looking for the best, of course."

I rolled my eyes, happy that I had my glasses over my eyes at the obvious fashionista that was Alice Cullen. I felt sorry for Edward in this moment, wondering how long she dragged him around so that she could find them new clothes.

They had excitement flood through their features before they ushered to another room. This one was just plain white, there was no black. It reminded me of H&M, it was a quite large room too but the dresses looked as though they were suited more for a high school dance instead of going to Hollywood before accepting a Grammy.

Alice's eyes widened when she saw a dress that must have caught her attention. She squealed and rushed over to the rack, her high heels clicking at an alarming speed. I turned to look at Rosalie, but she was already looking at the section that was mostly reserved for the dark silk hues.

Alice pulled out the most stunning light purple dress I had ever seen; it was a strapless tulle cocktail dress with fabric bunched around the middle to make a band. A beautiful crystal cluster in the shape of a flower was sewn into the middle of the band, making the waist look even smaller.

"Ah, I have to go try this on!" Alice screeched as she hurried towards the dressing room, earning a chuckle from the saleswoman and salesman. They had obviously won over Alice; I envied the fact that she had found her dress when she automatically came into this back room.

"What is wrong Mon Cheri, have you not found a suitable dress?" the man probed to Rosalie, earning a nod from her, "nothing appeals to me."

The woman on the other hand appeared in front of me, making me jump a little. "I am sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to frighten you. Do you—"

She didn't get to continue because Alice came strutting out of the dressing room so that she could show us what she looked like with the dress on. It was made for her, it made her small bust more pronounced and softened but also made her legs look longer due to the short skirt.

"I have found my dress," Alice squealed, as she jumped up and down in excitement. She clapped her hands together, and the whole time I wondered how in the world she hadn't managed to sprain her ankle with those heels on.

"It looks beautiful on you, Alice," I told her, making Alice smile lightly at me. "Thanks, Bella that means a lot to me. Do you want me to help you find a dress?"

I nodded my head, blushing a little bit in embarrassment. The two salespeople looked put out but I hastily spoke up, "It's nothing to do with you. It's just my first time here…and they're like sisters to me."

Alice looked like she was going to cry in happiness, she rushed over to me and held me in her arms. "It's settled then, you're officially a Cullen," she decided, before she pulled away from me and smoothed down the dress.

Rosalie was quiet; she was staring at me though I couldn't tell what she would do next. She must have been going through some emotions, because she turned away from me and began looking at the dresses again. The salesman didn't say anything, nor did the saleswoman, since this wasn't in the job description.

She surprised me though when she went over to the green section (I had to admit I had come to like green more), and began to search through the dresses. I craned my head to the side, as Alice came out of the dressing room with the dress back on its hanger. She handed the dress over to one of the salespeople (I didn't know which one, I was too busy looking at Rosalie), before Rosalie plucked a few dresses from the rack.

She headed over to me with the dresses, all of which were long sleeves, and cleared her throat, "I think you might find something you like in this pile."

I gave her an appreciative smile before I took the dresses and headed into one of the dressing rooms. I shut the door to one of the little rooms, and began to hook the dresses up on the wall hangers.

I didn't look at the mirror as I took off my glasses and then unzipped my jeans. I pulled them down; it took a minute because jeans were annoying to get off, and then pulled my shirt over my head. I kept my bra on since I saw no use to take it off, before I piled my clothes onto the stylish retro disco styled chair in the corner of the room.

Turning to the dresses, there were five in total; I picked up the first dress closest to the mirror. It was an emerald green and was form fitting, it had a slight V-neck shaped neckline, a little dip, enough to catch an attention of a boy for a second or two before the boy would look away.

I would say the boy being Jasper, but I had a feeling that Jasper was a gentleman (from all the times that I had been in his presence) and he never stared at women's assets. He always looked a woman in the eye; never let his eyes drift down. So that meant a lot to me, so many boys weren't like that now-a-days.

Slipping it on, I nervously moved to the side before turning so that I looked in the mirror. All the scars that were on my body weren't seeable so that was a positive note. Though being this form fitted made me feel a little uncomfortable, it was too tight. Not in the definition of I can't breathe kind of type, just the fact that I was more modest and I didn't like having my figure very prominently on display.

"A-Alice? R-Rosalie?" I called out, before I heard the sound of high heels heading in my direction. I hoped that lady wasn't following them, and from the sound of Rosalie telling the said woman to stay in the main room I could tell that the lady was still in the main room.

"We're here, Bella," Alice spoke, her bell like voice chiming in the air around her. I still loved her voice, it was so beautiful! Yet, as I opened the dressing room door I found myself twitching while both girls looked me over.

"I-I don't know how to feel about this one. It covers my scars, but it's a little too form fitting," I admitted as I looked at the ground.

"Then that means it's not your style. Yes, it's a dance, but you should feel comfortable at said dance. We're all not Rose over here," Alice joked, having teased to her sister. Rosalie on the other hand kept her face stoic before she nodded her head, agreeing with what Alice had said. I didn't know if she was agreeing with the first statement or the second, but for all I knew she was agreeing with both.

"Just hang that back up, I'll come and get when you're done!" the saleswoman shouted towards us, before I quietly thanked Rosalie and Alice for the opinion that they gave me. I shut the door closed before I wiggled out of the dress and hooked it back onto its hanger.

The second dress was a short but full skirted dress, stopping right at my knee when I would put it on, with quarter length sleeves that stopped a few inches above my wrists. It was completely made of lace, a warm green that was on the verge of becoming a dark green, and was kind of itchy when I put it on.

I shook my head, knowing that I didn't want to show Alice or Rosalie the dress. I just didn't care for it, and didn't care enough about it to call them back here to tell me that they didn't think the dress was right for me either.

The third dress was a mint hue, which I automatically did not care for. It was pretty, but I didn't care for the color. So I dismissed this one too. I felt like the hue would make me feel too washed out, due to my pale skin. Maybe if I was tanner then I would consider it.

The fourth dress took my breath away, my eyes widened at the dress that Rosalie had grabbed. It was a light weight material, tulle that covered the whole outside layer of the long sleeve dress. A vivid green that was on the lighter spectrum, the dress flowed down to a soft pool around my feet. A dark green ribbon was tied around the waist, and the sleeves were sheer, though random spots on the sleeves were covered with detailed flowers and leaves that surrounded the flowers.

Everything was so perfect, until my eyes landed on my arms. I felt my happiness fall into despair at the nasty cuts and scars that were etched across my arms. If I didn't have these stupid scars then the dress would be the one that I would pick out. I shook my head, dejected, and was about to take it off only for the dressing room door to open—revealing Alice standing there with Rosalie behind her.

"Isabella Marie Swan, don't you dare!" Alice screamed at me, sadness and anger mixed together in her features. "I was wondering what was taking so long, but then I knew that you needed comforting, yet when I come here you are degrading yourself despite the fact that you look like a nature goddess right now!"

I blinked a few times before tears began to dribble down my cheekbones, "I haven't been to a dance since middle school. They made me homecoming queen and it turns out they did it as a prank. And my arms…they're ugly."

"They're not ugly."

Rosalie stepped forward, her eyes flickering from my face and down to my arms, "they are not _ugly_. You survived a car crash, Bella. These show that you are a survivor. How those kids acted was ugly."

Five minutes later I found myself at the checkout desk, ready to pay for the dress. The salespeople kept glancing subconsciously towards my arms, as though they were to see what Alice and Rosalie saw but they were out of luck. They knew that if they persisted they could lose a really rich client.

I started to dig through my wallet for the debit card that I had just had activated only Alice's right hand went past me to hand a **_black card_** to the woman on the other side of the desk. I felt my mouth fall open, only those that shopped a lot and were basically famous and rich could afford these cards.

"Don't say anything, Bella. If anything you can pay for our lunch to make it fair, okay?" Alice probed to me, as she turned her head to look at me. I nodded my head, earning a smile from Alice as she took the card back from the saleswoman. Our bags were handed to us and we were soon on our way to the convertible again.

I felt awkward with the knowledge that the last store was my pick, and that Rosalie might decide that she didn't like any of the choices that I had laid out for her. I had picked an all around favorite boutique, most people said that they loved it and had a great amount of variety.

In fact I thought that I would pick out my dress there, but I never thought that I would pick out one that was at Rosalie's boutique of all places. It made me wonder if there would be other things that would bring me and Rosalie a little closer together, hopefully this shopping trip did.

A good flow of people were coming in and out of my shop when we arrived there, but I felt better with the knowledge that I had already picked out my dress. Rosalie did not look deterred at the traffic of people, in fact in a way it was like she embraced the obvious fact that everyone would be gawking at her and wishing that they were her. She was vain, that much anyone could tell.

Silence resonated through the boutique as we entered, everyone's attention focused solemnly on Rosalie from the way that she held herself. She moved with confidence, flipped her waves of golden hair out of her face and swayed her hips in the direction of where the more scandalous dresses were.

Alice snickered at her sister, "and they say that _I_ am the one that cares about my looks the most."

We followed after Rosalie, sitting down in elegant drawing chairs that looked as though they cost just the right amount of money for Esme and Carlisle to buy, though they didn't really look as though they would be Esme's style.

Rosalie was snatching dresses off of the racks, so many different ones! I couldn't count how many sleek dresses she had grabbed, but I knew that she would have the boys' attention for sure. I was also certain that girls would slap their boyfriends if they looked too long at Rosalie, or said that their girlfriend should have dressed more like the stunning bombshell.

"Rosalie should become a model," I couldn't help but say, earning a laugh from Alice that was full of warmth. "Don't tell her, I'm sure that it will go straight to her head. She lives off compliments."

I could tell that she did, because not even a minute later she came out with a very revealing dress that would make the principle faint in despair. I couldn't even describe how much breast I could see, and how high the slit was on the dress. All I knew was that she made the dress not even raunchy in the slightest.

"Need I remind you, Rose that we're going to a ** _high school dance_**?" Alice questioned, making Rosalie sigh and slump, "fine. I'll tone it down. As much as I love Em fighting other men for me I guess I'll be better for the dance."

For once I felt uncomfortable, the almost glassy look in her golden eyes held lust and it took Alice clearing her throat calmly to make Rosalie head back into the dressing room so that she could change into something else.

We found ourselves repeating the process, knowing that Rosalie was either still showing too much breast, or she was showing too much leg. She insisted still that she must show off her body, though I think she knew I was growing tired of sitting there and being uncomfortable.

I didn't know how many dresses we had gone through but when Rosalie came out with a dress that was classier but was still beautiful I knew that we had found the dress. She stepped up on the little circler stand that was meant for girls to stand on. She tilted her head up and craned her head to the side before she ran her fingers across her dress, to see how tight the dress was.

It reminded me of the really classy dresses you'd see in the Hollywood movies. It had the dipped V-neck that showed the perfect amount of breast, with a good slit to it and hanging sleeves that was sewn to the neckline. It was also burgundy, which suited Rosalie perfectly.

"This will do," Rosalie finally said, nodded her head, before she got off the little stand and went back into the dressing room. She came out in record time with the dress and her regular clothes on.

After she paid for the dress, we went back to her red convertible and headed in the direction of the restaurant that I had picked out. It was Westside Pizza, I didn't know if they liked pizza but since I got no complaints I knew that they weren't completely against the idea of eating pizza.

Of course lunch was a strange affair, they looked at the pizza that I had ordered (which was a classic pepperoni pizza) and picked up slices after a moment. They ate their one individual slices while I ate two slices. We drank our sodas, which we had ordered, before I paid for the meal.

As soon as I got home my curiosity reached its brink, so I grabbed my spare spiral notebook that I had bought shortly after I had bought my clothes back in Phoenix, and wrote down the things that I found odd about the Cullens and Hales.

When I was finished I read what I had written:

 _Golden eyes, which change darker when I blush, can't be colored contacts._

 _Inhuman beauty, no normal human is that beautiful! Also they are freezing!_

 _They don't eat! Besides today I haven't seen them eat, and even when they ate their pizza they looked nauseated. What do they eat?_

 _Their voices are perfect, normal people don't sound that way._

 _Jasper caught me before I fell on the ice, despite being feet away from me._

I closed the notebook and put it in my dresser, knowing that I needed to find out what was wrong. I knew something was wrong, that the Cullens and Hales might not be…human…but what were they?

* * *

 **Author's note: as always, Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

 **I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and do you like how I portray Rosalie in the fanfiction? I thought that it's different with Jasper than with Edward, because he's like the twin of her and he's always been kind to her. Whenever she has memories of her rape he always calms her down. :) Anyway, until the next chapter.**

 **-Ems**


	12. chapter ten

Chapter Ten

It was shortly after I had made a list of the strange traits that had to do with the Cullens and Hales that I knew I needed to spend some time away from them. I needed time to think, time to be away from them.

I needed time to breathe, to study what I had written again, in order to see what it was that they were. I needed to know this for my own sanity, something that I felt as though I had barely had.

On Sunday I went downstairs in my fuzzy soft blue house robe that Alice had bestowed to me (she admitted that she had gone online shopping and this color blue would look amazing on me), and made my way towards Charlie. He had been sitting on the couch and was channel surfing. He glanced away from the television that was in front of him and towards me with patience.

It was almost as though he knew that I was going to ask him something, something that I needed his opinion on.

"What is it, Bells?" Charlie probed to me, softness ever present in his voice. I went towards him and sat down on the other side of the couch, my eyes drifting over the living room before my eyes landed on him again.

"I was wondering if it's okay that I could stay home tomorrow, since I think I need some time for my health," I admitted, softness sent back to him. Renee never minded when I had my mental health days that I spent away from school; she would allow me to spend as many days as possible away from school.

"Do you want me to find you a therapist? I know that you had one back in Phoenix but you haven't shown any depression as far as I can tell. I'm sorry if you've been having depression and I haven't noticed," Charlie responded, earning a shake of the head from me. I wasn't feeling depression, not since I had become friends with the Cullens and the Hales.

"It's nothing like that, Dad. I just need a day away from school, that's all," I told him, earning a nod from him. I didn't know if he was accepting the information that I was telling him or if he was letting me know that I could.

"Of course, you can stay home tomorrow."

Charlie reached his hand out as though he was going to put his hand on mine. He ceased the movement and put his hand back near him again. I didn't reach out so that I could take his hand, as it was apparent that we both didn't feel the overwhelming need to do so.

"Thanks, Dad. I'm going to go find me something to eat now," I let him know before I got up from the couch and headed in the direction of where the dark paneled walled kitchen was. As soon as I entered I allowed a breath of relief wash out of my lips and leant against the wall, next to the doorframe.

All I needed to do was to find out what the Cullens and Hales were. As soon as I found out what they were then I would know what to do next. I could only hope that they weren't anything dangerous, dangerous enough that would kill me.

Though that sounded silly to be honest, if they wanted to kill me then I was certain that they would have killed me already. Then again, that was on all the documentaries about crimes and killers, they would gain someone's trust before they would get them alone and murder them in cold blood.

My face became white washed at that thought but then I thought of each member of the family.

Carlisle being first, I knew without a doubt that Carlisle was nothing more than a wonderful man that seemed as though he had strong faith. A faith that could not be shaken since it was obvious that he put all his love into his patients—he even probably prayed for them without them asking him to do so.

Esme was an angel, in my opinion. She was the definition of a mother in my opinion. She was there for her children, and she was there for other people's children. She had been there for me since the beginning, just like Carlisle had been, and had no problem with swooping in to make sure that my mental health was all right. She was there so that she could remind me that she would be there for me.

Rosalie was quiet, she was reserved. Some could call her bitter. Some could call her a bitch. She had defended me though. She didn't hate me; she reminded me all the time that she hadn't hated me and that she still didn't hate me. She just felt no reason to befriend me like the rest of her family did.

Emmett was hilarious. I was certain that he would attack anyone that would hurt his family. I also had to admit that he seemed as though he would be protective of me like an older brother. If anyone tried to hurt me in his presence he would make sure that they would regret it.

Alice was outspoken, a wonderful girl that was there for me no matter what. She reminded me that I should be treasured no matter what. She told me that I was beautiful and that I deserved all the love in the world. She held my hand when needed be, and she was truly the sister that I wish I had been gifted with.

Edward was reserved like Rosalie was. He was kind, funny in a strange way (no one could be as funny as Emmett). He was very respectful. He helped me when he thought that he should help me, especially when Alice didn't have to ask him to be nice to me. So no, I didn't think that he would kill me either.

Jasper, oh Jasper, I couldn't imagine that he would ever hurt me. It would never happen. I knew this for a fact. He held me so gently, so softly, he was mine. I didn't mean it in an obsessive manner; it was obvious that he held some sort of warmth towards me that no other boy held towards me. It wasn't brotherly like Emmett and Edward felt towards me, it was stronger.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I hadn't realized that I had stayed glued to the wall, or that Charlie came into the kitchen. He must have realized that there were no cabinets that were being opened, or footsteps.

I gave him a reassuring smile, as though to let him know not to worry about me, "it's fine, Dad. I'm just thinking about some things, that's all."

He looked as though he was going to open his mouth and inquire what it was that I was thinking of. He didn't keep his mouth open that long, he closed it before I could truly notice it. He stuffed his hands into his pockets of his jeans though and headed fully into the kitchen.

As he went to the different cabinets that were around the kitchen, Charlie spoke, "are you still friends with the Cullens? I haven't had the time to go to the clinic lately, which is a good thing in a way. We both know the only reason I usually go is because someone gets hurt while I'm on the job and they need medical help."

"Yes, I am. I'm still friends with the others too," I supplied to him.

It was true; I was friends with Jessica and her crew. I sat with them during lunch and I conversed with them during school hours. They accepted me separating myself socially from them outside of school, though they still asked me in order for them to be polite as always.

"That's good," Charlie responded, earning a small smile from me before I went over to the cupboard cabinets so that I could find something to eat. I pulled out a granola bar from its designated spot before I yanked off the wrapper.

I had barely sat down at the kitchen table and began to eat it when I heard the sound of Charlie grabbing the landline phone that was in the living room. He dialed a number. I was certain that he was calling the Cullens.

"Hello, Esme? I wanted to call you to tell you that Bella isn't going to school tomorrow."

I slowed down on my chewing; focusing entirely on the conversation that Charlie was having with Esme.

"No, no. It's nothing that you need to worry about. She just needs a day off, that's it," Charlie assured her; there was nothing more than complete assurance from him.

It made me feel better that he wasn't making it sound like I was having a panic attack, since I was certain that Esme would make sure Carlisle would come by for a house visit so that he could check on me.

I finished the granola bar and threw away the wrapper before I left the kitchen. Charlie was still conversing with Esme. I was certain that she was checking to make sure that I really was all right.

It made me worry that she would come by the house anyway in the morning to make sure that I really did want to stay home or to bring over some soup for me when it came to lunch.

My stomach clenched in nausea at that very thought, enough that I gulped thick enough that I almost flinched. I swore I almost threw up in my mouth at the thought of having to confront any of the Cullens, since I was certain that they would do anything in their power to make sure that I was all right—even if it meant coming over when it was obvious that I wanted to be alone.

Thankfully when I woke the next morning it was a little later than usual. School had already started and though a part of me rejoiced at the extra sleep that I had managed to have the other part of me dreaded having to go to school tomorrow. I would have to wake up tired, more tired than usual as my body would have to readjust to the random extra sleep I had the night before.

I had barely gotten out of bed and wrapped my same robe I had on the morning before when I heard the sound of my phone going off. I picked it up, finding that the phone number was familiar. It was Alice's phone number.

I contemplated ignoring her phone call, but I knew that it would be too rude to do so. So I sighed before I answered the phone, "hello?"

"Bella, good morning, I hope that you feel okay this morning! Esme told me that you needed a day off from school, is everything all right?" Alice's voice was still as chirpy as ever. It actually annoyed me this morning; I really wasn't in the mood to deal with her chirpiness.

"Everything is fine, Alice. I'm just emotionally drained today, that's all. I need a day off sometimes so that I can feel better emotionally," I responded to her, in the background of the phone I could hear some of her siblings conversing with each other. They were all at school then, today.

"All right, just call me if you want me to come over," Alice informed me, in which I agreed. Our call finished and I let out a breath of relief, thankful that I could be by myself again so that I could think these worries over. It was deep enough that my already tightened shoulder blades loosened up slowly.

My eyes landed on my computer, and I knew that it would be best if I went ahead and turned it on so that it could be uploading. It was after all an old computer and I wasn't in the mood to sit there and wait for it to actually turn on completely. That was another reason why I really wanted a new laptop for my birthday, since the home computer back in Phoenix was mostly used by me.

I was never one to complain about materialistic things though.

After I turned on the power button and the loading screen came up, I went downstairs and ate some cereal for once. A part of me became nauseated at the thought of eating it, since I was so accustomed to my granola bars but still, I knew that I should eat something that didn't take too long to eat.

My eyes wandered over the kitchen, noting the random little details that were around the kitchen. The cabinets needed a serious paint job, maybe when the weather got really nice I could open up the kitchen window and repaint the cabinets. I hadn't painted before so I thought that maybe it would be nice to do so in the kitchen, maybe when Charlie was at work so he would come home surprised.

I'd have to look to see if there was a paint splotch around here somewhere. Otherwise I'd have to get help from Esme, which didn't seem too bad. She was an interior designer, after all. So it didn't sound as bad as I originally thought it would be. If she hadn't been one then yeah, I think I would have been completely frightened at the aspect of going to the hardware store by myself.

I shook my head to clear me from this random thought before I finished my cereal slowly. The sunlight shimmered into the kitchen, a little more present than usual but still kind of dreary, and as soon as I finished eating I cleaned out the bowl and dried it before I put it back into the cabinet.

Heading upstairs I entered my room and groaned at the fact that the loading screen still needed some time. I really, really was contemplating with asking Charlie if I could get that new laptop. The good news was that I had the money to do so; I saved up my money like no tomorrow.

I never had a job before in my whole life, so I had saved up every single penny that I had gotten through my life. Charlie and Renee had made a bank account for me so that they could put all the money that was from Christmas and Birthdays into the account for me when I would get older.

I was certain if things were different than maybe it wouldn't be like this. Yet because of my disorder I was certain that they felt as though they needed to do this, in case I had decided in the end that I wanted to get disability, so that I wouldn't have to just rely on the government.

Grabbing Wuthering Heights from where it lay sprawled out on my nightstand, I eagerly opened up to the page that I had left off on. I found myself submerged into the characters, into the drama and the love that was within the pages.

I only looked up when I heard the sudden downpour of rain, which broke my concentration. The good news was that my computer had finally uploaded the login screen. I hurriedly jumped up from my comfy bed, put the bookmark on the correct page, and went over to the computer before I sat down and logged into my account.

Next to me sat my notebook that I had written down the traits in, I glanced down at them again. The first being the golden eyes, which shifted color, and it was something that I had no idea I would find out about.

The internet compared the eye color to different legends; including a Japanese legend of when a human would become possessed by foxes their eyes would turn gold or if they were born from a human and a fox. It would mean that they were shape shifters.

I shook my head, knowing that sounded absurd. There was no reason that the Cullens and Hales were possessed by foxes or that they were shape shifters. It just didn't feel right in my opinion to think that they were kitsune.

The next things were inhuman beauty and being freezing cold. I closed the tab that had the Japanese shape shifter legend before typing in the search engine for the traits that I had written down. I was greeted with random websites that gave different suggestions but a common occurrence had to have been vampires, which made my heart race in my chest at the thought of them being vampires.

I went onto a random website again, finding that there were the tales of demons from different countries. There were so many, the only one that had caught my attention on this website was the Langsuir, which was a vampiric demon that took the blood of unguarded infants and **_that_** made me very unsettled.

The other demons often just took souls or killed someone, but this one talked about taking blood. The Cullens and Hales couldn't be demons, I really couldn't imagine them being demons. I wouldn't allow myself to think that they were demons. I couldn't imagine that they would take souls or kill someone…but drink blood?

This was the second trait that brought me to vampires. I didn't know if it was a sign that they were vampires, but if I saw one more thing that said that they could be vampires I was certain that I would probably throw up. I couldn't deal with this; all I had wanted was to find friends! I didn't expect to end up finding friends in a family of vampires that was for certain!

I almost wanted to jump up and yank the cord out of the socket, to get away from these strange creatures that were in front of me on the screen. I knew that I shouldn't have done this, a small part of me didn't want me to do this but I ignored that part of me enough for me to delve deep into the internet to answer these questions that were swarming in my confused brain.

I took a deep breath and pushed my chair back before I went into the bathroom. I grabbed a cloth and soaked in some warm water before rubbed it against my face, it relaxed me immensely. I kept the cloth against my damp face for a moment before I pulled away and cleaned my face with a spare cloth.

Turning my head, I peered into my purple bedroom again; my eyes were transfixed on the computer that was in front of me. I knew without a doubt that I would receive the longest email from Renee today, especially when she heard that I was taking a mental health day off.

Quietly telling myself that I could do this, I went back to the computer and sat down before I searched on creatures that had stunning voices. Hypnotic voices in a way too, ones that caught your entire attention, they were what I was looking for.

Sirens automatically appeared which made me roll my eyes. We were no where near the ocean, and I was certain enough that there weren't Sirens that were out there. Well if they were real then that meant…no this wasn't the time to think about Sirens, this was the time to think about what the Cullens and Hales really were.

I was mostly greeted with Greek Mythology, which annoyed me to quite an extent. I admired Greek Mythology, but I wasn't looking for something that I would need for class. I was actually looking for something more important than something to do with an essay or a trivial fact.

I had only paused my searching when I remembered that vampires were known for having hypnotic voices. That was how they lured their—

I shoved my chair back, dismissing the sound of it hitting my bed as I hurried towards the bathroom. I fell in a heap in front of the toilet and let out the cereal that I had had for breakfast. Tremors shook through my body and I tried to keep my eyes from closing all the way.

Every time that I closed my eyes I was welcomed with the Cullens tearing into humans, drinking their blood, and doing God-knows-what with the victims. I thought of my precious Jasper, oh my Jasper! I did not know how to feel about the thought of Jasper being a vampire!

Not my beautiful golden eyed Jasper, with beautiful features, and a soft southern accent that rang nothing more than patience towards me. Not my precious Jasper, with his curly blond hair that cascaded against his collarbones. Not my Jasper! Oh God please not my Jasper!

I felt disgusting as I began to let out sobs, feeling my tears drip down my features and into the toilet bowl below me. I still had vomit that was on my lips and I was certain that the bathroom had become rancid from the nasty bodily fluid that had been shot out of my mouth.

I didn't know how long I sat there, how long I sobbed, until I could not sob anymore. I flushed the toilet and cleaned my face, brushed my teeth, and got some mouth wash in order to get that disgusting taste out of my mouth. The mint soothed me for a moment, the clean palette on my mouth made me feel in a way as though I was purifying myself from that filth.

I snapped my head up when I heard the phone going off, which in return made me jump up from my spot in the bathroom and rush into my bedroom. I grabbed the landline, breathing heavily before I spoke, "hello?"

"Hey, Bells, I was just checking in on you. You sound pretty sick, are you okay?" Charlie's voice traveled through and I listened intently to the background noise. There were the usual police officers that were conversing with each other freely, along with doors being opened and closed.

I had no reason to be worried for Charlie.

Yet for some odd reason I felt a powering urge to ask Charlie to come home so that I could make sure that he would stay safe. I didn't know if I should tell him what I had thought up, though if I did I was certain that he would gently laugh at me in a soft manner before assuring me that vampires didn't exist.

"I don't feel good, Dad. I just threw up in the toilet," I informed him, earning a sigh from him. It wasn't a bad sigh per to say, it was just the tired sigh that assured him that I really didn't feel good. He had been worried that I would end up actually sick, and not just drained emotionally.

"Do you want me to come home? I can take you to the clinic," Charlie offered, earning a haste shake of the head from me before I spoke, "No, no! I'm fine, Dad. I think I'm okay, I think my stomach was just sensitive for a moment. There's no reason why you should take me…"

I didn't want to see Carlisle.

A part of me wanted to go though, so that I could appear before him. I could tell him that I was afraid of him and the rest of his family being vampires, and he'd joke and tell me that they weren't.

I'd know that he'd be telling the truth and then I wouldn't have to fear the fact that I had somehow found myself connected so emotionally with vampires.

"Are you certain, Bells? If you throw up again you **_will_** call me or Esme, do you understand me?" This was the no discussion voice that every Dad had, or parent, and it let me know that there was no room for me to complain to him. He rarely used this voice on me, but I knew that he was terrified.

"I understand, Dad. I'll see you when you get home." I hung up on him after he got confirmation of what I just said, and threw myself down onto my bed. I grabbed my quilt around me and curled up in a ball with the quilt covering me.

Please, I hoped that the Cullens and Hales were human.

I didn't know what I would do if they were vampires, if Jasper were one.

* * *

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me**

 **Let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

 **-Ems**


	13. Jasper's Outtake of chapter ten

Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 10

I had been sitting in my bedroom, away from everyone, when I could hear the phone ringing downstairs. I barely had the chance to move before I heard the bedroom door open and Alice poke her head in. Edward wasn't with her, as far as I could tell he had gone hunting with Emmett (they enjoyed hunting with each other, to compete to see who would get more animals).

"It's Bella, she's on to us."

I stiffened immediately, wondering if what Alice said was true. I also knew though that asking her if what she knew was true was the wrong decision to do so. The last time I had done so she hadn't talked to me for two weeks, she only communicated with Edward through mind reading whenever I would be in her presence.

"What do you—?"

"Hello, Charlie! Oh, well I hope that she's all right," Esme's voice began to drift upstairs and it was soft enough where it was nothing more than welcoming towards the town's police chief.

He couldn't tell that there was a bit of nervousness that was in her voice though, only I and the rest of the family could tell. She obviously thought that something had happened to Bella. As did the rest of us, since we could hear the phone conversation going between Esme and Charlie Swan.

Alice reached out and took my arm before she rushed us downstairs, where Esme brought her hand up to us in the motherly manner of letting us know that she was on the phone. I felt a tinge bit of irritation leak out from me, at the knowledge that she was being so blunt.

We stood with bated breath as Esme spoke to Charlie, finding out that Bella would stay home tomorrow because she needed a mental health day off. Alice nodded her head, as though to assure me that Bella did need a metal day off. She had been more social than she had been in Phoenix and everything was so different here than it was down in Arizona. So it made sense.

Esme hung up the phone when she was done with the phone call, letting out a tense sigh that let us know that this troubled her. She reached her hand up and bit her finger lightly, as she absorbed all that Charlie had told her. She slowly turned so that she looked at us, her eyes showing concern.

"You saw something, didn't you, Alice?" Esme probed gently to her daughter, in a way that would not let Alice feel pressured.

It had helped tremendously when she first became Alice's mother, knowing that she didn't want to scare her away. Alice had a lot that she had went through, if it meant that she had no remembrance of her human life before she was turned. So in a way she was the most sensitive for a long time.

"Yes, I think it would be best if the whole family is here to tell," Alice responded, showing no off beat or revealing that she had already informed me a little more of what was going on.

Esme sighed but nodded her head; her fingers tapping against her arms, before her eyes flickered upstairs to where her loft was that held her open floor planned office. She did look as though she wanted to stay here. She knew it was for the best that she didn't though.

"Very well, I will be upstairs working if you need me," Esme decided before she went forward to go upstairs. She paused and kissed Alice on the head before she turned to me and did the same thing. She lasted a little longer when it came to me but I knew that Alice couldn't care less about me getting a longer kiss.

After all this had to do with Bella, this had to do with my mate. This had nothing to do with Edward. I would need more reassurance than Alice did when it came to this news. I would be the one in shambles without knowing what was going on with my Bella.

In a way I was in shambles, because I didn't know how to feel about the fact that Bella might be getting close to finding out what me and my family were. I didn't think that I could survive any longer if she thought that she couldn't be with me anymore, even in her presence.

If I hadn't been accustomed to this strange family of mine I would have been disturbed by how connected Edward and Alice were. Not even three minutes went by before Edward and Emmett started coming out of the woods. I did have a look of disgust at the sight of the large carcass of a grizzly bear draped over Emmett's shoulders as though he was a Norse God or something.

"Typical Emmett," I grumbled, earning a laugh from Alice though Esme had to have a double look at her _eldest_ son. In seconds she was out of the house and rushing down the back deck in order to yell at Emmett, "Don't you dare come any closer, young man! I happen to like our floors! I don't want any blood in the house either!"

"Aw, come on, Mom! You said that you'd like to add some red to the living room," Emmett teased her, only for Rosalie to appear from the stunning garden (she sometimes went over to the gazebo and read a book) with a murderous glare upon her features. Suddenly, Emmett didn't have to worry about an irritated mother; he had to worry about an angry wife.

Alice and I merely observed our bigger brother being mothered at, by Esme and then his wife pulling him by the arm so that they could head in the direction of where the garage was so that they could pull out the tools needed to shed the grizzly bear's coat. They always kept the pretty coats so that they could place them atop their bed or on the floor as rugs.

Rosalie didn't even bat an eyelash at the blood that was dripping down her husband's arm and onto her hand. She might look like she would be upset if she broke a nail, and she was (trust me), but she also wasn't a delicate little flower. She could look like one but if someone tried to touch her she'd have poison soaked in her petals.

Edward came up the back porch steps with interest in his golden eyes. They were warmer now, since he had ingested some animal blood. He always seemed as though he was in a better mood after he had something to eat.

"Are you okay?" Edward tilted his head to the side as he wondered if I was all right. I had to admit that this comforted me. I never thought that I would have a family, much less two brothers and two sisters. I also didn't expect that I would have a second chance in having a mother and father too.

"I'm fine…" I knew that it would be pointless to admit that I was terrified of losing Bella before I would even have the chance of being with her. He didn't say anything else, knowing that if anything it would aggravate me.

He did give a pointed look at me, as though to tell me that I shouldn't think that way. It made me sigh, at the knowledge that having a mind reader meant that he obviously knew everything that I was thinking.

The amused look on his face allowed me to know again that he was listening in on my mind, but the look I soon gave him allowed him to know that I appreciated if he shut me off. He could, and he focused his talent when it came to reading minds on our other siblings.

Everyone knew that Edward never read his mother and fathers' minds without giving them his true opinion towards the matter. It sometimes made Esme give him more respect, along with Carlisle, but other times Esme would run out of the room with dry sobs at the horrid things that Edward said but didn't mean to say (he would say something cynical and she was so positive that she didn't want to think of anything negative).

The rest of the time that we waited for Carlisle to come home was awkward, to say the least. I knew that my family wanted to talk to me about it but they also knew that if Alice said that we should wait until Carlisle would come home then it meant that it was serious, it could be life threatening.

As though he sensed that his family was in a state of distress Carlisle came home sooner than we thought. He had his suitcase with him and wasn't wearing his doctor's coat. He never brought it home with him; he had no reason to do so. He had his I.D. with him always, along with his doctorate license in order for everyone to know that he was Carlisle Cullen and he was a legal doctor.

With his inhuman beauty most people believed him when he said that he was a doctor, Edward said that sometimes they thought that Carlisle was an actor who played a doctor on some soap opera. Some even thought that he was going to be on Gray's Anatomy (it was the newest show that would come on later in the month), or House, though he had never even been on the screen before.

He quietly sat his suitcase down on one of the decorative tables and shut the front door shut behind him. The click of him pushing the lock on the front door allowed us to know that he was taking this seriously. We never really locked the front door, there was no reason to do so, but Carlisle always locked the front door when he knew that something was amiss.

"What's wrong? Is it Bella?" Carlisle let his eyes direct their attention entirely on me; I knew that he was evaluating things still. He did know though that she hadn't died, or that she had been injured enough to need to go to the clinic. Alice would have called him to go back to the clinic so that Bella could see his face, instead of some of the other doctors at the clinic.

Esme had already come downstairs without me even noticing, she calmly made her way towards Carlisle and wrapped her arm around his before she quietly directed him and us to the dining room. To other people it would be where they would eat their more formal meals but for us it was just to have family meetings.

"I saw something, Carlisle," Alice softly spoke, once we were certain that all of us were around the table. All of us had a troubled look upon our faces, revealing themselves in our eyes. Well not all of us, Rosalie had to be as expressionless as always. We couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Is Bella all right?" Carlisle almost demanded.

I was certain that he was as protective of my mate as I was. He knew how fragile one could be without their mate, he had centuries upon centuries worth of seeing mates being ripped apart due to the Volturi, being executed in front of their lover's eyes.

That was another story for another time. I knew of his life, of who he was before he had been transformed into a vampire, but he only told us of his experiences when he reminded us that God had a plan for all of us. God loved us still, despite the fact that we were creatures of sin. His faith never wavered and I was certain that if any vampire could go to Heaven then Carlisle would be that very vampire.

"Bella is getting observant, too observant," Edward was the next that spoke. Alice reached her hand out and took his left hand in her right one.

Their wedding rings glistened from the sunlight. All the mated pairs liked to wear their wedding rings outside of school. Esme and Carlisle were able to wear their rings proudly on their fingers without causing suspicions.

I wanted that one day, I hadn't really thought much about marriage. Most men my age were lucky enough if they got to live another day, there were spies that came and went through the different states to get as much information as possible from traveling troops. Some soldiers slept with prostitutes that were secretly spies (at least for once), and would end up telling the Union soldiers things about our battle plans.

The thought of me ending up married never went through my mind, to be honest. I didn't think that with Maria, that was for certain. We never had sex; I would receive pleasurable rewards from her. She would tease us but she never allowed any man to actually have true sex with her.

 _Jasper…_

I hadn't realized that I had drifted off enough into my thoughts that had to do with my previous vampric life and out of the life that I was currently living, until I heard Edward's voice in my head. I craned my head to the side and peered at Edward, finding that he was flickering his eyes in the direction of where Carlisle stood at the head of the table—as he was the head of the family.

"She…." Carlisle was lost for words, his eyes sunken and saddened as he peered at his wife. Esme looked down at the table as she kept her hand in his, they tightened their hands together. It was obvious that they didn't know what they were going to do, and I didn't know what to do.

Alice's eyes became pained as she made a sad sound; Edward allowed her head to rest against his arm, as he wrapped his other arm around her. "She's hurting; she doesn't know what to do. She knows we won't kill her…"

Everyone's eyes became saddened at what Alice was saying, though Rosalie was stoic as always. She let her eyes wander towards each of us before her eyes landed on me. She stared at me for a moment longer than necessary, before her eyes went towards the direction of where Carlisle and Esme were.

"That poor baby, oh she doesn't deserve this!" Esme cried while her eyes became as pained as Alice's, if not more. She let her eyes direct up towards her husband, her soulmate. "Oh, what will we do, Carlisle? We can't just let her suffer, especially that way! I don't want her doing this to herself."

"We don't want her to either, honey," Carlisle calmly responded as he ran his fingers through her hair as though to calm her. The anguish was still apparent on both the mother of the household and both Alice and Edward.

"Should we skip tomorrow?" Rosalie was the one that asked this, turning our entire attention to the blonde girl that was gazing at us.

She hadn't spoken this whole entire time; she had just stood there and analyzed everything. I almost wanted to ask her why she would bring up something such as measly as skipping school before I remembered that she was the most cautious and paranoid of people catching on when it came to us being vampires.

Alice thought for a moment before she shook her head, "No. We should go to school. I will call her when we're at the school to ask her if she's feeling fine. Everything else is pretty much what I just saw; she'll be researching about us like I saw…"

"Then it's decided," Rosalie spoke again, looking at each and every one of us with less worry upon her features. I growled softly, enough that made Edward turn to look at me and give me a cautious warning.

 _Jasper, don't._

I dismissed him and marched forward, towards the back deck so that we would be outside and away from everyone. "Come on, Rosalie. We need to have a talk."

Emmett gave a nervous chuckle before he spoke, "as much as I love to fight and watch fights I think this isn't the right time—"

Rosalie reached out and touched her husband on his chest, her fingers spread out so that each manicured fingernail shimmered from the sunlight that was shining in. She gave him a look, one that they communicated with, before she turned to look at me. Alice shifted awkwardly in the background, knowing that this was something that was going to be between me and Rosalie.

It also meant that the argument that was going to happen between me and Rosalie wasn't bad enough that we would end up attacking each other. I never attacked any of my family members; it was something that I had always been careful about. Attacking humans though…I shivered as I remembered that poor girl that I had drunk from, and how she left a hole in that town that couldn't be filled again.

"Jasper, please don't," Esme pleaded, her eyes brimming with more pain as she stepped forward. She turned and looked at Rosalie, before she turned and looked at me again. "Rosalie loves you very much, I am certain that she cares about Bella too. You know how the other is; you can **_feel_** her, Jasper. Can't you tell that your sister is worried too for you and Bella?"

"I'm not going to hit her, Mom. I just want to talk to her, that's all," I assured her, knowing whenever I would call her the term 'mom,' she would end up caving a little bit. It always allowed her to know that there wouldn't be anything that would make her think I would hate her or any of her children.

Esme went to speak again, to plead again, only for Alice to step forward, "It will be fine, Mom. They're just talking, there's nothing wrong with it. There will be no hitting, there will be no hating."

Carlisle nodded his head, assured by this, "it's all right, Esme. Why don't we go to my office and talk about my day, huh? Or we can talk about anything you want to, if you wish….just not about Rosalie and Jasper's conversation, all right?"

Esme contemplated what she was hearing before her shoulders slumped and she nodded her head, "all right. I still don't want there to be any hard feelings in the end. We **_all_** care about Bella, Jasper—even Rosalie."

Rosalie still didn't say anything this whole time, and for once I was happy that she often didn't say anything. Edward would flat out spew anger from his lips; Alice would mentally shut down while Emmett would fight. He would fight brutally, but so far the only ones I had fights with happened to be once with Carlisle (in the very beginning when I had first came to him) and then with Alice (it was after I had killed that innocent girl, demanding to know why she had to bring me with her to the Cullens).

Rosalie walked calmly outside with me trailing after her. Her eyes soaked in the area around us as she folded her arms against her chest. I had my hands in my jean pockets, as we headed in the direction of where the river was. The water would be unsettled enough that the sound of the rocks being hit by the water would help drown out the senses from our siblings.

When we reached the river Rosalie kept her eyes forward. I knew that I would have to be the one to start this, "do you honestly care more about keeping our family safe than you do about me having my mate safe?"

"Yes, honestly I do care more about our family. I care about the thought of us having to face the Volturi all because of the fact that Bella found out the truth, and she decided to confront us. We would only have so long before they would find out, Jasper. Don't think so little of their intelligence."

Sharp pain enveloped me as I knew if my heart was beating I would be clutching my left side of my chest with tightness. I knew her hatred towards humans was more of the fact that she hated she wasn't a part of them anymore.

"Don't belittle my Bella, Rosalie. She is my mate, and that means something even in the vampire world. Carlisle would say that God blessed me with Bella; she is smart enough that she wouldn't go and tell others that we exist. She is terrified out of her mind right now!" I shouted at her, causing Rosalie to stare at me with so many different emotions flickering through her body.

I could sense anger, longing, shame, and so many different other emotions that were overlapping them. She was always complex when it came to her emotions, but when she landed on submission I was surprised. She dropped her arms from her chest and faced the river again.

"Carlisle would say that God blessed you with Bella, but He cursed me! I cannot accept the thought of anyone finding out that we are vampires. I cannot accept the fact that a group of vampires could come by and learn that Bella knows before they would slaughter the poor girl and then send us to the Volturi! I cannot accept these things, Jasper Hale.

"I have lost many things when I was changed. I lost my virginity in the worst way possible, I lost my faith, and I lost the chance of having children—especially with Emmett. I do not want Bella to face losing these things that she might want," Rosalie flatly responded. It was apparent that she truly felt this way and I had to respect her decision though I did not agree with it.

Rosalie's features started to crack some, and I saw the sadness that was etched across her features. I had never seen her smile except when she was looking at her husband or she was in his arms. She laughed very rarely, and it was always a sight to see. It made everyone want to see her smile more, to hear her laugh more.

"How do we know what she wants unless we ask her? I cannot expect us to just leave her, and even you know how wrong that is. You know that we leaving her randomly won't do anything for her. It would destroy what little she has," I retaliated it, softly though, and she tapped her fingers against her arms—since she had put her arms up around her chest once more.

"You know my opinion on this now," Rosalie finally said before she headed in the direction of where the house was. I sighed and knew that there was no changing Rosalie's mind. She was the most stubborn to deal with, that was for sure.

By the time I arrived back to the house Rosalie was gone. I was certain that she was in the garage, working on some of the cars that we had. Emmett was with her, probably to help her calm down. Esme and Carlisle were in the living room though, mindlessly watching the television screen.

I sat down in between them; Esme pulled me against her and ran her fingers through my hair. I soaked in their parental love, knowing that for once I felt like a little kid again and I needed assurance from my parents. They knew that Bella meant the world to me, and they would be there to comfort me.

* * *

 **Author's note: I wasn't originally going to originally write an outtake for Chapter 10 but in the last moment I decided to do so. As always I wanted to make sure that Rosalie would be a complicated person. I hope that you have come to appreciate how I write her, I'm really proud of how I have displayed her. I feel as though I am still sticking to Cannon Rosalie.**

 **I also thought that it would be sweet if he had a tender moment with Carlisle and Esme.**

 **Let me know what you think!**

 **As always Twilight doesn't belong to me**

 **-Emmy**

 **PS: I have a possible future fanfiction called "Honeysuckle" that I've posted, the prologue, and it's a Bella/Carlisle fanfiction. Bella is a nurse, and she's twenty four. :) I want to write fanfictions where non-cannon and not that popular couples are written about. Check it out if you want, and post a comment if you want to. Let me know if you want to see it written! I have a due date on deciding whether or not that I will write on the 30th.**


	14. chapter eleven

Chapter Eleven

Having a mental health day away from school was simple. It was easy when I was down in Phoenix.

All I had to do was tell Renee that I wasn't feeling good and she would say nothing more. She would call the school and tell them that I would not be going to school the next day.

They never complained, since I didn't use the excuse that much, and they knew that I was smart enough that I wouldn't be left behind when it came to my work in my classes. So yes, I was able to get away with having mental health days in Phoenix.

Here though, it was the complete opposite. I felt exhausted by the end of the day, when I was without the Cullens, and the Hales. I wanted nothing more than to see them and tell them that I was all right but I knew that I needed to stay away a little while longer.

I should stay away from them for the rest of the week, at least, so that I could gather my thoughts. I needed to know if I would allow myself to fall so easily into the company of… _vampires_ …

"Bells, are you all right? You look like you're thinking hard," Charlie's voice broke me from my thoughts. We were currently sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner, and I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head, "I'm fine, Dad. I was just thinking about vampires, that's all."

Charlie arched his eyebrow at me, his fork that he was holding above his plate set off a metallic glare from the kitchen light above us. I almost blushed in stupidity and quickly made sure that he wouldn't be any more confused and weary about me, "I was thinking about Dracula, actually. I've been rereading Bram Stoker's Dracula, that's all."

"Oh, yeah, you like those classic books," Charlie grumbled, earning another nod from me. I could only see the left side of his face, so for all that I could see I could tell that he was taking in the lie that I was telling him. I wouldn't go anywhere near Dracula right now, no offense to Bram Stoker, of course.

"Looks like it's shaken you up though, this isn't for class, is it? I don't want you reading something that's making you uncomfortable, Bells." Charlie studied me better, softer this time, and I shook my head.

"No, Dad. I was just free reading, that's all, I've been rereading my books I brought from Phoenix. Maybe I should go to the bookstore…." I drifted off, knowing that I hadn't gone to the bookstore like we said we were going to when I went dress shopping with Alice and Rosalie.

"It would be nice to get out of here, I must admit. You and I could go up to Port Angeles and go to some of the bookstores. I haven't left this place in ages," Charlie grunted, confessing this truth to me. I felt bad, I did want to go look for books, but I wasn't determined to go and look for books like I had originally been weeks ago.

I shrugged, making sure my eyes were on my plate right now. I could still feel his eyes on me, and a part of me felt awkward sadness enter me. All Charlie wanted was to go to the bookstore with me. It was the least that I could do, "um…sure, Dad. How about in a couple weeks? Not right now."

Charlie cleared his throat, as he messed with the food on his plate with his fork, before he nodded his head, "Sure, that sounds fine. If you don't want me to go to the bookstore with you—"

"Actually, Dad…there was something that I did want to ask you," I interrupted him, on the inside I cringed at the vivid display of rudeness I was giving him. I silently hoped that he would not grow angry with me or become disappointed in me.

I already grew up thinking I was a disappointment and I was slowly finding myself crawling out of that mental hellhole, so I didn't want to make it feel like I was being tugged back into that mental hellhole since there would be no possible—

"Of course, Bells. Should I be really worried?" Charlie carefully probed to me; I peered at him through my left eye. I was thankful that the windows faced the left side of me and not my right side. If I turned my head then I wouldn't be directly facing the scars on my face.

"No, no. It's just that I've missed you and I wanted you to drive me to school and from the rest of the week? I mean it's all right if you can't," I quickly informed him, though I couldn't help but feel my shoulders slump at the thought of me not being able to avoid the prospect of seeing Alice in a contained space such as a car. Not to mention the car could possibly be going at a lethal speed.

I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, remembering the moment where I swore that Alice was driving at an inhuman speed. It would go along with the vampire theory, since they could probably get in a wreck and they could get out without any scratches or bruising at all. They would look like they did before they got into the car…they wouldn't look like I looked like.

"Bella! Bella! Bella, breathe! Breathe, sweetheart!" Charlie's voice hooked itself into me like the end of the fishing bait line's hook. "Breathe, Bella. Everything is all right. Come on, there you go."

I focused intently on his voice, on what he was saying, because I knew that Charlie would always keep me safe. I could always feel as though he would protect me from the evil around me. He loved me so much, I was certain that he would give up his own life for me no matter what.

Yet, I felt safe with the Cullens.

I felt so much peace and happiness when I was around Esme and Carlisle. They felt like they were my parents too, I felt as though Esme would have been a better mother than Renee was (which brought uneasy feelings to surface when it came to how my relationship with own mother was). They were so welcoming and loving; they would do anything for me.

I tried to cling to the memories of Emmett joking as he spoke about going on an intimate hike with Rosalie. I inwardly smiled at the fact that Emmett had pushed her into the water. Rosalie hadn't talked to him the rest of the day, or that night, but they had made up the next day.

I thought of the others, how they all cared for me in their own way. Edward was polite but he reeled in his girlfriend when he needed to in order to make sure that I wouldn't feel as though I was about to have a mental breakdown from her excitement. So there was respect and trust between us.

I didn't think much different about my original thoughts on Rosalie and Alice because all the memories were the same. They were still about us going dress shopping and Alice saying that I was their sister, and I still remembered Rosalie not going against the actual fact that Alice had claimed me as their youngest sister. Rosalie had defended my beauty and respected my limits I had towards clothes.

"Did something happen with the Cullens?" Charlie stiffened, his eyes showing nothing more than the uppermost of concern. There was confusion though that was hovering in the background of his irises. It was apparent that though he trusted them he would still put my word first against theirs.

"I've kind of gotten burned out on them." I sighed and looked down at my plate, "I still love them and stuff, and they are my best friends. I just feel as though spending too much time with them during the day won't make us as happy. I wouldn't be as happy since I'd be seeing them all the day."

Charlie's eyes became relaxed once more and I knew that I had gotten away with this, well for now. "It's only for the rest of the week, Dad. It's Tuesday night, so that's only three days. I mean…you are the Police Chief though…so I don't know if you'll be able to—"

"You come first."  
I blinked, my fork slipping out of my hand from the soft love that was written across his face, the true fatherly love that he had towards me on full display. I sniffed as I felt tears begin to rise in my tear ducts. I gulped, tried to swallow all the salty tears that were dripping onto the top of my lips, and then got up from the chair to go around the table and wrap my arms around him.

I let him hold me for a few minutes before I pulled away and picked up our plates. He stood up and made his way towards me once I had gotten the plates into the soapy water of the kitchen sink.

"Look, you don't have to worry. I have enough vacation days as it is. I never really had an excuse to use them, except for going fishing with Harry Clearwater. He's one of my friends from the Reservation, like Billy. We always go fishing together whenever we can, but that's not the point.

"What I'm trying to say is that there are enough officers at the station to help keep the place going for an hour or two a day. I promise you that it will be all right. It's no big deal," Charlie assured me and I nodded my head. I leant my head against his chest and he held me another moment.

"Are you sure?" I couldn't help but ask him again, earning a positive nod from him as he pulled away from me. I gave him a soft smile once more, "thanks, Dad. You go and watch some football or something; I'm going to do the dishes…"

Charlie headed out of the kitchen and once I was certain that he was gone I couldn't help but let out a breath of relief. I slumped forward and let my head fall forward, though my hair had gotten long enough that the ends of my hair touched the soapy water that was in the kitchen sink.

"I can't believe that worked," I breathed aloud, before I took a deep breath and continued working on cleaning the dishes.

Focusing on making sure that the plates were as clean as possible made things easier for the time being when it came to my thoughts. I didn't think about vampires and best friends and possibly the boy I was falling in love with actually being a vampire and not a human.

I went to my bedroom once I was finished with cleaning the kitchen; I needed time away from Charlie. He glanced at me in the corner of his eye but when I didn't show anymore worry he turned his attention back to the television screen. It was flipped on one of the football channels.

My landline phone was sitting in its usual spot and for some odd reason I felt as though I should expect Alice to call me suddenly, that she would ask me to see if I was up to going to school tomorrow.

Rushing forward so that I would get to the phone, I sought for the slip of paper that had Esme's phone number on it. I was certain that this could possibly be the home phone number too. It would make sense, hopefully, and it wouldn't be her work phone. Maybe it was a combination of just her number, her work number, and the house number…but what if it wasn't?

Shaking my head, I went ahead and dialed the numbers that were written on the paper, waiting for someone to answer on the other line. My eyes flickered up to my clock, thankful that it wasn't a ridiculous time. I wouldn't feel too bad on intruding in on them. _Esme_ had said I _could_ call her….

It barely gave two rings when I could hear the person answering on the other end, "Hello?"

"Esme? Esme, it's Bella," I supplied to her, earning the quickest response I ever had on the phone—"Bella? Bella! How are you doing, honey?"

"I'm fine, Esme. I thought that since I haven't had much time with Charlie that it would be nice if he drove me to and from school the rest of the week. It's not going to be a long week for me, after all," I explained, while on the other end I could hear the sound of Carlisle speaking with one of the guys, I didn't know if it was Emmett or if it were Edward but I knew it wasn't Jasper.

"Oh, yes! Family is important, very important. I am certain that they will understand. You have nothing to worry about," Esme responded to me. I almost wanted to ask her why I could detect nervousness in her tone. It was like she was trying to brush this off in a normal manner but it felt too stiff.

"Alice, dear, I am certain that Bella is not in the mood to talk to you," Esme's voice broke the other end again, making me focus on her once more. Alice's bright and bubbly voice could be heard on the other end, "oh come on, Esme! I'm certain that Bella wouldn't mind talking to me real quick."

"Actually…." I bit my lip as I knew that I would hurt Alice's feelings. "I'm not really in the talkative mood tonight. I'm tired too. I'll see her and the others at school tomorrow. Goodnight Esme."

Alice didn't say anything, so I wondered if she had heard what I had said. I really did hope that I didn't hurt her feelings. She cared a lot about me, she truly was like a sister to me, but I also wasn't completely used with having someone care so much about me that wasn't my family. I never had it happen to be honest.

"Of course, Bella. Goodnight, sleep well," Esme told me before I hung up and put the phone down. I sighed and went over to my closet before I grabbed out some pajamas. They were just a simple matching pajama set that I had found when I had been shopping for Forks in Phoenix.

They were my favorite shade of purple and when I put them on I sighed in comfort, my eyes trailing over to the mirror that was in the corner of the room. I turned to my left side to look at myself. My scars were still present, but I was wearing a quarter length shirt so it wasn't that big of a deal. My neckline was higher of course, and my pajama pants were more like sweats.

After I brushed my teeth, brushed out my hair, and washed my face I slipped underneath my covers and sighed as I was welcomed with fresh cleaned sheets. That was one thing that I could never get tired of, getting in a bed that had been freshly cleaned. It just felt so amazing, so I snuggled even more into the sheets, all the while a part of me just wanted to escape into the blankets and not appear again.

Charlie woke me earlier than I was accustomed to the next morning, my eyes peeling open so that I could see him sitting on the side of my bed. I yawned as I sat upright and he patted me on my shoulders before he wordlessly got up from the bed. He left the bedroom, leaving me to get up and get dressed.

I pulled my hair into a sloppy bun, put on a baggy navy blue sweatshirt, comfy shoes and a pair of light washed jeans. I put on some concealer, along with a little bit of lip gloss, before I went downstairs and went into the kitchen. I couldn't help but smile as I saw that Charlie had made me some cereal.

"Thanks, Dad," I mumbled as I sat down and picked up the metal spoon. Charlie was watching the news channel from behind the couch, standing there in his work uniform. He gruffly responded, "you're welcome," before his attention was turned back towards the television.

I tried to keep my mind off the fact that I would be avoiding the Cullens, Rosalie, and Jasper for the rest of the week. Yet it kept creeping in as I ate, enough that I slumped and wondered if it was too late to go back into my bedroom. I could change back into my pajamas and lock the door before going back to sleep.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

I tore my attention away from peering down at my cereal to Charlie standing still by the back of the couch. His face was vividly showing that he was confused. I knew that he was worried about me and if he worried anymore about me this morning I was certain that he would have me go to the clinic.

It was too early for me to go to clinic. I didn't want to go to the clinic because if I went to the clinic I would be welcomed with the sight of Carlisle. If they were really vampires then I was certain that they knew of my awareness by now. Carlisle would be stiffly nice to me and I didn't want be acting as though I was given a new role so that I could act completely different to him than how I felt.

"I-I'm fine, Dad. Let's go to school. I'm not that hungry," I admitted as nausea rippled by me like a single rock skipping against the surface of a lake. I focused my attention on imaging ripples in water; it always calmed me down immensely. Rivers and oceans always calmed me down.

"Promise that you'll go and get you something to eat from the cafeteria if they are still open, or go to the nurse, maybe she'll have something," Dad asked this of me and I nodded my head in assurance.

We slipped into the police cruiser and I kept my belongings close to me. As he pulled back to go onto the road, I mourned the sight of my bedroom above me. I really did want to be in my bed right now. I didn't want to deal with the fact that I would have to ignore the Cullens and Hales.

My heart already became heavier at this knowledge, I had gotten so connected to them in the almost month that I had been here. It wasn't even a completely full month since I had moved here and it felt so crazy.

The ride to school was quiet though I knew that Charlie wanted to know what had happened between me and the Cullens, and the Hales. I was certain that he was afraid that we weren't going to be friends anymore. I was also certain that he was terrified that he would find out they had grown tired of me and they just didn't want to deal with me and my disorder anymore.

When we arrived at the school I let my eyes wander over to the student parking lot, seeing Rosalie's convertible and Edward's Volvo sitting in their usual spots. The Cullens and Hales weren't by their cars; they must have already gone inside. It assured me that they weren't going to try and swarm me.

"I'll see you after school, Bells." Charlie smiled at me and I nodded my head before I responded to him, "I'll see you after school too, Dad. Love you!"

I hopped out of the cruiser only for Charlie to clear his throat, gaining my attention again. "I invited the Blacks over for dinner this weekend. I thought that you would like to meet them."

"That's fine, Dad. It would be nice to meet them," I remarked, earning a sigh of relief from him before he waved goodbye to me. I shut the cruiser door and turned around, my eyes scanning the parking lot until I stopped and found Jessica and her crew. She perked up when she saw me heading towards them.

"Bella, good morning, I saw that your dad dropped you off. Is everything okay with you and the Cullens….Jasper?" Jessica probed to me when I reached her.

The only person that didn't look as though she was extremely curious happened to be Angela Webber. She still stood quietly there with her glasses casting off light reflections from the random spots of sunlight filtering through the clouds. She was partly the reason why I was fine with being friends with both the Cullens and Hales along with Jessica and her crew.

I stiffened as I looked over her short shoulder to find that Jasper Hale was in the background. He was standing a good bit away, and he possibly wouldn't be able to hear me. Alice came skipping up to him and began to converse with him, enough that he responded to her.

I was tempted to move Mike and Jessica away so that I could head towards Alice and Jasper but I knew that I had already promised myself that I needed to stay away from them the rest of the week. I wanted so badly to close the distance, I wanted so badly to reach Jasper and beg for him to take me back though I was barely even gone away from them to begin with.

"Bella, you're crying. Are you okay?"

I blinked away what were tears, not knowing that I had been crying, before I gave a sour laugh. I glared down at the tears that were now smeared across my hands. I was certain that if they were not clear they would be splattered across my hands like paint splattered on a canvas.

"I-I'm fine. I just have been spending so much time them and not you guys so…" I peered at Jessica, Angela, Ben, Erik, and their other friend Tyler. Tyler had almost gotten in a car wreck a week after I had started school here, thankfully the van swirled inches away from hitting the other car—it was vacant.

"What about _Jasper Hale_?" Lauren, one of Jessica's best friends, appeared all the sudden. She had straight corn hued hair and she would have looked pretty if it weren't for the look of sourness that was on her face—it was as though she had just drunk expired milk.

I didn't know where this came from but something inside me, deep within me; begin to rise to the surface. I was used to people making fun of me. I was used to people saying that they knew why people stopped talking to me or stopped being friends with me. I would not allow this to happen to anyone else, so maybe that was why I was ready to defend any of the Cullens and the Hales…especially Jasper Hale.

"What about him? He's an amazing person, he's considerate. He's been nothing more than sweet to me. He's caring. I couldn't say that about some people," I spilled out from my lips, my eyes widening as I brought my hands up and placed them over my mouth. I had never done this before; I was usually quiet and stuttered a lot.

Lauren huffed as she pushed pieces of her hair behind her, before she went away. Jessica gave me a calculating look and then hurried after Lauren. Mike and Erik snorted at my bravery, along with Tyler, but Angela was just smiling at me with those soft eyes and sweet smile.

I snapped my head away from Angela and the guys when I felt the same connection as when I first came over here become even stronger. I looked forward, finding that Jasper Hale was standing still and that he had the lightest butterscotch hue I had ever seen in his yet.

Once again I wanted to drown into those orbs, but I had to wonder if those orbs were toxic enough to swallow me whole.

* * *

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me, though this plot line belongs to me.**

 **Let me know what you thought of this chapter. The next Jasper Outtake will be of Chapter 13.**

 **-Ems**


	15. chapter twelve

Chapter Twelve

I didn't know how I managed to, but I was able to avoid the Cullens and Hales for the rest of the week. I only dealt with Edward because we shared Biology together and were lab partners but other than that I stayed away from them.

Edward didn't seem as though he was angered at me. I could tell that there was trouble brewing in those deep golden irises of his. It was as though he wondered what my decision would be in the end.

It was like he knew that I knew that they knew that I was juggling with the idea of him and the rest of his family being vampires. There was more to him and his family, and though he didn't say anything his eyes were on me for that hour we were stuck sitting on those uncomfortable metal lab stools each day.

It was Friday night now, and the Blacks were supposed to come eat dinner with me and Charlie. I had changed into one of my nicer blue quarter length blouses and pair of jeans, along with some good wool socks, since I knew that I needed to dress nice for this dinner. Charlie would have told me that I didn't have to wear anything fancy but apparently Billy and Jacob Black were extended members of the family, so it would be mean of me not to look at least a little bit presentable for them.

The television was flipped to a sports channel, since Billy and Charlie were known for watching just sports together. They went fishing with each other, so watching football with each other just happened to be another thing that they did together.

As far as I knew neither of the Blacks had any food allergies so I had decided to make meatloaf, along with buttery rolls and salad. It was a safe meal in my opinion and I knew that it would be a bland dinner. It also helped that neither Billy nor Jacob were picky in the extreme so I didn't have to do food substitutes.

The heat from the oven preheating made the small kitchen hot, fast, and I stood near the cutting board dicing some of the recipe ingredients. Charlie was upstairs changing into some new clothes for dinner, having just taken a shower after a long day at work. He wanted to look his best for the family meal that he was going to have with our extended family.

Tears were dripping down my cheekbones from slicing the onions but despite me having finished cutting up the onions I still had a few tears fall down my face from the knowledge that I had to separate myself from the Cullens and Hales. It was a living hell that I had to do so the rest of the week, each day I felt as though a hole in my heart was being ripped open a little more with clawed hands.

Reaching my hand up, I wiped away some excess tears before I was welcomed with the sound of the front door bell ring. I stopped chopping and had gone to wipe away the excess food from the blade when Charlie came down stairs happy. He was happier than usual and I knew that he needed this. I didn't know if I would form any kind of friendship with Billy or Jacob.

I turned my attention back to the food as Charlie opened the front door and greeted the father and son. "Billy! Jacob, it's great to see you! I'm happy you could make it. Bells, is in the kitchen, _cooking_ of course."

A part of me wanted to turn my head to peer at them but my mind was already becoming overrun with thoughts of the Cullens and Hales, and how I didn't know if I could leave them any longer. I had told myself I'd leave them alone for the rest of the week but what about next week?

"Smells delicious," Billy chimed in, making me crane my head to the side as though to hear the old man better.

I could hear the sound of a wheelchair moving towards me, which allowed me to know that it was Billy that was heading to me. He had been in a car wreck, himself, and had lost ability in his legs along with his wife, Sarah.

So yes, we could connect through that. Or I could just respect the fact that fate was funny when it came to the knowledge that I had someone my family knew who had gone through a horrible accident, one that had had changed their life in an extreme manner like my accident had changed mine.

"Hello, Bella. I—"

I snapped my body in the direction of where the voice came from, my knife pointing directly in the face of Billy Black.

He was an old man, getting on with age and a bit older than Charlie, with the rustic native winkled skin and deep black beady eyes—which were caught directly on me and the knife. He wore a nice button up shirt, a brown leather jacket that looked like it had been passed down through the family, some good pants, and a pair of dress shoes. His onyx hair that fell to his shoulder blades was brushed to perfection.

I blinked once, no twice, before I turned away from him and continued chopping. I could not look at Billy anymore, there was this strange aura that was surrounding the old man and it made me feel ill. I kept my attention on the food, partly because he was bluntly staring at my scars on my face and another because I had the strangest feeling that there was something Billy Black was hiding in those eyes of his.

"I'm Billy Black, an old friend of your father's," he supplied for me and I nodded my head as I began to rub the raw hamburger meat with the ingredients. "Jacob, come introduce your self to Bella."

This time I did turn away from rolling the meatloaf together in order to put it into the meatloaf pan. Jacob Black, who was a few years younger than me, stood in the doorway with Charlie next to him. Jacob looked like his father, but not completely, I was certain that he had just as much as his mother in his features. His onyx hair was long though, very long, and nicely brushed like his father's hair.

"H-Hi, I'm Jacob. You can call me Jake if you want," Jacob piped up, earning a nod from Billy as he rolled his wheelchair back so that Jacob could come closer to me. He seemed sweet, naïve and was trying to not be obvious when avoiding looking me in the eye. It would take time though.

"Jake help Bella with making dinner, I'm going to go watch some football with Charlie," Billy commanded, earning a nod from Jake before both men headed into the living room.

As soon as they were out of the kitchen Jake's shoulders slumped in relief. I had a feeling that though he loved his dad a lot there was the obvious fact that what Billy said was law.

I didn't know how long though, for a while since Jake still had those chubby features and that soft look to his whole self. So that meant that Billy probably had another year before Jake would go through puberty and demand that he be the one listened to and not the other way around.

"Do you like living here?" Jacob asked me as he started to use the can opener to open some of the vegetables we were going to have as sides for dinner. "I love the Reservation, but I've always wondered what it would be like to live here."

I shrugged, "There's nothing I can complain about so far."

I had started to pack the meat down into the white meatloaf pan when he spoke again, "and what about the Cullens and Hales? What are they like? All I hear are bad things from the Reservation."

I stopped, my hands still sitting in the pan with meat still rolled up in my hands. I turned my head towards Jacob, finding that he was just curious. "Why do you hear bad things from the Reservation when it comes to them?"

Jacob paused, himself, as he took in what he had just said. "Um…can't talk about it…" He glanced off to the side, as though he realized what his mistake was. "I'm not allowed to, Dad would be mad."

A flash of ice cold ran through me at what he had just told me. My mind ran to the thought of the Cullens and Hales and how I was struggling with the thought of them being vampires. Yet, how could the Reservation know that the Cullens and Hales were vampires?

"What's the worst that your dad could do?" I couldn't help but ask him, my eyebrow arched upwards as I turned my attention back to the meatloaf. I focused my attention on it instead of the boy next to me, knowing that I needed to get the meatloaf made so that I could put it into the oven.

Jacob didn't say anything; I went to respond to him only for us to hear the sound of Billy rolling his wheelchair into the kitchen. I stiffened and found that Jacob did also. A quick wonder if he felt the same odd aura barely hit me before I heard the wheels of his wheelchair rolling on the wooden floorboards.

"How's the cooking going?" Billy arrived behind us, his eyes landing on Jacob for a long moment before his eyes landed on me. I didn't give him the satisfaction of staring straight back at him, "the meatloaf is about to go into the oven."

"Good," Billy responded, I didn't know if there was a double meaning to that. I didn't know if he meant that it was good that Jacob hadn't told me what it was that made the Reservation stay away from the Cullens and Hales, and vise versa, or if he meant that he was happy that the food was about to be cooked.

"Charlie was telling me that you're good friends with the Cullens," Billy spoke up a moment later, after I had finished putting the right amount of meat into the pan. I slipped on the oven mitts and put the pan into the oven, after Billy and Jacob moved out of the way.

"Yes, they're wonderful. They mean the world to me," I confessed, the words falling easily out of my lips. A part of me wondered what Billy would do when it came to the knowledge that I had easily defended them. "They've helped me a lot, especially Carlisle."

Billy stiffened this time in his spot in the wheelchair, his eyes darkening incredibly, and his hands on the arms of the wheelchair tightened. His already bony fingers were so prominent with the bones tightening that I was certain the red skin was stretched as far as it could be. He didn't like what he was hearing.

"That's what doctors are supposed to do though," Billy dismissed me with this comment, earning irritation to harden within me. I didn't like how he had just pushed Carlisle aside.

Carlisle did not deserve to be treated like he was just another person, when it was obvious that he meant the world to me. He was one of the best things that ever happened to me, along with the rest of his family—along with Jasper.

"Carlisle isn't just a doctor to me, Billy. He's a friend of the family, just like you are," I easily remarked, earning another glare from Billy but he must have decided that this was what he was going to accept for now. He instead cleared his throat and wheeled himself over to where the doorway was that led out into living room.

"You're right, Bella," Billy merely stated before he wheeled himself out of the kitchen and into the living room. Jacob cleared his throat awkwardly and I turned my attention towards him, finding that he didn't know how to deal with this.

I sighed and headed into the living room with Jacob following behind me. I didn't want to stay in the kitchen any longer and I didn't want to be in the presence of Billy, but I was doing so because I obviously was a good daughter. I sat down on the sofa with Jacob sitting two cushions down from me. Billy had his wheelchair angled so that he was sitting at the same angle that the recliner Charlie was sitting in sat at.

Billy and Charlie didn't speak the entire time we were waiting for dinner to be ready nonstop, we merely watched football. Charlie effortlessly conversed with both of the Blacks, asking Jacob how school was and how the kids were at the Reservation. Billy talked about the Clearwaters, whom were good friends with Charlie too—Harry Clearwater was his best friend, closer to him than Billy actually.

As soon as the oven beeped, allowing me to know that the meatloaf was ready to be pulled out, I hurriedly got up from my spot on the couch and back into the kitchen. I grabbed the oven mitts and pulled out the meatloaf pan. Sitting it down on the middle of the oven top, I sighed and yanked off my oven mitts before throwing them back into the drawer they came from.

"Dinner should be ready in about five minutes, we should let the food cool down," I informed the Blacks and Charlie as I entered the living room again.

Charlie perked up, at the knowledge that he was about fill his stomach up and Billy gave me an appreciate smile though I knew that there wasn't that much appreciation that was in Billy towards me. He obviously acted as though I had decided to side with his mortal enemy and not him, though I knew for certain that Carlisle Cullen could not be a horrible being…even if—

I went back into the kitchen a moment later, not wanting to linger in the living room anymore, and opened up a couple of the windows. They were barely cracked open but the house was stuffy and hot, a little bit of coolness could help. It wasn't raining so we had that going for us.

Putting my hand over the pan to see how much heat was circulating from the meatloaf, I found that it was probably still a little too warm but not by much. I merely grabbed the pan by the handles once I made sure that my hands weren't going to be burnt off, and sat it on the middle of the square oak kitchen table.

Setting the rest of the table I turned to call Charlie and the Blacks into the kitchen, only to pause and take a deep breath. The crisp cold came rushing into my lungs and I quivered from the sudden coolness, thankful that I had felt a little bit of clearance in my brain from it.

It wouldn't be until after I had called in everyone and we were settling down into our chairs that I spoke of the Cullens and Hales again in order to see how Billy would act about the subject around Charlie.

"I'm going to call Alice tomorrow and tell her that she can pick me up on Monday," I informed Charlie, noting in the corner of my eye that Billy stiffened and so did Jacob. Jacob did in uneasiness and Billy did in full irritation. Charlie on the other hand looked really happy, "that's great, Bells! I was telling Billy earlier about how much they've helped you overall since you've moved here."

Billy didn't say anything, he merely picked up his fork and began to eat some more. Charlie noted what his best friend did but he let it go. I wondered if they were accustomed to this, if Billy had always hated the Cullens and Hales, but dealt with them only because he wanted to stay friends with Charlie.

"Are you still going to the dance with the Hale boy?" Charlie probed to me, earning another hardened look from Billy. Jacob on the other hand was listening with intent, as though he wanted to know as much about my friendship with the Cullens and Hales as possible.

"His name is Jasper, Dad. And yeah, I think that I'm still going to go," I let him know and Charlie gave a gruff nod of his head.

He seemed appeased that I had decided that I would still go to the dance with Jasper. I had only said that I would go with Jasper because I couldn't just blurt out that I had more pressing matters to attend to when it came to the Cullens and Hales than a simple dance. I couldn't just say that I was more concerned about Jasper being a vampire than about going to a gymnasium in the most expensive dress that I'd ever had to dance around for a few hours.

Small talk radiated throughout the kitchen as we ate more, but it wasn't until I was about to start gathering the plates once dinner was almost over that Billy spoke, "Bella, there's a woman at the Reservation that I think you should meet."

I stopped grabbing the plates and gave my entire attention to the elder man, which in return showed satisfaction that he had gathered my attention. "Her name is Emily; she's actually the niece of Harry and Sue Clearwater. She has some pretty bad scarring too; she was attacked during a hunting trip a good couple months ago."

"She's really nice too," Jacob piped up, "she makes really good food too. She's still really pretty, like you are."

Jacob blushed at what he had said and I merely craned my head to the side from the comment he had given me. I took that he was trying to just let me know that I was still pretty, though it didn't really mean anything to me. I didn't blush from the flattery. He was just being another nervous boy that was trying to make me still feel pretty when it wouldn't work.

"Not right now," I told him, finding that Billy's jaw tightened from me just pushing aside this Emily girl. Just because we had terrible scarring didn't mean that we were going to become best buddies.

"What do you mean not now? She's a wonderful woman, Bella. She could use a friendship—"

"No offense, Billy, but having terrible scarring from accidents that were not in our control nor could ever be doesn't mean that I have to become best buddies with Emily, nor does it mean that I have to feel as though I should be ashamed of not wanting to be friends with her automatically. I wouldn't mind meeting her eventually; she probably is a nice girl but not now. I hope that you can respect my decision," I interrupted him, only for Charlie to clear his throat in a pointed manner.

"Bella," he warned me, only for me to sigh and slump my shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Billy. I don't mean to sound rude, but I've had people in the past think that since I am scarred I would automatically want to become best friends with others that are scarred too. I'm not looking right now to become best friends with Emily; it is obvious that you want me to become friends with her."

"It's all right, Bella. I forgive you." Billy handed me his plate, since he had just finished his meal but kept his fingers pressed against the surface of the plate when I went to grab it from him. "You shouldn't surround yourself with just _them_. You need other friends too."

 _The way that he's acting makes it sound like Billy thinks that the Cullens and Hales really_ _ **are**_ _vampires. But why, and what proof does he have?_ I couldn't help but question myself before I nodded my head to the tribal man, grabbed the plate, and went over to the sink so that I could place the dirty plate into the sink.

I decided to focus on cleaning the plates instead of lingering near the kitchen table. Scraping the excess food from the plates and into the trashcan, I plugged the drain in the sink and began to fill it with hot water and dispenser soap. Behind me I could hear the sound of Charlie getting up and grabbing the meatloaf pan so that I could wrap up the remains of the meatloaf to put into the fridge.

As Billy went into the living room with Charlie right behind him, Jacob stayed in the kitchen and hopped up so that he could sit on the kitchen corner countertop. I noted in the corner of my left eye that he was shifting uneasily, until he blurted out, "you should give Emily a chance."

"I didn't say that I was going to never give her a chance, Jake. I just said that I wasn't in the mood to form a friendship with her right now; I have some things going on right now. Forming more friends is not on the agenda," I responded, earning a sigh from Jacob as he looked at the linoleum floor.

"Sorry about Dad, though," Jacob continued a moment later, "he tries to make sure that everyone does what he asks them to do, whether he's at the Reservation or he's not. On our land it's different and if you're one of us you have to have a good reason not to listen to the elders."

"He doesn't like the Cullens or the Hales, it's obvious," I remarked, earning a nod from him that let me know he agreed with me. "You said that the Reservation doesn't like them. They just moved down here two years ago, and I'm good friends with them. They've never hurt anyone, they're amazing. So it doesn't make sense that your dad and the rest of your people don't like them."

Jacob shifted on the countertop and looked at the doorway, and I could tell that he really did mean that he didn't want to tell me about it. It annoyed me immensely, because I knew that I could just sarcastically ask him if the Cullens and Hales were vampires. Yet I knew that if I did do that he would be completely confused as to why I had come up with that conclusion.

Jacob hopped off of the countertop and wandered over to where the doorway was, only to see that Charlie and Billy were still sitting in the living room. He came back to me and hopped back up onto the countertop, "you promise you won't tell anyone?"

I nodded my head, yet as soon as Jacob went to open his mouth we heard Billy's voice radiate from the living room, "come on, Jacob. It's time for us to go back home. Say goodbye to Bella."

It seemed as though Billy Black knew when his son was going to say something, and was determined to put an end to it before it began. Yet, what was it that made him have this sixth sense about it? Could the Cullens and Hales be as horrible as the Reservation seemed to think they were like?

Could the Reservation's secret be that the Cullens and Hales were vampires and that was why Billy Black didn't want me to be friends with them? If so then it would make sense. I didn't like the though thought of Billy Black being right, there was something odd and unsettling about Billy Black being right.

* * *

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

 **-EmmynotEmma**


	16. chapter thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

There were many things that I knew for a fact.

It officially felt like March now.

Oh and the Spring Dance was this _weekend_.

I knew that I couldn't truly trust the Blacks. I never felt connected to them to begin with so I was certain that I would be able to dismiss them.

I knew that I missed my friends, immensely, and had gotten tired of Jessica's best friend, Lauren, appearing out of thin air to give judgment on matters that didn't pertain to her.

That included having an opinion towards Jasper in which she shouldn't have spoken about, but I had dealt with girls like her in Phoenix so I knew the best thing was to nip her in the butt before she thought that she was mightier than me.

Today though was Monday, and it was the first day back to school for me since I had come up with the theory of the Cullens and Hales being vampires in which I would actually communicate with them. I could only stay away from them for so long, and if I didn't surround myself with my support system then my Panic Disorder would creep in again.

I would be back to acting the way I had done when I first moved here. I didn't want to see that Bella again. I really, really didn't want to find myself acting like I did back in Phoenix for the majority of my life.

I felt as though I was hopeless and I was meant to be a hermit in the end, now I felt as though there could be something more for me. Maybe not anything too exciting, but I wouldn't be stuck inside the house for the rest of my life like I was planning on doing before.

I put on one of my countless plaid button-up long sleeve shirts with a graphic t-shirt on underneath, one of my numerous pair of thrift shop jeans, and a pair of my trusty sneakers. I was tempted to put my hair in a ponytail but I shook my head, I didn't want people to be staring at my face all day long due to the eye and the scarring.

Charlie had left early today, apparently there was word in Seattle that there were people that were turning up missing and the path of missing people was starting to head in the direction of Forks. It was quite obvious that Charlie was going to be focusing his entire attention on making sure that none of the people were disappearing in our town, or that anyone would disappear around our town.

I had heard that Alaska had the most missing people in the United States, and I knew that Arizona was second. Washington State on the other hand was number four, so I still was in one of the top five states with the most missing people cases. I was certain that I could be in the fiftieth state and Renee would act like I was in the number one.

Dismantling those thoughts from my mind, I knew that thinking of things depressing like that wouldn't help anything. I was more focused on making sure that I could be friends with the Cullens and Hales again. I needed them; I didn't think that I could live without them as prominent in my life as they were before.

So when Alice honked outside to let me know that she had pulled up to the curb a mixture of excitement and nervousness slammed into me. I was happy to be car pooling with her again, but I was also petrified at the thought of car pooling with a vampire that liked to drive fast.

It took a moment for me to move but it didn't take long for me to get into the back seat of the silver Volvo. Alice was sitting in the driver's seat, as always, looking like her usual fashionista self. I fought the temptation to move so that I could see who was in the passenger seat, only for the person to turn around and see it was Edward that was sitting in the passenger seat.

"It's good to see you again, Bella," Edward politely told me, his golden irises staring at me with nothing more than relief. I smiled back at him and tried to push the vampire theory off to the side. So far, so good, I wasn't going to be massacred in Edward's silver Volvo by vampire siblings.

Alice stiffened some though, I noted, and she shot me a smile again, "it's been boring without you, Bella. Even Rosalie misses you."

"Even Rosalie, huh?"

I couldn't help but question her, finding that Edward was staring straight ahead but looked as though he was communicating to Alice without even having to say anything. The pointed look she gave him before she drove us towards the school was just the same as him staring straight ahead—a wordless response.

"Okay, you got me. Still, _we_ have missed you," Alice sighed, letting me know that she wasn't going to beat around the bush.

I appreciated the fact that she hadn't just continued saying that Rosalie missed me. It was obvious that she didn't. She looked like she was doing just fine without me being around her family anymore. She hadn't even wanted me around her family to begin with, so it must have been a blessing in disguise when I had decided to spend half a week away from her and her family.

"I've missed you too," I admitted, knowing that they could hear the sincerity that was radiating from my voice. I _did_ miss them. Vampires or not, they were the first true friends that I had gotten when I had moved up here to Forks.

Alice beamed brightly at the truth that I spilled from my lips, and even Edward gave me a nice smile that let me know he appreciated the fact that I missed them.

Neither sibling said anything else as Alice continued the drive to the high school. They were content without saying anything, I was certain that they were just happy that I was on talking terms with them again. I was also certain that they really did miss me and they missed me car pooling with them.

When we arrived at the high school my mind found itself automatically drifting towards a certain blond curly shoulder length haired boy that I had missed immensely. I wanted nothing more than to see him again, to rush into his arms and tell him how much I missed him. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to stop talking to him again like I had just done.

Teenagers were wandering aimlessly around the campus; we still had plenty of time before having the overwhelming need to rush to our first class of the day. The same skateboarders were still over to the side of the parking lot that they usually occupied, their wheels of their skateboards creating the usual whooshing sound that skateboards made.

Alice pulled into a parking spot next to Rosalie's red convertible; Rosalie and Emmett were still in the convertible and were conversing with each other. Emmett noticed us and waved at us, while Rosalie had her head turned away from me to begin with so she didn't acknowledge me at all.

Leaning against the front of Rosalie's convertible hood was Jasper. His eyes revealed contentment when he saw the Volvo pull into the parking spot. I had a feeling that he was happy that I was finally on speaking terms with the family again and that also meant that I could be around him again.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered my purse and my backpack together before I got out of the Volvo and made my way towards the front of the car so that I could be facing Jasper. Alice and Edward were actually quietly speaking to each other; I couldn't tell what they were saying since they were whispering so lowly. I had never met anyone who could whisper as low as they could.

 _You need to tell him. Before school starts,_ I thought to myself before I inwardly nodded my head at the truth. I needed to tell Jasper that I wasn't going to go to the dance anymore. I would return the dress but a part of me wanted to keep it for the memory of Alice claiming I was family. I also knew that I couldn't return it and be nothing more than an uncaring jerk.

Taking a deep breath, I wrapped my arms around me and headed directly to Jasper. The closer I got to him the more I could smell the smoky bonfire scent that clung to him like cologne along with mint. He must have decided to put on some cologne and had used some strong mouthwash….unless…

 _No._

 _We are not doing this, Bella._

Reaching Jasper I bit my lip and slowly let my eyes wander up to him, my left eye taking in all that I could when it came to the beautiful creature in front of me. Jasper's brilliant golden eyes were dark, like burnt golden leaves that were withering away in the autumn weather.

"H-Hi J-Jasper, I w-want to t-tell you something," I stuttered to him.

I hadn't stuttered like this in a while.

After not talking to Jasper for a good while I had to admit that part of me seemed to have crept back in. I was thankful that he was patient when it came to my stuttering though, at least.

Jasper reached his hand out as though he was going to touch my hand, I allowed his ice hued hand to come close to mine but at the last moment I pulled my hand away and stuck it into my jean pocket. I knew that I needed to focus, and that I couldn't just let him touch me. I didn't want to feel so powerless around him, it was a good powerless, but it was still powerless.

"Of course, you can tell me anything," Jasper responded. I watched as he turned his head to look at his siblings. Alice and Edward were standing a few cars down and were conversing freely with each other, though it was apparent that what they were talking about wasn't anywhere remote carefree.

"Rosalie, Emmett, let's head to class!" Alice commanded, as though she knew Jasper and I needed some time alone together.

There was no weak spot in her voice in which would let her other siblings believe they could challenge what she commanded. Rosalie and Emmett got out of the convertible and trailed over to the baby sister.

As soon as they were a good bit away I couldn't help but turn and confess, "I-I can't go to the dance with you."

Silence dripped around me, and I felt tears begin to rise in my tear ducts. I sniffled as I went to pull completely away from the space that was around me, "I-I just c-can't go through with it. A-and it hurts, it hurts so much! I just can't!"

Tears were cascading down my cheekbones as an ache suddenly filled me. I hadn't felt this kind of inner pain before, I never felt so confused and terrified and just wanting this all to end before. I was fine without putting these things together, with still believing that the Cullens and Hales were human.

"I-It hurts so fucking much, Jasper! I know you are a wonderful b-but I'm….I can't!" I couldn't explain enough of how overwhelmed I was. I couldn't just out right tell him, especially shout it out in public, that I thought him and his family were vampires. I especially couldn't tell him that despite it all I still found myself lov—

Coldness gripped me, and I didn't know if it was because Jasper was trying to touch me in order to calm me or it was because I was frozen in inward shock at how I really did find myself loving Jasper Hale. I had never felt this kind of love before and it scared me on end.

I must have been standing still for a moment too long because Jasper came forward and wrapped his arms around me. I soaked in his coolness, hating that to other people they would find comfort in the warmth of another person while for Jasper I felt nothing more than comfort from the coldness of another person.

 _I can't do this. I can't._

"I know you aren't….that none of you are human, Jasper," I couldn't help but confess, my voice so soft and low that I was still certain that he could hear me. I didn't know if the rest of his siblings could see me still but from the stiffening that Jasper gave me I knew that he knew that things were different now.

I pulled away from him, and took a deep breath before I wiped away the tears that had been falling down my face. "I-I've known since I went dress shopping. I researched things, like your eyes and how you don't have a heartbeat and how you're cold and beautiful and—"

Jasper's eyes were full of so much strain, so much was pain was present. I could tell that he was battling with himself. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath before he spoke, "Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave us? Knowing that we aren't…"

My eyes widened at how he so softly and gently informed me that he and the rest of the family weren't human. I could tell that this was tearing him apart from the inside like this was tearing me apart. I turned away from him, knowing my eyes couldn't peer at the handsome and wonderful man in front of me any longer.

Instead, my eyes traveled towards the array of buildings that made up the school. I was supposed to be heading towards those buildings right now, to be heading towards Building 3. I would be greeted with Mr. Mason, and I would be listening to what author he had decided to speak about this lesson.

"I-I need to know if what you and your family are what I think you are," I finally confessed as I turned back to look at Jasper. He stayed still, his eyes still looking as torn up as ever. I was certain that if he were human he would be crying also, though he looked as though he was on the verge of doing so.

His eyes were so clear, it was obvious that it was hurting him that he was hurting me for not being human.

It was in these eyes that I knew it wasn't the right place to do this. What kind of bitch would just flat out demand the complete truth the way that I was? My anxiety was starting to appear, and I knew that it was easy to let that take control of me but this, this was something that I couldn't do…no. I couldn't demand the truth in the way that I was right now.

The distant sound of the warning bell allowed me to know that it would be best if I head towards Mr. Mason's class or I would have one of the faculty members heading towards me and Jasper. I knew better than to just linger any longer.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and focused on darkness behind my eyelids, before I opened my eyes and saw that Jasper was gone. My heart stopped as I looked around, finding that the boy that I adored had disappeared. It only assured me that he used his vampric speed (if he had vampric speed) to get away from me.

Fighting the urge to bring my hand up to the left side of my chest and taste the bitterness, I took another deep breath and then hurried in the direction of where Building 3 was. I kept my head facing forward and my eyes directed only towards the direction of where the building was. I didn't let my eyes flicker towards the other teenagers that were rushing towards their buildings too.

To be honest, I was in shock. My nerves weren't working like I thought they were. I knew that I would have a complete emotional breakdown. I didn't know when I would have it. I knew that it was going to be ugly, and I knew that I would need some medication to calm me down. I knew that it would be **_real_** and it would be **_scary_**. It would make me want to curl up in a bed and never get out from under the little bundle I would form around me.

Nausea wrapped around me all the sudden, enough that I brought my hand up to my mouth and ran towards the closest girls' bathroom that was to Mr. Mason's classroom. Thankfully there were the bathrooms and I hurriedly ran into the appropriate one before I threw open one of the stall doors. I fell forward onto the dirty tiled flooring, knowing that if I was in Phoenix still I would be having skin contact with the dirty flooring. My jeans blocked the floors here, thankfully.

I felt myself lunge forward and release what little food that I had this morning, just the granola bar. My face was beet red, too crimson and prominent for my liking. I was lucky that I was in a stall and not out in the classroom. I had thrown up in the classroom before; it was embarrassing to say the least.

Footsteps rushed towards the bathroom, and I didn't look up from the toilet when my stall door was pushed open again. My eyes stayed on the toilet water, and I reached up to flush the contents within the said toilet. I let my eyes wander over the area in front of me, and not towards the teenager that had fallen behind me so that she could check and make sure that I was all right.

"Bells…"

I slowly peeled my eyes away from the brick wall in front of me and towards the teenager that was behind me. I hadn't even caught the girl's voice but when I saw that it was Angela I gave her a gentle smile. I knew that we didn't share this class together, and she didn't use this building for her first class.

"W-what are you doing here, Angie?" I probed to her, knowing that she always liked whenever I called her by this nickname. I always called her this nickname when it was just her and me, everyone called me Bella. Angela liked to call me Bells mostly.

"I was giving some papers that my first block teacher wanted Mr. Mason to have. I saw you run in here, and offered Mr. Mason to take you to the nurse. I'm certain that he thinks it's some stomach bug that is going on around here…but I think it might have been an episode. You don't have to tell me anything that caused it, but that's what I think caused you to be sick," Angela admitted as she pushed her glasses back on her nose and looked at me with nothing more than warmth and assurance.

"A-Actually, I think I need to go to the clinic," I stated, my eyes flickering over Angela. She awkwardly shifted as she bit her lip before she helped me up from the floor, "I'll take you to the nurse's office. I can't just drive you to the clinic."

 _She's right. I can't just go to the clinic off the bat like this. Charlie will have a heart attack probably if he hears that I went to the clinic. I'll tell Charlie that I need to go to the clinic because I'm not feeling good and just need to talk to Carlisle…._ I drifted off at that, knowing that I would be going to the clinic not to tell Carlisle that I wasn't feeling good. I'd be going to him, asking him if he would tell me what him and his family truly was…if they really were vampires.

"Come on, I'll take to the nurse," Angela commanded, helping me up from the ground before she grabbed my backpack for me. She slung it over her shoulder with no problem; I hadn't had a bunch of homework lately so I didn't have to bring home a bunch of my textbooks.

Apparently Forks would get lenient towards giving out homework whenever it would be around a school dance or some fun school event along the lines of a school dance. They didn't have that many here, since there weren't any places that they could host the events at. They couldn't just book a ballroom at a hotel like my school could do in Arizona.

The school nurse sighed when she saw me enter her office, her eyes trailing over me before her eyes went over to Angela. "Thank you, Angela, for bringing Bella here. I was almost expecting for one of Dr. Cullen's children to come here with her. They are always around her."

Angela merely pushed her glasses up on her nose once more and remarked, "Well, I am not jealous of Bella finding more companionship with the Cullens or the Hales. They might be odd in this town's perspective but I'm just happy that Bella has other friends, and not just me."

The school nurse cleared her throat and turned to her medicine cabinet drawers, where she stored her hall passes. She signed one of the slips of paper before giving it to Angela—she must have known that what she had just said caused there to be a strain in the air. "I'll see you around, Angela. Now, Bella, what is it that has brought you to me today?"

Angela quietly mouthed me a goodbye before she walked out of the nurse's office and shut the door behind her. I sighed and turned to look at the school nurse, wishing that Jasper were here. He always made me feel better, yet he hadn't accomplished that today. He went away from me, just up and walked away—though I understood since the question that I had asked him.

If I weren't human and neither were Charlie and someone came up to me claiming that they knew I and Charlie weren't human I would slip away as soon as I could. I'd go and communicate with Charlie, to ask him what I should do next.

Maybe that was what Jasper was going to do. He was probably going to have a talk with Carlisle and Esme, see what would happen next. That would mean that if I were to get any answers I would have to go to Carlisle, since whatever he decided to happen would happen in the end.

Turning to the nurse, I cleared my throat and began to tell her a slimmed down version of what had happened. All the while I knew that I would need to go to Carlisle to learn the absolute truth…if the Cullens and Hales were vampires.

I had a feeling I wouldn't like the answer.

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me**


	17. Jasper's Outtake of chapter thirteen

_Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 13_

I knew that Bella had made her decision on what to do next when I received a lingering gaze from Alice full of numerous, vivid emotions.

I could tell that she felt pity for me, and she wanted nothing more than for everything to work out between me and Bella.

I was leaning against the hood of Rosalie's convertible; my _twin_ was talking freely to Emmett. I knew that they were talking about when they would get married again. It would be in five more years, since they would be finished with high school _again_. They would be prepared to go off to college, but they would most likely get married before starting their next educational phase.

It was the first Monday where Bella would actually converse with us again. I missed her immensely; my heart ached for her to be near me again. I was surprised when she had stood up for me when it came to that corn hued haired girl named Lauren saying the usual negative things about me. Bella wouldn't have it, and it made warmth envelope me entirely from her concern.

Alice had obviously been content with the fact that she could have Bella car pool with us again, though it was an ugly event when she had dropped a vase full of wild flowers onto the living room flooring last Friday when she had a vision of Billy and Jacob Black coming to Bella's house for dinner.

She immediately insisted on checking on Bella, though it was Edward that had hidden in the woods around Bella's house during the duration of the Blacks staying for dinner to make sure that Bella and Charlie would be all right. They had the family agree that it was best that I not be the one watching over the dinner, since they were afraid that I would get too impulsive.

The last thing that we needed was for those wolves to take **_my_** Bella away.

I wasn't familiar with the territory of werewolves. Carlisle had sat me down and quietly explained everything that had to do with what these creatures were, and how the ancestors claimed to derive from wolves but none of them had actually turned into werewolves since three generations ago. Esme merely held Carlisle's hand as he explained this, while Edward loamed behind them with his jaw clenched in memory of the werewolves.

Rosalie (along with Emmett) had been there when they had made the treaty with the werewolves but she seemed to not have any interest in telling me about it. So Carlisle had explained how we had the land separated, that the land around the Reservation and on the Reservation was theirs while the land around the town was ours—we had a creek that helped with identifying the line.

Sighing as the wind came and ruffled with pieces of my curls, I furled my eyebrows and wondered what it was that had made Alice give me a pitiful look this morning. Bella and I weren't dating, nor were we able to at the moment with the whole bloodlust thing, but I wouldn't mind eventually learning to control my bloodlust to be with her. That was the ultimate goal in the end, if Bella decided that she would want me, despite me being a vampire.

I was brought out of my musings as Edward's silver Volvo began to pull into the campus. I wouldn't have to stand back and watch as Bella was car pooled by her father in his police cruiser. I wouldn't have to observe how she would look around the parking lot campus in order to see if she could find us, her eyes showing both excitement but weariness when her eyes would catch on me and my siblings.

"They're here," I quietly informed my 'eldest siblings', though I know that I was older than them combined. Emmett motioned with his hand towards me, just a simple flick of his wrist in my direction that let me know that he had heard me. If he tried to interrupt his wife and her complaints he would become one of them also.

I let my attention focus on the Volvo now, I was content with the knowledge that Bella was car pooling with Alice now. It let me feel as though Bella thought that she was safe enough to be in a car with any of us now, which was what I wanted her to feel towards any of us.

Of course I wanted Bella to feel the safest around me. I made sure that she was calm. I had helped her more than I thought I possibly would be able to and part of me became frightened at this. I cared so deeply about her, and she had come into this small town a complete emotional mess. She couldn't talk without stuttering, she couldn't look people in the eye, yet with my help she slowly began to loosen up and she could talk without stuttering and she could look people in the eye.

Alice and Edward were talking to each other, but I wasn't paying attention to them. I made sure to keep an eye on the back passenger car door, where my mate would come out from. I knew from the tenseness wrapped around my siblings that they were talking about me and Bella, something that had become a bitter subject to talk about lately with how things were going with Bella and I.

As soon as Bella got out of the Volvo I felt _my_ whole body tense, I hadn't had Bella this close to me in a while. I could taste her blood in my mouth; I could smell how delicious she was. I kept my mouth clamped shut and my hands tightened, knowing that the last thing I needed was to be able to reach out and touch her.

Bella was having inner turmoil with herself, there was so much determination in her but she also felt guilt over something. I slowly let a sense of calmness travel towards the brunette but it wasn't an overwhelming amount. She still had a sense of nervousness as she approached me.

Reaching me, Bella bit her lip and let her eyes travel over me. She gradually spoke, her voice stuttering, "H-Hi J-Jasper, I w-want to t-tell you something."

I couldn't help but reach my hand out to touch hers; I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her. I wanted nothing more than to shelter her away from everything that caused her problems or stress. I knew though that part of her problems and stress happened to come from me and my family.

She was powerless; I could taste in the air how she would do anything that I would ask of her to do. I could demand that she tell me what was happening and she would do so in a heartbeat. Yet she didn't. She obviously didn't want to feel this kind of powerlessness around me.

"Of course, you can tell me anything," I responded. It was true. She could tell me whatever she wanted to tell me. I knew that no matter what she would ever tell me I would be ready to listen. I might not want to be able to ideally say that everything that she would say would be something that I wanted to hear.

Alice and Edward were talking still; I could tell that they were mostly talking through their minds. Alice's eyes were brimming with stress and Edward did want nothing more than to comfort his wife and mate. She must have been talking about Bella, and how she was thinking that we were vampires.

"Rosalie, Emmett, let's head to class!" Alice's voice shot into the air, catching the attention of the dark curly haired man and the blonde haired woman. They got out of the convertible and headed over to Alice.

It was common knowledge that when Alice asked for something to happen, after she usually conversed with Edward mostly through her mind, that it was a serious matter. So even though Rosalie didn't like listening to us, she still did so without complaining—especially when we were out in public.

I let my eyes travel back to Bella when I could sense that she was building up bravery in order to tell me what she wanted to. She finally managed to stutter out, "I-I can't go to the dance with you."

My heart froze in my chest. I had both dreaded and anticipated the moment that I would be able to dance around the gymnasium with Bella this weekend. I couldn't wait to see her in the dress that she had picked out; I couldn't wait to just feel as though I could act like any other normal teenager. I couldn't wait to just hold that beautiful girl in my arms.

Tears were cascading down Bella's cheekbones. An ache filled her, it over spilled from her. It was as though someone had overfilled a sink and the faucet was still running, the water was still gushing into the filled sink. Water was dripping off the edge of the sink and onto the floor, someone needed to come and turn off the faucet and clean up the mess that had happened.

She was confused and terrified. So strong were these two emotions that I swallowed every single ounce of self control I had, knowing that the last thing that she needed was for me to lunge forward and wrap my arms around her. I knew that this had to do with her thinking that I and my family might possibly be anything other than human. So it meant that it was partly my fault.

"I-It hurts so fucking much, Jasper! I know that you are wonderful b-but I'm…I can't!" she cried to me, her eyes caving in from the amount of pain that there was in her. It was swallowing her whole.

My mouth almost fell open when I was struck with the sense of love. She still loved me. She still loved me despite the fact that she was struggling with what me and my family were. She still loved me despite it all.

Yet it scared her, petrified her. She hadn't felt this kind of degree of love towards anyone, and for her to be hit so sudden with this kind of love again it must have overwhelmed her. She didn't ask to love me, yet somehow she had been given to me as a mate and I was hers.

It was in this that everything caved when it came to my side of emotions. I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around her. She was so fragile, so weak, yet she was so strong. She felt heavenly in my arms. She was alive and her heart was beating, and her blood was pumping through her body, and she was warm.

"I know you aren't…that none of you are human, Jasper," Bella confessed to me. I stiffened automatically, knowing that she would say these words to me. It was now here, it was out in the open, raw, and it was nothing more than the uppermost truth.

She pulled away from me and wiped away the tears that were left over. "I-I've known since I went dress shopping. I researched things, like your eyes and how you don't have a heartbeat and how you're cold and beautiful and—"

Pain enveloped me entirely, swallowing me whole. She had found out that I and the others weren't human. Alice had already told us of Bella researching on us, but she hadn't told me that I would end up having Bella decide that she didn't want to go to the Spring Dance with me because of the fact that I wasn't human. She was terrified at the thought of going to the dance with me, though the truth was that she couldn't be with anyone safer than with me.

I closed my eyes, knowing that even though I knew that Bella loved me she still had a part of her that was petrified at the thought of being close to me—especially now due to the learning of me and my family not being human. She was _human_ ; it was human of her to have these fears.

"Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave us? Knowing that we aren't…" I didn't want to ask her these questions but I needed to know for my own sanity.

I knew that Rosalie would be livid right now, there were rare moments in which she was protective over me. She would call Bella any name in the book that she thought of that could degrade her, and she would call her selfish.

Was Bella being selfish? She never dealt with vampires before, nor was she preparing for the day that she would end up running into one. She only had to worry about herself in the past; she had to worry about what would happen to her. Her anxiety ruled her life, so it made sense that she would think of herself in this moment.

Yes, it hurt like hell. She had asked me to the dance, but she didn't think that I was a vampire at the time that she had invited me to the dance. She was merely asking out a boy that she had a crush on to a dance.

I knew that I wouldn't chase after Bella if she would decide in the end that she wasn't going to let me be greeted with her presence anymore. I knew that I wouldn't chase after Bella if she decided that she was going to move back to Phoenix in the end, if she couldn't deal with the thought of being in the same town as vampires. I knew that I couldn't chase after her, because it was her decision in the end when it came to what she was going to do.

Her eyes had long since traveled from peering directly at me to the direction of where the buildings were. I could still sense my siblings; though I couldn't see them I could feel them still there. They were loyal to me, just like I had always been loyal to them—well except for the one time.

If it weren't for the stubbornness that came from Carlisle and Edward I would have been without them still. I would be just a Nomad, traveling throughout the country and drinking animals in shame. I'd only show myself at night, when I knew that it would be safer for me to do so.

"I-I need to know if what you and your family are what I think you are," Bella confessed as her eyes transfixed themselves straight on me. Their brown orbs were full of so much determination. She wanted the truth, she needed the truth. She had mentally prepared herself now to know what I and my family were.

If I were still human I was certain that tears would be dripping down my cheekbones at the fact that I didn't want this. I didn't want us to have this conversation, if I could be human for her then I would be.

Instead, I was a monster and I knew that she would leave me when she would earn the verbal conformation that I and my family truly were vampires.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I knew that she was going to persist and I knew that it wasn't the right setting or the right time to tell her what we were. So I did what was the right thing to do, I left her standing there as the bell rang. Her eyes opened and she didn't see me standing right in front of her anymore, instead I happened to be in the woods.

 _Edward? Edward, I need to tell you something._

I observed Bella as she went away in a daze, as though she didn't know what she was going to do now. She must have been upset with me, with the fact that I had left her standing there without explaining anything. She must have known though that I couldn't just outright tell her that we were vampires in the school parking lot, nor did I have the right to do so without consulting with my family.

"Yes?" Edward's voice was still smooth, formal. He spoke as though he was standing next to me and not a school campus building away from me. It was one of the perks of vampires; we didn't need to have to wait to speak to each other if it was an emergency. We always stayed close enough to pick up each other's voices.

 _Bella knows that we're not humans. She wanted me to tell her in the parking lot what we were._

I leant against one of the trees, knowing that Edward still had to use some energy when it came to the wave lengths that our brains had. The further away I was from him, the less likely he would be able to pick up my brainwaves. The fact that he could even hear my thoughts right now was impressive, though it only assured me that it was another reason why the Volturi wanted him as one of theirs.

"You didn't because you're smart. Alice saw her asking you what we are this morning. She knew that you wouldn't tell Bella the truth."

Irritation wrapped around me, smug, and I couldn't help but close my eyes and take deep breaths. I still didn't like them using me like this; I didn't like how Alice could easily see what would happen between me and Bella. Then she would most likely let it happen before she would tell me and the rest of the family that she had a vision of it happening.

"Sometimes it is for the best that we let these things play out for themselves, Jasper. You know that as much as I do," Edward warned me, his voice radiating the fact that he knew I would think back onto my military background. It was something that I usually found pride in, and I did, but sometimes it annoyed me when he reminded me of my military background.

 _I believe that Bella is going to the next family member that will tell her what we are…Carlisle…_

In the corner of my eye a small insect landed on a leaf. The morning dew still dripped off of the leaf and the insect held onto dear life before deciding that it wasn't going to find a good landing spot in that wet leaf.

I reached out and allowed my fingers to brush against some of the hanging leaves, feeling the morning dew gather on my fingers. Rainbow rays danced off of the clear liquid and hit other items at random angles. It was another beautiful sight that I was welcomed with when it came to having inhuman sight.

Yet I would trade away the ability to see everything in microscopic view if it meant that I could see Bella's beautiful face as it was. I would do anything just to see her, and know that she could look at me without blurting out worries on what I and my family were.

"Go back to the house. Alice will keep an eye on it."

 _All right, I will._

I didn't.

I really didn't want to, but I would go back to the house.

What I really wanted to do was to go to the clinic and tell Carlisle everything. I wanted to tell him that Bella had realized that we were vampires and she would come to him for confirmation in the matter. I couldn't say that we were vampires because it would be going against the head of the family, and just my family, period, so that was why she would be going to him.

Esme was coming out of the front door with a soft shawl wrapped around her when I arrived in the front of the house. She was wearing a light weight denim button up shirt with the sleeves rolled down; dark washed jeans and was bare foot. Her hair was in a small braided side ponytail and she was looking at me as though she wanted to sit down on the front porch of the house and listen to me rant to her.

"Come here, sweetheart," Esme softly whispered as she held out her arm. I felt my shoulders slump as I headed up the porch steps and into her awaiting arm. She made sure that she kept her arm around mine before she took us to the porch swing. She plopped us down before she waited for me to speak.

"She knows, she confronted me about us today," I finally confessed as I peered forward. Esme nodded her head, letting me know that she was listening to me. I brought my hands up and ran my fingers through my curls, "she said she couldn't go to the dance with me this weekend because she can't deal with the stress."

"She is a smart girl; your father took care of a broken leg of mine when I was sixteen. I fell out of an apple tree and vampires didn't cross my mind at all. To be honest I thought that he was an angel," Esme admitted to me with a soft smile, earning a snort from me and a roll of my eyes.

"I'm certain that there are those who still think that Carlisle is an angel straight from Heaven, Esme," I remarked, earning a light laugh that was full of warmth and love. She always had one of the best and purest laughs that I had ever heard, especially for a vampire.

"She'll go to him next then," Esme commented, earning a sigh from me and a nod. She nodded her head and looked at the ivy plants that hung above us. Their leaves were curling and swirling, vivid green and still full of life.

"He was a mess when he told me what I had become. I'm certain that it was different for you and the others. Carlisle is my mate, so it was different when I had come to and saw Carlisle in front of me. I was confused and after I had been fed, I asked Carlisle if he thought that God had somehow sent him a sign to turn me into a vampire….

"He said he just felt drawn to me and felt that it was the right thing to do. I knew that it was God that had pushed him to turn me. He must have thought himself selfish after he bit me and was hard on himself but God had him do what he was destined to do. I was meant to be a vampire, and I was meant to be Carlisle's wife. I was meant to be your mother," Esme explained to me as I looked at her with rapt attention.

I furled my eyebrows at her and she sighed before she wrapped her hand around mine, "what I am saying, Jasper, is that we do not know how this will happen in the end. Do not bring up your sister either, young man.

"I have a feeling that Bella will be upset, but she will not hate you. She knows somewhere deep in her heart that we love her and we would do nothing to harm her. After all, she was meant to be yours and you are meant to be hers, just like I am meant to be Carlisle's and he is meant to be mine."

I could only hope that what Esme was telling me was the truth. I could only hope that Bella would know as soon as she learnt the truth (for she was too smart not to know the truth) that we still loved her and would do anything for her. I could only hope that Bella would love me still.

* * *

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me**

 **-EmmynotEmma**


	18. chapter fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Even though I was in a maelstrom of emotions I knew I was going to go through with my decision. I was going to the clinic, and as much as I would have wanted to get this over with the next day I knew that I had to be realistic. I couldn't miss another day, unless….I told Charlie that I needed to go to the clinic tomorrow because I wanted to talk to Carlisle about therapists here in Forks. Or at least in Port Angeles if I had to actually be more accurate.

I didn't bring the actual subject up until Charlie came home and I was putting the food onto the table. He sat down in his usual seat and I let my eyes wander over to him, to see if he was in a good mood. He wasn't anymore stressed than he usually was, and he didn't look as though he was too tired or too angry to deal with me. Renee sometimes was like that though, unlike Charlie.

"Hey, Dad…" I didn't look up at him; instead I picked his plate up and began to pile the food that I had made for dinner onto it. His hand had twitched, as though he was going to take the plate from me so that he could do it himself. He never liked to act as though I had to do stuff for him.

"Yes, Bells?" Charlie picked up his glass of Diet Pepsi and took a sip before he placed it back down onto the oak table. I sat his plate down and began to scoop up my own dinner to put my plate, though I had to admit that I wasn't that hungry to begin with. My nerves were off all day, along with my hunger.

"I was wondering if I could visit Dr. Cullen tomorrow morning, since I am thinking about maybe finding a therapist," I informed him, making sure that my voice was nothing more than soft. I couldn't let him think that I was going so that I could confront Carlisle and demand if he and his family were vampires.

Charlie sighed and shook his head, "I can't take you tomorrow. They're finding more victims around Seattle and they're afraid that they will come down to Forks. In fact one of the victims lives here. So we've been up to our knees at work."

 _Crap! What am I going to do now?_ I couldn't help but think, bitterly hating the fact that I couldn't just get in a car and drive off to the clinic like I wanted to. I tapped my fingers against the table, as my nerves and aggravation mixed together enough that I wasn't focused on anything other than trying to calm down.

"Why don't you ask Alice to take you to the clinic after school tomorrow? I'm sure that she won't mind," Charlie suggested. He took another bite of his food and I bit my lip, as I began to stab my food randomly with my fork.

I didn't know if Alice would take me to the clinic after school. I didn't know if she would accept the fact that she was going to let me walk into the clinic and demand to know the truth from Carlisle. After all, he was still her adoptive father, and I was certain that she still loved him. It was obvious that everyone in the family loved Carlisle, well maybe almost everyone…I didn't know how Rosalie felt about him.

Sighing, I nodded my head, agreeing, "Okay. I'll ask her tomorrow. Please be careful out there though. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Charlie nodded his head, "of course, Bells. If you call me during the day I'll try to answer you as soon as I can."

I spent the rest of the night wanting nothing more than to stay home tomorrow. I knew that it was silly but I didn't see the point in going to school if it meant that I probably wasn't going to be able to go and see Carlisle. I didn't know how Alice would react to me wanting to go and see him.

Yet, I woke at the normal time I always did each day, and got ready for school. I pulled my hair up in a high bun and put some concealer on to smoothen out the scar on my right side of my face. I wore a simple green sweater, along with some dark washed jeans, and some tennis shoes. I contemplated just having a denim jacket and my usual backpack, but I paused in the doorway when I saw the cross necklace that Grandma Swan wore all the time before she passed away and handed it down to me.

Biting the corner of my lip, I sighed before rushing over and grabbing the necklace. Putting it on, I stuffed the cross underneath the neckline of my shirt. The last thing I needed was for classmates of mine to be questioning me on the subject of religion. I couldn't say that I was an Atheist but I couldn't say that I wasn't a Christian. I didn't know what I was.

After brushing my teeth and making sure that I had everything, I went outside and sat down on the front porch swing. I didn't want to feel contained in my house, besides I still didn't trust myself enough to not lock the front door on Alice and Edward (or Emmett, sometimes he rode with Alice in the mornings).

It didn't take long for Edward's familiar silver Volvo to arrive, though by the time they arrived it was already misty raining. I got up from my spot on the porch swing and hurried down the porch steps, I was making sure that I wouldn't trip and fall on my face due to the usual clumsiness I was known for.

As soon as I got into the car warmth welcomed me, wrapping its arms tight around me to make sure that I wouldn't be cold anymore. I threw my backpack and my purse off to the side before glancing into the review mirror, noting that for once Edward was the one who was in the driver's seat. His golden irises were peering straight at me, and I shifted awkwardly in the backseat.

"Oh, hi, Edward," I greeted him, earning a soft smile from him. His smile was beautiful, but it was no where close to the beauty that was his cousin, Jasper. I knew if Jasper was staring at me I would forget everything that was around me. All I would be focused on would be Jasper, nothing else would matter.

"Good morning, Bella. You like nice this morning," he lightly responded, earning a mumbled thank you from me before I heard the shifting of someone moving in the passenger seat. The person turned and I inwardly sighed in relief when I noted that it was Alice that was in the passenger seat.

"Oh, she looks more than nice, Edward! She looks lovely! I love it when she puts her hair up in a bun," she remarked, shooting Edward a cute eye roll before she smiled at me again. She reached her hand out and took one of my hands in hers, which in return made me almost jolt again from the coldness that came from her.

"Um…I was wondering if you could do something for me," I started, as Edward drove out of my neighborhood. There weren't that many cars that were in the neighborhood that were leaving or entering, mostly everyone was already at school or at work.

"Of course, Bella," she assured me, though a flicker appeared beyond her irises. It was almost as though she knew what I was about to ask her for, unsettlement washed over me at the thought of her knowing what I was going to ask her.

"Do you think that you can take me to the clinic after school? I wanted to talk to Carlisle…I'm thinking about finding a therapist. Maybe he can recommend me one, even if I have to go to Port Angeles." I let my eyes flash down to our hands, she kept her ivory hand within mine. Her nicely done fingernails were the in the shade of rose gold, a light pink hue that reminded me of when I did ballet as a little girl.

"Of course we can," she responded, which in return made relief flood throughout me. I was happy that I could confront Carlisle about this today, I was afraid that I would have to wait until the weekend to do so, or at least wait until Charlie was able to take me to the clinic.

"Thank you, Alice," I whispered, earning another brilliant smile from her. I knew though that there was something that was lurking within those eyes of hers, as though she didn't want to take me to Carlisle. I was certain that she knew that I was going to confront Carlisle about them being vampires, or at least see if they were vampires. I knew that I would be weary too if I were in her place.

I spent the rest of the time on the ride to school listening to the music that was playing on the radio. Muse was playing, which was one of my favorite bands that I listened to. Alice softly sang along with the song, her beautiful voice even more stunning when she sang. Edward merely tapped his fingers against the steering wheel to the rhythm that the song had.

When we arrived at school Edward parked next to Rosalie's convertible. Emmett and Rosalie were conversing freely with each other, Rosalie looked stressed and Emmett looked as though he was trying to comfort her. I widened my eyes as Emmett reached out and pulled Rosalie to him, wrapping his arms around her in comfort. She let him hold her for a moment before she pulled away from him.

Jasper was standing off to the side, leaning against Rosalie's convertible. His posture was stiff, as though he was troubled. A part of me wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and assure him that was everything was all right, but another part of me wanted to wait until I would find out if him and the rest of his family were vampires. I blamed it on my anxiety.

I slowly got out of the car, smiling softly at how Edward walked around his car and opened the passenger door for Alice. She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheekbone before he grabbed her hand. I followed after them, as they went over to where Rosalie and Emmett were.

My eyes landed on Jasper, he turned and peered at me with longing. I went to take a step forward but stayed away. It physically hurt me to stay away from him. I just wanted his arms around me. I bit my lip and turned away from him. I knew that until I would find out the truth I couldn't trust it.

I found myself physically hurting all day, because I wanted was Jasper. It hurt like hell, but I knew that it was for the best right now. After I would receive my answers from Carlisle I would know what to do next.

At the end of the day I greeted Alice and Edward at the silver Volvo, smiling briefly at them. In the corner of my eye Jasper shifted his feet on the asphalt. Emmett reached out and touched his shoulder, as thought to let him know that he was there for him. I tore my attention away from him and slipped into the Volvo, before I could find myself turning and rushing over to the beautiful teenager.

Alice and Edward merely played the radio while we headed over to the clinic. I didn't hold a conversation with them and neither did they towards me. In fact that they didn't even speak to each other, though they usually held conversations with each other in the car on the rides to and from school, so this let me know that they too knew that something big was about to happen.

The moment we arrived in the clinic parking lot I knew that everything was about to change, either for the better or for the worse. I took a deep breath as I got out of the car, Alice rolled her window down.

"Do you want us to come inside?" she probed to me but I shook my head, "it's all right, Alice."

Alice nodded her head, and Edward peered at me with weariness. I could tell that he looked as though he was against this. It was obvious that he knew that I was about to do and he didn't like it one bit. Alice was trying to be supportive but it was obvious that she was the same as Edward.

Taking another deep breath, I headed into the clinic. There weren't that many people that were in the waiting room. There about three people that was waiting on a doctor. I headed straight forward, not expecting though for Carlisle to come out from the back of the clinic, holding a clipboard. He glanced away from the paper, pausing where he was when he saw me standing there with nervousness but determination.

"Bella, it's nice to see you. Is something wrong?" Carlisle craned his head to the side. A patient cleared their throat, giving me a pointed look. They apparently thought that I was going to ignore them and walk straight into the back so that I could be taken care of before them.

"I…have some things that I wanted to talk you about. I can wait until you're free though…" Maybe it would give me time for me to be able to come up with how to talk about the subject of them being vampires.

"Of course, it shouldn't take too long. They are routine checkups," Carlisle assured me, before I went over to one of the plastic chairs. I sat down and shifted awkwardly in the chair, watching as he called out his next patient. It happened to be the person that was rude, who had cleared their throat in annoyance.

I found myself shifting a lot while I waited for Carlisle. Whenever a nurse would pass by me they would peer at me a little longer than necessary, they obviously wanted to know the true reason why I was here. I kept my eyes away from them; let my head hang down so that I was looking at the linoleum tiled floor.

By the time that Carlisle was done my nerves were on fire, but when his soft footsteps came towards me I looked up. I got up and trailed after him, not saying anything, because I didn't know what to say at the moment. Besides, it wouldn't do well to confront him about being a vampire out in the lobby of the clinic.

Entering his clinical office, Carlisle motioned for me to sit down in the chair that faced the desk. I straightened my back. I knew that I couldn't go back on this now. I was already here. I needed to do this, for my own sanity.

I opened my mouth, but closed it a second later. Carlisle stared at me with all the patience and love in the world. I looked down at my hands, lost for words. It didn't take long for Carlisle to get up from his chair and come around the desk before he crouched down and took my hands in his.

Tears began to rise in my eyes, and I gulped harshly, "I…I thought that I could do it. I…I could confront you. I…"

Carlisle began to rub his thumbs against my wrists in a fatherly manner, enough that let me know he would wait until I could gather my thoughts. I pulled one of my hands away and wiped away the tears with the heel of my hand.

"I…I know. Or at least I think I know…" I started, he listened to me intently and I closed my eyes, knowing that I couldn't say this while looking into those gentle golden irises of his. "I know that you're a vampire! That your family…they are vampires!"

Silence greeted me, enough that I imagined that Carlisle wasn't there to begin with. A long, tired sigh wisped into the air. I opened my eyes, noting that Carlisle had a conflicted expression upon his features, "I know. Jasper informed me. This isn't a place that we should talk about this."

I furled my eyebrows, "where should we talk about this then?" I didn't demand this; I was merely confused and wanted to know the truth. I had come to the clinic so that I could find out the truth.

"I would like for you to come to my house, that way my family and I can discuss this. I am glad that you came to me, despite the circumstances," Carlisle softly confessed. I looked down at my hands again.

"I…" I didn't know what to say, mainly because it sounded as though it was true. The Cullens and the Hales were vampires, and I didn't know how to feel about being in a house with only vampires.

Still, I analyzed all that happened throughout the months. They had never done anything that would hurt me. They never acted as though they wanted to suck my blood, leave me dry and dead. They cared about me, Esme and Carlisle obviously loved me. I was certain that Alice loved me too; she had claimed that I was her sister. I couldn't imagine her hurting me either.

I nodded my head, "o-okay, I will go to your house….but when?" I craned my head to the side, enough that Carlisle had relief flooding throughout his irises. He was happy that I was going to give them a chance to explain everything.

I could have pushed them aside. I could have told them that I never wanted to talk to them again. I could have called them monsters, but that would be wrong. I needed to let them explain themselves.

"This weekend, Alice can come and pick you up before taking you to our house. It can be around two o'clock," Carlisle offered, which I agreed to. He reached his hand out and put his hand on my shoulder a second later, "you are a very brave girl, Bella. Just know that I'm proud of you and my family will always love you no matter what."

Smiling at him, I knew without a doubt that what he was saying was the absolute truth. Without thinking, I threw my arms around him and held him against me. He automatically wrapped his arms around me, as though he could just take away all my worry and let me know that everything was going to be all right in the end.

Pulling away from him, I got up from my spot in the chair and he stood up, before he gave me his arm. I wrapped my arm around his, knowing that he would direct me towards the lobby of the clinic. I had a feeling that Alice and Edward had stayed, so that they could still take me home.

In fact, as soon as we entered the lobby they were sitting at two padded chairs. Alice was trying to assure Edward about something, and he sighed before she reached her hand out and put it on his cheekbone. He closed his eyes and absorbed the sweet gesture that Alice had given him.

"Alice, Edward," Carlisle addressed them, which in return made them tear their attention away from each other and towards their adoptive father. I let my arm drop from his and began to make my way towards the two teenagers, while Carlisle trailed behind me.

"Bella is ready to go home now," he informed them before he turned to look at Alice, "and Alice, Bella is coming over to the house around two o'clock this Saturday. Will you pick her up?"

"Of course, Carlisle," she responded before Carlisle reached over and kissed me on the top of my head. I gave him a gentle smile in return before I followed Alice and Edward out of the clinic and into the parking lot.

Neither of them confronted me about what had happened in Carlisle's office. I knew that they knew what had transpired but it was obvious that they wouldn't talk about unless I wanted to. They kept to themselves, which helped in times like this; otherwise I was certain my anxiety would blare up.

The house was vacant when we arrived at Charlie's, he was still at work. It would make sense. He did say that there were killings that were happening, people going missing in the past few months. It troubled me, rightly so, because I didn't know what I would do if Charlie passed away anytime soon.

Waving goodbye to Alice and Edward when I got up to the porch, I watched them until I couldn't see them anymore. My shoulders slumped and I reached my hands up, rubbing at my forehead and hoping that things weren't going to be anymore stressful. I could only handle so much!

The recording machine was blinking red when I entered, I would get to it after I put my stuff upstairs. Chances were it was Charlie telling me that he had to stay at the department later than normal. I soon found that I was proven right when I did click on the button and heard his voice.

 _"Bella, I just wanted you to know that I will be coming home later than usual. The forensics team has gotten back the results to some of the crime scenes. They wanted me to stick around to hear them. Don't worry about cooking something for me when it comes to dinner, I'll pick something up when I'm heading home. Love you, bye."_

Maybe they would find the person that was behind this, or maybe it was a wild animal. It was Washington State after all; there were dangerous creatures in the woods of this state. It wouldn't surprise me at all.

Stretching some, I yawned as tiredness soon washed over me. I dragged myself upstairs, knowing that a nap sounded really good right now. Maybe I would wake up not feeling like the dead. And maybe when I slept a little nap I wouldn't be thinking about the whole Cullens and Hales being vampires.

Sadly, I wasn't that lucky. I found myself in the woods, running from some unknown force. I knew that they were gaining on me. I knew that within seconds I would be killed, yet I still ran. I wanted nothing more than to live.

As I turned the corner, I was welcomed with a red eyed vampire loaming in front of me. They gave me a wicked smile, as though they were pleased with the knowledge that they had me corned. A snap behind me allowed me to know that another vampire was behind me, though I couldn't see them.

I took a step backwards only for arms to fly around me, keeping me in place. I looked up, my eyes widening as I saw that it was Carlisle holding me in place. The vampire in front of me stalked forward, before they lunged. Skin ripped, blood splattered, and then I woke with sweat dripping down my cheekbones.

I curled my blankets around me and rocked back and forth, knowing that it was only a nightmare. I couldn't make myself believe that Carlisle would do that; I wouldn't make myself believe that Carlisle would do that. I could only blame the old part of me had struck with a vengeance.

I would find out the complete truth soon. I just needed to hold on until then.

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **I just wanted you to know that I was working on an original work of mine. I have an account on Wattpad and decided to submit the work to the Wattys. The judging won't happen until September. I just completed the work, if you want to know my account name so you can check out my original works (I also post Eventide on Wattpad!) then private message me.**

 **I don't know how long this story will be, I was thinking 50 something chapters at the most. My Harry Potter fanfiction is 90 chapters! Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

 **-Emmy**

 **as always: Twilight doesn't belong to me**


	19. chapter fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

I knew that this must be one of my most important weekends I would ever have. I would finally learn the truth, to hear the Cullens tell their story, along with the Hales. This was a big step for them also. I was certain that they hadn't told anyone they were vampires in a long time, if they had told anyone. I didn't think that they would really tell anyone, especially if Rosalie had any say in it. She obviously was the most paranoid about the whole thing.

I woke on Saturday with a bundle of nerves packed tight within me. After I made my bed I sat down Indian styled and took deep breaths. Every now and then I would do a meditation routine and although I wasn't as devoted to the routine as I should be it still helped in troubling times like today. If I didn't meditate I was certain I would end up losing my courage.

Charlie was sleeping in, this week was full of him having to stay late at the department. There hadn't been anymore killings (people were found without any blood remaining in them), but there were still people that were missing. I still was scared that he would end up becoming another victim; the killer could still be out there and wanting nothing more than to find a cop that was looking for them.

I changed into comfortable black yoga pants, a long fluffy white sweater that fell at my mid-thy along with a gray fuzzy toboggan over my head. A pair of hiking boots I had gotten last year finished off the look when it came to my clothes, but I didn't do much when it came to makeup. I put on some eyeliner along with some concealer and light lip gloss but didn't bother about anything else.

Even though to some I might be walking into a lion's den I still wanted to look nice when it came to going over to Carlisle and Esme's house. I tried to imagine that it was nothing more than a relaxing afternoon where I would hang out with Alice and the others (except Rosalie of course).

As the honking of a car horn blared outside, I quickly wrote a note for Charlie. The last thing I wanted was for him to call in a missing person's report when I could have just left him a note. It would give the both of us a peace of mind, knowing where the other would be and where our whereabouts were.

Shutting the front door behind me and locking it, I stuffed the house keys into the pocket of my sweater, where my phone sat nestled too. I didn't want to imagine that anything bad would happen when I would go to the Cullens' house but I would be prepared if anything did happen.

Alice was waving at me from the passenger seat, a beaming smile upon her lips. She wore a beautiful sparkly light pink turtleneck sweater and a sparkly white cotton headband with diamonds encrusted throughout it. She looked so beautiful, a bout of jealousy hit me but I pushed it aside. There would be no good in being jealous of my best friend; she was one of the most wonderful people I had met.

"Hi! You look wonderful, Bella! Love the outfit," she told me before I could say anything. I blushed and looked down at my hiking boots. I knew that part of me dressed up because I wanted to look really nice around Jasper. The other part was because I was a guest in a fancy house and I didn't want to wear some worn out clothes.

"Thanks, Alice. You look beautiful as well," I remarked, earning another brilliant smile from Alice. I hopped into the back seat, where Edward turned from where he was sitting in the driver's seat.

"Good afternoon, Bella," Edward greeted me, his voice as formal and polite as it always was.

It was still welcoming, and it was enough for me to be reassured that he wasn't off put with me coming over to his house. I meekly responded to him, thanking him, before he pulled away from the curb and began to drive us in the direction of where the outskirts of town were.

As Edward drove us to their house I couldn't help but imagine what their house might be like. I hoped that it was antique in a way; I had always loved antique houses. Houses with character were my weakness. Esme might have fixed it up, made sure that all of the original pieces she loved were taken care of as though they were a part of her.

"Should I be expecting a closed gate which requires a password? Or a stunning fountain that has some old era stone lady statue at the top of it?" I joked, knowing that if I made it light and funny that I didn't have to think about the whole situation. I earned a giggle from Alice before she spun in her seat.

"Esme wouldn't allow it, and Carlisle is not into that gaudy look. We like living in lived in houses, ones with character. They are mine and Esme's weaknesses. Rosalie on the other hand would live in a modern styled penthouse suite if she could," Alice admitted, which I could totally see Rosalie doing. I couldn't see Emmett living in the city though; he belonged in a log cabin that had enough room for the whole family and guests since he was the life of the party.

"Did you enjoy Alaska?"

"Yes! We lived next to our cousins. Kate, she's wonderful and the sweetest she could be. Her sisters are Tanya and Irina. Those two are a little more…friendly to men. Their parents are Carmen and Eleazar. Oh and there's also Garret, he was adopted by Carmen and Eleazar," Alice explained, happiness brimming through her voice. A weird expression appeared on Edward's face though when Tanya was explained, as though he dreaded the thought of her appearing all the sudden.

I didn't ask him why he dreaded that particular cousin, since I knew that it was not my business to know it. I did though have a feeling that the cousins and aunt and uncle were vampires. It would make sense, for them to live with other vampires.

The moment we pulled up to the house I instantly fell in love with it. It was a three story antique house with a long porch, a beautiful porch swing, along with flowers that were hanging on hooks. Flowers adorned around the flower bed and the house looked as though it was part of a meadow.

"Wow, the house is beautiful," I whispered, only for Alice to laugh some. It was in delight, as though she was happy that I had given approval of the house. Edward even smiled at the comment.

"Esme will love to hear it," Alice responded, earning a chuckle from Edward. It was obvious that he shared the same opinion as his girlfriend and adoptive sister. It was nice seeing how they had this instant connection with each other; they were connected to each other in a stunning manner.

We pulled up the driveway, only for me to notice the front door open and Esme walk out. She was dressed in another sweater, dark washed jeans, and a pair of ankle boots. She hurriedly made her way to us, as though she was greeting her children that were home from college.

I couldn't help but feel eager at how excited she was to see me. I wished that Renee was like that way. I mean she was always happy to see me, but she never held this much excitement like Esme had. It made me feel as though I was part of this family; I treasured it as though it was a precious thing.

I had barely left the car when she scooped me up in a hug; I couldn't help but laugh in happiness. "I'm so happy to see you, Bella. I couldn't help but make sure that everything was perfect for you."

For a moment it was as though I was just visiting to spend the afternoon with them. I would come in and watch some movies with Emmett probably. Rosalie would watch me every now and then to make sure that I didn't do anything that would make her aggravated in me. At least she knew that I had no interest in Emmett, he was great but he didn't attract me like Jasper did.

As we headed up the porch steps the front door opened again, revealing Carlisle this time. Esme still hadn't taken her arms away from me; it was as though she was protecting me. It made me feel special. It made me feel as though I was her daughter. It made me want her as my mother, which a second later made me feel guilty because I knew even though Renee was odd with how she was a mother she still loved me in her own protective way.

"Bella, it's good to see you. Come in," Carlisle greeted me, as the door was still open. I walked through and was welcomed with an open floor plan.

Everything was unique. There wasn't one item that didn't look as though it was a replica of a masterpiece. There was even a black grand piano, which I had a feeling belonged to Edward. I opened my mouth in marvel, not knowing how to tell him that this house was amazing. I knew from the way that they looked me they knew.

We entered the living area, only for me to see Emmett sitting on a couch watching a random show. He glanced up, only to smile at me largely. Hopping up from his spot on the couch he ran to me and scooped me up, "Bella! How's my favorite sister doing?"

"Emmett, we don't have favorites in this family," Esme reminded him, as though she had told him this a thousand times before. Alice didn't look as though she was insulted with what he said; she obviously thought that I was her favorite sister in a sense too. Again, I felt special.

Rosalie came slowly into the living room, wearing another stylish blouse with sleeves that went past her wrists and designer jeans. She was also wearing heels that looked as though they were barely there to begin with since the heel was so skinny and high. I didn't know how she didn't break her ankles.

"Hi, Rosalie," I whispered, not knowing how to approach her. She studied me for a moment before Emmett sat me down and she went to him. She wrapped her arm around his and responded to me, "hello, Bella."

A sting of me feeling hurt hit me, since I didn't like how she seemed as though she didn't care that I was there. I thought that we had started to bond together after I had gotten my dress. She had helped me get my dress, she picked out only long sleeve dresses and she told me that I shouldn't feel ashamed of my scars since that meant I was a survivor from my car wreck.

The last person to enter was the most important person in the world, it was Jasper. He looked as though he was trying to hold back the urge to wrap his arms around me and hold me. I was the same way, as though I wanted to claim him officially. He wasn't a possession though and I didn't want him to think I felt like he was mine in an obsessive manner.

Yet, as I looked at Jasper the remembrance of why I was here hit me like a ton of bricks. I nervously turned to Carlisle. "Um…I would like to know about the whole not being human thing…well being vampires."

Tenseness wrapped itself into the room, and everyone looked as though they had cold water soak them completely. Carlisle sighed, before he nodded his head, "Very well. You deserve to know the truth, Bella. Please sit down; I think that you need to know this without standing."

I did what he instructed, without hesitance and noted that Esme sat next to me. Jasper sat next to her and Emmett sat in one of the chairs that were facing the couch. Rosalie stood behind him, putting her hands onto his shoulders. Alice stood behind Edward, who loamed over to the side. Carlisle stood in front of me, facing me and letting me know that he would tell me what was going on.

"Bella, you are a very brave and wonderful girl. You are smart, observant, and it doesn't surprise me that you found out the truth behind us. I want you to know that we will always love you and will not be angry with your decision on us in the end," Carlisle started, which in return made me nod my head.

"It is true that we are vampires, but we are what you would call vegetarian vampires. We only take blood from animals, such as deer. We do not drink from humans, nor will we ever. I cannot say that all of us have not drunk human blood, but be rest assured. We have vowed to never drink the blood of humans ever again, for those who have," Carlisle said a moment later.

"You have noticed the color in our eyes; it is because of our vegetarian life style. We have red eyes though for the first year. After that our eyes will slowly change to golden." Rosalie looked tense, also betrayed, from what Carlisle was telling me. It was as though he was giving their lives up.

"I am the oldest, being born in the 1640's. I am three hundred and sixty two. I am from London. My father was an Anglican pastor, and my mother died when I was born. The Protestants came into power while there was the persecution of the Roman Catholics and the other religions. My father led hunts for witches, werewolves, and vampires; it was a passion of his.

"I led the hunts for these creatures after my father became too old to do so. I learnt that vampires come out during the night, and that the covens of vampires hid in the sewers. We chased them only for me to be bit by a vampire," Carlisle explained, my left eye widened as I soaked in what he was telling me.

"I hid in a cellar for three days under rotten potatoes, for it takes three days for one to turn into a vampire. I tried to destroy myself multiple times. Eventually though I found my passion in science and medicine along with music. I went to France and Europe, where I ended up becoming a doctor.

"I have spent two centuries of perfect control when it comes to the lure of blood, which is called bloodlust," Carlisle finished, which in return made me stand up and make my way towards him. He watched me with curiosity, as though he was waiting to see what my reaction would be.

Wrapping my arms around him, I closed my eyes and absorbed his fatherly essence. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to him. I knew that if he could cry that there would be tears falling. I was already crying, overcome with his story. I knew that he was truly a man of God, and he was an amazing man.

"You're amazing, Carlisle," I mumbled against his chest, before I pulled away from him. He reached up and wiped away the tears from my face in a fatherly manner before he leant forward and kissed me on the crown of my head.

"I am at peace with it. I know that God had a plan for me. It might not have ever crossed my mind that it would be me being a vampire but I will never hate God for making me as one," he responded, and I nodded my head before he pulled away from me. I turned and saw that Esme looked as though she was going to cry, she was overcome with this.

Rosalie was peering at me with interest, and Esme couldn't help but stand up and hurry towards me. She snuggled against me, kissing me on the forehead, "oh, Bella, you are so precious! We do not deserve you."

I furled my eyebrows, as though she had something that was insane. "What do you mean? I am not the one who deserves you all."

Esme thought for a moment before she ushered me to the couch, "do you mind if I tell you my story? I know that my children will tell you their stories when they are ready." Esme waited with patience and I nodded my head.

"I had always dreamed of getting married and having children. Eventually I did get married and I was pregnant. I was expecting a little boy," Esme informed me, before sadness etched itself into her eyes. "The delivery was fine; we thought that everything would be fine afterwards. Yet a few days later I lost him. I became so devastated that I ended up jumping off a cliff. I was sent to the morgue and Carlisle could sense that I was still alive, barely, but he turned me."

My eyes flickered over to Carlisle. He still stood quietly, observing his wife and the story that she had for me. My eyes then went to the others; they had heard this story before. They still listened to be polite.

Rosalie moved away from Emmett and headed in the direction of where the stairs were that led upstairs. No one went after her, it was obvious that she wanted some time alone. I knew that she would be the last person that would tell me how she was turned, if she would ever do so. I had a feeling that it was tragic, and that it was something that no one wanted to go through.

"So you turned Esme first?" I couldn't help but probe towards Carlisle but he shook his head, "no. I turned Edward first."

Edward nodded his head, as though to let me know that he was telling the truth. Alice stiffened from where she stood as though she was hoping that I wouldn't ask her how she was turned. Edward turned and wrapped his arm around her waist. She shot him a nervous smile before she rested her head against his chest.

"All of us were changed by Carlisle except for Alice and Jasper," Edward told me, which in return made me turn to look at Alice and then Jasper. Jasper stood off to the side with shame floating in his golden irises, as though he regretted some of the things that he did in the past.

I wanted nothing more than to go to Jasper, to tell him that everything was all right. There wasn't anything that he could tell me in which I would think that he was a true monster. None of the vampires around me looked as though they ever would be monsters. Especially under the care of Carlisle and Esme, for they were amazing role models. They accepted their children with open arms, and never made them feel as though they should ever feel shame for who they were.

I didn't ask the others how they were changed. I knew that they would tell me eventually when it came to how they were changed. Hearing how Esme and Carlisle were changed was enough for me, since I knew that they had voluntarily informed me how they were turned into vampires.

Instead I sat there and absorbed what they told me. My eyes went over each person. Esme was peering at me with hope; she wanted me to accept them with open arms. Then there was Carlisle, the hope was still there but it wasn't as strong as his wife's. He wanted me to choose what I truly felt; even if it meant that I would leave them.

Edward was staring at me with curiosity but weariness, while Alice waited with more weariness than her boyfriend. They held onto each other tightly. It only let me know that Alice must have had a harsh time before she had met Edward, since it sounded as though Alice and Jasper had come to the family. They weren't turned by Carlisle so they had to come from somewhere else.

"Can I go take a walk outside?" I asked them, before Esme gave me a gentle smile, "of course, sweetheart. Do you want one of us to walk with you?"

My eyes wandered around the room, seeing that Emmett perked up. I could tell that he wanted to walk with me. It made me feel warmth, knowing that he really wanted to fill the position of the big brother. Yet my eyes couldn't help but let my eyes wander over to Jasper. I took a deep breath and stood up before I headed over to Jasper, giving him a soft smile.

"Jasper, will you take a walk with me?" I quietly probed, earning widened eyes from Jasper. He let his eyes flicker around the room. I didn't care to turn to look at what his family's reaction was. All I knew was that he made me feel the safest out of any of them, though I had to admit that Esme would have been my second choice.

"Are you sure? Don't you want Esme or Carlisle instead?" Jasper nervously let his eyes wander over to his parents, as though he didn't know what to do.

"I want you," I whispered, knowing that he could take that as it was. He slowly got up from his spot where he had been sitting and followed me out the back doors of the house so that we could walk around the borderline of the trees.

As soon as we were out I sighed, "This is a lot to take in. I know that none of you will ever hurt me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised anymore. I went through so many different things, fear and now acceptance."

Jasper watched me softly, enough that I blushed and looked off to the side. I had still taken steps forward but had paused when I noted that he had stayed still. I craned my head to the side, "what's wrong?"

Jasper had his eyes closed, hiding the butterscotch hue that I adored. He took a deep breath before he looked off to the side. "When you blush it's hard for me. You are already so alluring. You smell like wildflowers and you are so beautiful. Yet when you blush I cannot help but want to turn in the other direction for your safety."

I furled my eyebrows before I took steps towards him. I took his hand in mine, before I squeezed it softly, "you have nothing to be ashamed about, Jasper. You are so strong. You have had many chances to…act upon your urges but you haven't."

Jasper sighed as he turned his head and looked out at the tree line, "there are things about me that deserve shame. I have had a dark past."

My heart thudded in my chest, at what he was telling me. A part of me remembered that Carlisle had told me some of them had drunk human blood before. Looking at Jasper in front of me, noting the sorrow that was upon him, I knew that he was one of them. Yet he was full of complete shame, enough that I couldn't help but know that there was more to this.

* * *

 **Author's note: Twilight doesn't belong to me.**


	20. chapter sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

I pulled my hand from Jasper's, for a second it looked as though Jasper thought that I was going to walk away and never talk to him again. Yet, I took a deep breath, and brought my hand up before I placed it onto his cheek.

My left eye took all that I could, while I could only wish that my right eye could soak up the beautiful image that was Jasper Hale. I could see his dirty blond curls that rested against his shoulder blades were softly moving from the wind and his golden eyes were a little darker than before. His mouth was twisted a little bit, as though he didn't know what would happen next, nor did he want to think too far into it.

"Jasper, will you tell me your story? You know me, I won't judge," I whispered, while Jasper closed his eyes, absorbing the touch of my hand against his cheek. He took a deep breath, quivering a little bit with many emotions wrapping themselves around the tall and complex boy.

Jasper slowly opened his eyes before he stared at me, "I know you wouldn't, Bella. So I will tell you my story. I am ashamed by it; I will not be upset if you ever pity me. I know that this story will bring sorrow to some."

I listened intently to him, before he pulled me gently in the direction of where the magnificent garden was. My eyes widened in marvel at all the different array of flowers that were spread throughout the nicely structured garden. There were some flowers that derived from other countries, while there were some that were commonly found in the United States.

A white washed gazebo was near the middle of the back, and we headed towards it. The white whicker outside furniture looked lovingly used, and the upholstery for the pillows were colorful, bright and almost tropical. I loved them immediately and eagerly made my way up the stairs and onto the loveseat. I hadn't let go of Jasper's hand, so I yanked him down so that he would sit next to me.

"My birth name was Jasper Whitlock, though now I go by Jasper Whitlock Hale. I was born in 1844, and derive from Houston, Texas. I was one of many children from my parents, they were farmers and as far as I can remember they loved each and every one of us equally. I was the eldest of four children," Jasper started, and I nodded my head. I could see this, since Jasper's voice always had a tinge of southern in it. Right now it was stronger, more vibrant, as he was telling me his southern roots.

"As you know, the Confederacy was formed in 1861. At seventeen I decided to join, though I had told them that I was nineteen. Eventually I was promoted to Major, I was the youngest Major in Texas," Jasper added, there was pride that radiated from him and I smiled brightly at this. I squeezed his hand, as though to let him know that I was proud of him too.

This didn't have a happy story to it, I already knew this. I still knew though that he had fought for his country and I was always proud of people in the military.

As far as I knew I didn't know if I had any members of the family that were in the military. I might end up asking Renee if we did, and Charlie, along with Phil. He was after all my step-dad and it would be kind of cool to learn that I had something that connected me with Jasper in a more interesting manner.

"I was in Galveston and was there to evacuate women and children. I left with the first column to Houston. I reached the city, and departed it a mile out…." Jasper paused; there was pain that radiated throughout his eyes, troublesome rising within him. I knew that this must have been when he was welcomed with the person that would change him into a vampire. I didn't say anything, knowing that it was rude to point out the obvious, and I wanted him to tell me in his own timing.

"There were three women that came up to me, a little black haired Mexican, a fair skinned and haired woman who was the tallest, and then there was a chalky and blonder woman. They were arguing amongst themselves, I soon learnt that the Mexican's name was Nettie, the tallest was named Lucy, and the chalky blonder one was named Maria…" This time I could see the haunted look in his eyes when he brought up Maria, I had a feeling that she was the one who had changed him.

"Maria was the one who changed me. She had rounded up Lucy and Nettie because they were all victims of their towns being destroyed from the Civil War. It was a convenience between the three of them, along with me. She wanted revenge against those who had destroyed their towns, so she created a newborn army," Jasper stated, and I furled my eyebrows, which in return made him reach his hand out and run it through his curls, his eyes full of pain. He scrunched his features up and closed his eyes, there was so much inner pain and sorrow that was from him that I wanted noting more than to wrap my arms around him and take all the pain away.

"Recently turned vampires are called newborns. They are stronger, faster, have horrible control with bloodlust. They are a nightmare if they cannot be trained, to have helped when it comes to their new lives. She wanted them because of this fact, though they are very unpredictable.

"In the beginning there were only six but there were four more within a fortnight. Then turned to twenty, I went to her former home with twenty-three newborns. We went to kill the enemies, we only lost four newborns.

"In the first year most of Texas and northern Mexico had been taken by Maria. I was the only one out of the original twenty-three that survived, in the first eighteenth months. Nettie and Lucy wanted to leave, they wanted to try and change Maria and her decision, but they were eventually killed." In the distance we heard a bird chirping, and I sat quietly with my left eye taking in all that was Jasper.

"Decades later I was welcomed with Peter. He had survived three years. We were destroying and purging vampires that Maria didn't feel any need to have around anymore. Yet one of the dark haired newborns happened to be Peter's mate, Charolette. She was his other half, the one who completed him," Jasper breathed; there was fondness that came from him when he thought of Peter and Charolette. I quietly hoped that I was Jasper's mate.

"We were prepared to destroy Maria. I was her right hand man; she knew that I was loyal to her. I think she knew though that I was contemplating killing her. Instead though I left with Peter and Charolette, but I didn't stay with them. I left decades later, and eventually ran into Alice," Jasper finished, and I craned my head to the side. There were tears that were falling down my cheekbones and I could tell that Jasper would have been crying too.

Without even thinking, I threw my arms around him and held him against me. He stiffened before he threw his arms around me with the same amount of selfishness that I had. If not more, since his arms tightened as hard as he could without hurting me or bruising me.

"Oh, my darling Jasper, thank you for telling me what had happened. You are so strong," I whispered, I knew that my voice was muffled against the nape of his neck. I knew though that he would be able to hear me, but a moment later Jasper pulled me away from him.

"There's one last thing that I need to tell you, please don't get mad," Jasper breathed aloud, I nodded my head. Even if he told me that he was a lover of Maria's I would never get mad at him. He was so beautiful that I wouldn't be surprised by this development. Of course he would end up having plenty of lovers.

"I won't get mad at you. I'm not surprised if you had a more sexual relationship with Maria," I responded, only for Jasper to look at me with widened eyes. He looked confused, enough that relief flooded through me. I could tell that he thought that it was strange that I would think that he and Maria had a true sexual relationship with each other.

"That's not it, Bella. Maria and I…we never slept with each other. And if you are wondering, I have never lay with another person," Jasper assured me, this time giddiness rose in me. I was ecstatic that he had never lain with another. He was a virgin, just like me! It was rare to find someone who was beautiful like him who had never lain with another.

"I wanted to tell you that well…I am what you would consider gifted. I am able to sense what everyone is feeling, that is why sometimes you are anxious and you start feeling calm all the sudden," Jasper mumbled, my eyes widened at what he was telling me. It made sense and I couldn't help but smile widely at what he was telling me, he could have made someone feel angry or vengeful but instead he made sure to calm people down, such as me.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me, Jasper. You know how I feel, and while you could take advantage of someone's feelings, make them feel worse you instead calm them down. I have always wanted to feel calm, especially doing my moments of anxiety and panic. To know that you calm me down…well it makes me adore you even more," I confessed, which in return made a large smile appear on Jasper's face. He looked as though I had asked him to marry me.

"Oh, Bella!" Jasper lunged forward and pressed his lips against my forehead. I felt myself grow weak; my knees would have buckled if I were standing up. He peppered kisses against my face, but he never pressed his lips against mine. I didn't care to be honest, he still kissed me.

"I don't deserve you!" Jasper cried, which in return made me cry even more. I never felt this much love from someone, I eagerly absorbed it. After all the pain and sorrow that I had felt throughout the years I finally realized that I deserved all of this. I deserved the love of the Cullens, and I especially deserved the love from Jasper.

I went to press my lips against his only for us to hear clearing of a throat near us. I turned my head, noting that Alice was standing at the pathway with an arched eyebrow, "Jasper, aren't you going to tell Bella the other thing?"

Jasper narrowed his eyes at her, I didn't know if it was because she was bringing something up that he didn't know how to approach me about or if it was because she had interrupted a moment between Jasper and I.

"What? You can tell me," I spoke up, watching as Jasper turned his attention away from his sister and towards me.

"Bella, you know how I told you that your scent is irrestiable for me?" Jasper probed to me, and I nodded my head. "Well, your scent is the strongest that I have ever experienced. I knew when you came into my life that you are my mate."

I peered at him with widened eyes, excitement flooded me. My left eye saw that he was weary, as though he didn't know what my reaction would be, but he hadn't expected for me to throw my arms around him and hold him against me. He stiffened, before he threw his arms around me, he kissed the crown of my head and just swayed our bodies side to side.

"My work here is done!" Alice chimed in; there was satisfaction that was running over, enough that Jasper grumbled, "go away, Alice." I giggled at the comment, loving how they were a true family.

I pulled away from Jasper, though I knew that a part of me wanted nothing more than to keep his arms tightly around me. To anyone else I would have pushed them away for staring at the etched scar upon my right side of my face, I would have been angry at them staring at my blind eye but I knew that Jasper never judged me. He stared at me as though I was beautiful.

"So that means that your family is finally whole," I whispered, knowing now that Jasper had been the only one that wasn't mated before he met me. It must have been terrible, for him to feel all those emotions and to know that he wouldn't have a mate that loved him unconditionally.

Jasper chuckled some, "I guess so. You won't believe the teasing I've gotten from Emmett since I met you. Alice is worse; she wants to match our wardrobe together like her and Edward do. I don't know how he can put up with all that shopping."

"Excuse you, Edward loves the outfits that I give him," Alice butted in, making Jasper groan when he looked at his spiky black haired sister who seemed to radiate as though she was a diamond coming out of the soil for the first time. I hadn't seen her happy like this before, it was like everything was coming together.

"I love what?" Edward popped his head out from the back door of the house, his eyes showing nothing more than curiosity. I almost rolled my eyes at the sight of him wearing a cream sweater and dark washed jeans; at least he wasn't wearing pink. He still had something that matched the palette of Alice's outfit.

"The clothes I get you of course!" Alice explained, as she smiled with pride upon her features. Edward let his eyes wander away from his girlfriend to me and Jasper, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm certain that Jasper has already told you about his gift. Alice and I are gifted too."

"What are they?" I knew that it was silly but I found myself even more eager. I wanted to know everything about them, well within time of course, but to hear the gifts that other family members had made me even more excited.

"Alice can see into the future, but the future isn't set in stone. She can see the future of a decision you make. If you choose another decision the future changes," Edward informed me and I nodded my head to let him know that I understood him. He chuckled some though and continued, "I on the other hand can read everyone's mind…everyone except for you."

"So that's why you looked like you hated me on the first day of school," I whispered, only for Jasper to stiffen next to me and send a glare at his brother. I reached my hand out and took Jasper's hand in mine, "calm down, Jasper. He might have been angry but it's because he can read everyone's mind. Yet when I came into the picture he became aggravated when he saw that he couldn't read my mind."

Jasper sighed but nodded his head, as though letting me know that he understood. He reached over and kissed me on the forehead again before he rubbed his hand against my wrist. I didn't try to ask him or lure him to kiss me on the lips, a part of me wanted us to wait until we couldn't anymore. I wanted us to be overcome with love that the only thing we could do was embrace each other.

I blushed, looking away, knowing that everyone thought that I was innocent. If they knew that all I wanted was for Jasper to embrace me like the world was ending, I knew that I wouldn't hear the end of it. I would have everything out in the open and though I knew I loved Jasper I wasn't prepared for a steamy moment between him and me. It just wasn't like me.

I also knew that other girls would want to immediately sleep with Jasper if they were in my position but I had a secret that I never told my family about. It had appeared when I had first gone through puberty and held a tampon in my hand. The thought of me even using a tampon had sent me into high anxiety that I had fallen onto the bathroom floor and cried, knowing that to other girls it was something easy to do.

It didn't take long for me to learn that I had developed Genophobia, which actually meant that I had a phobia against sex. The thought of me being intimate with anyone made me almost want to rock myself back and forth, to hide away and feel ashamed that I couldn't be like the girls in Phoenix that had gone around and fantasized what it would be like when they would get intimate with their boyfriends.

Tears were falling down my cheekbones, enough that I couldn't help but reach my hands up and cover my face. I sobbed, feeling my body quake with every sob I had, shame flooding through me. Would Jasper even want me if he learnt that I had a phobia against sex? Would he content with the thought of us never having sex?

As though they sensed what was happening, I soon heard the sound of Esme and Carlisle asking what was wrong. I pulled away from Jasper, knowing that it hurt the both of us, but I wanted their arms around me. I wanted to feel the paternal love that they had, since I knew that I never shared this information with Renee nor did I ever want to share it with her.

Esme pulled me into her arms and began to run her fingers through my hair, "Oh, Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong? Do I need to have a talk with Jasper?" I hastily shook my head, and she noted that wasn't the problem with me.

"N-No, but um…" I felt her pull me in the direction of where the house was. Carlisle was next to us, he put his hand onto Esme's mid-back, he never said anything but he was there incase I needed him.

"I'm taking her to our bedroom, Carlisle. Can you make some tea for her?" Esme requested, Carlisle kissed her on the crown of her head and then he kissed me on the crown of my head. I watched him walk away, and Esme softly led us upstairs to where her and Carlisle's bedroom was.

The room wasn't large, but it wasn't small either, it was the perfect size. There was a sitting area in the corner of the room with chairs that must have been from the era that Esme had come from—they had new upholstery. A small bookshelf sat off to the side, with what looked like romance novels and gardening books.

The bed was simply box framed, though the white wood had been painted a lively egg blue. The bedspread was white, along with the pillows, and a chunky blanket that was light yellow sat on the top of it.

As she sat us down she turned me so that I was facing her. She pulled my toboggan off of my head and began to run her fingers through my long hair. I closed my eyes and absorbed the soft motherly touch she had. "Tell me when you are ready, darling," she spoke, and I took a deep breath before I told her everything.

I told her the first time that I had gone through my menstrual cycle and how Renee had bought me tampons without a second thought. I told her how I had stood in the bathroom with the tampon in my hand but the thought of me actually using it had sent me into total panic. I told her how I had fallen to the ground and cried, I told her how when I got a little bit older and the girls at school detailed the times that they had sex I was petrified with the very thought of having it.

When I was done I opened my eyes, noting that there was no judgment upon her face. She reached forward and kissed my forehead, as though to let me know that she still loved me all the same. Her gaze was so powerful that I couldn't tear my eyes away from hers; there was so much love within them.

Tears fell down my face for a whole different reason than with fear and sadness, this time I felt nothing more than happiness brimming deep within me. She was letting me know that there was nothing that I should feel ashamed of.

Knocking on the closed bedroom door allowed me to know that Carlisle was checking in and making sure that he could come in. Esme told him to come in and he came in, his eyes taking in the both of us. He had an antique metal tea tray which held a porcelain china tea set. His wedding finger gleamed from the sunlight that came in at an angle.

He sat the tray down on the nightstand which looked like his side of the bed; it had a couple watches and a picture of him and Esme. The other side of the bed had a photograph of Esme with her kids, all of them beaming brightly. Carlisle was the one took the picture; it looked as though it was in Europe. It was stunning, my eyes taking in their happy faces.

"Is everything all right now?" Carlisle quietly handed the cups of tea for both me and Esme. She thanked him, reaching up and kissing him on the cheek, before she took a long sip of the tea. Her body relaxed, I craned my head to the side. I didn't know that vampires could still enjoy tea.

As though she sensed my curiosity she giggled, "Yes, vampires can drink tea if they want. It might not be as appealing as our drink source but I still enjoy it. It reminds me of the days of when I was human and I made tea on the rainy days."

I nodded my head, assuring her that I understood, before I blew on my cup and took a long sip also. My body relaxed and my eyes fluttered closed. I never really drank herbal tea but it sent a warm tingle throughout me. It also made a bit of tiredness wash over me, enough that when I drank most of the tea I yawned loudly.

"Oh my, it seems as though you are about to fall asleep on us," Esme remarked, making me give her a sheepish smile. She shook her head, "no need to apologize. I wish that vampires could sleep. Sometimes I get stressed and a nap would sound good."

My eyes went over to the alarm clock that was on the nightstand which was hers, my eyes widening when I saw that it was about time that I should be getting home. It was almost five o'clock.

"I need to go home," I admitted, my face becoming crestfallen. I had never felt so accepted and loved like I had felt today. Esme nodded her head, "I wish that you could spend the night but I understand. Do you want me to drive you home?"

"If you don't mind," I remarked, earning a soft laugh from her. She helped me up from my spot on the bed and began to have us trek down the hallway and to the stairs that led to the first floor of the house.

"Aw, Bella has to leave?" Alice's voice reached us before she did. She folded her arms against her chest and pouted. Edward chuckled at his girlfriend and obvious mate (in fact everyone around me was with their significant mate), before he kissed her on the crown of her head.

"As much as we wish that she could stay she does have to get home," Esme reminded her, before my eyes fell on Jasper. He stood off to the side with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets.

I went over to him and wrapped my arms around him; he wrapped his arms around me too. I kissed him on the side of his neck since the way that his head was angled I couldn't kiss him on the cheek. "I'll see you at school on Monday," I whispered to him, which in return made him squeeze me against him again.

It wasn't until I had arrived at Charlie's house and was making dinner for me and Charlie that I couldn't help but feel as though I had met the family that I deserved all along. It was selfish but it was still there.

* * *

 **author's note: I decided to bring up Genophobia because well, I have it. I decided to make it up for Bella, since I don't really see any characters have it. Do you have any phobias? And if so, what are they?**

 **-Emmy**

 **PS:Twilight doesn't belong to me**


	21. Jasper's Outtake of chapter sixteen

_Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 14_

Bella pulled her hand from mine; for a brief second I wondered if she was going to walk away from me, deciding that she was done with me. Yet, she took a deep breath, and brought her hand up before she placed it onto my cheek.

Her left eye took all that she could; she was staring at me in a way that held an intensity that I had never felt before. Her brown hair was tucked underneath her cute toboggan though a little bit of her hair still moved from the wind. Her vivid scar was nothing more than a reminder that she had survived when she probably couldn't have. Carlisle would say that God was protecting her, and though I wasn't a huge Christian (yeah, I was one actually) I believed him. Her brown murky eye still managed to look at me despite there not being sight in it.

"Jasper, will you tell me your story? You know me, I won't judge," she whispered, while I closed my eyes, I absorbed the feeling of her soft hand upon my cheek. I took a deep breath, confliction rising within me.

I did want her to know, and I knew that I would eventually tell her but I was afraid that she would decide that she didn't want to be with me in the end because of my past. I knew though that I would tell. She deserved to know the truth.

I slowly opened my golden eyes so that they could look upon the face of the girl that I loved with all my being, "I know you wouldn't, Bella. So I will tell you my story. I am ashamed by it; I will not be upset if you ever pity me. I know that this story will bring sorrow to some."

I gently pulled her in the direction of where Esme's garden was, somewhere tranquil and opposite of what my life had been when I was a newborn would be a good place to tell her. There were some flowers that derived from other countries, while there were some that were commonly found in the United States.

A white washed gazebo was near the middle of the back, and we headed towards it. The white whicker outside furniture looked lovingly used, and the upholstery for the pillows were colorful, bright and almost tropical. Bella loved them immediately and eagerly made her way up the stairs and onto the loveseat. I almost chuckled because she hadn't let go of my hand yet, she dragged me with her and I let her do so despite the fact that I could easily pull away from her.

"My birth name was Jasper Whitlock, though now I go by Jasper Whitlock Hale. I was born in 1844, and derive from Houston, Texas. I was one of many children from my parents, they were farmers and as far as I can remember they loved each and every one of us equally. I was the eldest of four children," I started, and she nodded. My voice had the twang come back, enough that my southern roots were beginning to reveal themselves once more.

"As you know, the Confederacy was formed in 1861. At seventeen I decided to join, though I had told them that I was nineteen. Eventually I was promoted to Major, I was the youngest Major in Texas," I added, there was pride that radiated from me and she smiled brightly at this. She squeezed my hand, though she didn't have to because there was pride that was radiating from her.

"I was in Galveston and was there to evacuate women and children. I left with the first column to Houston. I reached the city, and departed it a mile out…." I paused; there was pain that radiated throughout my eyes, as I remembered every single detail of how that night was.

"There were three women that came up to me, a little black haired Mexican, a fair skinned and haired woman who was the tallest, and then there was a chalky and blonder woman. They were arguing amongst themselves, I soon learnt that the Mexican's name was Nettie, the tallest was named Lucy, and the chalky blonder one was named Maria…" A haunted look appeared in my golden eyes, they darkened, as I spoke about Maria. I noted that Bella had a look of understanding; she knew that one of them had changed me. She looked as though she knew it was Maria.

"Maria was the one who changed me. She had rounded up Lucy and Nettie because they were all victims of their towns being destroyed from the Civil War. It was a convenience between the three of them, along with me. She wanted revenge against those who had destroyed their towns, so she created a newborn army," I stated, and she furled my eyebrows, which in return made me reach my hand out and run it through my curls, my eyes full of pain. I scrunched my features up and closed my eyes, there was so much inner pain and sorrow that was coming off of me in waves (I knew without a doubt that Bella could feel it).

"Recently turned vampires are called newborns. They are stronger, faster, have horrible control with bloodlust. They are a nightmare if they cannot be trained, to have helped when it comes to their new lives. She wanted them because of this fact, though they are very unpredictable.

"In the beginning there were only six but there were four more within a fortnight. Then turned to twenty, I went to her former home with twenty-three newborns. We went to kill the enemies, we only lost four newborns.

"In the first year most of Texas and northern Mexico had been taken by Maria. I was the only one out of the original twenty-three that survived, in the first eighteenth months. Nettie and Lucy wanted to leave, they wanted to try and change Maria and her decision, but they were eventually killed." In the distance we heard a bird chirping, a happy tune to a dark and morbid story I was telling her.

"Decades later I was welcomed with Peter. He had survived three years. We were destroying and purging vampires that Maria didn't feel any need to have around anymore. Yet one of the dark haired newborns happened to be Peter's mate, Charolette. She was his other half, the one who completed him," I breathed; fondness that came when I thought of Peter and Charolette. I wanted nothing more than to find them and show off Bella, let them know that a girl out there was meant to be mine and she wanted to be mine.

"We were prepared to destroy Maria. I was her right hand man; she knew that I was loyal to her. I think she knew though that I was contemplating killing her. Instead though I left with Peter and Charolette, but I didn't stay with them. I left decades later, and eventually ran into Alice," I finished, and she craned my head to the side. I wanted nothing more than cry; I hadn't imagined that I would ever have to speak about this again. It was hard when I spoke about it to my new family but to speak about it to Bella made me feel as though I was raw.

Without even thinking, she threw her arms around me and held me against her. I stiffened before I threw my arms around her with the same amount of selfishness that she had. I tightened my hold on her as hard as I could without hurting her and especially not bruise her.

"Oh, my darling Jasper, thank you for telling me what had happened. You are so strong," she whispered, her voice was muffled against the nape of my neck. She knew though that I would be able to hear her, but a moment later I pulled away from her.

"There's one last thing that I need to tell you, please don't get mad," I breathed aloud, she nodded her head.

"I won't get mad at you. I'm not surprised if you had a more sexual relationship with Maria," she responded, only for me to look at her with perplexed golden orbs. I looked confused, enough that I was suddenly engulfed with a sense of relief from her.

"That's not it, Bella. Maria and I…we never slept with each other. And if you are wondering, I have never lay with another person," I assured her, this time giddiness rose in her. She was ecstatic, she was happy that I had not had sex with any other. If we ever lay with each other it wouldn't be sex to us, it would be making love.

"I wanted to tell you that well…I am what you would consider gifted. I am able to sense what everyone is feeling, that is why sometimes you are anxious and you start feeling calm all the sudden," I mumbled. She smiled widely at what I was telling her, enough that pride engulfed me.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me, Jasper. You know how I feel, and while you could take advantage of someone's feelings, make them feel worse you instead calm them down. I have always wanted to feel calm, especially during my moments of anxiety and panic. To know that you calm me down…well it makes me adore you even more," she confessed, which in return made a large smile appear on my face. She accepted me as I was! She didn't think that I was taking advantage of people, and that I was trying to manipulate their emotions into a sick pleasure.

"Oh, Bella!" I lunged forward and pressed my lips against her soft and pallid forehead. She grew weak; her knees would have buckled if she were standing up. I peppered kisses against her face, but I never pressed my lips against mine.

"I don't deserve you!" I cried, which in return made her cry even more. Neither of us felt this much love from someone, we both eagerly absorbed it.

After all the pain and sorrow that we had felt throughout the years we finally realized that we deserved all of this. I deserved the love of the Cullens and I deserved the love of my precious Bella.

She went to press her lips against mine only for us to hear clearing of a throat near us. I turned my head, noting that Alice was standing at the pathway with an arched eyebrow, "Jasper, aren't you going to tell Bella the other thing?"

I narrowed his eyes at her, I could have kissed Bella. I also knew that Alice was talking about Bella being my mate. I was going to wait to tell her, but from the way that Alice was acting it seemed as though it would be a positive response from my Bella instead of a negative.

"What? You can tell me," she spoke up, watching as I turned my attention away from my sister and towards her.

"Bella, you know how I told you that your scent is irrestiable for me?" I probed to her, and she nodded my head. "Well, your scent is the strongest that I have ever experienced. I knew when you came into my life that you are my mate."

She peered at him with widened eyes, excitement flooded me. I hadn't expected for her to throw her arms around me and hold me against her. I stiffened, before I threw my arms around her, I kissed the crown of her head and just swayed our bodies side to side.

"My work here is done!" Alice chimed in; there was satisfaction that was running over, enough that I grumbled, "go away, Alice." Bella giggled at the comment, loving how Alice and I were a true family.

Bella pulled away from me, though I knew that a part of her wanted nothing more than to keep my arms tightly around her. To anyone else she would have pushed them away for staring at the etched scar upon her right side of her face, she would have been angry at them staring at her blind eye but she knew that I never judged her. I stared at her because she was beautiful.

"So that means that your family is finally whole," she whispered, knowing now that I had been the only one that wasn't mated before she met me.

I chuckled some, "I guess so. You won't believe the teasing I've gotten from Emmett since I met you. Alice is worse; she wants to match our wardrobe together like her and Edward do. I don't know how he can put up with all that shopping."

"Excuse you, Edward loves the outfits that I give him," Alice butted in, making me groan when I looked at my spiky black haired sister who seemed to radiate as though she was a diamond coming out of the soil for the first time. I hadn't seen her happy like this before, it was like everything was coming together.

"I love what?" Edward popped his head out from the back door of the house, his eyes showing nothing more than curiosity. I almost rolled my eyes at the sight of him wearing a cream sweater and dark washed jeans; at least he wasn't wearing pink. He still had something that matched the palette of Alice's outfit.

"The clothes I get you of course!" Alice explained, as she smiled with pride upon her features. Edward let his eyes wander away from his wife to Bella and me, "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm certain that Jasper has already told you about his gift. Alice and I are gifted too."

"What are they?" Bella was getting even more eager. She wanted to know everything about them, well within time of course, but to hear the gifts that other family members had made her even more excited.

"Alice can see into the future, but the future isn't set in stone. She can see the future of a decision you make. If you choose another decision the future changes," Edward informed her and she nodded her head to let him know that she understood him. He chuckled some though and continued, "I on the other hand can read everyone's mind…everyone except for you."

"So that's why you looked like you hated me on the first day of school," Bella whispered, only for me to stiffen next to her and send a glare at my brother. She reached her hand out and took my hand in hers, "calm down, Jasper. He might have been angry but it's because he can read everyone's mind. Yet when I came into the picture he became aggravated when he saw that he couldn't read my mind."

I sighed but nodded my head, as though letting Bella know that I would. I reached over and kissed her on the forehead again before I rubbed my hand against his wrist. She didn't try to ask me or lure me to kiss her on the lips; a part of me wanted us to wait until we couldn't anymore. I wanted us to be overcome with love that the only thing we could do was embrace each other.

She blushed, looking away.

Tears were falling down her cheekbones, enough that she couldn't help but reach her hands up and cover her face. She sobbed, her body would quake with every sob she had, shame flooding through her.

As though they sensed what was happening, I soon heard the sound of Esme and Carlisle asking what was wrong. Bella pulled away from me, knowing that it hurt the both of us, but I knew that she wanted their arms around her. She wanted to feel the paternal love that they had.

Esme pulled Bella into her arms, "Oh, Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong? Do I need to have a talk with Jasper?" She hastily shook her head, and she noted that wasn't the problem with me.

"N-No, but um…" Bella felt her pull her in the direction of where the house was. Carlisle was next to her, he put his hand onto Esme's mid-back, he never said anything but he was there incase Bella needed him.

I watched her leave, a part of me wanting nothing more than to chase after her. I could feel the anxiety that came from her. She was getting help from Carlisle and Esme though, so that helped me. I knew that they would take good care of her; they were amazing parents for me and the others. I knew that they would be great parents for Bella too.

Edward came over to me, before he sat down next to me. Alice walked back into the house; I had a feeling that she was going to stay downstairs so that she could greet Bella when she would come down. I couldn't go back in because I didn't want to hear the conversation that was going on between Bella and my parents. She deserved her own private conversation with them.

"When Alice first told me that she didn't remember her human life I wanted nothing more than to comfort her. She ran away from me, she thought that I wouldn't love her because she couldn't remember much. She imagined that I would be disappointed that she couldn't tell me her story," Edward confessed to me, I never heard this from Edward before. It made me feel closer to him, for him to tell me something so private that was between him and Alice.

"What happened next?" I probed, my head craned to the side. Edward had sadness appear within him. It was obvious that he was remembering how his mate had tried to avoid him because of the fact that she felt as though she was a freak for not remembering her human life.

"Carlisle spoke to her, told her that just because she couldn't remember her human life that didn't mean she was anything less. She came back to me and apologized to me, she said that she had never thought that she would end up meeting her mate. She never really thought that she would find love. She was terrified that she hadn't lived up for my expectations," Edward explained, there was hurt deep within him. But he let his eyes wander over to the back door of the house, almost as though he wanted to go to Alice and remind her that he loved her once again.

"We slowly began to bond together, and we fell in love within time. Two years later we got married the first time, it was perfect. She didn't go all out, she just wore a simple white dress and I gave her my mother's wedding ring," Edward finished, a bout of jealously hit me as I knew that I could never give Bella my mother's wedding ring, but that was all right.

"Thank you for telling me this, Edward. I know that you don't really talk about you and Alice's relationship but this really helped me," I thanked him, enough that he beamed at me. I could see how girls at school had fallen for him just by his smile. He always smiled around Alice, and girls were often jealous of the short and stylish girl that had stolen Edward's heart.

"Of course, I know that you needed to hear it. You are my brother after all, I do love you," Edward reminded me, enough that I smiled softly at him. I felt special in this. He always hung out with Emmett; those two would go hunting all the time. I had always been alone most of the time but the rare moments that Edward and I had together always made me feel as important as Emmett.

"Let's go inside. I think that their conversation is almost over." Edward got up from the whicker loveseat and I followed behind him. Wind came and messed with our hair, my eyes flickered down to his wedding ring that glistened in the sunlight. I wanted that one day with Bella.

As we entered the house I made sure to not listen to the conversation that was going on between Bella and Esme. Carlisle passed us with the tray that held the china tea set on it. He always made tea for Esme, but now I could see that he had made some for Bella too. It warmed my heart.

Alice was standing by the windows that looked out to the trees in the distance. She was lost in thought and Edward made his way towards her. I observed them as he picked up her left hand and kissed her ring finger. His mother's wedding ring was sitting upon her finger, and it looked perfect on her.

Once he pulled his lips from her ring finger she reached up and cupped his cheek. I turned my eyes away from them; this moment was so intimate between them. I envied them, and how they effortlessly were in love with each other.

I turned my attention towards the stairs when I heard Bella get off of Esme and Carlisle's bed, before she headed in the direction of the stairs. I eagerly stood there; ready to be greeted by my beautiful Bella again.

Alice perked up, excited at the knowledge that Bella was coming back down. Edward chuckled and rolled his eyes, he was always amused by how excited his wife would get. She snapped her head in the direction of the stairs as Bella appeared, she looked a lot more at peace.

"Aw, Bella has to leave?" Alice's asked as she pouted with this new development. I knew that she wanted Bella to spend the night with her. Edward chuckled again before he kissed her on the crown of her head. I wasn't really paying attention; my eyes were on my brunette beauty.

"As much as we wish that she could stay she does have to get home," Esme reminded her, before Bella's eyes finally landed on mine. I stood off to the side with my hands stuffed in my jean pockets. I made sure to keep my eyes tender and welcoming, hoping that I could lure Bella over to me.

It worked. She went over to me and wrapped her arms around me; I wrapped my arms around her too. He kissed me on the side of my neck (which in return would have made my heart thunder in my chest if it could still beat) since the way that my head was angled she couldn't kiss me on the cheek. "I'll see you at school on Monday," She whispered to me, which in return made me squeeze her against me again.

I followed her outside, standing on the porch as Bella got into the passenger seat of Esme's Volvo van. Esme turned her attention to me before she gave me a reassuring smile, as though to let me know that I shouldn't feel so worried about what had transpired earlier.

I watched the car until it wasn't in my eye view anymore. Behind me the sound of high heels making their way to me let me know that Alice wanted me to come inside so that we could watch some show together. Though when I sat down on the comfy couch and tried to pay attention to the show all I could do was wonder what it was that had made Bella so distressed.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I have noticed with some of the fanfictions for Twilight that people make Edward cheat on Bella with Alice. It makes me really sad, because I don't see Alice ever doing that. And yes it's an AU but those kind of fanfictions aren't my cup of tea. So when I had Alice and Edward together as mates I wanted it to feel natural, you know? Tell me your opinion on my pairing of them. Do you like them? Do you ship them in this fanfiction? Let me know your thoughts!**

 **As always Twilight doesn't belong to me**

 **-Emmy**


	22. chapter seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

The white washed gazebo was a sanctuary for me whenever I would go over to Esme and Carlisle's house. The flowers swayed softly from the gentle wind, the leaves from the trees would quiver and sometimes cascade down from their bony branches. It was beautiful and peaceful, everything that I had come to love since I felt as though the scenery resembled what I felt on the inside when it came to the Cullens and Hales, especially with Jasper.

A soft smile appeared upon my lip gloss covered lips as I sat in the gazebo whicker loveseat; Alice was sitting cross legged on the floor of the gazebo with a box of nail polish next to her. She had no problems sitting on the ground so that she could have better access of painting my toes.

She knew that I rarely painted my fingernails and toenails; I barely wore makeup to begin with. I often just wore concealer in the past, but now I wore eyeliner and eye shadow on the days that I let Alice do makeovers with me.

I had stayed the night, it was now Saturday and I woke up earlier than usual. I never really cared to do so whenever I would be at Charlie's. Yet when I was here I wanted to be awake as long as I could to know that this was real. I needed to know that I wasn't dreaming all this up. I had gone through so much throughout these fifteen years of scars and pain and anxiety. I had to remind myself that I deserved this; I had always deserved to be treated like this.

"Where's Esme?" I probed, hating that I was breaking the serenity that was this moment, but I was wondering where the caramel haired vampire was.

Usually she would be downstairs reading a book, or she was cooking me breakfast. I had always smiled when I saw her with her pretty apron on and her hair pulled up in a braided bun as she would make me eggs and bacon and a variety of other breakfast foods. She happened to love cooking, though she didn't cook that much due to the fact that her family never needed to eat food.

"She's having her morning devotional, she always makes sure to have an hour every morning to read her bible," Alice responded to me, she was studying the color that she had chosen for me. It happened to be a rose gold, which looked really pretty against my ivory skin.

Grandma Swan always had her morning devotionals, sometimes whenever I was to spend the weekend with her before she died when I was ten she would bring out a children's bible and have me read with her. Charlie never brought the bible home, mainly because I never asked him to bring it home. I liked reading it whenever I would have Grandma Swan with me.

I knew that Jasper was out hunting with Edward and Emmett. Carlisle had to be called into work so that he could check up on one of his post surgery patients. Rosalie was in the garage fixing up one of the cars, I was certain that Alice could probably hear Rosalie working on the car due to her vampric hearing.

"Are Rosalie and Emmett going to college after they graduate?" I knew that I was bringing up random topics but I was perplexed to say the least with what would happen to Rosalie and Emmett. I didn't know if they would go to college or they would wait until Alice and Edward would graduate high school so that they could start their entire high school years over again.

"They haven't decided yet. I mean they said they accepted their scholarships, but they're graduating in a month. They either are going to their choice of college or Emmett might take Rosalie on a backpack trip around the country. He's taken her to all the different national parks in the past," Alice informed me as she stuck her tongue out sideways so that she could focus more on painting.

"Jasper on the other hand, he has already decided what he's going to do. He's going to talk to you about it when he gets back from hunting with the boys," Alice added a second later, her golden irises flickering up from my toenails to my face.

A little bit of sunlight came through and kind of hit her arm but not really, kind of like if someone was sitting in a beach chair and the sun shifted while their beach umbrella still covered most of them with shade. Only, instead of Alice getting sun burnt, she instead was having her skin glisten like diamonds.

I couldn't help but think of Marilyn Monroe for a second, remembering how the late actress had said that diamonds were a girl's best friend in that song. I was certain that Alice could agree wholeheartedly, she seemed like she would be a huge Marilyn Monroe fan.

We were still sitting on the gazebo and having a light conversation when I could see them appear out of the trees. Emmett was joking around with Jasper, reaching up and ruffling his hair. Jasper shot him an irritated brotherly look, before he turned his head and saw me. I smiled, blushing some, at how at peace he seemed. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders; he knew that I accepted him. He could finally be himself; he didn't have to worry about keeping anymore secrets from me.

Edward smiled when he saw us, waving at us, before Alice stood up from her spot next to me. She wore a pair of dark washed jeans, a retro fifties polka dotted black and white blouse, and some turquoise high heels that were from the same era. She had a ribbon wrapped around her head so that it was tied on the top of her head; it was a brilliant gold hue. It brought out the color of her eyes, which was obviously the goal.

Alice hurried down the stairs and skipped in the direction of where her mate was. I had learnt that they were all married, had gotten remarried numerous occasions, so Alice was not only hurrying towards her mate but also her husband. I knew that some might think they were imaging hearing the word married between either of the couples, since they were so young in appearance.

Jasper chuckled at his brothers, before he went towards me. I noticed that he was wearing a denim button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up; his jeans showed off his long legs and fit him smug. He was even wearing some cowboy boots, which in return made me blush as I looked at him completely. He was dressed like a good southern boy, and it made me blush even more.

"Hi Jasper," I mumbled, before I fixed the way that I was sitting so that I would feel more comfortable. Jasper smiled at me before he reached him and sat down in the side whicker chair that went with the furniture set. "I like your outfit, you look really handsome."

I was certain that if he could blush Jasper's face would have been flushed, he did have a shy embarrassed look upon his handsome features. The wind came and played with his curls, he mumbled something about Alice. I had a feeling that she had set this up, that she wanted Jasper to wear some southern clothes because she knew that I would be weak in the knees at the sight before me.

As though he sensed this Jasper chuckled a little bit, which in return made me flush even more. I inwardly blushed more when I thought that he looked delectable. He was _sexy_ , though I had never thought to use that word to describe someone before.

Thinking about sexiness when it came to Jasper made me realize he made me feel things that I never thought that I would ever feel. I never thought that a boy would dress up so handsomely for me, because I had a feeling he had done it so that he could get a reaction out of me, especially when Alice let him know that the reaction would be good. I never thought that I would even have a boy like Jasper come into my life and love me as I was, though we hadn't said that we loved each other yet.

"Alice said that you wanted to talk to me about something?" I probed towards him, I was thankful that Edward couldn't read my mind. I knew that he would get a kick out of hearing me being flustered at the sight of his brother.

Jasper nodded his head, before he reached his hand out for mine once he got up from his spot. I put my hand in his and he helped me up from my spot. We slowly made our way down the gazebo steps and he began to walk me around the garden. He let his eyes soak me in, as I soaked in the beauty that was around me. I was still as spellbound with the flowers as much as the first time I had seen them.

"I have always had trouble with controlling my bloodlust," Jasper started and I nodded my head, allowing him to know that I was listening to him. He sighed and let his eyes wander around the garden before his eyes flickered towards mine, "My gift can be a curse for me. Being able to feel everyone's emotions can be very overwhelming. When my family is thirsty, I can sense it. It takes over me. I can't help it…I killed a girl on accident. I didn't mean to, but my bloodlust was out of control and I attacked her. I haven't drunk from another person since."

I absorbed everything that he was telling me. My heart became saddened, both for Jasper and for the girl. Jasper's bloodlust was out of control, wild, and he couldn't control it sometimes. His eyes always darkened whenever I would blush, I was certain he had moments where his bloodlust would rise. He hadn't ever attacked me yet.

"I don't hate you," I responded, making Jasper's saddened peer into mine. "I am sad that a girl lost her life, but you didn't ask to be given this gift. You haven't attacked anyone else since her. It might be an inner demon of yours that you can never rid yourself of but that doesn't mean I don't think any less of you."

Jasper sighed in relief before he smiled, "thank you, Bella. You always know what to say." I blushed; we were closer to the tree line now. We weren't as close to the house like we had been earlier in our walk.

"I was talking with Carlisle, and I don't want to ever attack you if you accidentally cut yourself or injure yourself enough to spill blood. We decided that I should go away after school ends so that I can go and learn how to control my bloodlust better," Jasper confessed a moment later, which in return made me snap my head up and look straight up at him. I didn't want him to leave me.

"How long will you be gone?" A part of me wanted him to say that he would only be gone for the summer, which was about as much as I could handle. I didn't know if I could deal with the thought of him being gone up to a year. I wouldn't put it past them making sure that he was gone as long as possible before they would be certain he wouldn't attack me.

"For the summer, for now, but it might change." Jasper reached his hand out and pressed it against my cheekbone. I soaked in the coolness of his skin; my hand placed itself above his own. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that we would have about another month together before he had to leave.

"Where are you going?" I wanted to know everything, so that I wouldn't be worried about him being somewhere that could be dangerous. I knew that it wasn't supposed to be a big concern, he was a vampire. He could take care of himself but he was still my mate. He was still the one that was meant for me, I didn't want anything that would cause harm to him anywhere near him.

"You've heard about our 'cousins', correct?" Jasper was patient with me and I nodded my head, assuring him that I had been told about them. "They are the only other vegetarian vampire family known. They will have no problem having me come up and train. In fact Eleazar will be happy to see me, he's a talented vampire. He can sense another vampire's gift if they have one."

I was intrigued by this; I wanted to meet them one day. I liked how the Cullens and Hales had vampires that had the common kind of diet they had. I was certain it would get lonely without having a group of vampires they could talk to about it. It would also be very saddening; at least it would have been for me.

Remembering the way Alice had acted when it came to one of the sisters I quickly pounced on mentioning it, "Alice was telling me about them in the car on the way here when I had found out the truth about you all. She doesn't seem very happy when she talked about Tanya."

Jasper chuckled at my comment. "Tanya knew Edward before Alice came into the picture. She believed that she and he were true mates, even now she wants him. I believe she only felt attracted to him because of the fact that he never fell for her charms. She and her sisters have been compared to succubae. She became mad when Edward met Alice and they eventually married.

"Alice is very possessive of Edward, over the years she's learnt to control the jealousy. There are still moments though that is awkward between those women. Alice will make sure Tanya won't get Edward, not that he would. He's still in love with her as the first day that they met," Jasper informed me, but he stiffened and I glanced over my shoulder when I noted that Alice was behind us.

"If _Tanya_ asks about Edward tell her that he just proposed to me again. I know what her reaction will be and it will be glorious," Alice chirped, there was something stirring in those golden eyes of hers. I knew I wouldn't want to get on the bad side of Alice that was for sure.

"Of course, Alice," Jasper responded, we both watched as Alice turned on her heels and skipped away. She hummed as she did so. I merely observed how she was so light weight and almost hovered in the air like an actual pixie. I shook my head at her in amusement.

"What should I tell people at school when I go back and you're not there?" I changed the topic; Jasper turned his attention away from his sister entering the house again and towards me.

He thought for a moment before answering me, "Tell them that I went to Oxford. Carlisle went there for college once. He still has his degree around here somewhere. They won't be surprised; all of us have 4.0 averages."

"I wish I had the grades to go to Oxford," I mumbled, "but that's all right. I still want to go and visit their library though. I heard it's beautiful."

"I'll take you to it one day. I promise," Jasper vowed, which in return made me excited to know that one day I would be able to go to Oxford. I had always seen it on shows and movies, but I had a love for Europe to begin with, so the thought of me being able to go to Oxford was a dream come true. It was even better when I knew I would have Jasper by my side.

Edward and Emmett were playing a video game when Jasper and I came through the back doors. I could tell that it was a fighting game and they were evenly matched. Alice was flipping through a fashion magazine; she was marking the pieces that she liked with a pen so that she could go back and look at them again. Rosalie on the other hand, she must have been still in the garage.

As though she had sensed that she had been thought of, the blonde bombshell came into the living room through the kitchen. My eyes widened when I saw that her hair was pulled up in a sloppy bun, she was wearing a large t-shirt and some jeans. I wouldn't be surprised if the shirt happened to belong to Emmett, it swallowed her whole. There was even grease that was on her arms and her cheek.

"Oh hey, babe," Emmett greeted her, which in return made her smile fondly at him. He had turned his head away from the television so that he could greet her, but he must have played this game a lot with Edward because his avatar was able to hold its own while Edward's avatar didn't stop.

"I fixed the jeep," Rosalie merely remarked before she turned and looked at me. I peered at her silently; in the corner of my eye I saw that Alice was watching me. Edward and Emmett were back to playing their video game. Jasper was next to me, I knew that he was going to defend me if he needed to.

She turned away from me and headed upstairs, I was certain she must have been going up so that she could take a shower. She might end up deciding to stay in her and Emmett's bedroom while I still was here.

I was supposed to be taken home after I had dinner tonight with them, which was going to be weird. I had already around them but having them sit in the living room and act like they couldn't hear me chew because of their sensitive hearing was one of the most awkward things that I had ever experienced.

Footsteps heading down the stairs made me smile when I saw Esme reach the bottom of the stairs. Her hair was down, flowing against her shoulder blades, as she wore a nice loose fitted blouse and dark washed jeans. She was also wearing some cute wedged sandals, a golden cross necklace sat nestled against her collarbones. Her makeup was soft, it was barely there, but it highlighted her features.

"Good morning, Bella. Are you hungry?" Esme probed to me as she came closer to me, only to shake her head when she saw a violent death appear on the screen from the television. "Boys, I have no idea why you enjoy those games! They are not good for you! They are too violent!"

"Oh come on, Mom. I hunt grizzly bears. Isn't that more dangerous?" Emmett complained, which in return make Esme sigh. Edward didn't say anything, allowing Emmett to complain to their mom.

As though she remembered that I was still here, Esme turned and looked at me. She came up to me and took my arm in hers before she led me into the kitchen. A beautiful bouquet of hydrangeas, which were pink, sat in a crystal vase on the kitchen island. I smiled as I went up to them, leaning up so that I could smell them. She smiled at me before she went towards the fridge and looked through it, "tell me what you want, darling. I made sure to get some groceries for you."

"I don't mind what you cook, to be honest. I'm not that picky," I informed her and she nodded her head. She pulled out things to make lasagna, making an excuse for me to bring home the rest of the leftovers for me and Charlie. I knew Charlie adored the food that Esme made.

Humming under her breath, Esme started working on the lasagna. She perked up as the front door opened, allowing us to know that Carlisle was home. I couldn't help but smile largely as he came into the kitchen and saw that I was still here, while his wife was making me food.

"Hello, love. Hello, Bella."

I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around him, which in return made him wrap his arms around me. I let my head rest against his chest. In the beginning it bothered me that they didn't have heartbeats. I would have loved to hear their heartbeats, especially Jaspers. I liked to imagine that his heart would race in his chest as much as mine did. I never voiced this though.

"How was the patient?" I asked, as I sat down in the bar stool and Jasper leant against the kitchen island. Esme glanced up; there was warmth in her golden eyes. She looked proud, happy that I had asked about the concern of the patient.

"He was fine. His wife had some concerns but I assured her that everything was going smoothly," Carlisle informed us. In the background I could hear the celebrating of Emmett wining, while Edward asked for a rematch.

Alice came skipping into the kitchen before she went over to Esme, flipping through the magazine pages before she came across something, "I thought that this would look beautiful on you. It's a light blue, perfect for you."

Esme rolled her eyes fondly at her daughter. "I'm fine with the clothes I have right now, Alice. You can get me some more for my birthday."

Alice pouted, before her eyes flickered in my direction. I widened my eyes before she came over to me, showing me the page that she had chosen for me. I let my eyes wander towards Jasper, as though letting him know that he needed to rescue me. Instead he glanced over the page.

"I saw this dress and it made me think of you! I know you don't own that many dresses, and yes it's a long sleeve. I know your problem with your arms. It's retro though, and I thought it would be cute that you would have a cherry patterned dress," Alice hurriedly explained, I almost told her that I didn't want her to bring up the fact that I wore long sleeves. I didn't want Jasper to know about my problem with my scars, though I was certain he probably already knew about it.

"I don't need any dresses. I don't think I'm ready to wear any anytime soon," I confessed, my eyes tearing away from the dress. I didn't want to look at her hurt face; I didn't want to know that I had hurt her feelings. I didn't like hurting people's feelings but I wasn't going to wear anything that was going to make me uncomfortable.

I peeked in the corner of my eye to see that Alice glanced down at the dress again before a look of determination appeared upon her face, "I'm still going to buy you it. That way when you gain self confidence and learn to love yourself you will have a new dress to wear."

I didn't say anything, knowing that I wouldn't be able to change her mind. Instead I watched as Esme placed the tray of lasagna into the oven. I could only hope that one day I would be able to love myself.

* * *

 **Hi lovelies, I thought you should know that we have 27 chapters left in the fanfiction (including the outtakes) but if you don't include them it will be around 16 chapters. There will also be an epilogue. I might in the future create a sequel but it won't be in Bella or Jasper's point of view. You'll see in the epilogue what the sequel might be like. :)**

 **As always Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

 **-EmmynotEmma**


	23. chapter eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Eventually May came, and so did Jasper's graduation, along with Emmett and Rosalie's. Envy came over me as I noticed they looked amazing in the horrible hue of gold that graced their skin. Their eyes were striking, and their sharp features were even more beautiful.

Emmett smiled when he had gotten his diploma before fist pumping the air (which in return made me giggle and Carlisle chuckle at his son's enthusiasm). Rosalie had no expression upon her face, Jasper on the other hand smiled brightly at me. Pride surged from me at full force.

I was dressed in a nice baby blue summer blouse that had white daises spread across the fabric in large print and dark washed jeans. Some old worn out leather boots that Charlie had gifted to me some years ago finished off the look. They were technically fishing boots.

He had gotten me them the same year that I had stopped wanting to go fishing, I appeased to him though when it came to the fact that I had started to wear them more when he was around in California. I wore them all the time now since I was in Forks, they were comfortable.

Esme and Carlisle sat next to me, to my right. Pride also shone upon their features, even if this was like the thousandth (more like hundredth) time that they had seen their children graduate. I knew the school graduating classmen wouldn't believe their fellow golden eyed classmen had kept the tassels they had been graced with over the years as an inside joke between the five of them.

Charlie sat on my other side, he smiled at me. His face was calmer, there were less winkles upon his skin. He didn't look as though he was stressing every second. He knew I had someone who loved and cared about me as much as he loved and cared about me. I had someone who would be there for me.

He had been excited when I had started dating Jasper, elated. He knew I never had a boyfriend before in my life and a true gentleman was going to be my first. He had shaken hands with Jasper the first time that he came over, Charlie asked Jasper about Texas and what it was like growing up with Rosalie. Jasper hadn't skipped a beat when he came up with the practiced life, he had for him.

All I knew was the basics, that he and Rosalie were twins. Rosalie was a couple minutes older than him though in real life they were born centuries apart. They were with their parents till they were eight and their parents had been killed in a car wreck, Esme being their aunt (their mother's sister) they were given over in custody over to Esme and Carlisle.

Now they were their guardians but were more like parents. Though they and the others called them mostly by their first names, since they weren't their natural children and the other three had been adopted when they were almost in middle school.

"Oh, I'm so proud of my boys! And my Rose," Esme sighed happily as she clasped her hands together. I tried to imagine Renee being like this, Renee being at the graduation for Jasper and his twin, along with Emmett.

Renee and Phil were busy and the way that their travel schedule was they wouldn't have time to come up, the hours would be too conflicting on flights. Alice had told me this all before I would even pick up my phone and call them; she didn't want me to call and be upset if she said no. I still called for a façade only for me to receive the exact response that Alice said I would get.

Still it would have been nice to show off Jasper to Renee. She would have been so relieved to see a boy out there wanting to be with me, as who I was.

Of course, I'd never tell her about said boy being a vampire, that wouldn't have gone over so well but she'd be happy. Weary always, because that was Renee, but she would feel as though everything was finally going to smoothen out for me in the future.

I didn't have to have impressive intelligence to know Renee had feared I would never get married one day. She feared I'd never get a job that I'd love, nor that I would find a man to settle down and marry one day. I'd like to imagine that I'd find a wonderful job in the future that I'd love and cherish, along with a man to love and cherish forever with—along with sharing his last name.

At that thought my eyes flickered over to where Jasper was, my lips loosening up into a silly grin. Jasper was heading to go to his spot next to his sister when he saw me smiling at him, which in return made him chuckle some and wink at me. I blushed and looked down at my shoes before I heard a pair of soft chuckles on either side of me allowing me to know that both Charlie and Carlisle had caught that. Esme had giggled, amused.

"Doesn't Jasper look quite handsome in his robes, Bella?" Esme teased me, which made me blush even harder. I nodded my head though, confirming that he looked radiant in those robes. If anyone could pull them off and look like they were an Olympian God, it would be Jasper.

Thankfully none of the adults teased me for the rest of the graduation. I also appreciated the fact that the senior class was a little bit less than my graduating class would be. It would mean I would have more time with Jasper.

It didn't take long for the class to graduate, their diplomas in their hands, before everyone began to head towards their family members. I didn't rush down the bleachers in a cliché way, allowing Jasper to wrap me in his arms as I jumped into them, kissing me as he twirled me around. It was obvious that neither of us was cliché in that manner, which I was also thankful for.

Instead I nervously headed down the bleacher stairs when I was certain enough people had moved out of the way for me to not feel as though I was holding them back. Esme, Carlisle, and Charlie moved patiently behind me. They knew about my anxiety, and they didn't pressure me either.

Rosalie and Emmett were paying attention to each other, though Emmett beamed when he saw me heading down the bleachers. Rosalie gave me her signature bland expression.

I didn't bother to feel anything towards it anymore, she had her own reasons for not showing much emotion. I didn't want to try and ask the others what had happened to Rosalie to act this way. If she would tell me in the end about what had happened to her then she would.

The closer I came to Jasper the more I felt at peace. It washed over me, swallowing me whole, and I welcomed it completely with open arms. I was addicted to this feeling, to knowing that Jasper went out of his way to make sure I would feel nothing but calmness towards him. I also loved the fact that he made sure everyone would calm down and not use their emotions for gain.

There were too many people out there who wanted nothing more than to have everything under their control. They wanted things to go the way that they wanted them to go. They were anything but Jasper, and his family, greed did not overrun the Cullens and Hales. Hatred was not in their home, there was a structure built on love and understanding, the door would always remain open if any of them decided to leave. They could have a home always waiting for them.

Everything was good, the cloud covered sun still managed to shine through the gymnasium windows that were high upon the gym walls. The golden irises that belonged to those I loved almost shimmered brighter in the moments the sun managed to hit them in the right angle.

Reaching Jasper, I couldn't help but smile brightly, something I hadn't done in a long time. I couldn't remember the last time I had smiled so brightly. Well I could, but I couldn't remember a time before I had met Jasper and his family in which I would voluntarily smile to.

"Congrats, Jazz," I whispered, softly but surely, knowing I didn't have to be loud and rambunctious. I didn't have to yell to get his attention, unlike some of the relatives for fellow graduates around us. Jasper could hear me whisper in a Green Day concert, so I knew he could very well hear me now.

Jasper's lips curved in a soft smile; it was there but it wasn't extravagant. It wasn't dream worthy for some, but it was enough that my heart drummed heatedly in my chest. It was meant for me. No one else, but me.

"Thanks, Bella," Jasper responded, before he reached out and placed his right hand upon mine. Our ivory skin might be not on the same color splotch, but the shades were complementary all the same.

I allowed him to lead me into his arms. I allowed my head to rest against his chest as Charlie and Esme both pulled out cameras so they could snap a picture of me and Jasper together. I blushed but smiled meekly towards the cameras, while I was certain Jasper was charming them. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a southern good boy smile, the one that charmed the boots off young girls.

I took a few more pictures with Jasper before Esme stepped forward and handed her camera over to Carlisle. "Emmett, Rosalie, come over here! Your father is going to take a picture of you three with me!"

Esme's features were lively, I was certain she felt as though she was experiencing this for the first time in a long time. It might have to do with the fact that all her children finally had their mates. It wasn't an odd number, there wasn't the obvious knowledge that Rosalie and Emmett were together while Jasper was alone.

I moved completely out of the way and watched as Carlisle took pictures of Esme with her children, before Charlie cleared his throat, catching Carlisle's attention. "I can take a picture of you with them too, if you want, Carlisle," Charlie mumbled, which in return made Carlisle pause for a moment before smiling brightly.

"Thank would be nice, thank you, Charlie," he thanked him before he moved towards his wife and three children. They fixed their positions before Charlie took a couple pictures.

A whirlwind enveloped me as everyone moved around me. I would never had imagined this would have happened, that I would have a second family (especially when it came to them being vampires), or that I would even have a boyfriend. Yet it had only been four months since I had come up to Forks and found myself at home with the Cullens and Hales. I had gotten lightly pulled into the world of vampires. I had found out I was meant to be with Jasper, and that if I chose, I would become a vampire.

I didn't want to imagine the thought of me becoming a vampire. At least not today, I hadn't given it any thought. I was fine with mortality for now. I didn't have this unhealthy obsession where I would want nothing more than to become a vampire moments after finding out my boyfriend was one.

I was pulled back into reality when I heard my name being called, which in return made me blink a few times before I turned and saw everyone was looking at me. I frowned, my features furling up, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing, darling, you just drifted off," Esme assured me as she reached her hand out and placed it on my shoulder in a motherly manner. Some of the graduates had already left the gymnasium but others were still there.

"Oh."

I noted in the corner of my eye Jasper almost craning his head to the side, as though he wondered what I was thinking of. He didn't dwell long in his thoughts before he reached his hand out again for me. He was so polite, so caring, and I couldn't help but eagerly soak in those southern charms that had been installed into him since he was a mere little boy.

The moment my fingers brushed against his cool, pale palm. He let his fingers intertwine in mine before softly pulling me towards him. I went to him, my fishing boots moving effortlessly on the floor for a few seconds. I wasn't clumsy Bella, or at least I hadn't been for two seconds. Then I stumbled into his arms, earning a deep chuckle from Emmett.

"Better keep her close, Jazz. Who knows where she would stumble off to?" Emmett teased; in return the comment made a flush of crimson spread across my once clear face. For a second I swore I could feel Jasper tighten, his chest stiffens, and his breath go away.

I had to remember I was in a delicate predicament whenever I would be around Jasper. I hadn't drawn blood yet. I was in the presence of vampires; I wouldn't be scared around Esme or Carlisle. I didn't know how to feel about Rosalie and Emmett, but I knew without a doubt it would be my downfall. I would be attacked by Jasper because of his bloodlust.

Jasper didn't reply to him, merely rolled his eyes at his brother before he glanced down at me and checked to make sure I was okay. I nodded my head, the assurance grounded him.

"So, Jasper, what are you going to do tonight?" Charlie had his arms folded against his chest. His mustache twitched as he studied me being held by my boyfriend. I didn't even want to imagine what his face would have revealed if he had learnt his daughter was dating a vampire.

"I'll be spending the evening with my family. I'm content with staying home, Bella is welcome to come of course," Jasper remarked, Charlie nodded his head before he turned his attention to me.

"I wouldn't mind staying with you guys for a few hours. You know I'm content with staying in any time of the day," I admitted as I turned my head to the right more, seeing more people had left. It unnerved me.

I knew it shouldn't, but it still unnerved me. Old habits were hard to be killed it seemed like. Yet it didn't take long for peacefulness to erupt and soak into my veins. I peered up at Jasper, smiling softly at him. I knew he was always going to be there for me, just like I was going to be there for him.

"That's perfectly fine," Charlie remarked, assuring that Jasper had his approval. Jasper let his lips turn into the gentlemanly smile he always had, effortlessly of course. My heart jumped in my chest, even when he didn't send the smile my way. He had such an effect on me.

"I'll come and pick her up around five, is that all right?" Jasper probed, earning another nod from Charlie in approval.

A part of me wanted to jump up and down in excitement, I would be able to celebrate his graduation with him and the family, of course Rosalie showed no excitement with the knowledge that I would be coming over tonight. The others were happy, beaming at the knowledge that I would be with the Cullens and Hales.

I didn't want to part with Jasper, but as I was getting into Charlie's cruiser sadness came. I was addicted to being around Jasper. It probably wasn't healthy, but I didn't care. He made me feel normal, he made me feel happy. He took away all that bothered me, and I couldn't be happier.

Renee would be concerned; of that I was certain. I knew she would sit me down and tell me that I didn't need to feel so attached to Jasper. She didn't want me to be obsessed with my first boyfriend because in her eyes she thought that he was just going to be a phase. I didn't want to think of Jasper as just a phase, we both had this connection with each other that was otherworldly.

Thankfully it was sunny today, a good token of luck for Jasper when he would have his departure. He wasn't going alone though, out of any of them I never imagined that she would be going with him. Carlisle had assured me that she had never drank from a human, ever, even when she was freshly transformed into a vampire.

Jasper would enter the forest with Rosalie by his side, she was meant to be there in order to help him go through this bloodlust. I didn't want to imagine Jasper leaving but something sparked in me in which let me know I shouldn't be worried. Rosalie would be there with him, and if what Carlisle said was true (Carlisle wasn't someone who lied, all he had told me was the truth from the very beginning, I had no doubt that what he said was true) Jasper was going to have the best person to help him.

"You're quiet, Bells. Is everything all right?" Charlie's voice broke me from my wandering thoughts, enough that I turned and nodded my head, allowing him to know that everything was fine. He wouldn't believe me if I had told him my vampire boyfriend was leaving to control his bloodlust with his vampire sister (who also happened to not be even related to him).

Instead I smiled, which loosened him. He was coiled up, as though he was expecting me to tell him something was wrong, "I'm just thinking about the dinner tonight. Thank you again for allowing me to go and eat dinner with them. They're like a second family to me."

Maybe, if I had grown up in this town, I would have been wearier of them. Maybe if I had grown up in this town, I would have been best friends with the Blacks. I would probably form a crush on Jacob. We could have been possibly dating right now, but this was another world I was thinking of.

"That reminds me, Billy invited me and you to a get together down at La Push. It's going to be at the end of next month, but I wanted to tell you. I would really enjoy it if you told me you would come with me to it. Billy and Jacob mean a lot to me, I know you don't really have a friendship with Jacob and even though I wish you did I'm not going to force you to be friends with him. I just think that you'd enjoy being outside and not having your mind on Jasper and the family," Charlie informed me, as I soaked in what he had been saying.

It was true, my friendship with the Cullens and Hales could be considered unhealthy. If I wanted others to know I wasn't being forced to be friends with them, or that I was solely devoted to them. I didn't want a negative light to be on them, they deserved love and acceptance.

When I got home, I hugged Charlie and went upstairs to my bedroom. I paused when I saw a present that was on my bed. It was wrapped in glittering white-silver wrapping paper and a green bow sat nestled on the top of the box. I furled my eyebrows for a second, before I remembered the whole vampire thing. They probably went through the window when we were gone.

Sitting down slowly onto the bed, the thudding of Charlie closing the front door reverberated throughout the house. He yawned, hard enough I thought that he would crack his jaw from the strength, only to head into the living room and turn on the television to watch some movie or something. He would be occupied with the television most likely.

My fingers brushed the wrapping paper, before I noted the small tag that was attached to the bow. I pulled it off gently, almost expecting to see that it was Alice telling me that she had gotten me that retro dress, and that she wanted me to wear it for the graduation dinner Jasper was having.

Instead I was welcomed with the handsome, smooth handwriting that must have belonged to my Jasper.

 _To: my Bella_

 _From: Jasper_

 _I know that I will be gone for some time, I wish that I didn't have to leave you, but it is for the best. I know it will be hard, but I think that what you are about to receive will make it feel easier, if not make you feel less lonely._

 _You are not allowed to give it back, it is yours. Please enjoy your present, my lovely._

My fingers trembled at what I was greeted with, at the knowledge that Jasper had gotten something for me. Something that would make things easier for him and me, during this separation between him and I.

I had just gotten to the box when the thudding of footsteps up the stairs alerted me someone was coming up the stairs. I turned my head properly, so that my left side of my face could be pointed towards the bedroom door. My right side revealed nothing to me, though if I did have that sight, I would have seen my wall that my bed was up against and my bedframe.

Dad appeared, his eyes flickering down to see the box in my lap. A twinkle in his eyes allowed me to know he knew that this would be in my bedroom. Though confusion appeared a second later, as though he didn't expect the present to be in my bedroom when we got home.

"Why don't you open your present? Jasper went through a lot of trouble to get it. Okay, maybe he went through enough trouble with me in agreeing to get you something like this," Charlie grumbled, I knew he meant that if it didn't relate to Jasper going to 'college' and benefited me he would have not been so excited with Jasper trying to give me presents (even though he knew Jasper was still the most gentlemanly boy ever, Charlie would think Jasper was trying to buy my love through gifts due to his wealthiness).

My eyes rolled, as I opened the box, only to widen my eyes at the sight of a new laptop sitting in front of me. I squeaked, excitement threatening to take over me, at the fact that Jasper had bought me a laptop so we could Skype. I would still be able to see his beautiful face and talk to him about my day, I wouldn't feel as though we were so isolated with each other.

Charlie chuckled, pleased with my reaction.

I on the other hand couldn't wait until I would arrive at the Cullen house so that I could hug Jasper. I could let him know how happy I was. So, I counted down the hours, as I got ready an hour before Jasper would come and pick me up. I was smoothing down my light blush pink dress I had gotten a while back. It was a simple V-neckline and knee length, quarter length dress. My hair was curled a little bit, thanks to Charlie sitting me in the bathroom on a stool while he did a hair curling tutorial online.

I was just thankful he had only burnt me once or twice due to the curling iron hitting my ears. He had profusely apologized to me, but I was too excited to see Jasper to feel bothered by it.

Besides it wasn't like I could go ahead and curl my hair; it was difficult enough to straighten my hair (even then I had some girls offer to finish off my hair with their straighteners they always carried in the bathroom because I would miss pieces).

I had just slipped on my silver flats when the front bell rang. Charlie went to answer it, but I dismissed him as I hurried forward and threw open the front door. I launched myself forward and wrapped my arms around Jasper, who had effortlessly kept me balanced in his arms. He chuckled softly, amused.

"Good evening, lovely," Jasper mumbled, earning a small giggle from me before I pulled away from him. He studied me before he kissed me on the forehead, "I hope that you enjoyed my gift?"

I nodded my head rapidly, allowing him to know I did. "I did! I'm so happy that I'll be able to Skype you after your classes."

"Don't pester him too much, Bells. The boy's got to study for those classes of his," Charlie commented in the background, oblivious to the fact that Jasper's classes weren't going to be 'educational', as Charlie thought.

"Don't worry, Charlie, thanks for letting me pick up Bella. I'll have her back by nine, I promise," Jasper responded, earning a smile from Charlie. "You can make it nine thirty if you want."

My eyes widened as I turned and looked at Charlie, he always wanted me to stay inside when it was dark. He never cared for me to be out and about without someone there, and even if I had someone with him if it wasn't Charlie or Renee (and now Phil) taking care of me he'd want me back sooner than they would have me out.

The moment we entered the Cullen house I was home. Streamers were placed upon the doorways; a beautiful small cake was sitting in the dining room with candles. A vase of expensive flowers sat on the coffee table in the living room. The television was playing one of the music channels, party music. I wouldn't be surprised if it was Alice that picked out the music.

Esme stood beautiful in a cream hued cocktail dress, simple and elegant. Her family birthstone necklace sat nestled upon her neck, and one of her arms was wrapped around her husband's. Her head leant against the side of that shoulder; Carlisle was clad in one of his numerous suits.

Edward wore a light blue dress shirt, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. His hair was smoother, and Alice stood next to him in a same blue hued dress, this one was lacey and sparkly. The sparkly headband on her short locks made her look even more sparkly, though she was already sparkly enough with the sun setting in the background—hitting her skin at the perfect angle.

Emmett had his white dress shirt a lot less put together, the top two buttons on his shirt was unbuttoned and his sleeves were pushed up. He wore jeans, and a pair of hiking boots. He obviously dressed up some, but he wasn't as committed to look as though he was modeling for Men's Wearhouse, unlike Carlisle. He smirked at Esme's look; her motherly exasperation always saved for Emmett Cullen.

Rosalie stood next to Emmett in a long plunging neckline dress, the onyx shade a large contrast to her blonde curls and her topaz eyes. Her lips the color of wed wine Rosalie resembled a stiff model who had gotten tired of fame but still was there for people to remember her.

Bringing my hand up I waved at them, which broke the tension in half. Emmett came over to give me a big brother hug, Alice was coming over with her heels clicking against the floor and Esme was waiting for her turn to hug me. Edward stood in the back with a fond look upon his face, and Rosalie stood off to the side with her eyes peering at me with such complexity that I turned my eyes away.

Yet, determination struck me, and I moved towards me after everyone greeted me, causing the vampire to arch her eyebrow up. I reached my hand out as though to have a peace offering. She calculated me before she questioned me without asking why I was doing this.

"I trust that you will make sure to not lead Jasper astray. Thank you for helping him, not just for me but for all of you. You're a good sister, Rosalie," I whispered, before Rosalie reached her and out and stiffly shook my hand.

The moment I took a step back I swore that there was relief flooding through those topaz eyes, as though she was pleased, I trusted her. For our odd relationship we had with each other she appreciated I would put trust in her.

The sound of the party broke the stupor around me, before I turned and went back to Jasper. He smiled down as I took his hand and we headed to the others. Maybe I was one step closer to changing my relationship with Rosalie to the better.

 **authors note:**

 **A lot has happened in these past months that have happened, including having no motivation at all. I apologize for the hiatus but as I promised I'll never abandon the fanfiction. I wanted you to know that updates will be: two chapters per update. Remember we have 27 chapters left, including outtakes. Outtakes on their own: 12.**

 **I am also working on other fanfictions, which will be having the same update schedule. This fanfiction is my number one priority. I've missed you all! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

 **-Emmy**


	24. Jasper's Outtake of chapter eighteen

_Jasper's Outtake of Chapter 18_

Four months ago, my life changed for the better. I was alone for so long; I had become accustomed to walking without anyone beside me along this journey of vampirism. I was on the outside, looking in, at the love of mates. I wasn't given the luxury of a mate; I didn't have a solid structure with someone.

It was just me.

I wasn't upset about it, nor angry, I found fascination in seeing all types of love shared between mates. I never wandered too far into my thoughts when it came to how it would be like when I would have my own.

Now though, I couldn't help but feel warmth flood me entirely. My mate, my Bella, was here. She was going to stay with me through thick and thin.

She hadn't become angered, or upset, at the thought of me leaving her behind so that I could learn to control my bloodlust. She supported me in the endeavor, knowing that it not only benefitted her in the end but everyone. She didn't think about just herself, she thought about others, despite how they treated her throughout the years.

Music was playing, and I craned my head to the side as Bella thanked Rosalie for deciding to come with me to Alaska. There could not be anyone better, other than Carlisle, who could come up with me to Alaska in order to have control over my bloodlust. She had never drunk human blood, not even when she slaughtered her gang- rapists or the guards that were protecting her fiancé Royce King (the second), whom she had saved for last.

Alice was smiling at the scenery around her, she and Esme had made sure to make the first floor look even more stunning than it normally did. I knew it wasn't just a simple graduation party for me, it was a going away party for me and Rosalie. This would be the last time that I would be with Bella, in the morning I would end up leaving, but at least I could Skype with Bella.

I didn't think back too long on the ceremony, I knew Bella was adorable in her flower printed blouse. I knew that she only wore concealer and a little bit of eyeliner. Sometimes she'd wear lip gloss but other times she had her face completely covered with makeup, which in return made me know Alice had gotten to her.

Now though, as a soft melody played from the stereo closest to us, I slowly made my way towards my Bella. I bowed low, reaching my hand out so that she could put her hand in mine, "care for a dance, ma'am?"

A scarlet blush overran her face, and my throat tightened without my consent. I didn't turn and look helplessly at Rosalie, as though I was waiting to see what her verdict on the matter should be.

I was blessed enough as it was having a family member who had never drank blood, when other vampires would have slaughtered her rapists or even have an eye-for-an-eye scenario where they would make sure the rapist went through exactly what they had gone through.

I frowned, knowing that the last thing I needed to do, was to think about such morbid things. Instead I smiled brightly when Bella mumbled back, "yes, sir, I would so happen to care for one."

I was raised in Texas, where southern twangs were common—smooth and seductive like whisky. Bella was raised in Arizona; she didn't have a prominent accent, but she so easily roleplayed with me as though we were in a barn about to have our summer solstice dance.

We headed into the middle of the living room, before we began to waltz together, all the while I felt nothing more than peace wash throughout the room. Everyone was happy, knowing that a good future would happen between me and Bella. I hadn't given up on her, I would make sure that we would have a bright future together—we would make sure that we would live happily ever after (even though that just sounded very cliché).

In the corner of my eye I noted that the others began to waltz together, even Rosalie and Emmett. I was certain that they were having a moment together, so that they would soak in their company together before she would have to leave with me. I could feel the longing between the both, but I could also find that Emmett was proud of his wife and mate for doing this for me and Bella.

Leaning forward I pressed my forehead against Bella's, her warm forehead a strong contrast against my cold one. She was alive, blood was plumping through her veins. She could still have a life, she could still decide that she didn't want to be a vampire, which I was fine with. I knew though that if she decided in the end, she wanted to be a vampire I would support her one hundred percent.

She closed her eyes, while I began to hum. Everything was fine, I knew that everything would turn out good.

After a while we headed into the dining room, where Esme cut the cake and handed a piece to Bella. It was vanilla, bland, but Bella was all right with having bland cake. She wasn't ostentatious with things; she couldn't care less what flavor the cake was. Still, vanilla was a safe bet.

Sitting down, Bella began to eat her cake while Esme went into the kitchen and made some tea. She came back in and kissed Bella on the crown of her head before she sat down and took a long sip of her tea.

As always, her body loosened up, while Carlisle sat next to Bella to her left, he glanced over at me and smiled softly at me. I could tell that he was proud of me also even though I had been an outsider for the longest time, he hadn't created me. Only me and Alice had come into this family with other creators, but even then, he treated us as though we were here from the very beginning.

"How long have you known the Denali family?" Bella suddenly asked, since she knew I would be heading up there for our 'cousins', well me and Rosalie. Alice rolled her eyes at the mention of the family, though I knew she was only thinking about Tanya and her unhealthy obsession with Edward.

I didn't say anything, nor did I pay much attention to what was being said, my eyes were too caught on my mate. She looked beautiful in so many ways. She was listening with rapt attention. She was so welcoming, she made sure to let others know how she felt about them now. She had been sheltered, so weary but now she was learning how to truly be herself.

Bella let her eyes wander towards me as though she sensed me watching her and she ducked her head, blushing brightly. I softly chuckled, while Esme merely smiled over the rim of her cup of tea, she was pleased with the sight of me and Bella's shy love towards each other.

"Alice," Bella addressed my sister, causing Alice to turn her head towards Bella, allowing her to know she had her attention.

"Yes, Bella?" Alice's quiet, but captivating voice washed throughout the room. Edward had his hand in hers, as his eyes were watching his wife. Rosalie was staring off in the distance, she was thinking of anything other than what was happening in the present. She didn't want to think about leaving Emmett, nor was she thinking of teaching me how to control my bloodlust.

"Can you see how the trip to the Denali clan will be? I just want to make sure that Jasper and Rosalie get there safe." Rosalie glanced over at Bella; I could sense that she was perplexed as to why Bella still insisted on being kind towards Rosalie. She had many opportunities to loath her.

Alice faded away for a moment, imaging the path that Rosalie and I would take before she smiled and sent Bella a reassuring smile, "everything will be fine, Bella. They will not be harmed, nor will they have to be weary."

Even though Rosalie didn't show any emotions I could tell that Emmett had relief flood throughout him. I knew he wanted nothing more than to be with Rosalie, head up to Canada (if not all the way to Alaska) so that he could make sure that the trip up there would be safe for his mate and he was content with the fact that Alice had said that everything would be all right for his mate and me.

Eventually it was time for Bella to head home. I quietly went outside of the house while Bella said goodbye to the rest of the family, as though she was the one that was leaving the country. Pride took over me, she loved my family unconditionally. She was a Cullen through and through.

Heading out of the house, Bella beamed at me as she headed down the front steps. Her hand was holding the railing, like she always did. She had tripped once when she was heading up the steps of the stairs, but I had caught her before there could be damage done in the end. She had blushed and laughed nervously, apologizing to me profusely for her clumsiness.

Opening the passenger door for Bella, she leant forward and kissed me on the cheek before she slid into the passenger seat. I knew if I was still human, I would have been beet red at the affection Bella was giving me.

We hadn't kissed each other properly before nor had we said we loved each other, we both knew we loved each other but we weren't in a rush to proclaim we loved each other and kissed each other on the lips (I had a feeling that she agreed with me that we should do those things once we were certain I wouldn't attack her).

Quiet music washed throughout the car; Bella supported my brother entirely when it came to his own works of classical music. She especially loved the one that was made for Alice, the first time she had heard it she had cried and told me she was all right. The song was so powerful and sad but loving in the end, it was as though he had been there for Alice since the day she had been transformed.

He had a song for each of us, Alice's was the longest. Esme would have cried if she could in happiness at the song that he had written for her. It was soft and delicate, a song that you could close your eyes and imagine yourself in a field of flowers or sitting and drinking herbal tea.

Carlisle had clasped his son on the shoulder and told him that he was proud of him, while Rosalie had quietly told him thank you. Emmett claimed that his was the best one, though it had a more dramatic aesthetic to it.

I didn't like mine that much, it reminded me of the times that my mother would sit down in the living room and play. She was a talented pianist, one of my sisters played the violin. I faintly remembered playing the guitar though I hadn't touched one since I had been a human.

The rest of the night was spent with me soaking in all that was happening all around me peacefully. My family had never felt as complete as it did right now, everyone knew that things were going to be all right. I would go and control my bloodlust and come back to them, I would make sure I was worthy to be Bella's mate, and I was determined to not come back until I believed it myself.

Eventually it was time for Bella to return home, if my heart was still beating in my chest it would have been aching. Instead it lay dormant in my chest, though I could tell Bella was nothing more than truly nervous.

She didn't want me to feel how nervous she was but there was nothing wrong with her revealing all her emotions to me. She laid herself bare for me and all I could do was make sure that she would be all right in the end, make sure that her emotions didn't take her whole.

Charlie was in the living room; we could tell from the blue light that came through the darkness and the blinds. I leant forward and kissed Bella on the forehead, making sure to soak in her presence if I could. I didn't know how long I would be without her, I hoped that I could accomplish my goal by the end of the summer, but if not then I would like to accomplish it by the end of the year.

"I love you."

I paused, not expecting this from Bella. We hadn't said that we loved each other through the four months that we had known each other. I hadn't known when she would say this, maybe Alice had a premonition of Bella confessing her love for me, but she wouldn't tell me. It only made things better, I couldn't feel as happy as I did right now if I knew she'd say this.

A part of me wished that I could cry, she'd see how important this moment was. She would have known how much this meant for me. I couldn't help but bend my head down and press my lips against hers. She stiffened for a moment, this time she didn't expect what I would do. Then she loosened up and she threw her arms around me, pulling me against her.

It didn't last if I wanted it to, her blood was rushing so fast in her body. We were exhilarated at what was happening. I pulled away before my control would be thrown out of the window. Her eyes were closed, and her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Her lips were slightly red, and blood rushed against her cheekbones.

I gulped and closed my eyes before I whispered back to her, "I love you too, my Bella." I opened my eyes, noting that she smiled even brighter.

To others they wouldn't see her as beautiful, her scars were stretched against her features and though her right eye was blurry due to blindness it still sparkled as it hadn't lost its ability to see at all. It made this even more special, seeing her so vulnerable and happy.

I swore in the corner of my eye Charlie was looking through the blinds. I knew that he would chuckle and tease Bella when she would come inside but it would be all in good nature. I was blessed that he had given his blessing from the very beginning when it came to me dating Bella.

We were only dating for a few months, but it felt as though it was much longer. It felt as though we had been together for almost a year instead of two to three months.

Eventually I had to let her go, I knew that even though I was addicted to us being together I had to leave for us to still be together in the future. I had to be with my 'cousins' and Rosalie, if it weren't for them, I wouldn't even be able to be reassured in having a future with Bella.

I pressed another tender kiss on her forehead before I went towards the car. I kept my eyes forward, knowing that if I looked back, I wouldn't be able to leave her. I wouldn't be able go through with this.

I tried to keep my mind clear, as I drove back home. I played a random station on my radio. If there wasn't any music playing, then I was certain my mind would be going over what had happened too much.

The moment I went home, I was welcomed with everyone in the foyer of the house. Esme and Carlisle were next to each other. They had their arms looped together, Alice and Edward were peering at me with pride in their eyes. Rosalie was standing away from Emmett, I was certain she was having the same problem with Emmett that she had with me.

Esme and Carlisle were the first that came up to me. Carlisle smiled as he reached his hand up and placed it on my shoulder, "I'm proud of you son. I know that you will overcome this and be with Bella without worrying about your bloodlust."

Esme sniffled, if she could cry, she would have been sobbing, instead she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around me. She hugged me tight against her, "oh, I'm proud of you too, Jasper. Please be safe, my son. I love you so much, your father does too of course."

I smiled as I soaked in her hug, hanging onto it if possible. I didn't remember my mother's hug that well but this, right now, it was what mattered the most to me. Esme was the perfect mother that I could have, she was just like any mother was supposed to be.

I pulled away from her and watched as Alice and Edward came up to me next. Alice grinned brightly at me and threw her arms around me, "everything will be just fine, Jazz. And before you doubt me, have I ever proven myself wrong?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes fondly at her, of course she was always right. It was always the benefit of being able to see the future. She would always be able to know what would happen and the result of it. She giggled as though she expected this from me, enough that she lightly squeezed me before she let me go.

Edward gave me a soft, half smile as he reached his hand out and placed it on my shoulder. "Be safe, Jasper. We'll make sure that Bella is safe."

"Thanks, Edward. I know you will."

Emmett was staring at me; a complexity of emotions were running through him. I couldn't pinpoint which one was the strongest but as I went up to them, he frowned slightly. Rosalie was next to him; longing was strong in her as though she wanted to bring Emmett with her, but she knew that she couldn't.

I knew that I had a better relationship with Edward than I did with Emmett. That wasn't to say that I didn't have a good relationship with Emmett, he was my youngest brother, but Edward had been there for me since the very beginning. He could read my thoughts and know that there was so much in me that he thought I deserved to have, and it meant the world to me.

Rosalie had her lips pressed tightly together, before she turned and reached her hand up to press against her mate's (and husband's) cheek. "I will be safe, Emmett. I love you."

Emmett nodded his head, "I know you will be."

Rosalie and I knew we couldn't stay that much longer, and so we both headed towards the back doors of the house. Everyone followed us and stood by the large windows that overlooked everything in the backyard, overlooked the forest that surrounded the property. They didn't say anything, knowing that they had already said their goodbyes to us.

The door opened and we went through it before we shut it behind us. Rosalie turned to me, and I nodded my head before we ran in the direction of where Alaska was. We both knew that we needed to keep our eyes forward, there would be no use to be thinking about our loved ones now.

The closer we got to Alaska the landscape became even more barren. The Denali clan didn't live in a large populated town of course, since we were vampires. They would be moving before long, since none of us could stay in one town that long since we couldn't age most of all.

The house was extravagant, nothing less than I knew it would be. Carlisle and Esme were so much simpler than them. I knew it was the sisters that had demanded the house be suited for the lifestyle that they had wanted. They were known for being succubae to men, they were alluring and slept with them before they would leave them in the middle of the night.

If it weren't for the fact that they drank animal blood like we did I wouldn't think any less of them draining their men shortly after they slept with them. Thankfully that wasn't the case for them.

We had barely entered their property when the front door opened, and we were greeted with Eleazar and Carmen standing on the front porch. Both smiled at us while we headed up to them, the snow leaving footprints in our wake.

I took a deep breath and came up to them, with Rosalie trailing behind us. She kept her bland features when she was in front of our cousins (technically these two were our aunt and uncle). Carmen reached her hands out and took mine in hers, squeezing them gently as she spoke, "welcome."

Eleazar nodded his head, he was one of few words. His wife and mate was the one that spoke more than him. I glanced over their shoulders and noted that I couldn't see the sisters anywhere near us. Garett was in the living room, he had been reading a book but he glanced up when he saw us—he gave us a curt nod and I gave one back to him as though to let him know that I shared the same energy as him.

"Where are the others?" I probed, causing Carmen to speak once more, "they are hunting right now. They'll be here soon."

I had a feeling Tanya didn't want to see me when I would arrive here. It would remind her of Edward in a way, and how he wasn't her mate. She would be sour in the knowledge that I had gotten a mate now and she hadn't gotten one. Though she never said anything about wanting one, all she wanted was Edward.

I knew she wanted him because he was someone that she couldn't have. He was a challenge and she hated how Alice had him. She wanted to be with Edward because she thought she was better than Alice, she thought that Alice was damaged, and she didn't deserve him.

I glanced over my shoulder when I could sense my cousins coming through the forest. The three blondes were here, and it would only be a matter of time before there would be a breaking point between them, Rosalie and me.

I though of Bella and knew that this was worth it, being in the presence of the three sisters that didn't care for one of my sisters was going to be hard, but I wouldn't let them determine how I would be during this time. I would be the stronger person; I would make sure that I would succeed and be with Bella again.

* * *

 **author's note:**

 **A few days ago I had a Grand-Mal** **seizure, so I had to spend a few days resting before finishing the next chapter. The next chapter was hard enough for me to write before the seizure. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next chapter too.**

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me.**

 **-Emmy**


	25. chapter nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

A month had come and gone since Jasper had left for Alaska with Rosalie. A month had passed since I had told Jasper I loved him, a month had passed since our lips had met and we absorbed all that was happening around us. My lips had tingled, and my blood had rushed throughout me as though I was going to be consumed by a tsunami before long, overcome with it all.

Today though was the day that I was heading to La Push with Charlie so that we could have a get together with Billy and Jacob Black (along with the other natives in the Reservation). I was unsettled though, knowing that Billy must have known about the Cullens and Hales being vampires, though thankfully Jacob merely pushed that away and didn't want to believe in that.

It was rather warm today, a rarity in Forks, but it was summer. I wore a quarter length red blouse along with denim jeans that had the bottoms rolled up. A pair of comfortable moccasins were on my feet, and I wore one of Grandma Swan's numerous necklaces she had left for me in her will.

Charlie was eager as I came downstairs, he was wearing a plaid button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, along with simple jeans and one of his more comfortable pair of tennis shoes. A twinkle was in his chocolate eyes, he was excited that there was a get together happening and that I had agreed to come with him.

I couldn't help but smile, Charlie deserved to be happy.

It was near lunch so we would have lunch on the beach with the rest of the natives. I still didn't care for social situations, ones that I had to be around a large group of people, but Charlie assured me that there would be not that many people there—twenty at the most but it might increase without his knowledge.

It still was unsettling to me; I could only hope I would get better with it on my own. I loved Jasper but I felt as though I relied on him too much, maybe these months apart from each other would be enough for me to progress on my own.

The ride to La Push was quiet, but not awkward and stale, I merely studied the scenery around me. There was a drastic change when we entered the Reservation. These houses had less than the rest of the town, it was obvious that they didn't earn as much money as everyone else. The houses were older and were more worn out than the ones in town, my house was in better condition than most of these houses.

As we pulled into the parking lot that overlooked the man-made beach with black pebbles that made up the beach it didn't take long for us to see the fold out tables that were on the beach with mountains of food covering the table. I could see Billy Black in his wheelchair and Jacob standing around with some of the other families that were around us

A couple turned to look at us, a middle-aged friendly native smiled brightly at us and his wife smiled as much as him. "Charlie! It's great to see you! Is this Bella? I haven't seen her in so long!"

"Harry! Yes, this is Bella," Charlie responded as we shut the car doors behind us and headed onto the man-made beach, the pebbles crunching under the soles of our shoes as we came closer to them.

"Hi, Bella! Do you remember me? I'm Sue," the woman asked to me, I raked my brain and faintly remembered her. I knew that Harry was Harry Clearwater and that this was his wife, she was always friendly when I would come to the Reservation with Charlie when I was younger.

"Faintly," I remarked as I blushed and looked down at my shoes. I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes. I didn't want Jasper here, besides his family had already told me about the stressful relationship that they had with the Reservation.

"It's all right, sweetie. No need to be embarrassed," she assured me before I looked up and gave a small smile.

"Go ahead and look around, Bells," Charlie told me, and I nodded my head as I began to make my way towards the water. I stood quietly as the tide began to wash against my shoes when it came in. The island that was off in the distance was beautiful, captivating, a part of me wanted to search the island and see what was there.

"Hi, Bella."

I turned my head, seeing that Jacob was standing next to me suddenly, thankfully he was on my left side. His hair was still long as ever, though his hair had been pulled back in a ponytail. He wore warmer clothes, maybe he was hot natured when it came to his body temperature.

"Oh, hi, Jake." I gave another tiny smile, enough that Jacob smiled back at me still as cheerful as ever. I didn't keep my eyes on him that long, the only people I was comfortable looking at more than others happened to be the Cullens and the Hales. Charlie was a close second.

In the corner of my left eye I could see two teenagers heading in our direction, one of them was shorter and thicker than the other. They must have been Jacob's friends, childhood friends most likely. They seemed somewhat familiar, but I spent most of my time with the Blacks than I did with any of the others.

"Oh, here's my best friends, Embry and Quill." Jacob pointed each boy out as they came up to me, smiling in welcome. I didn't let my eyes linger on the natives that long before my eyes were drawn towards a girl that was sitting on a log that had hatred brimming through her eyes.

"W-Who's that?" I inwardly flinched; old habits were hard to quit it seemed. I might as well be in the presence of wolves ready to attack before long. Honestly from the supernatural aesthetic that this town had, seemed to be stronger here in the Reservation than it did in town.

"Oh, don't mind her, that's Leah, Leah Clearwater. She's kind of pissed off cause her boyfriend dumped her," one of the boys remarked, which in return had me twinning my fingers together repeatedly. I focused on the motion, only to jump away when a hand reached out to touch me.

I pulled away sharply, especially since the person had touched me on the right side. I hadn't even noticed I had made a nervous ticking noise. That was something I hadn't done in a _long_ time.

The intensity surrounding me was growing thicker and I began to stumble away from the people that were surrounding me—I knew that Jacob was in front of me and so was his friends, Leah Clearwater staring at me as though she was going to kill me any moment made things even worse.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I just thought to introduce myself," a soft voice spoke up, causing me to pause and turn my head. A young woman stood in front of me with what would have been perfectly normal features if it weren't for the fact, she had been given the same curse as me—a vivid scar ran across her face in a striking, mean red line. It even messed with the skin around her eye and her mouth, making both tilt and form differently.

"Hi, you must be Bella. I'm Emily Clearwater," she introduced herself before a man came up to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. She smiled warmly up at him, as though he was the sun. I knew I must have the same expression on my face when it came to Jasper. I quietly hoped that he was taking things slow and steady, I didn't want him to feel rushed in order to come back to me.

The man next to her was tall, hovering over me, his deep red-brown skin stunning against his white t-shirt, he could rival Emmett when it came to his muscle mass.

In fact, as I glanced around, I could tell that some of the teenagers around me were a little taller than normal. Their muscles were tight, straining against their shirts. Jacob and his two friends were one of the few youngsters that weren't looking as though they were three times their actual age.

"I'm Sam Uley, I've heard a lot of great things about you, Bella," he remarked, only for me to shy away from him. Without even thinking I moved closer to Jacob. He was so small compared to Sam, but he was the one that I grew up around and this was the first time I was in the presence of Sam.

Jacob's hair rivaled Emily's. Her hair was long and beautiful, though Leah in the background had hair that was short and chopped. It looked as though it was cut with either a blade or it was cut with some scissors, it wasn't the best-done haircut, but she wasn't trying to be a hair stylist.

"Aren't you dating one of those Cullens?" I didn't know who asked this, but suddenly everything seemed to become tenser than it already was. I nodded my head, "his name is Jasper Hale though."

I suddenly felt as though I was intruding, as though even being friends with the Cullens and Hales meant that I was an enemy here. That couldn't be true though, unless they knew that the Cullens and Hales were vampires.

For all I knew these natives were werewolves, I wouldn't be surprised if they were supernatural—they had this electric current in the air around me, allowing me to know that there was more to these people than anyone could imagine.

It must have shown on my face because most of the natives that were around me began to move away from me, as though to make sure that I wouldn't feel as though I shouldn't be here. I turned my attention towards the water again, the island in the distance being what grounded me.

The crunching of the pebbles behind me made me stiffen once more. It sounded as though Billy was making his way towards me. I was surprised that he could maneuver on the beach, but then again, he was moving slower than a normal person was. I swallowed hard, as though I had swallowed a piece of food and could feel it scraping down my esophagus.

"It's good to see you, Bella."

I didn't turn to look at the old man, my eyes were still in front of me. I could see in the corner of my left eye him. He was wearing his leather jacket over his shirt ensemble. His smooth black locks brushed against his shoulders, and his lips were pressed tightly together.

"I have heard that you're dating one of _them_." There was distaste that was ever present in his deep voice, as though he was a monarch's advisor scolding his monarch for doing exactly the opposite of what he told them to do.

"Y-yes, his name is Jasper," I remarked, my voice soft.

He could clearly hear me because he frowned deeper, shaking his head in disagreement with what I was telling him. I didn't need his approval though; he wasn't someone that I sought his opinion on things such as my dating life.

"I'm intrigued, I must admit, on why he would be so willing about you are being here. You must know our reputation with them," Billy added, his eyes were looking forward this time. His black beaded eyes were nothing more than harsh depths of the ocean—so deep in the ocean that morbid creatures not yet discovered by scientists dwelled.

I didn't respond to him, not having time to do so anyway because one of the people in the background let us know that the food was ready. I sighed in relief as Jacob came up to us and began to pull his dad away from me and in the direction of where the tables were, filled to the brim with food.

Waiting until most of the food was served, I slowly made my way towards where the hamburgers and hotdogs were. Potato chip bags were open, a few of the potato chips were sprinkled on the table from those that had grabbed chips haphazardly from the bags, not caring about the mess they would leave behind.

Grabbing a paper plate, I grabbed a hamburger and put simple mayonnaise and mustard on the buns. A couple handfuls of Lays potato chips were added, I poured a red solo cup with soda before I headed over to where one of the folds out tables were. I sat at the end of the table, at the right side of course. I might not be able to see the beautiful water off to the side but at least I didn't have anyone sitting next to me on that side, staring me down.

"So, Charlie was telling me that you've got a boyfriend," Emily spoke, she sat across from me. Sam sat next to her, giving her a warning glance, but she dismissed him. "That is if you want to tell me about him, you don't have to of course."

I blushed and looked at my plate before I responded, "his name is Jasper. He's wonderful, he's one of the few people that doesn't make my anxiety flair up. His family is wonderful too. He's away at college though, we've been Skyping."

Sam perked up at what I was saying, his eyes wandering down the table towards the elders. Some of them had disapproving looks on their faces while others made sure they had their poker faces down pat.

"That's wonderful!" Emily gushed, before she took a couple of bites of her hotdog, I could tell that she was telling the truth. She had no problem with the Cullens and Hales. She didn't have a look of distaste when it came them.

Thankfully she could sense that I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. I was only here because I knew it meant a lot to Charlie. I knew they meant the world to him, just like I did. He would have been disappointed if I had decided to stay home. I couldn't do that to him, he had done a lot for me in the past.

I sighed inwardly as I ate, not paying attention to anyone around me. Emily seemed as though she wanted to talk to me, let me know that they were there for me. If it weren't for her welcoming nature, I would think that she was only trying to bond with me because of our scars.

I didn't want to, but I silently counted how long that Charlie and I were here. I didn't care if I was invited, a part of me thought that some one of the natives around us wanted nothing more than for me to be gone.

Not Charlie, they knew Charlie and trusted him. They couldn't trust me, wouldn't trust me, well most of them. There were some that were willing to, but I was certain those that didn't want to trust me outweighed those that wanted to.

The moment it was time for us to leave there was still light that was radiating throughout the beach, though it was starting to dim. Since it was a day that Charlie wasn't working, he had made sure that we would spend as much time with our 'extended' family as possible.

As soon as we arrived home, I couldn't help but feel my hands itching to click on the Skype App. I knew Jasper would be waiting for me, I knew we always tried to talk at the end of the day. In fact, I would Skype him late at night, when Charlie was asleep, if we hadn't had time earlier in the day to do so. A benefit at least, when it came to Jasper not being able to sleep.

Entering my bedroom after I hurried through the house, I opened my laptop and logged in before I brought up the Skype App. I barely pushed the call button when I was welcomed with Jasper on the other end.

He was in a nice living room; the colors were of the cream color palate. It was more modern than it was at the Cullen and Hales house. The Denali clan must have enjoyed things more luxurious than Esme and Carlisle did. I preferred my second family's style more than their cousins' style.

I knew that I was nothing more than a plain Jane compared to Jasper. His perfect features and soft golden curls that fell against his shoulder blades were stunning, he was an angel. I on the other hand wanted to feel as though I looked nothing more than a human—one that was not even on the normal level of prettiness.

"Hello, love," I couldn't help but sigh, earning a smile from Jasper. There was no one in the background.

Though I was curious when it came to his extended family, I didn't know what Eleazar and Carmen looked like. I didn't know what the sisters looked like, nor who their brother/cousin Garrett looked like either.

"Good afternoon, Bella. How was your time at the Reservation?" There was no irritation that was in his voice, though I knew that things were strained with the Cullens and Hales when it came to the natives of the Reservation. He must have trusted them on some level to keep me safe.

"It was stressful," I admitted, as I looked down at the keyboard. I let my fingers intertwine a moment later, "I'm just glad that Jacob doesn't believe in you all being vampires like the others do."

Jasper sighed this time, "the reason why they aren't that happy about us being here is because of the fact that they are werewolves, Bella."

I would have laughed if it weren't for the fact that I was the girlfriend of a vampire, the rivalry that they had with each other was obvious. At least Charlie pushed all that aside, in fact Charlie loved the Cullens and Hales. He specially loved them ever since they had accepted me with open arms.

"That doesn't surprise me, to be honest," I admitted, earning a chuckle from Jasper this time, "I should expect that from you, darling. After all you are one of the smartest people I know."

We didn't speak anymore about the werewolves that resided in the Reservation. Neither of us seemed as though we were enthralled in the subject, finding out that vampires existed kind of took away the excitement of werewolves being real. They were mortal enemies, so it would make sense that one could not exist without the other. Them being next door neighbors made even more sense.

"How are your lessons going?" I couldn't help but question, in the background I could see a familiar blonde-haired vampire, her curls cascading down her mid back. She didn't seem as though she was focused on anything, but then again that was Rosalie Hale…the Rosalie Hale I knew.

"It's going slow but steady, they're bringing blood bags in soon. They hope that with blood open in front of me that I will grow used to the blood. Eventually we will progress to visiting the hospital where there will be those with injuries. Carlisle wants to come up when it comes to that stage of course," Jasper let me know, I soaked in what he had told me before I reached my hand out and touched the screen of the laptop.

"It's okay if you aren't back by the beginning of the school year, Jazz. I want you to come back when you are ready, not before then." The thudding of footsteps coming up the stairs allowed us to know that Charlie must have been coming up to the second floor of the house.

He either was telling me he had been called in to work or he was going to take an afternoon nap. He never took that many naps but when he did, I had to wake him before he would truly mess with his sleep schedule.

The bedroom door opened, and Charlie peaked in, noting that I was sitting cross legged in front of my laptop. He gave a small smile, "I have to go back to the station and check on some things. It feels as though they can't run without me half the time. I'll try not to be too long; I'll call you when I'm heading home."

Thankfully I didn't have to worry about him growing hungry when he was slaving away at the station, he had eaten like a wolf (if only he knew that we were surrounded by wolves basically) so he had stuffed himself full of food. I only ate as much as I could handle, I never was one that was a big eater.

"All right, be safe, Dad." I smiled as he came closer to me and crouched down before he hugged me. He glanced over at the screen, noting that Jasper was on the other end of the connection.

He didn't say anything that was embarrassing to Jasper, instead he nodded his head as though to let him know that he was acknowledging him. Jasper nodded back, allowing him to know that he understood.

As soon as Charlie was gone, I couldn't help but let out a breath of relief. Jasper chuckled at me, fondly, before we began to converse about anything and everything except the supernatural. I told him about spending time with Alice, about how I spent the night a week ago with her. She had done a complete makeover on me and I had managed to keep her from going crazy and having a photoshoot with me.

Eventually though it was time for us end our video call.

I softly reached my hand out again and placed my palm against the screen. He placed his palm against his end of the line, his palm right against the screen where my palm was. I liked to imagine that we had just a wall of glass separating us, we would be closer to each other than a country and state away.

The good thing about it being summer, I wouldn't have to worry about homework. So, I preoccupied my time being downstairs and baking cookies and cupcakes. I had started to bake with Esme, the treats would be sent off to the police station and the clinic so that the police officers and nurses (and fellow few doctors) could have their sweet tooth sated for the time being.

By the end of my baking session, though my face was hot from the oven and I had flour along with other baking ingredients splattered around me I could say that I was proud of myself. I had survived a social setting without Jasper, something that I hadn't imagined I would be able to do with him gone.

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me**


	26. chapter twenty

Chapter Twenty

Under the deep green canopy of the trees around me I was safe and sound, the water in front of me was cool and calm. There was no rustling throughout the woods nor were there any rustles that came from the water in front of me. The picnic blanket underneath me was not completely comfortable but it was doing its job fine. I smiled out at the sight of Alice in a bikini while on an ice cream pool floatie. Her vintage fifties black and white one-piece bikini had a red bow that was wrapped around the middle and was sewn so that the red bow was against her left side. Her spiky air ruffled from the wind that came, her black sunglasses doing nothing more than being a shield from me seeing her golden irises.

Vampires did not need to have to have sunglasses on to protect them from the sunlight, they wore sunglasses so that they could hide their eyes. That much was obvious, though they could not say in the sunlight that long. They could at least make sure that no one would find out the truth.

Edward was sitting against the tree that was closest to the water, reading a novel with a balanced interest. He was not too far gone into his novel to not notice Emmett shoot me a mischievous smile before he started to run in the direction of where the broken tree was. It was on higher ground, so it made sense that he would be going to the trunk that was half on land and half hovering above the water. It was a perfect angle for him to attack Alice from her spot on the water.

Edward dropped his book and ran in the direction of where Emmett was, "don't you dare! You've already pranked her earlier!"

A sigh next to me made me turn my attention away from the teenage boys to where Esme was sitting next to me in a comfortable ensemble—a light weight t-shirt and some denim shorts. A pair of stylish flop flops were sitting next to the picnic blanket. She would have had a light sun burn across her face from the sun if it were possible, but the light twinkling of sparkles on her skin was the only evidence that the sun was affecting her to a certain extent.

"Emmett listen to your brother!" Esme chided, though there was a faint amusement that was in her voice. I could tell that she could let go for the time being, when I had said I missed being in California during the summers she had went ahead and decided that we would go down to a secluded spot at the river, Bogachiel River.

"Come on, Mom!" Emmett whined, as though he was going to get her on his side. He had become more mischievous whenever I would go and visit them, I knew that he wanted to keep his mind off Rosalie, and I wanted to keep my mind off Jasper if we both could.

"No, Emmett! Do not bother your sister even more than you have already done so, young man. You don't want your sister's revenge against you prank to be worse, now do you?" Esme arched one of her eyebrows up in a motherly manner, the light scowl on her features enough for Emmett to slump.

"All right, all right. I won't prank her then," Emmett grumbled, earning a look from both brother and mother before he started to head away from the perfect jumping spot to land in the water next to his sister.

Edward had barely sat down where he was before he was rushing towards the fallen tree, jumping from the tree before he could catch him. As he catapulted from the tree and fell into the water it splashed loudly and hit Alice full on. Her whole outfit and herself was covered with lake water, enough that she screeched at her brother. She had already spent an hour on choosing which bikini she wanted and doing her makeup, along with fixing her hair so that it was flawless, now though it was ruined due to her brother jumping into the water.

I flinched as Alice fought the urge to cuss, only using verbal attacks towards her brother. Emmett had no reason to be insulted with what she was saying, it was obvious that this was not the first time around for decades when it came to him pranking his sister. Edward on the other hand glared at his brother, as though he was ready to respond to him for messing up his mate and wife's outfit that she worked so hard on choosing.

Esme sighed, before she turned her attention towards me. I was reaching into the cooler that she had brought with her, ready to eat one of the numerous sandwiches she had made for me before we came here. I almost moaned in happiness when I ate the sandwich that she had made, I was certain that even Gordon Ramsey would be impressed with what she had made.

Alice started to come out of the lake, dragging her floatie with her, having already created a revenge plan against her brother for his prank he had done. As she reached the shore and sat her floatie a good place away from the shoreline Edward reached over and grabbed a beach towel before he wrapped it around Alice. She reached up, her tippy toes arching upwards as she pressed a kiss against his cheek in appreciation. I did not feel any jealously towards this sweet gesture.

Sure, I longed to wrap my arms around Jasper and tell him how much I loved him, but it was not the time to do so. I wanted to make sure that he was comfortable around blood before I would do more sweet gestures around him. I would let him be the one to initiate them.

Alice paused as she began to head in our direction, beaming at what she had just been greeted with in her mind, another vision that she had been graced with. "Carlisle is going to come down here! He got off work early!"

I could not help but show the same excitement as she did, after all Carlisle was a second father to me. In the few months that I had been in his presence it was almost as though God had blessed with me another father that I could love. I had prayed for so long to have another father that loved me unconditionally, after Renee started dating again I had hoped that she would find a husband once more that would love me so unconditionally (Phil was a close fit, but things were not as natural as it was with Charlie or Carlisle were).

I focused my attention on the beauty that was around me, the way that the leaves swayed from the gentle breeze which wisped through. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as all the noise around me seemed to fade away, my mind flashed towards Jasper. Seeing the sun above me reminded me of Jasper, the way that his eyes resembled a deep topaz. They were both the sun and the moon to me—in the warmth of the sunlight he would have the brightest smile and in the depths of the waxed yellow full moon they would be mysterious. His mind would be running over different things that I could not comprehend or try to in the least.

Time seemed to move differently when I was with the Cullens and Hales, though this time it was only with the Cullens. My ears perked up when I heard the sound of a branch breaking behind me, allowing me to know that someone was making their way down the trail towards us—though it really wasn't a trail to begin with. Vampires were not very into taking the traveled roads, they often went to those that were not so often used.

Turning my head around I smiled warmly at the handsome vampire father that was coming towards me. Esme smiled warmer than me, I could see the love that was brimming to the surface—water bubbling out of a heated pan on the stove.

It made everyone around them stop and stare, having never imagined that they would see such unconditional love and faithfulness like the pair in front of me had (the other couples in the family did so too, but Esme and Carlisle were the top on the list when it came to their looks they gave each other).

While everyone else was wearing comfortable clothes, well Alice was wearing her cute retro bikini and Emmett was wearing swim trunks, the rest of us wore simple clothes. Carlisle was the one that had the most done up ensemble, mainly since he was a doctor after all. They did have dress code, though he did not wear his doctor scrubs. He was wearing a simple dark dressy button up shirt with some light trousers and a trusty pair of dress shoes.

"Hello, love," Esme greeted him sweetly before she got up from her spot on the picnic blanket. She reached him and kissed him on the cheek just as sweet as her voice had been, before she hooked her arm around his and lightly pulled him towards where I was sitting. The moment they sat down Carlisle rolled his neck back and stretched some before I could not help but turn and hug him in a daughterly manner.

In the absence of anyone else, away from those that were not the Cullens and Hales, I never hugged Carlisle with so much dependence. I had heard enough rumors throughout town that people were afraid that I had an unhealthy attachment to Carlisle, I was almost as dependent on him as I was with Jasper. I was going to be a homewrecker because I would have Jasper believe I needed Carlisle in ways that were not in a family like manner. He would think that I would want Carlisle and not him, I would split a crack through the middle of the family.

The only saving grace on these people was the simple fact that this set of vampires were not violent, they did not respond to provokes by those around them. They were accustomed to the strange stares they got, the dark rumors that spread like disease throughout the towns they would inhabit.

They did not have me in their life before, this was the first time they had a human in their family, looking inside as a mate of one of them. Everyone had been a vampire before they would even find out that they were vampires, they would be practically strangers in the house. I was the first one to not be transformed into a vampire and then welcomed into their home.

"Bella." I turned my head, noting that Edward was looking at me with a stern look, which let me know though he could not reach my thoughts he could still tell the stressful thoughts that were going on in my mind.

I blushed and tried to tame my thoughts, though I froze when Esme reached over and began to run her fingers through my hair in a motherly manner. Renee never did manners like this, she would hold me when I would have nightmares and assure me but she never was much on staying that long (she still wanted to get as much sleep as possible) and she also didn't run her fingers through my hair.

Esme did this, it was a second nature to her. I was another child that needed to be loved unconditionally, despite my age. I sometimes felt that I was more reclusive than a seventeen-year-old should be. I should want to go and hang out with the others from school. I should have gone to that dance with Jasper, I should have done more adventurous things. Then again…some would think that my surrogate family being vampires could be considered a brave act. Well they would either believe I would be brave or very stupid. I would like to think it was the latter.

I closed my eyes once more, appreciating the feeling of having a mother and father on either side of me loving me as though I was their daughter and loving each other unconditionally. It still hurt sometimes that my parents did not work out, life was hell watching their arguments when I was in elementary school, then in middle school they slowly started to understand each other.

"We should start packing up and head up to the house, preferably fifteen minutes at the most. There's a storm that is supposed to be coming, you can call your dad Bella, he should say yes so you can stay the night with us." Alice held her arms up above her head as though she was stretching or was a ballerina, allowing Edward to put her coverup on her small frame easily.

She stood on her tippy-toes and kissed him on the cheek, he responded with a kiss on the crown of her head. I smiled softly at the sight before me. I was fine with just holding Jasper's hand when we were out in public or having him wrap his arms around me so that I could just be in his arms. I did not have to have random kisses of declaration on my cheek, lips, or forehead.

If his hand were out there, ready for me, when I was having a mental breakdown then it would be the best form of love, I could have from him. It would show he had no problem with my disorder. It was this I missed the most with him gone, not having him wrap his arms around me or have one of hands in mine.

Esme helped me up from the picnic blanket and with the help of Carlisle, we got the things together that were around the picnic table while Alice was helping Edward get a few of his books he had bought—putting them into her beach satchel that she had bought with her (well the name had nothing to do with what location Alice was when she had the satchel—any smart person would know that vampires were not going to be wandering down the beautiful beaches of the Florida Keys or the Caribbean).

Emmett was standing by the fallen tree with his eyes set out at the lake, I did not know how far his eyes he could see but I knew he must have been looking in the direction of where Alaska would be. I frowned softly, wanting to say something, but not knowing if I wanted to a moment later. Emmett was not someone who talked so freely about his feelings, and despite his attempts of pranks on his sister and brother everyone could tell he did not give it his full.

"Come on, darling," Esme's voice radiated, and I reached my hand out, she took my hand in her cool one. I turned my attention away from Emmett, my eyes flickering towards the opening of the trees.

As though she noted what I had done she gave me a reassuring smile, "it is all right, sweetie. He is just missing her, that is all. It is what we do when we are not in the company of our mates for a long time. I know that you feel the same way, ever since Jasper had to go up to Alaska."

I nodded my head, agreeing with her. Carlisle was in front of us, moving at a normal speed. If someone looked at us they would think that we were a simple group of humans, well apart from the gold eyes and the beautiful features the others had compared to an actual human.

By the time we arrived back at their house, Alice was right. It had started raining when we had gotten onto the street that their house was on. I had checked the clock in the car and noted that it was exactly fifteen minutes. I did not think I could ever be truly used to how she could almost always get the future right, even though she and the others had told me countless times that the future was not set in stone. There was no way that Alice could have one and only one outcome come true. There would be other outcomes if they were thought of, a worthy contender.

Alice was right, when I called Charlie, he had told me that he was all right with me staying at the Cullens' house. I knew that I was blessed with a father that had trust towards me staying over the night with someone else's family. I knew that if I were younger, he would not hesitate to tell me that I had to stay home, but he trusted the Cullens with a trust that was never ending.

I knew that it was silly, but I often slept in Jasper's room. It was still smelling like him; I often admired the southern touches that were in the room. It was completely different than his siblings' bedrooms. It was everything that was comforting to me. It made me grounded, allowed me to know that he was real. It was not as though it was an oasis and before long, I would find out that everything had been made up. No, it was solid and kept me sane.

After I changed into one of Alice's silk blush hued pajamas she had bought for me in the times that I would spend the night with her and the others I came downstairs to see that Alice was looking through the large amount of movies they had collected throughout the decades.

Esme was sitting at the couch with a book in her hands, I could tell a moment later it was the bible. She was reading with rapt attention; in fact, she had a journal that it was off to the side on the side table. A pen and highlighter sat next to the leather journal. I smiled at the sight; I had begun doing morning bible devotionals with her in the mornings that I had spent the night before.

"What movie do you want to watch, Bella?" Alice popped her head out from where it was looking down at the collection that was in the television cabinet that sat smug underneath the impressive sized television set. The color was a soft baby blue, a striking hue against the white walls and floors, along with the leather couches that were facing the television.

I sat down next to her, seeing that the movies were sorted by year and alphabetized by the title. There were very few horror movies, it was obvious that Esme ruled the house when it came to the movies that were appropriate in the house. She did not want anything violent and bloody in the house, though there were some action movies that seemed to take place on the battlefield.

Smiling when I reached the movie I wanted, I plucked it out of its place, Alice squealed in happiness when she noted that I pulled out The Princess Bride from the collection. It had always been a favorite that I had, I had watched it when I was a little girl with Renee.

Esme glanced up from what she was doing, smiling when I had picked out a movie that she enjoyed immensely. I could not help but think that this movie reminded me of them all and their devotion towards their mate. They would go through hell and back to be reunited with each other just like Wesley and Buttercup did.

As we watched the movie, I soon found myself understanding Buttercup more and more. I could feel as though I would do the same as her. I would feel numb if I had to marry someone else, only if I thought that Jasper was dead. Though I doubted very much I would not marry someone that was not Jasper.

I paused when I discovered that I had thought easily that I could imagine myself marrying Jasper. I did not know what he would think about me and marrying me. He would not want me to subject myself completely, fully with their life. It was one thing for me to be there with them when I was young and before I would go to college. It was another thing if we married each other, because I was certain we would not just let me grow old and die.

Alice arched her eyebrow when she turned to me, as though she was the one who could read minds and not Edward. As far as I knew it would not be surprising if she had hidden the ability to read like her husband and mate could. She almost smirked at me but kept it contained.

Footsteps heading down the stairs made me turn my head, noting that Carlisle was heading down the steps. He was wearing just a normal t-shirt and comfortable pants. He smiled when he saw the movie that was playing before he came over to us. He sat down in one of the armchairs, his eyes turning towards the screen in front of him and not keeping his eyes on the three occupants that were in the room.

When Buttercup and the others escaped from the castle and the movie transferred from them to the Grandfather and his grandson I sighed and slumped back against the couch. The afghan blanket that was draped over the top of the couch for me was soon taken and wrapped around me. I soon moved so that I was leaning against Esme. She had already finished studying the bible and welcomed me warmly in her arms. I sighed in content and made myself at home in her arms.

Outside the rain was still heavy, making me wonder if the weather was as bad as it was down here. Jasper and Rosalie would be fine up there, a snow blizzard would have little effect on the vampires, but still I hoped that the weather was not as bad as it was down here.

I went to bed when it was around ten o'clock at night, kissing both Esme and Carlisle on the cheeks before I hugged Alice goodnight. I did not know where Emmett was, though I felt he was ether working on one of the cars that were in the garage or he was taking a walk outside. I worried for him; he should not have been depressed. He needed to be happy and joke more.

In Jasper's bedroom I pulled back the covers and slipped underneath them. Taking a deep breath of the sheets, I smiled and curled even more into the sheets. I knew he would be upset if I video called him, he always wanted me to get as much sleep as I could. Just because he could not sleep did not mean that I did not need sleep.

For the rest of the summer I soon created a pattern with the Cullens and at home. I made sure that I spent the same amount of time with Charlie and with the Cullens. The rumors were still as present as ever. They still thought that I was a homewrecker, that Jasper would come home for fall break and learn that I had decided to leave him for Carlisle.

I never voiced this to Jasper, afraid that he would come home and decide that he would make sure to prove that he would never leave me. Alice nor the others told him of the rumors. Instead they allowed me to have this peace of nirvana with Jasper, knowing that this meant the world to the both of us.

I hoped that he would come back when school started back again, prepared more with his bloodlust. If not then I would still stick by and wait for him to come back, no matter the time and distance that we were apart from each other.

* * *

 **author's note: about a month or two ago I had another Grand-Mal seizure. It's part of the reason why I've been so wishy-washy with the whole upload thing. I was going to start uploaded four chapters per upload but realized that it was too stressful for me. So I'm sticking with two chapters per upload. Anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter and the next one.**

 **-Ems**


	27. chapter twenty-one

Chapter Twenty-One

Jasper did not come back when school started. I knew he would not be there, waiting for me to finish the first day of my senior year at Forks High. I had to dim the disappointment to a respectable amount, as I was surrounded by Jessica and the rest of her friends. Alice and Edward were off to the side, though they had no anger in their eyes nor in their attitude when it came to Jessica coming and swooping me out of the vampires' company. If only she knew that she was taking me away from my surrogate vampire brother and sister, then she would probably have left me alone with them. Or she would have though that there was something mentally unstable when it came to me—another added on problem to my list.

Unlike when it was still summer and without our classmates around us, where I could be out and about with those that I cared about more than my actual biological family (yes, that was quite harsh and selfish but it was true) I knew that things would have to change a little bit. I did not need to constantly be in the company of Edward and Alice, though I would have preferred so. I needed to let others hang out with me; I could not let Jessica be rejected. I needed to spend more time away from vampires and more towards humans right now.

I sighed as I sat with my head titled in its propped-up spot on my hand. My elbow was up against the top of my desk. My hair fell in a curtain around me, shielding me away from the eyes that were peering at me. Unluckily I could not stare out at the window that was next to me, knowing that I was sitting on the side of the room where my right eye was facing the window. Only darkness would be what I would be greeted with. No beautiful trees or even the bland cars in the parking lot, just blackness.

Turning my head towards where Edward sat in the back of the classroom, I could not help but send him a soft half-smile, as though I knew his mind was off and away. It was miles away from where it was supposed to be. Who knew how many times he had heard what the teacher was droning on about? I knew it was more than any of the teenagers around me could think of, even me.

"Miss Swan, please stop staring at Mr. Cullen. And please pay attention to me," the teacher commented, enough that my face turned crimson at their comment. Edward merely arched one of his eyebrows up, as though he was wondering what I was thinking of when it came to how I thought about this whole situation.

With my blush still very apparent on my features, I turned my attention away from Edward and back towards the middle-aged teacher in front of me and the rest of the class. Edward did not say anything, nor did he do much other than glance at me every now and then in class.

I knew he was studying me, making sure that everything was all right. I knew he was taking a mental study; he was making sure that he would have something solid to say to Jasper when they would talk next. I knew they talked to each other almost as much as Jasper talked to me.

It would make sense since Alice had run away from Edward near the beginning of their relationship. I remembered being told that she did not think that he would want her because she could not remember anything about her past. She did not want him thinking that she was too damaged for him.

Picking up my pen, I began to write down what the teacher was saying, even though the information was going in one ear and out the other. It was not anything solid enough, important enough, in my mind to truly hear. Besides, I swore that I had already gone through this back in Phoenix when I was taking A.P classes my junior year.

The rest of the day dragged on, allowing me to know that nothing could be anything worthwhile, especially when it came to how the day was going. I wanted something interesting to happen. The Cullens and Hales were interesting, and I would always learn something new about them, but I had been in their company for eight months. Even they were getting predictable.

It wasn't until I was heading to the parking lot, towards Alice and Jasper's car, (they still wanted to drive me to and from school), and I let myself indulge in these rides to and from school. Vampires obviously had better drive skills than humans, though they liked to drive faster than them. Only adrenaline junkies would be at ease with their driving habits.

Jessica and the others were gathered around their cluster of cars that were parked next to each other. Pretty Angela with her glasses and dorky boyfriend were leaning against one of their cars, listening to what Jessica was saying to them. Eric glanced over, smiling and waving towards me. I reached my hand up sheepishly and waved back, having hoped that I would not be caught staring at their little group. I did not want to look like a freak peering at a group of people too long.

Sighing, I turned my attention away from the group only to pause when I saw a car sitting next to Alice and Edward's car. The sleek, deep silver sports car must have been in their collection, but I had not had the chance of seeing the car before. Then again it might be because I was not interested in cars at all. I would not be someone that would be found in a garage, working tirelessly on the engine and other parts of the car.

It was not just the car that left me speechless, the figure that stood in front of the car caught my attention more. Tall, slim, with warm, deep, smoky topaz irises the figure sent me a small smile. His inhuman beauty, and golden waves of hair that cascaded and fell in a wave around his shoulder blades was as striking as his eyes. It matched his hair color perfectly, and the dark denim ensemble he was wearing only highlighted the contrast that his hair and eyes had with the denim. His marble, smooth skin highlighted his muscles that were not the biggest but still delectable nonetheless when it came to my own opinion in muscle mass.

A few tears dripped, cascading down my cheekbones at the sight before me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I tried to tell myself that it could be him in front of me. Alice had never told me when Jasper would be coming home. She wanted it to be a surprise for me, she wanted the moment to be something more memorable than just a normal reunion. I did not know if I wanted to cry tears of happiness or of distress because of what she was putting me through.

Then again tomorrow was going to be officially Fall Break, so I would have at least a week with my vampire boyfriend if he decided that he had to go back up to Alaska. I would be saddened, yes, if this were the case but thrilled and content nonetheless since he had decided to come down and see me during Fall Break.

Rushing forward I threw myself into the cool embrace of my vampire. He tightened his arms around me and took a deep breath of my scent before he pulled back some. His eyes were still dark, dark enough to some to frighten, but I could tell that there was less strain in his eyes. Usually he was so stiff and skittish around other humans, but his shoulders were less stiff, and he did not seem as though he was swallowing as hard as he used to.

Jasper's eyes flickered from my face to someone that was behind me. I turned slightly, noting that Jessica and the gang were heading in our direction. I blinked, a little shocked, but a little bit happy that they had decided to come over and say hello to Jasper. Maybe they did not feel intimidated because this was my boyfriend? Or maybe it was because they were accustomed to only two Cullens here right now, instead of all five of the vampire teenagers all at once?

"Hey, Jasper, right?" Mike probed, I knew without a doubt that he would have known that it was Jasper if it were not for him really having to double check mentally and ask Jasper aloud. If it were any else in this school, besides the Cullens, that he was talking to he would have known their name.

Japer merely nodded his head, agreeing with the boy with buzz cut hair (he had buzz cut his hair during the summer and now preferred having it this way). Mike did not show any insult towards the boy merely nodding his head, I knew it was because he was used to me being awkward and doing the same thing as Jasper did. If that were not the case, I was certain he would have been.

"How's college? Where are you going, again?" Jessica was the one who wondered this, "Oxford," Jasper responded. A whistle washed throughout the company, from some of my friends. I puffed out my chest, knowing that no one could be prouder of Jasper than me.

Technically he was right, I did not know until shortly after August that Jasper was in college after all. He was doing online classes. It would make sense for the vampire, there was no way that he could go to Oxford while he was in Alaska learning to control his bloodlust. Carlisle and Esme were elated when they learnt that their youngest son (but oldest compared to the others in vampire years) decided to go to Oxford and get his degree in History of all subjects.

Angela shyly told him, "that's great, Jasper. It is on my list of colleges. Well that and Harvard, along with Cambridge."

Everyone knew Angela would get into all three colleges, she was the smartest out of any of us. I did not know who was the second smartest, but I knew that Jessica was going to college for fashion merchandising (Alice already had accomplished this feat).

In the corner of my left eye, I noted that Alice and Edward were having their silent communication with each other. I still found it as fascinating as I first saw it, they were the most curious ones when it came to the vampire mates that I knew. I could always wonder what it was that they were talking to each other nonverbally about. I would not ask them what they were talking about, firstly because it was rude and secondly it would take away the mysteriousness.

"Anyway, Bella and I need to get going," Jasper informed the humans around us, earning nods from the others. Jasper reached out and wrapped his arm around mine, letting me know that it was time for us to leave. He was just like me, we preferred just being with each other.

He was always polite with leaving, he never was one that showed he was tired of conversing with someone. I always showed the annoyance, or anxiety, after all I was an open book.

Entering his car, I slumped back against the passenger seat. It had been the first time in a long time that I had sat in the front passenger seat. For the months that I had been in the company of the Cullens and Hales I had always sat in the back seats when they were taking me places. One of the reasons I was sitting in the front was because I was with Jasper and the other reason was because there was not a second person, whom would be the one that would take the front passenger seat.

Reaching over I couldn't help but take Jasper's right hand in mine. We both smiled softly at each other, soaking in the company that we had with each other. We had been without each other for four months; it would make sense that I would want nothing more than to memorize this moment for the rest of my life. I had been faithful, supportive and I knew the was the same when it came to him.

"I'm proud of you, Jazz," I broke the silence with this, my voice quiet but strong, nonetheless. I squeezed his hand, allowing him through actions too that I had been true. Jasper smiled brighter at me, leaning over and kissing me on the forehead as though letting me know that he was just as proud of me too.

He began to drive out of the parking lot, and I couldn't help but speak up once more, "how is the training going? Is Eleazar a good mentor?" I craned my head to the side; Jasper didn't turn his head towards me. He knew how I felt about the whole not keeping his eyes on the road thing.

"It is interesting, helpful. When I go back after Fall Break, Carlisle is going to come with me. He wants to help me some before Christmas. We will decide by the end of Christmas if my progression is enough for me to come back. If not, then I don't know when I will come back…"

I shifted in my seat, not knowing how to feel about this. I wanted nothing more than to tell him that I didn't know how to feel. I knew he was analyzing my feelings; I didn't feel as though I needed to tell him to leave me alone. I didn't feel as though I needed to tell him that I didn't want him to probe my emotions. It wouldn't do any good, it would let him know that I didn't trust him at all. Though I was certain that if it became too much, he wouldn't be upset with me if I told him to stop feeling my emotions.

"I'll wait for you, know that? Right?" I couldn't help but probe, knowing that he need to know that I still would wait for him.

He knew that he mattered so much to me, it might be unhealthy. Yet I knew I couldn't help what I felt. Maybe the distance between us during these months would let me grow healthier when it came to our relationship.

"I know, love. I know."

I didn't say anything for the rest of the ride, neither did Jasper. There wasn't anything else to say, truly. I didn't want to talk about him leaving anymore, and it seemed as though he didn't want to talk about leaving either. It would be too painful; we had just gotten back together after four months.

When we arrived back at my house, I took a deep breath and turned towards my boyfriend. It was still surreal that I had a boyfriend now, but not only that my boyfriend also happened to be a vampire. Anyone else would think about sending me to mental ward for even thinking that, but I wasn't ever going to tell anyone that my boyfriend happened to be a vampire.

"Do you want to come in? Spend some time with me? I miss you." I almost expected him to tell me he needed to go back to his house but instead he sent me a kind smile, "of course, Bella. I wouldn't want anything else."

I unbuckled my seatbelt and went to open the door only for it to be opened by Jasper. I jumped out of my skin, my heart racing in my chest. Closing my eyes, I took deep breaths, allowing myself to calm down when it came to what had just happened. No matter the time that I spent with the vampires, it seemed as though I would not be adjusted with the whole vampire speed.

"Sorry," Jasper sheepishly spoke, only for me to roll my eyes and reach my hand out. He smiled and took my hand out and pulled me out, before shutting the passenger door closed behind him. He made sure that he pressed the lock button on the car remote before he turned around and wrapped his arms around me before he headed in the direction of the front door.

It didn't surprise me that Charlie wasn't home. Being the Chief of Police in Forks, no matter it being small, was still time consuming. Besides, there was still vampires that were out there and drinking, murdering innocent people. There were still ever present in Seattle. Murders were close to Forks now, close enough that Charlie was helping the cops near us. Of course, Charlie being one of the best Chiefs of Police that Forks had helped immensely.

The Cullens hadn't told me anything about what was happening, but I could tell that there was tension that was in the air. I was certain if the vampires came close to Forks, close enough that they were dancing on the borderline they were going to confront them. I didn't want to be there when that happened, I didn't want Jasper to be there when it would happen.

As though Jasper sensed this, he turned me and made me look up at him. His golden irises peered into my meek chocolate ones. "What is troubling our mind, darling?" Sometimes when he was truly upset, his southern roots would flair up. I would soak it up, knowing that he was truly worried about me.

"I was…thinking about the murders," I whispered, allowing him to know how much this mattered. I didn't want to think about it, but it would be mentioned eventually. I wanted to be truthful when it came to this too. I didn't want to keep secrets from him. We were built on being truthful to each other, we didn't keep secrets from each other. We were open to each other.

"They haven't happened in months," Jasper responded, but he could tell that I was still troubled. He reached his hand out and pressed it against my cheekbone. I took it in eagerly even though it was quite chilly outside, and his hand was colder than the weather. It conflicted the surface of my skin, leaving goosebumps.

"What if they come closer? What about Charlie?" I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I would find out that Charlie had been drained of all his blood, a carcass to others but a father to me. I didn't want to see the image, how his eyes were glossy and distant, his neck pierced open and no blood within his body anymore. He would just be a body, nothing more.

As soon as we entered the house, I closed it behind us and locked it, despite knowing that no one in their right mind would come into the house if they knew that a vampire was within the said house. It was one thing if he were nothing more than a normal boyfriend but having a supernatural boyfriend that wouldn't hesitate to defend me was something else entirely.

Sighing, I went upstairs so that I could put my backpack against my night stand on the right side of my bed. Jasper made himself comfortable in the living room, sitting on the worn-out couch. I soon was welcomed with my bedroom, where there was a photograph of me and Cullens (along with the Hales) standing out in the garden, looking as though we were taking a normal family photo.

I picked up the framed photograph once I sat my backpack down, smiling softly at the image of my second family. There was nothing more than warmth, happiness, within the said photograph. Though Rosalie was in the photograph I could tell that there something in her eyes that wasn't cold, distant as they normally were. She seemed to show some of her true self, it was still surprising whenever I would look at the picture.

Sitting down the photograph, I turned towards the next item that sat on the nightstand, a small oval shaped silver locket that Jasper had gifted me with for my eighteenth-birthday, in the locket one side was a picture of him and the other side was a picture of us together. I treasured it completely, wishing that he were there to give it to me and not mail it to me.

Curling up on the couch next to Jasper after I went downstairs (I had to not dwell on the locket and how I received it), I leant up against him and felt him wrap his arm around me softly, but surely. I smiled but didn't turn my head towards him. Instead I focused on what was happening right now, knowing that I would only have him for so long before he would go back up to Alaska and keep training so that he could come down here again and not feel as strained as before.

Picking up the television remote, I went through the different movie channels that were available before I settled on a random movie. I wasn't one who had a set genre that I had for movies or music. Sometimes I played a random movie while I would be working on homework, the same as music, so that I would have background music. Phil would give me suggestions for different movies and music. Lately he had given me Linkin Park as a suggestion.

Jasper ran his fingers through my hair, and I closed my eyes. Cool mint waffled in the air; addictive Jasper had said for humans. It was something that he claimed came with being a vampire. I enjoyed it, it calmed me down immensely, enough that everything in me seemed as though it was perfectly normal.

I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep until the front door opened, making me almost jump from the sudden sound. I turned my head, noting that Charlie was entering the house with tiredness wrapped around his features. He hung his coat and turned, noting that I was sitting on the couch with Jasper next to me. He studied the scene in front of him before there seemed to be content with the fact that I hadn't done something inappropriate with Jasper.

"Hi, Dad," I welcomed him, making him smile at me. He came around the couch and bent down so that he could kiss me on the forehead. He turned and reached his hand out so that Jasper could take it, giving it a friendly shake before he went over to his recliner and plopped down.

"So, Jasper, how is Oxford? What did you say your degree is?" Charlie leant back against the recliner; it was obvious that he was trying to wash away all the stress that had happened today.

"It's doing fine, Charlie. I'm going to get my degree in History, I've always had a fascination in the events of the past," Jasper informed him, making Charlie nod his head, taking in what my boyfriend had said.

As they started a simple conversation with each other, I couldn't help but focus on Jasper instead of the conversations that were stirring around us. I only focused on Jasper, knowing that I only had so much time with him before he would have to travel up to Alaska. I could only pray that he would be back for good for Christmas, though I knew I would wait for him even longer if I had to.

* * *

 **Twilight doesn't belong to me**


End file.
